~ Chapter II: Loyalty and Kindness ~
+ The Beast's Melancholy + Celestia's Arrival + The Meeting in Town Square + Rumors and Slander + The Cry of a Dragon +
The gentle pitter-patter of hooves touched the earth as Rarity and Rainbow Dash trotted upon the winding road leading to Fluttershy's cottage. Celestia's sun lit the town of Ponyville with such warmth that almost everypony in the village was outside enjoying the sunshine. The breeze was gentle, filling the air with a small touch of chilliness.
On this particular day, however, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were headed towards Fluttershy's cottage for a far more serious matter. Fluttershy had been absent from the group for almost three days and the girls were starting to become concerned. The others had tried to console Fluttershy previously, but to their dismay, they found that her front door always remained locked. Everything was shut tight, as though the timid little pegasus pony were trying to conceal something that clearly did not want to be seen.
"Man. I wonder what's got Fluttershy so spooked. I mean sure she can be a bit of a fraidy-cat, but this is ridiculous!" said Rainbow Dash.
"Oh I do hope she's alright. It just seems incredibly off for dear Fluttershy to be ignoring us. Maybe something terrible must have happened!" said Rarity.
The fashionista did find it rather odd that one of her best friends could be trying to hide something. After all, both Rarity and Fluttershy had spent countless days with each other at the local spa. The duo normally never kept secrets from one another, not since the Photo Finish incident.
The two mares stopped at the front door of Fluttershy's cottage. Without so much as a moment of hesitation, Rainbow Dash knocked on the door with her right hoof. For a brief second, there was a moment of silence. The whole forest stood still.
"Fluttershy, you home!?" she yelled, her voice reverberating throughout the area.
It was then that the both of them noticed something particularly strange. Quite a few of Fluttershy's animals were missing. Not a single bird was seen, the exception being a group of crows perched upon the few treetops surrounding Fluttershy's home. In the back of the small cottage near the pen, the loud clucking of chickens could usually be heard. This time however, nothing. Rainbow knocked on the door a second time.
From inside came faint sobs. The loud clashing of shattered glass and broken wood could be heard from behind the door. It was clearly Fluttershy and she sounded as though she were in a great deal of pain.
"P-please...go away!" she cried. Her sobbing grew louder as her two friends grew heavily dismayed.
"Fluttershy, dearie, is everything alright? You sound absolutely distressed!" Rarity said as she pressed her ears towards the door, hoping to listen to her friend's cries more clearly.
"P-please...just...just go away! D-don't come near me!" Fluttershy wailed.
"Sweetie, don't cry! We're here to help you! Isn't that right Rainbow Dash?" the ivory unicorn reassured.
"Yeah! Totally! So, what do you say? Will you come out and tell us what's the matter?" asked Rainbow Dash, a hopeful smile beaming across her face.
"N-no! Please don't come in! Please!" Fluttershy pleaded.
Rainbow's hot-headed nature was beginning to kick in. The look on her face changed from an expression of sympathy to one of total and utter impatience.
"Fluttershy, if you don't open this door, then you leave me with no choice!" she demanded, stomping her hoof into the dirt.
"I said...NO!" growled Fluttershy. Her yell echoed throughout the forest, sending a group of wild geese to flee from the premises.
"That's it, Fluttershy! I'm opening the door myself! Stand back Rarity!" shouted Rainbow Dash.
The blue pegasus started building up her charge towards the door.
"Rainbow Dash! You stop this instant!" Rarity bellowed. "You're only going to frighten her more!"
But it was no use. Rarity knew that once Rainbow got started, there was no slowing her down. In less than ten seconds flat, Rainbow blasted towards the door as the infamous spectrum of colors followed steadily behind her.
CRASH!
"Ow!" she cried. Rainbow was half expecting her impact to be painful. But to her surprise, she landed against something particularly soft. Whatever it was, it let out a similar yelp.
"Ouch! That hurt..." Fluttershy whimpered.
Rainbow Dash lifted herself off the floor and stepped back a few feet to regain her composure as Rarity trotted into the room.
"Rainbow Dash, are you alright? That looks like a ghastly bump on your head!" Rarity said.
Rainbow could feel a large, red, pulsating bump hidden within her mane as she gently rubbed her hoof against the top of her skull.
"Yeah yeah, I'm alright. Where's Fluttershy?" she replied, brushing off pieces of rubble with her hooves.
"P-please...just leave me alone." Fluttershy cried. Her weeping was softer than before but still noticeable. What was strange though was that small jets of steam seemed to evaporate on the floor. It didn't make any sense though. Rainbow could tell that Fluttershy was indeed crying, but where was the steam coming from? Were they coming from her tears?
"Fluttershy? Are...are you okay?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"Rainbow, look!" Rarity cried, pointing her hoof towards the floor. Scattered across the carpet and furniture were countless dragon scales. Both of their eyes widened as Fluttershy began to move towards them. The duo slowly backed away towards the front door as Fluttershy stepped forward on all four of her legs into the open light.
Standing before them was Fluttershy. Not as a pony, but a beautiful dragoness. Her scales matched the faint tint of yellow of her fur with a gradient shade of pink traveling from the top of her head down to the end of her slithering tail. Her cutie mark was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes, the same shade of teal, revealed an expression both despondent and dismal. The large scales which covered both her ears appeared transparent and thin, like the soft wings of a butterfly. Rarity noticed that these scales matched the gradient of rosey pink that creeped down Fluttershy's spine. On all four of her legs, Fluttershy appeared to be roughly over nine feet long. The girls found that she was relatively slim, both her chest and stomach being abnormally thin for a dragoness, as though she hadn't eaten in days.
She stood before two of her best friends, ashamed...and incredibly injured.
"F-F-Fluttershy...what in Equestria happened to you?" the ivory unicorn managed to stutter.
From various points of her body, the girls could see blemishes of skin where scales used to be. It appeared as though a struggle between the dragoness and her claws had taken place, as though Fluttershy had tried to scratch them off. There was an abundant amount of gashes all over her body, with one of them dripping tiny beads of crimson blood. The tears falling from her eyes continued to disperse steam as they burned their way into the ground. All poor Fluttershy could do was tilt her head in shame and embarrassment. The once timid, shy pegasus pony had now become a beast. A gentle, petrified beast filled with a deep sense of anguish.
"Fluttershy? Is that you!?" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. The dragoness simply nodded, no words escaping her mouth.
