• Published 17th Feb 2015
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Sombra The Highly Unmotivated - naturalbornderpy



When sent through a human's toaster after his defeat, Sombra craves his revenge. Seven months later, he doesn't seem all that interested.

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Trains... Later

I lifted my tea cup to my lips and made a slurping sound with pinkie raised and chin held high. As I’d been told, these were the rules for Royal Tea Time. Since this had been going on for close to an hour, I must’ve drunk four dozen cups of invisible tea already. If my cup had actually been filled with the drink, I might have overdosed by now.

As I nibbled on a muffin Apple Bloom brought from her kitchen, Sweetie Belle passed the empty tea pot around again, filling all four cups complete with pouring sound. It seemed by that point I’d become desensitized to overwhelming levels of cute, as my heart chugged along without much pause. I still kept on my guard, though, in case an impromptu song broke out between the three of them.

Maybe that’s something that only happens in the real Equestria, I thought coldly.

“So… what do you all think is outside of town right now? Beyond the barrier, I mean.” It was difficult putting the right words together.

Apple Bloom looked uninterested in the question. “My sister says there ain’t much of anything out there. But that’s all right. Everyone I know is in town. Plus, Applejack told me she’s gonna fix whatever’s happening.” She smiled. “My sister always has a way of fixing things.”

By the responses to my questions thus far, it was clear Twilight and the others had been keeping the younger ponies mostly in the dark about what was happening to their world. Obviously for the best. Then I wondered who outside Twilight’s circle of mares even knew what they’d had planned. I doubted it was all that many.

“I’m sure she does,” I replied, leaning to the side to get a good view out the window. Every few minutes, I’d look, scanning the grass and area below the clubhouse for Luna. Considering how I’d brushed her off the night before, I doubted our reunion would be all that gentle. A hard hoof to the jaw didn’t sound as relaxing as Royal Tea Time.

Sweetie Belle came around the table with the teapot. “More tea, Steve?”

I covered my cup. “My cup’s still full.”

“No, it’s not.”

I didn’t argue; only watched as she poured out more nothingness. She smiled from ear to ear as I blew on the invisible liquid.

I leaned back in my chair with my tea. “Any ideas where your sisters might have gone last night?”

Sweetie Belle sat down and stirred her make-believe drink with a spoon. “Wherever she went, she must have been in a hurry. All she told me was that I was staying with Apple Bloom for a while. Although, she did bring a jacket with her.”

I cocked a brow. “Ponies wear jackets?”

“If it’s cold enough.”

Good answer.

I turned to Apple Bloom. “Then do you have any idea where Applejack went?”

“The Crystal Empire,” she said plainly. “Or would it be the new Crystal Empire? I reckon that’s what they’d call it now.”

I spat out my mouthful of nothing. “I heard it was destroyed, like, wiped out completely.”

Apple Bloom frowned slightly. “Where did you hear that, Steve? Twilight told me it only needed a little repair, is all. That’s why the six of them spent so much time there the last few months.”

It was all clicking into place. Twilight wanted to replicate what created this Equestria to begin with, meaning a Crystal Empire had to exist before Sombra could be destroyed again. Now came a rather important query.

I took another bite of my muffin. (It was really good, by the way.) “How have they been getting there? It’s far away from here, right?”

Scootaloo ran a hoof around her cup. So far, she’d been a lot less enthused about Royal Tea Time than the other two. “It’s in the frozen north. We went there once. It was fun, but not… amazingly fun or anything. Mostly, it was really, really shiny.”

“Shiny…” I mused. “All right.”

Apple Bloom held her cup on a hoof. “Twilight teleports them there. She’s awful good at it. Heck, she’s good at all sorts o’ magical stuff.”

I felt as if I’d reached the end of the line. “Is that the only way of getting there?”

Sweetie Belle came around with a feather duster, brushing away real crumbs and invisible crumbs both. “You could always walk there. Or run. Or trot. Or hustle.”

“Or fly,” Scootaloo added.

