Creme Fraiche heaved a tired sigh as he set the last of the boxes down on the floor. He wiped the sweat from his brow and glanced around his new apartment. It was a rather small apartment, but perfect for one or two people. In the middle was the living room, which was also next to the kitchen area, where his shabby looking couch sat. There was also a bathroom, and a bedroom.
Not bad...not bad at all. Creme thought to himself, smiling a little. All he needed now was to empty out his boxes and start arranging. But after carrying all those boxes from downstairs, he was pretty beat. Creme dragged his feet towards his couch and flopped on top of it, a groan escaping his lips as he does so.
What a day... Although the place was a little over his budget, Creme was glad he was able to make the deal before someone else took it. It was close to his workplace, for one thing, and it was near a shopping mall. He wouldn't need to worry about going far to purchase what he required.
It seemed only yesterday he was frantically searching for a new place to stay. After receiving the sudden memo from his boss informing him about his transfer, Creme quickly went online to start looking for a new shelter for him to crash in. It was lucky he found his new place when he did. It might be troublesome if he did it at a much later date.
And I start work tomorrow... Creme thought, sighing. He forced himself up from the comforts of his couch and slowly walked to the bathroom.
Creme flipped on the light switch, watching the light bulb slowly flashing a few times before filling the bathroom with luminosity. There was a shower head on the wall next to him and a toilet on the other side. A sink was right in front of him, with a broken wall mirror right above it.
Should've check the place out first... Creme told himself mentally, approaching the broken mirror. There was shards of glass on the floor and in the sink. Creme was going to need to acquire a new one, and he knew just where to go.
* * * * * *
After disposing of the broken mirror and its offspring of glass. Creme left his apartment and headed for the shopping mall. The skies were already darkening, signalling the imminent approach of night. Creme didn't mind though, he loved taking walks around this time, it felt more peaceful and calming for him.
Creme was about to cross the road when he spotted an old lady carrying a huge cardboard box, which was obviously way to big and heavy for her. Creme was already tired from carrying his own boxes, and would love nothing more than to simply walk away and mind his own business, but the sound of something falling down stopped him from doing so.
Creme quickly rushed towards the old lady, who had slipped and fell on to the sidewalk, her box right next to her. He helped the old lady up, offering her a gentle smile.
"Are you alright, ma'am?" he asked. The old lady smiled back at him, but said nothing. She was very tiny, and her hair was grey all over. The old lady also wore a very huge pair of glasses, compared to her own miniature eyes.
"Do you need help with that?" Creme continued, pointing a finger at the box on the ground. The old lady still remained silent, but nodded. Creme rolled back his sleeves and lifted the box---which was incredibly heavy--- off the sidewalk. He struggled to maintain his balance.
"Where to, ma'am?" he asked with difficulty. The tiny lady motioned for him to follow her, and headed in the opposite direction of the shopping mall.
This, might take a while. Creme thought, regretting his decision. But it didn't felt right to leave an old lady to carry such an insanely heavy box with its contents of who-knows-what.
As the queer-looking duo continued down the street, Creme noticed that they were heading towards a very shady looking alley. He ignored the thought, not wanting to jump to conclusions just yet. But it was rather unsettling. What if this old lady wasn't an old lady at all? She could be some sort of serial killer, using this only as a disguise to fool people like Creme. She would trick her potential victims into helping her, before leading them to their doom.
The sudden bump brought Creme back to his senses, he cocked his head sideways to find the old lady pointing at a red wooden door. There was a display window next to it, and it was filled with all sorts of things that looked antique, and strangely oriental. The sudden blinking light from above caught his attention. Creme squinted his eyes a little as the neon sign came to life.
Madam Choy's Antique Collection, the words shone dimly at Creme. An antique shop? he thought. There were sounds of a door being unlocked, and opening. Creme returned his attention to who he believed to be Madam Choy, and saw her motioning for him to enter her shop.
* * * * * *
Creme waved goodbye to Madam Choy and turned around, now carrying with him a nicely wrapped parcel which contained a mirror. After setting the heavy box down on the counter inside the antique shop, Madam Choy had motioned at him to stay, and she disappeared from view. Creme took the opportunity to look around the shop, it was better than just standing there.
The oriental-themed antique shop was a sight to behold, there was paper lanterns dangling from the ceiling, an enormous collection of fine china, and statuettes of a variety of different animals. From paper fans, to wooden combs, everything in the shop was mysterious.
Creme was carefully observing a jade carving when he felt a prod behind him. He swung around, startled, but relaxed a little when he saw Madam Choy. She was holding something properly wrapped in brown paper underneath her arm, which made Creme curious.
Madam Choy gave him a toothless grin, and handed him the parcel. The parcel was light, slim, and rectangular. Creme opened his mouth to ask what it was, but was interrupted by the little old lady, who handed him a piece of paper.
A gift, for your kind assistance. A mirror. said the writing on the paper. Creme raised one of his eyebrows.