"Oh, you poor thing! Come now, dry your tears," Rarity cried. The blue aura of magic pulsated from Rarity's horn as she lifted a small towelette to the dragoness' puffy eyes. Fluttershy winced at the touch of the cloth, but soon calmed herself.
"Rainbow dear, go fetch Twilight and hurry!" Rarity exclaimed.
"Roger that!" shouted Rainbow. With a quick salute, Rainbow Dash bolted off towards the library, a gush of wind trailing behind her.
Rarity brought her hoof towards the injured dragoness' skin, but quickly recoiled as Fluttershy let out a small whimper. The violet-maned unicorn put her hoof against Fluttershy's body once more and began to stroke it. Rarity found the texture of the scales to be surprisingly smooth.
"Everything will be alright, dearie. I promise," she said with great sincerity. Still enveloped in her magic, Rarity brought the towelette to one of the many blemishes found upon Fluttershy's body and began to clean off the blood.
"Thank you, Rarity. Thank you so much," Fluttershy sniffed.
~ ~ ~
Rainbow Dash rushed towards Twilight's home at breakneck speed.
What the heck happened to Fluttershy? How in Equestria did she become a dragon? A dragon of all things!? she thought to herself.
As the library came into view, Rainbow came to a sudden halt towards the front of the massive tree. With all of her might, she began pounding her hooves on the front door.
"Twilight! Open up! Its an emergency!" she shouted.
At that moment, Pinkie Pie came trotting up to Rainbow Dash and began to take notice in her actions.
"Whatcha up to, Rainbow Dash?" the ever gleeful pony abruptly asked.
"I don't have time to talk, Pinkie! I gotta talk to Twilight! Something really bad's happened to Fluttershy!" Rainbow exclaimed, giving the pink earth pony a look of exasperation.
"Silly Dashie! You're not gonna get Twilight's attention shouting like that!" Pinkie giggled. "You gotta do it like this!"
Pinkie Pie began to pound her hooves against the door, much like Rainbow was doing. The biggest difference, however, was the volume of her voice.
"TWILIGHT! OPEN THE DOOR! RAINBOW DASH HAS SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU!" she screamed. Rainbow let out a yelp as she fell onto her back. As expected, the door opened to reveal a rather agitated Twilight Sparkle.
"Pinkie Pie, I have two ears, you know! What's this all about?" Twilight asked. Pinkie was about to open her mouth to explain her rather clamorous, articulate behavior, but she was pushed aside by Rainbow Dash.
"Twilight, I need your help! Something really bad has happened to Fluttershy!" Rainbow exclaimed.
"What!? What happened!?" Twilight asked with great concern.
"There's not enough time to explain. I just need you to come with me Fluttershy's house!" Rainbow commanded.
Without a moment's haste, the girls galloped upon the beaten path towards Fluttershy's cottage. Desperation and dread filled Twilight's heart. But she had to hope for the best.
As the trio began making their way towards the edge of the forest, a loud roar was heard echoing off in the distance. The roar sounded like one of great pain.
"What on earth was that!?" Twilight asked.
"You're not gonna believe this, Twilight...but that was Fluttershy," said Rainbow.
A moment of silence befell them for a brief moment as they continued their trek towards Fluttershy's house. Pinkie Pie, being the most vocal pony of the group, was the first to break the short silence.
"Wait a minute. That roar sounded like a dragon's roar. Fluttershy's not a dragon, Dashie!" she exclaimed.
"Its worse than I thought," Twilight said.
"Like I said, I'll explain later. Right now, we just gotta help her!" Rainbow cried.
A few moments later, the girls found themselves in front of Fluttershy's cottage. Twilight and the girls galloped in, but only to stop at the sight before them. There was Fluttershy, being nurtured by the ever generous Rarity.
"Oh, girls! Thank goodness you're here!" she exclaimed.
"What was that roar just now?" Rainbow asked with a light tone of eagerness in her voice.
"I've been tending to the gashes on Fluttershy's scales. I was just going through a quick clean up of the blood before I started applying any bandages. Though I think I might have made the water a bit too hot," Rarity stated.
Fluttershy was laid out upon the floor; a bowl of hot water and a wet cloth beside her. Twilight Sparkle simply stood there, perplexed and utterly confused.
"I...Rarity. Fluttershy. What? When? Where? How!?" Twilight exclaimed.
"Like I said, Twilight, its a long story," Rainbow Dash sighed, letting out a great huff of exhaustion.
_______________________________________
After the initial shock of their friend's transfiguration had worn off, Twilight and the rest of the girls found themselves incredibly busy. As Rarity and Pinkie Pie tended to Fluttershy's wounds, Twilight and Rainbow Dash had left to inform Princess Celestia of the dire situation.
It had been about twenty minutes since the duo had gone to the library to have Spike compose the letter to the princess and they would be coming back to the cottage any moment now. All the while, Fluttershy explained her story to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. She told of her strange vision and its possible connection to her mysterious transformation.
"It was all so strange. I never knew a dream could have such a powerful connection. But I just knew that it was trying to tell me something. I just don't understand why it had to change me into this," Fluttershy murmured, giving one glance at her two scaly claws.
"Aww, its okay, Fluttershy! Sure you might be big and scaly, but you're still you! Well, I mean you're a NEW you, but NEW dragon Fluttershy is still just as good!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie. Rarity nodded in agreement.
"Mhm. She's right, darling. What matters now is that you have your friends to take care of you!" Rarity remarked gleefully. A sudden smile crept across Fluttershy's face. She lifted her head towards them and began to nuzzle them against the side of their cheeks.
"I couldn't have asked for better friends," Fluttershy remorsefully said. A single tear of joy was shed from her eye. At last, the dragoness was filled with such wonderful comfort.
"Though, I just have one question," Fluttershy said.
"What is it, dearie?" asked Rarity.
"How am I going to get outside?" the dragoness sheepishly asked.
The smiles from the two mares' faces quickly dissipated. Rarity and Pinkie looked behind Fluttershy and saw her lengthy tail wagging itself across the floor.
"This might be a bit of a problem," Pinkie stated with great uncertainty.
~ ~ ~
Princess Celestia lay upon the floor of her private quarters, reading the countless letters she had been sent over the past few days. On days when there was no royal court to attend, Celestia took it upon herself to read the many lessons that her faithful student had learned in the magic of friendship. There was one scroll, however, she had been reading quite a few times over. The signature engraved at the bottom of the scroll was Fluttershy's.
A look of puzzlement and intrigue fell upon Celestia's expression as she came upon the paragraph mentioning Fluttershy's vision. Although the details of the vision were vague and lacked any sort of perplexity, Celestia's fascination was sufficed to say the least. Immediately, a thought crept up in the crevice of her mind.