Sweetie Belle nodded. “Or fly. Or bike ride. Or take the train. Or get smacked by a blast of energy and soar thousands of feet in the air and—”

I plucked up the unicorn and set her on the table in front of me. “Did you say ‘train’? As in there’s a train that goes all the way to the Crystal Empire?”

She scooted around the tabletop, still brushing away. “Of course, Steve. There’s always been a train to the Empire. Something broke the part near the end, but I think that’s what Rarity and her friends were working on.”

Maybe all was not lost. “Is the train station in Ponyville?”

Sweetie Belle nodded, humming a gentle tune as she worked.

“Any idea if it’s running, yet?”

Apple Bloom stood and began gathering the cups and saucers. “I’m not sure, really. Applejack told me it would be soon—that a whole bunch of ponies and humans would be invited there for some big event. Why you so interested, Steve? You’re not sick of Ponyville already, are you?”

She looked up to me and pouted, her large eyes taking on a glass-like shine.

I pounded on my chest to keep my heart from stopping. “No. Nothing like that. Ponyville’s… swell. Sure it is. And you three are super nice and cute.”

All three fillies turned to me, eyes wide and mouths agape. A hug was impending, I knew. I could see it in the far reaches of their adorably big eyes—like some boogeyman in a closet, waiting for the lights to turn off. Instead of resisting, I let them come. Three sets of hooves wrapped around my legs and I tasted copper. My body wasn’t entirely ready for filly hugs, it seemed.

Without looking down, I ruffled each of their manes.

Scootaloo looked up to me. “Steve, could you… maybe… I mean if you wouldn’t mind…”

I’d already done the deed four times since being discovered asleep in their clubhouse, but I thought one final time couldn’t hurt. It wasn’t like I was about to throw my back out or anything.

“Okay. Last time, so make it count.”

With two hands, I carefully picked up the pegasus and held her close to the ceiling. When she started beating her wings, I lazily zipped her around the room, adding my own whooshes and propeller noises. Scootaloo held out both legs in a flying pose and I brought her from the ceiling to the floor in a series of wide arcs.

As hard as she tried to keep a straight face during her exhilarating flight, she couldn’t help but smile and laugh, especially as I chased Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom around the room. Apple Bloom even held out a small flag to pass under, as we looped the small clubhouse over and again.

Scootaloo beat her tiny wings harder than usual and I could swear she began lifting out from my grip. From this came a rather dark thought. When learning how to ride a bike, my father had guided my handlebars until I’d picked up enough speed. When he let go, I was forced to pedal and steer or crash into the street. Could I do the same with this struggling pegasus by throwing her out the window? Fly or fall?

In the center of the room, I set her back down. She started jumping up and down, giggling. “Can we do that again, Steve? Please, please, please!”

I shook my head and glanced at the open window. “Better not. I think I’ve been spending too much time with a certain dark pony. I’m afraid he might be having a bad influence on me.”

It was hard, but eventually I exited their small tree house. Before I left, the three of them made me promise I’d come visit them again. Of course, I lied and said that I would.

On the grass, I waved them goodbye and tried my best to smile back. It was hard. Those three deserved a better world to live in than this one. They deserved the real Equestria with all its supposed wonders and delights. Not the horrors that were slowly breaking this version apart bit by bit.

But for that to happen, Sombra would need to die. And I still considered him a friend.

I needed more time to think.

***

The Ponyville train station was easy to find. The train’s whistle screamed out every few minutes, and a trail of puffy white clouds puffed up from its chimney. As I walked, I watched the skies and followed the only path there. It was a crowded path.

Dozens of eager ponies trotted next to me as they made their way to the boarding track, eager faces all. Small groups whispered between themselves, though none looked all that shocked by my being there. Humans, it seemed, had become a regular sight around town.

I leaned towards a waiting mare. “You, uh, going to the Crystal Empire?”

Instead of giving me a look that read No, I’m actually standing here for no reason at all and plan on taking a different train that doesn’t exist because I can totally do that, she flashed me a smile.