A mirror? Why a mirror? he thought, taking a good look at the parcel. Judging from the size of it, it might actually fit on the bathroom wall. Creme opened his mouth again, he was humbled by the gift, and it was something he needed, but it didn't felt right to accept a gift from someone he just helped just because he wanted to.
"Thank you, Madam Choy, but I can't---" he didn't finish his sentence. Madam Choy was happily smiling at him, patiently waiting for him to continue. That smile she was portraying to him told Creme that it's probably best he don't refuse the gift. He might upset her, and it's important to never upset old people.
Creme sighed, but managed a smile. "Thank you."
* * * * * *
Creme carefully unwrapped the parcel, removing the strings and pieces of tape. He gently pulled the mirror out, fearing that he might break it, and studied the mirror slowly. It was a rather fancy looking mirror, its frames were gold plated, and has a dragon's head at the end of each corner. Despite coming from an antique shop, the mirror looked fairly new; The glass wasn't stained, and the frames were polished.
Creme flipped the mirror over, wanting to look behind it. There was nothing special about the mirror's behind, except there was something written along the side of the frame. Creme pulled the mirror closer to him, trying to make out the written text.
"bɘƚɔɘnnoɔ ɘd ƨyɒwlɒ lliw ɘw ƚɒʜƚ ɿɘdmɘmɘɿ ,bɘƚɒɿɒqɘƨ ʇi nɘvƎ .ɘd yɒm ƨ'blɿow ɿuo ,ƚnɘɿɘʇʇib woʜ ,ɿɒʇ woʜ ɿɘƚƚɒm on ,ɘm bnɒ uoy nɘɘwƚɘd noiƚɔɘnnoɔ ɒ ƨɒ ɘvɿɘƨ ƨiʜƚ yɒM" Creme read out loud, confused. What sort of language was this? Latin? He gave himself a shrug. Well, it was from an antique shop, anyway, it wouldn't be surprising to find stuff like that. He just hoped that it wasn't some sort of ancient spell, and he had accidentally casted it.
Brushing away the strange text from his mind, Creme entered the bathroom, with his new mirror in hand. He placed, and adjusted the mirror on the wall, making sure that it was carefully hooked on the wall, before removing his grip. He took a few steps back to admire his handiwork, wanting to take a good, clear look at his reflection at the same time.
Except... it wasn't his reflection at all.
"What. The. Fuck."
Rainbow Dash stretched her hooves and wings as she yawned loudly, not bothering to cover her mouth. Another busy day had went by for the weather team. There was a scheduled storm for Ponyville that afternoon, and Rainbow had spent the entire day directing and helping her team. It was hard work, but it was work for the captain of the weather team, and Rainbow made sure that she does it perfectly.
The sun was already beginning to set, no doubt Celestia would pass the torch to her younger sister not long after. Rainbow would normally remain at Ponyville, spending the rest of her free time with her best friends. But today's work had left her worn-out, and she would give anything to sleep in her fluffy cloud bed undisturbed back in Cloudsdale.
"Bye, Rainbow! Great job today!"
Rainbow waved a tired hoof to nopony in particular, another yawn escaping her lips. If only she didn't spent last night staying up so late, She might not be as tired as she is now, but she really wanted to finish reading her Daring Do book. What's done, is done.
Rainbow trotted towards her home, too lazy to fly. It wasn't far anyway, just a few clouds over. Her stomach grumbled loudly. Rainbow made a mental note to herself to remember to grab some chow later before going to bed.
Rainbow smiled a little as the familiar and welcoming sight of her cloud home came within eyeshot. She quicken her pace, the thought of her bed encouraging her to move faster. The skies were already darkening, and the outline of the moon can be seen clearly on the horizon.
Just a quick bite of sunflower sandwich... Rainbow thought to herself, pushing the front door open with her hoof. She headed straight for the kitchen, searching for the glorious food to fill her rumbling belly.
After devouring her meal, Rainbow slowly trotted upstairs. The sandwich, while lovely, had made her even sleepier, and she longed for her bed; however, She still needed to bathe and wash up. A mare needs to take proper care of her mane and fur, at least, that was what Rarity always told her.
The bathroom light lit up as Rainbow entered. She turned on the sink, and watched as the flowing water poured out from the tap. She splashed her face a couple of times, hoping that the cold water would keep her awake until she was done bathing. She grabbed a nearby hoof towel and wiped her face, enjoying the warm and fuzzy feeling of the cloth.
Rainbow returned the hoof towel back to its place, and stared at the bathroom mirror. She wanted to see what sort of damage the storm had done to her mane. Working in the weather team always meant that you will have messed up manes, especially during a storm. She wasn't squeamish about how terrible her mane looks, but she wanted to make sure it was in good condition, so that it was always cool, and awesome.
Rainbow blinked a few times, staring confusedly at her reflection, she looked... weird. Instead of seeing her rainbow-coloured mane, it was black, and short. Instead of her cerulean-coloured fur, it was light-brown.
Instead of seeing her reflection, it wasn't.
"What. The. Buck."
I can't wait for more!
looks good bro earned a fav
That connection to the world's doe.