The vision of a dragon's spirit...I have heard of this before, she thought to herself. Celestia's eyes darted across the piece of parchment, examining the paragraph thoroughly. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, when a small familiar cloud of green smoke materialized before her.
"Oh! Goodness. Another letter? It must be from Twilight," she said cheerfully. The golden incandescent channel of magic gently erupted from the sun goddess' horn as she set the letter aside, hoping to reply to it later.
As she unwound the ribbon wrapped around the new letter, she smiled with great sincerity. Celestia had always looked forward to the letters her star pupil had written and this time was no different. What she found, however, was not a letter of casual conversation, but a cry for help. Celestia's worry grew rapidly as she began to read the contents of the letter.
Dear Princess Celestia,
We are in dire need of your help. Something terrible has happened to my friend Fluttershy. I am not exactly sure how to word this but...
She has been turned into a dragon and to make matters even worse, we have no idea how she even became one or how to change her back. As you very well know, I myself do not have that much knowledge on the subject of dragons, Spike included. But despite my best efforts, I haven't been able to find a single book in the library that gives me the information I need to help fix the situation.
I'm afraid that if we don't find a solution soon, Fluttershy might remain a dragoness forever! So, if at all possible, please come to Ponyville at once!
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle
Celestia did not hesitate for a second. She rose from the ground and exited the room. The princess trotted down the long hallways of the castle as she made her way to Princess Luna's tower. Fortunately for Celestia, her sister's tower resided only a few halls away from her own room. On the days of no royal court, Celestia found Luna spending most of her time researching in her study. Although she found it slightly distressing that her younger sister would occasionally lock herself in her room, she was grateful to have her home.
Celestia ascended the spiraling staircase to the tower and entered her sister's room. Luna was sat upon the floor, deeply enthralled in a heavy textbook.
"Luna? Forgive me for the intrusion, but I must speak with you," Celestia said
"Oh! Sister! Do forgive me, I was just examining a volume of the most currently recorded constellations. I have missed reading about them," Luna said as she arose from the floor. "What is it you wish to speak about?"
"Luna, I have some urgent matters to attend to in Ponyville and I need you to look after things while I'm gone. Just for tonight," Celestia said with great urgency. The door opened.
"Urgent matters?" the night princess asked curiously. "Whatever is the matter dear sister?"
"A great quandary has arisen involving one of Twilight Sparkle's friends. Something I have not seen in well over a thousand years," Celestia said .
"A thousand years? What has happened?" Luna inquired with great interest.
"Twilight's friend Fluttershy has become a dragon. But it was not done with a simple spell. Fluttershy's transformation was foretold to her through a vision. The vision of a dragon's spirit," Celestia stated.
"Ahh, dear Fluttershy? The little pegasus pony I had the pleasure of meeting during the Nightmare Night festival? A dragon?" Luna asked, raising an eyebrow. "You say that this was foretold in a vision?"
"Yes, Luna. Which is why I must go to Ponyville. It is imperative that the citizens are informed about the situation. I fear that unless they are forewarned about Fluttershy's condition, panic will begin to spread. I shall lower the Sun during my stay there. If at all possible Luna, please contact the Dragon's guild," Celestia commanded, her regal formalities beginning to take root.
"The Dragon's Guild!? But, Tia, we have not spoken to them since my return! Celestia, are you implying that there may be more to this situation?" Luna asked in a distressed manner.
"I do. We may not have that much knowledge on the matter, but the council of dragons might. Please, watch over things for me while I'm gone," Celestia said. The princess walked towards the open door leading towards the balcony, Luna following suit.
"I will, Celestia. I shall join you once my duties have been fulfilled. I wish you the very best of luck," Luna smiled, placing her hoof upon her sister's shoulder.
Celestia spread her wings and kicked off the balcony. The fair princess glanced back to her younger sister with a serene smile as she gracefully make her descent towards the small town of Ponyville.
~ ~ ~
This day couldn't get any worse, Fluttershy thought to herself.
She wasn't too far off from the truth. Not only did she become the one thing she was terrified of the most, she was stuck straight in the middle of her doorway. Due to her new girth, Fluttershy was finding it incredibly difficult to make her way outside. Twilight and Rainbow Dash pulled her from the front whilst Rarity and Pinkie Pie pushed from behind.
"Urgh! Fluttershy, darling, why are you so...heavy!?" grunted Rarity.
"I'm...URGH! I'm trying!" Fluttershy shouted.
"Come on Fluttershy! Just a little bit more!" Twilight exclaimed, pulling at the edge of Fluttershy's claws with all her might.
The dragoness dug her claws into the solid earth and began pulling herself towards the lavender unicorn. She could feel a sense of heightened strength flowing through her body. If there was anything positive to be found in this whole mess, it was the fact that she did, indeed, feel stronger. The tension was beginning to ease up as Fluttershy felt herself finally slipping out of the door frame.
"Urgh...Mmph! Almost...got it!" she grunted.
With a quick POP!, Fluttershy landed face first into the dirt.
"Are you alright, Fluttershy?" asked a familiar voice. Fluttershy shook off the dirt from her snout.
"Yes, I'm alright, Princess Celesti-" Fluttershy stopped. Before her was Celestia herself. Fluttershy got off of the ground and stood before her. Fluttershy was surprised to find that she only stood a few feet taller than the princess.
The princess, motherly and kind in her presence, smiled serenely at Fluttershy.
"Its so good to see you again, my dear," she spoke in a dignified manner.
The dragoness let out a small, inaudible squeak.
_______________________________________
The streets of Ponyville found themselves to be overflowing with a bountiful amount of murmured voices as the denizens of the quaint little village gathered towards the center of town. Everypony stood before a small stage with a single podium sitting in the middle and a blue curtain stationed behind it. As the group of ponies made their way towards the stage, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom pushed their way through the crowds to get to the front.
"Come on Scoots! We gotta get to the front!" Applebloom shouted excitedly.
"I wonder what all the commotion's about," Sweetie Belle thought, an all too eager expression forming upon her face.
"I bet its something awesome! You know something serious is about to go down when Princess Celestia is involved!" Scootaloo ecstatically exclaimed. After much pushing and shoving, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stationed themselves in front of the stage.
From behind the curtain, Twilight Sparkle poked her head outwards to take a quick peek at the increasing crowd. She found that her heart was beating irregularly. A small lump formed in her throat, signaling that her anxiety was beginning to get the best of her. She quickly gulped out of nervousness and recoiled back behind the curtain.
