FAIR WARNING: As the story progresses, it might end up insulting a being, which existence has yet to be proven! Believers, you have been warned.
Sarah once made a deal with the devil. Their contract lasted for thirteen years and then her soul would belong to him. Perhaps there was something she overlooked in the small printed section. Why else would she wake up as a pony? (She looks like in the picture)
So yeah, human in Equestria (HiE) fic. This kind of stories are getting so old, it's hard to come up with something original. Btw, how come 98% of the HiEs (according to my gut feeling) feature a male dude, but never a female? Nothing against ANY of the sexes, just asking.
Oh yeah, Scootaloo is down in the description for a reason. But not for this one >>>> 
"Artwork" was made with the pony creator and the cutie mark creator.
Just because she's a batpony doesn't mean she isn't an Alicorn OC... I'll read anyway...
6006305 Thanks I guess. You know, when I wrote the last part, I forgot that she was a batwing alicorn (bad name is BAD). Missed an opportunity with the Guards reacting to that. DAMN!!!!
6006325 *cough*
Magic and Flight does not equal Alicorn.
Alicorn does not equal Mary Sue.
Mary Sue does not equal Bad Story.
Bad Story does not equal Not Worth Reading.
Since you have an Alicorn, I hope you don't give her the other aspects of a Mary Sue. Looking at the description, and tags, it looks alright. She does not seem to have a tragic past, so that aspect falls away. I doubt you would have her instantly beat any challenge, since there won't be more than the 'usual' everyday challenges, which she would beat easily after a while OF COURSE.
I hope you will show the mental influence of a new body with new hormones (if you go after real horse- biology, instead of human-inside-pony-biology). Or maybe something regarding the transformation.
Now onto reading it!
6006393 Should I be afraid of such high expectations? There's a reason she made that deal after all. Good thing I didn't established that as of yet^^
A bunch of them being human turned ponies. It got me
Too much squeeing.
Shining Armour could freak out at the sight of her. I mean, she is a BATshit insane alicorn.
And the other guards are so emotionless, they could mask their freak out. And ignore it.
6006398 You should never be afraid of high expectations. In this case it shows, that you are capable of writing a description which makes your story look pretty good, even though the first glance at the coverart makes one think instantly bad things about your story, with that I mean one would think it is a Mary Sue. And the first glance at the description does not make one defile it as: "Humor about Mary Sues". Therefore you have still made something great, even though what you had to work with, for your story to stay as it is, something that could mislead very easily.
6006499 whoops, better make a note of that
Love the story so far and hope to see more soon
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You made a few typos like "It was something I thought my OC should definitely have night-vision and dark magic."
It could instead be "It was something I thought my OC should definitely have[ , ] night-vision and dark magic"
or "something I definitely thought my OC should have was night-vision and dark magic "
This sentence is awkward "And you probably would have still left enough for a Mac Menu" you could instead write "And you would probably still have enough left for a Mac Menu".
I did not intend to comment at first since I really don't have much to comment about for the moment, at this Point it could really go either way. But when I saw a lack of comments about your grammar I thought why not since acknowledging flaws or constructive criticism helps you become a better writer
I might have more to say once you release a few more chapters but for now I wish you luck and hope you have a good day
6007122 It's nighttime actually. But thanks for the help, though right now I can't do much, since I'm typing on my tablet.
Well....not bad.....but not great.....I don't know.....Maybe it's just me....This is very average....if anything slightly above it. If you keep going maybe that'll raise maybe not....who knows. Good luck.
Oh, oh! Number 1 on the insane list should be this.
I once made a perfect peanutbutter and jelly sandwich that came to life and knew the secrets of the universe but it rxploded into Nutella before it could share them.
True story.
MORE!!!!!!!!!!
whan can you upload the next chapter