*Chinese should always be capitalized, it's a proper noun. *moved.
And your short description is a little challenging. I'd suggest reworking it to something more like "What would you do if your bathroom mirror showed a bathroom that wasn't yours?"
Very well written and leaving you wanting more, cant wait till next part!
"Detcennoc eb syawla lliw ew taht rebmemer ,detarapes fi neve. Eb yam s'dlrow ruo ,tnereffid woh ,raf woh rettam on ,em dna uoy neewteb noitcennoc a sa evres siht yam."
Or, "May this serve as a connection between you and me, on matter how far, how different, our world's may be. Even if separated, remember that we will always be connected."
You got me there mate, you got me there...
Anyways, can't wait what comes next.
Wow...I literally just learned about the Fauna of Mirrors this morning and now I see this posted. Coincidence or not, that's just creepy.
I like. I will send how far this goes.
Remove the apostrophe. If the world is plural and not possessive, you shouldn't have an apostrophe before the "s".
Thank you, Mirror of Erised!
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/466/776/c1d.gif
*Read*
Hi, my name's Murphy. I'm sure you've heard of my rule?
5651595 s.mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-746566-1-hId4yJU_i0CU9EG-ROA6bg2.gif
Neat story.
Edit: Found a more functional tool to create text mirror images.
Pretty interesting so far, and the quality isn't too bad. That said, have you considered getting a proofreader to help you? There are plenty of groups here and I imagine you could find some help in one of them. Right now, you definitely need a proofreader. There are a multitude of tense changes (some of the paragraphs go from past tense to present tense and then back again multiple times) and a rather large overuse of commas in places where they aren't needed. Other than those issues, I have to say I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes!
Edit:
Also, I forgot one other thing I wanted to mention. How in the world did he not catch on to the message being backwards? Not only was the punctuation shown backwards (meaning they weren't placed correctly) a pretty obvious sign, but several of the words were also small enough that it should have been obvious that they were backwards. I just can't imagine that he could have read the entire thing, and at no point realize what it was.
You named your character fucking Creme Fraiche? That's hilarious xD
5648638
IT'S YOU!!!
Completely didn't copy and paste.
Kewl.
An' the mirror description is totally obviously backwards. Ah'm just too lazy to read it. Hahah.
A few mistakes her and there. Like "casted". You cast a spell and in the past tense, third person, it is "he cast a spell". NO "-ed" ending. A few odd wordings here and there.
Also ""bɘƚɔɘnnoɔ ɘd ƨyɒwlɒ lliw ɘw ƚɒʜƚ ɿɘdmɘmɘɿ ,bɘƚɒɿɒqɘƨ ʇi nɘvƎ .ɘd yɒm ƨ'blɿow ɿuo ,ƚnɘɿɘʇʇib woʜ ,ɿɒʇ woʜ ɿɘƚƚɒm on ,ɘm bnɒ uoy nɘɘwƚɘd noiƚɔɘnnoɔ ɒ ƨɒ ɘvɿɘƨ ƨiʜƚ yɒM" You can't read that out loud. You can't reliably read a reverse text out loud, unless it is written with normal letters. That there isn't possible to read without know how it sounds. Sure, I can read backwards and figure it out, but I still can't say how those sentences sound like. Only what they would sound like if I read them in the "correct" order.
Still, not bad. Odd name for a human though, but that might just be foreshadowing?
Could use editor's pass.
There were
Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme,Creme... - especially visible at the beginning.
It would be much better if you stick to past tense all the time. Ex. :
(it is for yes/no binary choice) Or: "She wasn't squeamish whether or not her mane looked terrible"
etc.
Ok how did the guy not figure out the message on the back after 10 seconds. I realized with the easy to figure out "May" backwards. Also, requiring me to get a mirror to actually read that was annoying. Then discovering someone already wrote it out for me in the comments, facepalm worthy on my part.
Firstly:
You have no idea how much I hate that phrase.
Second:
Is it okay address the audience in third-person omniscient?
But, I've been enjoying your stories so far. I'll stick around.
Third person limited view with switching characters using only name differentials? That'll be refreshing and new...
Wait, I've got my sarcasm turned up too high.
That'll definitely be a problem. There's only a very small amount of description to go on. At least you described them, unlike some others.
If it's not, good for you. You only have the RD romance to worry about. Let's welcome the kitchen sink, wait, I mean, Crème Fraiche, who's colors have implied that he's long past rotten. Crème Fraiche is a lighter sour cream. Sour Cream is WHITE.
Wow, he was able to read this? I don’t even know how to pronounce this, let alone read it.
What is this writing anyways?
6558700 it's backwards and upside down it roughy says " may this Serve as a connection between you and me, no matter how far, how different. Our worlds may be. Even it/if separated remember that we will allways be connected."
At lest that what I could read
6411379 So? just because you hate the phrase doesn't mean other people do.
Hmm. Interesting.
Ok, you've got my attention I shall continue reading
cough cough FORESHADOWING cough cough
kO staht a tib ykaerf¡¡¡(444 likes to this story!!)