Please let this work, she thought to herself.
"Is something the matter, Twilight?" Princess Celestia asked. Twilight turned to see her mentor standing beside her. Not a single worry or doubt could be seen on the alicorn's face.
"Oh! Princess Celestia! Oh, thank heavens. I'm just rather anxious is all," Twilight sighed with relief. Celestia lightly chuckled at her student's remark.
"Relax, Twilight. Everything will be fine. The citizens may be shaken at first, but I am certain that they will warm up to Fluttershy's new condition in due time," Celestia said.
"Yes, but that's what worries me. What if they don't? I can't bear to see Fluttershy's feelings getting hurt," Twilight said, a look of worry befalling her as she looked back to the audience.
"You certainly have grown into a very noble pony, Twilight. It is very thoughtful of you to think of the well-being of your friend, terrified as she may be by this whole ordeal. Don't worry. Whatever might happen, just know that I will be here to support you and your friends," the princess reassured her student. The tension that Twilight was feeling at that moment faded as she found herself smiling. The duo turned towards the curtain as they saw the Mayor of Ponyville walk up onto the stage.
"Attention, please! May I have your attention, please!?" she announced. The sea of voices began to lower until the whole crowd of ponies was completely silent. The Mayor cleared her throat as she began to look down at the note cards faced down upon the podium.
"Ahem! Mares and Gentlecolts! We have called forth this meeting to discuss a very serious matter that has recently surfaced here in Ponyville," the Mayor proclaimed, speaking at just the right volume.
Various different whispers and murmurs of confusion were uttered throughout the crowd. Many ponies were left puzzled while others were left downright baffled by the sudden announcement.
"To offer more enlightenment on the situation, please welcome Princess Celestia," the Mayor announced, stepping a few feet away from the podium to make way for the Princess. Only a small bundle of applause was heard from the audience as Princess Celestia stepped up onto the stage.
"I would first like to thank all of you for your wonderful cooperation. As the Mayor stated, a rather shocking turn of events have recently come to light. I am positive that most of you are familiar with the pegasus pony Fluttershy?" the Princess asked, examining the crowd of ponies. Quite a number of ponies nodded whilst others raised a hoof in the air.
"Well, to make things a little laconic, it was recently brought to my attention by my pupil Twilight Sparkle that Fluttershy has been transfigured into a dragon," the Princess said rather bluntly.
The reaction was sudden and quite varied. Many ponies gasped at the news and a wave of vocal chatter broke out amongst the citizens. One mare swooned and fell to the ground. The Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at each other with a look of awe in their eyes.
"Coooool," the trio said in unison.
"But if she's a dragon, then doesn't that mean she can breathe fire!?" one pony shouted. A flurry of concerned voices was let loose throughout the crowd.
"What if she becomes evil and starts destroying the town!?" a grey stallion questioned as panic suddenly began to arise. Behind the curtain, Twilight's worry began to build.
"What if she turns us all into dragons!?" another pony screamed. A sudden frenzy of trepidation emanated throughout the crowd.
"Oh no! This is bad! This is really, REALLY bad!" Twilight panicked.
"Everypony, please! Calm yourselves!" Celestia shouted. Although the panic-stricken assembly had died down, murmurs continued to echo throughout the audience.
"Rest assured, there is nothing to worry about. I shall be helping Twilight and the rest of her friends to find a cure. In the meantime, I ask that all you treat Fluttershy with as much respect as you did before. She may be a dragon temporarily, but she is still the same pony inside. So please, be calm and relax. There is nothing to fear," the alicorn spoke, soothing the tension found amongst the townsfolk.
In the far back of the crowd, Rainbow Dash and Applejack watched the assembly and the crowd's reaction. Rainbow looked on, heavily dismayed. She let out a heavy sigh.
"You know something, AJ?" Rainbow turned towards the southern earth pony. "I don't think this is gonna end well."
"You know somethin', sugarcube? I think ah might have to agree with ya," Applejack said, completely discouraged as she looked towards the fear-stricken crowd of paranoid ponies.
_______________________________________
Just a few miles to the east of Twilight Sparkle's library sat an enormous, vagrant hill. The princess stood atop the hill proudly as she raised her horn towards the setting sun. Taking one deep breath, Celestia began to lower it. Dusk started its transition into nightfall and all the forest's many wonders became lit with beauty.
It was decided upon by the urging of the Princess that Fluttershy stay by her home until after the town meeting had met its conclusion. The girls agreed that letting Fluttershy into town anytime before then would result in nothing but utter chaos.
Fluttershy laid her draconic body upon the soft ground outside her cottage. It seemed as though her animal friends were slowly starting to return. Every now and then, a ferret or badger would walk up to the dragoness, if only to give her a simple nuzzle or gesture. One of them, was actually her pet rabbit Angel.
"Angel?" Fluttershy said, raising her head with glee. The white rabbit hopped towards the dragoness. He stared at her from a brief second, confirming whether or not this new creature was still his owner. Eventually, Angel warmed up to the dragoness and nuzzled her gently.
"Ohh, Angel! I'm so happy that you still care about me," Fluttershy cried, overjoyed that despite her beastly appearance, she was still loved.
Fluttershy stared at the Princess, watching the sunset; leaving tranquil thoughts to enter her mind. A sudden sadness fell upon the dragoness. She knew not the reason, nor did she care. She just felt it. Tears began to well up in her eyes.
No. No more tears, Fluttershy. Not tonight, she told herself, shutting her eyes tight. It was then that she heard a voice coming from behind her.
"You know, its not that bad once you get use to it," the voice said. Fluttershy lifted her head and turned to find Spike walking up to her.
"Spike? What are you doing here?" Fluttershy asked.
"Eh, I just thought I'd come by and visit! Everyone's having a long talk back at the library. I got Twilight's permission to come by, so I figured I'd just say hello," the young assistant said.
"Look at me, Spike. Everything just feels so...so different. It frightens me," Fluttershy said meekly. She lay her head back upon the ground, letting out a quick snort as she did so.
"Hey, don't worry about it, Fluttershy. I've dealt with plenty of terrifying dragons in my day. I tell Peewee about it all the time at home! But that's not the point. The point is, this isn't gonna last forever. You'll be a pony again in no time! Trust me!" he exclaimed.
A weak smile crept across the dragoness' face. She looked into the sky and saw the moon beginning to rise, covering the land with a beautiful starlit canvas. At the top of the hill, Celestia saw her sister descending towards her. With a gently flap of her wings, Luna landed beside her eldest sister with great ease.
"As I promised, I am here, Celestia. How go things?" the lunar princess asked in a formal manner.
"Not good, I'm afraid. While I was able to calm the villagers about Fluttershy's predicament, they are still fearful about the consequences of a dragon running wild throughout town," Celestia said wearily.
"Fear not, sister! All is well in Canterlot. I have also sent a letter to the Dragon's Guild. They shall soon be fully aware of the situation at hand," Luna spoke, listing her accomplishments valiantly.
"You have done well, Luna. I am very proud of you. Still, I am worried for Fluttershy. I can see it in her eyes. She is frightened. She needs some reassurance," Celestia sighed as she stared down at the dragoness and Spike from atop the hill.
"Tia... I very well know this may seem like a foolish suggestion, but...don't you think it wise if Fluttershy were to visit the dragon city herself?" the night princess asked.
"Oh, no! I couldn't force a pony like her to-" Celestia tried to object but was stopped by her sister.
"But that's just it! She was a pony. Although our knowledge of the past is great, our knowledge on the history of dragons is narrow. If what you say is true, then the chances of dear Fluttershy finding a cure are very sparse," the cerulean alicorn said, her voice regal yet noble. Celestia let out an elongated sigh.
"Maybe you're right, Luna. I am just...I am just concerned for her safety," she replied.
"As you have every right to be, sister. Just remember, I was only giving a mere suggestion. After all, was it not you who said to me that 'all answers are sought by those who wish to seek them?'" Luna playfully replied to her sister, holding her hoof up in a rather theatrical fashion. Celestia grinned at her sister's fairly accurate imitation of her.
"You're right, Luna. Even after a thousand years, you still manage to lighten my spirits," Celestia chuckled.
"Of course, Tia. I shall always be there for you," Luna lovingly embraced her older sister. The two sisters then made their descent down the hillside.
"Fluttershy!" Luna happily called out. Fluttershy lifted her head to see the lunar princess approaching her, sheepishly grinning. Although Fluttershy's initial paranoia against Luna had softened over the years, she couldn't help but call back to the event during the Nightmare Night festival when the Princess had almost, unintentionally, damaged her spine.
"Oh! Umm...hello...Princess Luna" Fluttershy managed to mumble.
"Fluttershy, your friends are waiting for you. You may go now. Do not worry, the town is well aware of your condition. It is safe to go meet with them. Luna shall accompany you," Princess Celestia said.
Fluttershy's eyes brightened and she smiled. The dragoness lifted herself off the ground, stretching her body much like a dog waking from its daily nap. She let out a rather deep yawn before she and Princess Luna began her trek towards the library.
Twilight Sparkle's steadfast associate quickly followed.
~ ~ ~
The glass stained windows of the village started to close as many ponies prepared to sleep the night away. But after the news of Fluttershy's condition had been announced by the Princess, the story had spread like wildfire. Some ponies insisted on staying outside to see if the rumors were true. Needless to say, it did not lift Fluttershy's spirits any higher. As she walked through the village, many ponies stood petrified. Some stared at her wide-eyed, completely flabbergasted at just the sight of her. The dragoness whimpered as she trudged her way towards the library, Luna and Spike at her side.
"Do not pay them any mind, Fluttershy. Let us move on," Luna said, reassuring the scaly creature. After some time, the trio stopped in front of the library.
"This is where we must part. I wish you the best of luck Fluttershy. If you should ever need anything, do not hesitate to call me," said the alicorn with the mane of stardust.
"Thank you very much, Luna. For everything. I truly appreciate it," Fluttershy said, kneeling for her majesty.
"You need not thank me, dear Fluttershy. Thank your friends. Your friendship is one that truly cannot be broken," Luna said as she began to trot away from the massive tree.
As Princess Luna trotted through the village at a calm pace, she immediately stopped herself when she felt a ringing in her ear. Not too far from her position, she had overheard a conversation happening between two mares sitting at a table near Sugarcube Corner. She recognized them as the keepers of the Flower shop, Lily and Roseluck.
"Can you believe that Princess Celestia is letting a full grown dragon run around Ponyville?" Roseluck asked.
"I know! Can you imagine what type of chaos that could cause!?" Lily snobbishly retorted.
"You didn't hear this from me, but I heard from Ms. Cheerilee that that one mare Twilight Sparkle has something to do with it," Roseluck whispered. Lily gasped, bringing both hooves to her face. That was enough to send Luna marching towards the two mares.
"If you ask me, I say that they should just-" Lily began, but was quickly interrupted by the stomping of Luna's hoof.
"You...FOALS! Thou hath made a mockery of your princess' friends! What gives you the right to utter such hurtful words!?" Luna shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Umm...w-we're sorry!" Roseluck managed to stutter.
"THINE PLEAS OF MERCY MEAN NOTHING!! WE ARE NOT PLEASED BY THE TAUNTING WHICH HATH ESCAPED THY TONGUES!! BE GONE! OR THOU SHALL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES LAID BEFORE OUR HOOVES!!!" Luna bellowed, a bright light glowing from her eyes and a flash of lightning accompanying it. The two mares galloped away in fear, sending any other ponies to run inside.
Luna began to breathe heavily as the light began to cease from her eyes. The entire village was empty. The princess of the night sighed greatly.
"It has not been long since my return...and yet the nature of my people has not changed," she spoke softly.
_______________________________________
As the many voices of Ponyville began to silence themselves, a very heated conversation was taking place inside the esteemed abode of Twilight Sparkle.
"Twilight are you crazy!? We can't send Fluttershy away! She's our friend!" shouted Rainbow Dash.
"Unless you can think of any better ideas, Rainbow, then we don't have much of a choice! Fluttershy needs to be somewhere safe. If we send her away from Ponyville, she may be safe but she'll also become a primary target for ponies who are afraid of dragons! But if she stays here, then she might accidentally harm somepony!" Twilight replied as she began pacing the floor.
"Now listen here, sugarcube! Let's not jump to conclusions. There's gotta be a way we can work around this," said Applejack. The southern earth pony turned towards Rarity.
"Indeed. I can't imagine how hurt the poor thing would feel if we had to send her away!" cried Rarity.
"Ponyville wouldn't be the same without her!" Pinkie said.
"Twi, can't you just conjure up one of dem' transfiguration thingamajigs to change Fluttershy back into a pegasus pony?" asked Applejack.
"That won't do any good. I've looked at almost every possible spell that might be able to counter this, but almost all of them last for only a short amount of time! We're working with a far more complicated form of magic here. What makes this even worse is that I don't know ANYTHING relevant about dragons!" Twilight cried.
"Then... you mean that Fluttershy may never become a pony again?" Rainbow asked in agony. Silence befell the room. All five mares lowered their heads, a sense of dread befalling them.
"There has to be something we can do," said Rarity
"I... I don't know, girls. Maybe we should talk this over with Fluttershy," Twilight sighed.
Unbeknownst to the girls, Fluttershy had leaned her head up against the windowsill outside, listening to the entire conversation. Tears began to build up in her eyes.
"Umm...Fluttershy, are you okay?" asked Spike.
"I...I-I'm a...I'M A MONSTER!" she sobbed. Fluttershy sprinted off back towards the forest. She dared not look back, not even for a second.
"Wait, Fluttershy! Come back!" Spike shouted.
The door to the library opened in an instant. Twilight and the others gasped as they saw their best friend run away.
"Oh, no! You don't think she heard us, do you?" asked Twilight.
"Come on girls, we gotta go find her!" cried Rainbow Dash.
Before Rainbow could take off after her, Applejack held her hoof out in front of her, blocking her from leaving the doorway.
"Hold on, Rainbow. Fluttershy needs to be alone right now. If we talk to her now, then we might just end up makin' things worse," said the southern earth pony.
Fluttershy kept on running, a river of tears falling from her eyes. She had to get as far away from the town as she possibly could; she had to find a place where no pony could see her anguish.
Fluttershy came upon a small clearing, much like the one she had found in her dream. A circle of trees surrounded her. Fluttershy looked towards the sky, seeing the moon shine down upon her. She collapsed onto the ground. Large groups of tears fell from her eyes.
I'm a monster...a hideous monster! I...I can't take it anymore!
She could hold it no longer. Fluttershy stood up, her neck facing the moon, and began to weep. What came from Fluttershy's mouth was not an ordinary cry. Instead, it was the cry of a tormented, lonely creature. Her cry, deep and melancholy, echoed throughout Ponyville.
The dragoness' transformation was complete.
(First and alsome story!) and Eric! i still dont see prob's yet!)
(Tai)
Good work. The story plot will come more deaper after this. You must think of how fluttershy will gear up to the jurnie, the jurny it self, and the twist in the ending. will run some pre reader stoff later.
This'll be fun.
That was one of the most soul-crushingly sad scenes I've ever read... good job!
The tension increases as the plot thickens.
It is time to face DA MAGICKS!
(Translation: I eagerly await the further development of this story.)
Done reading previous chapter, about to ask how long will we have to wait for a new chapter when suddenly new chapter.
I love it when that happens.
This keeps getting better and better! Can't wait for the next chapter
Oops, sorry for shouting so loudly
I wonder if Spike will go with here?
Even though I'm absolutely terrified of going, I'll go to Targus," said the timid dragoness. The sun goddess simply smiled.
"You must be absolutely terrified. Aren't you?"
This is really akward phrasing here. Other than that, good so far!
Well, this sounds like it may deliver on what it promised. I approve of that.
I like this Story! Hope the next part comes soon^^
I've made some edits to the chapter. Thanks again for the wonderful feedback guys! =D
I did find one error. It was in the 1st sentence of the 2nd scene.
"Twilight and the rest of girls found themselves incredibly busy." It should be "Twilight and the rest of the girls found themselves incredibly busy."
Other than that, anything else only comes from andmos's nitpicking.
Poor Fluttershy
Fluttershy! You've just become a dragon! What do you do?
A) Curl up in a corner quivering in fear?
B) Cry in misery at the anticipation your pony friends will all hate and fear you?
C) Give in to the beast within and begin devouring everypony in your reach!
Hmm, well, I'd go with the old multiple choice standbye: When in doubt, the answer is C!
(Fluttershy goes on a ravenous rampage.... with much omming and nomming.)
I have but one irk with this chapter. For some reason this line,
"Fluttershy lay her draconic body upon the soft ground right outside her cottage. "
doesn't seem to roll across the tongue very well, or is it just me?
Perhaps,
"Fluttershy laid her draconic body upon the soft ground outside her cottage. "
Other than that though,
j.wigflip.com/m0CtPJct/roflbot.jpg
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
For a second i thought that this was going to be skyrim related.
Looking great so far and very promising...
Tracking this.
The declinign standards of EqD are on full display, I think.
Awesome. I can tell this is already going to be an epic.
591631
I'm not intending to be agressive because of your opinion, but don't you think it would be helpful to at least leave some sort of suggestion on how the author could improve or something?
If you don't like it, that's your decision, but I think you should at least give a little bit of a reason so the author has a chance to improve.
590668
The fashionista's concern was relatively understandable.
What is fashionista's? Don't you meen the fashionist?
Fashionista is an actual term that you can even find in a dictionary. The definition is - a very fashionable person, especially one who works in the fashion industry. If you want more proof, just follow this link. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/fashionista?s=t
After all, both Rarity and Fluttershy were spa buddies.
Friends would be a better word
I suppose you could call them friends, but you don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out. However, it is a fact that Rarity and Fluttershy spend time together in the spa. So "spa buddies" would be a legitimate term for this situation. Not only that, it's an inventive, unique, and original term. And anypony who knows Eric knows that he prefers to be original.
In the back of the small house near the pen, the loud clucking of chickens could be heard.
See over "Could be heard"
Behind the door, faint sobs could be heard.
Again, see over could be heard
I don't see anything wrong with the term "could be heard".
Will you come out and tell us what's the matter?" asked Rainbow Dash.
"what the matter is" is a better statement
Well, if you want to sound like a rich snooty snob, then yes, "what the matter is" would be a more proper statement. But not everypony talks like that. There are some ponies who have a more (for lack of a better term) 'street' way of talking. So there are many ponies who would say "what's the matter". And I see Rainbow Dash as being one of the ponies. (P.S. I was only being sarcastic about the 'rich snooty snob' remark. So don't take it personally. I enjoy having fun, even if it's only in comments.)
CRASH!
What is that all about?
That was the sound effect for Rainbow Dash crashing through the door.
"Ow!" she cried.
ouch! is a better word
I see no reason why "Ouch!" should be any better than "Ow!". In fact, if you run head first into something and crash into it, would you take the time to think about fully saying "Ouch!"? I don't think so. The first ting that would come to mind in my opinion would be something simpler like "Ow!". In fact if anything, I think that "Ow!" is a better word to use than "Ouch!" because it sounds more natural.
What it was, she couldn't tell.
could not.
I think that could be a matter of opinion. I think the contraction sounds better than the 'rich snooty snob' version. (Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)
The interior of Fluttershy's cottage made it too dark to make out what she had landed on.
See over the last word. What on?
How is there anything wrong with this sentence?
It didn't make any sense though
"did not" is a better one.
Again, that's a matter of opinion.
The duo slowly backed away towards the front door as Fluttershy revealed herself in the open light.
Her
I see nothing wrong with how this was done. In fact, replacing "herself" with just "her" would make it wrong.
Not as a pony, but a dragoness.
See over this.
Her eyes, the shade of teal.
again, see over this
Her ears and wings translucent.
must see over
Basically, this was just nitpicking. For the 1st part, the only way it would sound better is if it was "Not as a pony, but as a dragoness.". And that in my opinion is completely optional. In fact, I think leaving out the word 'as' is a good literary technique, giving it a more mysterious feel. The 2nd part, "Her eyes, the shade of teal.", the only change I would maybe suggest is removing the comma. Other than that, it keeps the feel of mysteriousness, still working as a good literary technique. And the 3rd part, "Her ears and wings translucent.", again it keeps the mysterious feel. So long story short, the way Eric worded these three sentences was in my opinion a great literary technique, giving an overall mysterious feel.
"Oh you poor thing!
Ow, you poor thing!
Eric got that one right...with the exception of the comma.
"Rainbow dear, go fetch Twilight and hurry!"
see over this
Okay, this is one of the few times I'll agree that this could look better. "go fetch Twilight and hurry!" should be separated, either with a comma "go fetch Twilight, and hurry!" or making it a separate sentence "go fetch Twilight! And hurry!"
I gotta help her!
got to or must
I gotta talk to Twilight!
got to or must
Something really bad's happened to Fluttershy!"
Bad is
Again, I have to mention Rainbow Dash's 'street' talk. In fact, 'gotta' is another word you can find in the dictionary. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/gotta?s=t
"Whatcha up to Rainbow Dash?" the ever gleeful pony asked.
What is you doing or whats up
I'll give you credit since the word 'whatcha' is not a real word, making it slang. But this isn't about how the appropriate way of saying something is, it's about how Pinkie Pie says it. Do you even know how Pinkie talks? So if you want to correct somepony about that, don't correct Eric, correct Pinkie for talking like that. (I apologize if I sounded like a jerk in that comment. If I did, I didn't mean to. But that is how Pinkie would say that.)(P.S. grammar correction: "What is you doing" should be "What are you doing".)
"Silly Dashie!
Dashy would be better choice.
I know I've already said this about 5,000 times already. But that's a matter of opinion and personal preference. In fact, I've never seen anypony use a Y before. I've only seen ponies use ie.
You're not gonna get Twilight's attention shouting like that!"
going to get
You gotta do it like this," Pinkie stated.
got to
"You're not gonna believe this Twilight...but that was Fluttershy," said Rainbow.
going to
Right now, we just gotta help her!"
got to
...I've already said it 2.87 million times. I think you know what I have to say. The words 'gotta' and 'gonna' are both legitimate contractions of the terms 'got to' and 'going to'.
She then began to pound her hooves against the door, much like Rainbow was doing.
Like could be replace with as or as if
The way you worded it would make it sound like Rainbow Dash was still pounding on the door when Pinkie started. But I will admit you have a point. If it were to be changed, it should be "much how Rainbow was doing."
It had become very clear to Twilight over the course of her stay in Ponyville that no matter how dreadful the cirumstance might be, some good would come out of it in the end
circumstance and wrong place in the comma
I'm pretty sure that the comma is in the right place.
As the trio began making their way towards the edge of the forest, a loud roar was heard echoing off in the distance.
"was heard" see over
Unless you want to modify to say "could be heard", there is nothing wrong with how that's written.
Well, I mean you're a NEW you, but NEW dragon Fluttershy is still just as good!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie.
fluttershy are
Saying "are" would make the statement plural. And it is not a plural statement.
A sudden smile creeped across Fluttershy's face.
consider re-writhing. "creeped" you should deleted it
It shouldn't be deleted. But re-wrote, yes. The word "creeped" should actually be "crept". The English language can be so confusing sometimes.
She's been turned into a dragon and to make matters even worse, we have no idea how to change her back.
"She has" would be better
Again, street talking Rainbow Dash. However, I did take notice of something else in this sentence. "She's been turned into a dragon. And to make matters even worse, we have no idea how to change her back." It should be separated into 2 sentences.
Which is why I must go to Ponyville.
This is why I must go to Ponyville.
I suppose it could go either way. But I would go with Eric's original version.
Before her was the celestial princess herself.
See over this
As I've said before, changes are not necessary.
Fluttershy got off of the ground and stood before her.
"off the ground" would be a better choice
It could go either way.
She soon realized that it was her connection to you and the rest of your friends that gave her the strength she needed to defeat her greatest enemies.
were is comma?
There is no comma required. This is just a long sentence.
I count many writing errors in there. Like using the past and present wrong, and etc.
I've found very few errors, and none of which had to do with using past and present tense wrong. Perhaps Eric had already edited the errors. But I do know that if you are right about him using past and present tense wrong, then so have any actual author that I know of who has had their work published, like Katherine Applegate (the author of Animorphs and Everworld).
591866
I completely agree with you JJ. If somepony doesn't like a story, then just don't read it. But just because they don't like the story it doesn't make it a bad story.
591983
Actually, I'm perfectly fine with someone not liking a story, I just would like to see some reasoning, why it's supposibly bad in their opinion, so the person, being criticised can probably improve...
Basically, saying stuff like: "Well, this story sucks" is just no use for anyone. I want to know, what it is, about the story, that this person dislikes.
557928
I only clicked on this story because I just finished playing a bunch of Skyrim, and I happen to like crossovers.
Of course, then I saw the image and my heart exploded from sheer d'aaaaw, and I (nearly) forgot about Skyrim. Still kind of going WTF from when a dragon landed on the little platform of the College of Winterhold, but I digress.
It's time to read! *hits "add comment" and clicks the first chapter*
Edit:
Untracked, my rating now becomes a downvote. Do you know why?
You're going to make the same pathetic mistake that Strictly Draconic did and deus ex machina everything back to normal.
this is getting good.
This story is adorable, and you should continue post-haste.
And don't mind the overly-obsessive grammar Nightmares. After all, nopony's perfect!
591631
My hypothesis is that a story is more likely to feature on EqD if its premise and intro chapter hints at awesomeness, even if its execution is below average. I think this has always been the case - I know there was a discussion months ago about stories being featured long before anything remotely resembling a plot started to happen within the story.
I'll get the positives out of the way first - the imagery is pretty good. The best part of chapter 2 is the idea of Flutter-dragon trying to tear off her own skin, which is unexpected but gives us immense insight into Fluttershy's reaction - more than anything that follows that scene.
Unfortunately a lot of the prose both within and surrounding these scenes is simply bad. Here's an example at the start of chapter two:
>Something's up. There's gotta be a reason why Fluttershy hasn't been talking to us lately. Maybe she's hiding something, Rainbow thought to herself.
>"Man. I wonder what's got Fluttershy so spooked. I mean sure she can be a bit of a fraidy-cat, but this is ridiculous!" said Rainbow Dash.
These two paragraphs are almost identical. They both say the same thing - that Dash is worried and doesn't know what's going on.
Other things:
>"The fashionista's concern was relatively understandable."
Don't tell the reader how to react to a statement, particularly something mundane like "understandable" - by pointing it out you actually make it seem less true.
>But whatever she was hiding, important or not, she would find out soon enough.
>"Well, let's just get this out of the way. The sooner we figure out what's wrong, the better," stated Rainbow Dash.
At this point it seems like you're stalling, trying to fill time before the "reveal" which the reader already knows about from the summary. Again, it's redundant.
>Quite a few of Fluttershy's animals were running away.
Something to be careful of, phrases with dual meanings. I think you meant "running away" in the sense that a household pet "runs away" - it goes missing. But the way it's written here it more heavily implies "actively fleeing in terror" more than anything else, which doesn't mesh with the rest of the imagery of the scene, particularly as it's implied the transformation took place days before the scene happens. If Fluttershy's animals had been fleeing then, they should be long-gone now.
>But there was no point in stopping her now. Rarity knew that once Rainbow got started, there was no slowing her down.
Again, two sentences next to each other saying very nearly the same thing.
I can go on, but I think you get the idea. The writing is getting in the way of the story far too much for me to enjoy this.
...plz do something on the title that says (non skyrim related) because i was about to say (a popular skyrim crossover? woah) but now i am dissapoint and im sounding like an ass rite now so i'll just read
592198
I'm not a big fan of people automatically assuming what will happen. And just because you expect the ending, it doesn't mean the story itself will be any less of a good story. But choosing to untrack is your choice.
592192
Good point. Constructive criticism is always welcome in my opinion.
Your story is great and you should feel great!
Execution of dialogue is rather lacking in this story. The scene where Celestia talks to Luna sounds almost robotic. All the dialogue feels quite stilted, and in my own head the characters lack emotion, like a amateur actor blind reading lines from a script.
This isn't bad, but it certainly isn't great, and am quite surprised to see it posted on EQD. That isn't to say I'm not going to continue reading, but it could really use some TLC.
592198
Well of course he's going to deus ex machina things back to normal. Fluttershy randomly got turned into a dragon, the story's about deus ex machina.
No, the interesting part here is seeing how Fluttershy deals with the situation, and what unique dragon stuff she does on the way. She still has to find the machine, and possibly get it working again, remember. We know what the destination is, the part I'm interested in is the journey.
Once again, still a great story! I can't wait for the journey to begin!
Poor Fluttershy.... hope everything works out for her in the end.
There's a bit of Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, but I like this better than the old chapter. It's slower as well, which fits the mood. One thing to change would be to make Luna's exclamations have only 1 exclamation mark - makes it seem more professional, see?
Hm... Less angst more awesome please.
The only thing that really jarred me during reading is that whole... She needs to be alone right now.
I don't ever remember any pony in the series saying or acting like that. It just doesn't seem like a pony would let a hurting friend hurt alone, you know?
ohhh, the chapter Has been reuploaded!
557493
I agree....make the title dragonshy or dragonheart or something
Nice revisions. Can't wait for part 3
Poor fluttershy I dont think your a monster those ponies don't know what there talking about
Great chapter great story great greatness
The story appears okay at best so far and could really benefit from some serious editing. Everypony's reactions are out of character and sometimes just contrary in several key areas and dialog can feel wooden at times, Celestia and Luna suffer the most from the dialog issue I think.
Why does everypony instantly recognize and accept Fluttershy as a dragon? I get that Rarity and Dash talked to her through the door but after entering and seeing a dragon that has similar coloring to Fluttershy their immediate reaction is to realize she's been turned into a dragon. That's the kinda of thing a reader might assume because we already know whats happening in the story but is not how characters should react in that situation. I mean, Dash approaches the cottage where Fluttershy has been holed up for no apparent reason, hears something break and Fluttershy cry out in pain and Rainbow Dash of all ponies stays calm? Dash busts down the door sees a DRAGON, which they know Shy is terrified of, in Shy's house after something hurts her and just stops and doesn't try to fight it?
There are also general consistency problems, in the initial reveal Dragonshy's tears turn into steam and then they just stop, and it seems pretty clear she is crying in close proximity to other ponies which would be an issue.
Don't get discouraged to write, just slow down and find someone to review your work and keep you on track.
Wow. I love this story big time! I can't wait for the next chapter! and i can't wait where your going with this. upvoted, faved and tracked!
591631
An easy rule of thumb for identifying hater-trolls is that they tend to drop in and say 'this sucks' without explaining why, or offering suggestions on what could be done to make it not suck.
Im going to be different for a moment.
The best thing about this chapter was Luna getting pissed and threatening to beat Lily and Roseluck's ass.
"A thousand years after my return...and the nature of my people has not changed," she spoke softly.
I think that sentence is kind of wrong, it gives the impression that a thousand years have passed since Luna returned.
But that's just me being nitpicky
I love the story so far
This is getting good. You portray the characters very well. Normally, this wouldn't be my kind of fic, but I have a feeling that this will be a GREAT exception.
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133625704438.gif
I love this story! You must continue! Fluttershy as a dragon is AWESOME!
So many feels! Keep it up!
Coolio Eric, I have a few complaints but nothing major (Seeing as I am worse at writing and such than you) The errors mostly boiled down to things that can't even be seen as errors.. Like Fx how Luna's conversation with Tia seemed quite bland and generic, and the fact that they say SISTER every damm sentence doesn't help. But no matter it twas good, Definately a fav.
-BotB the guy known for doing and/or saying things that makes people laugh (BotB = BringontheBronies = Tysej4 = The username I used for everything before I became a brony)