“You betcha! And I just can’t wait to get there.” She ran a hoof through her mane and lowered her voice. “Just between you and me, any excuse to get out of town will do. Ponyville’s been pretty crowded lately, and a little weird.”

I angled my head. “You don’t say?”

She smiled again. “But I did just say! Didn’t you hear? Never mind. I’m just so excited I can barely keep still.” She tapped her hooves against the planks.

A sour thought occurred to me. I pointed at the idle train cars in front of us. “Are there still tickets available?”

The mare waved a leg. “No tickets for this train. They’ll take as many as can fit. I heard there’s going to be a big show at the Crystal Empire, including a little play with Twilight and the other Elements.”

“What else have you heard?”

She thought, still tapping away with her hoof. Her eyes opened wide. “Fireworks! At the end of the ceremony, there’s going to be a giant boom with pretty colors and lights. It’ll be nice to see, especially after all that’s been happening recently.” She tried for another smile—a thinner one than before.

“Sombra the firework,” I mumbled. “I don’t think he’ll like that too much.”

She put a hoof on my arm. “What do you mean? Everyone likes fireworks. It’s a scientifically proven fact.”

As much as I wanted her to cite her sources, the doors to every train car opened in front of us and I was pushed inside by the wall of anxious ponies behind me. It was a miracle I didn’t trip and squish a few of them underneath me.

If only I’d noticed the dark blue mare watching me from the other side of the platform.

***

The train had over a dozen cars, and each one held anywhere from forty to fifty ponies. Many crammed together to make more room, leaving several standing in the aisle. None seemed all that bothered by it. Tiny fillies and colts clung to their parents’ sides and stared out the windows as the train began its sluggish chug from the station. Even before the doors closed and everyone found a place to sit or stand, the train blared its horn and was on its way.

Apparently, even the conductor was in a hurry to get out of town.

Since I was one of the first shoved aboard, I got a middle seat near the back of the car. In the first ten minutes of my journey, I’d received four requests for pictures, each time debating whether to flash a peace sign or a thumbs up next to the requester’s head. Most got a thumbs up.

That was when something I hadn’t yet seen in this world entered the train car and sat down beside me.

“My name’s Bob,” the man said, holding out his hand.

I shook it and gave him my name. He chuckled as he relaxed in his seat, surveying the pony-filled car. He must have been around my age or a few years older. He had the carefree speech of a person locked in a dream. Maybe that’s where he thought he was.

Bob raised his eyebrows. “Pretty weird, isn’t it?”

I nodded. “Yeah, it is. You’re also the first human I’ve met so far. Are there others on the train?”

“A few. Not too many, though. I came in contact with an electrical box when I came here. A big ol’ white light spilled over me and then ponies, ponies, ponies. If this is Heaven, then it isn’t at all like the one I read about.”

“I don’t think this is Heaven. Or even a duplicate of one.”

He leaned closer to me. “What’s that now?”

“Never mind.” I thought for a moment. “A toaster sent me here.”

Bob brightened at that. “No kidding? What’d you set it to? Eleven?”

I chuckled, more for his benefit than the joke’s.

He hastily glanced from side to side, a faint smirk on his lips. “How many ponies you meet so far, Steve?”

I roughly counted in my head. “Eight or nine. Haven’t spoken to them all; not all of them were very nice, either.”

Bob nodded. “How close you get to them?”

I didn’t like where this was going. “You mean… distance wise?”

Bob held out a hand. “I’m not trying to get all weird on you—this whole scene’s weird enough, as is—but, I mean, since we’re stuck here and all… and with the choices as thin as they are, you think you’d ever…?”

He angled his head and, just like that, I knew what he’d meant. I wished I hadn’t. I knew it was something wrong. Or in this case: very wrong.

Of all the seats in all the cars in all the trains, this guy needs to pick the seat next to mine. Discord was right all along. Things could always get worse.

I smiled back at him—no teeth, only lips. “How long have you been in this world, Bob?”

“Three days.”

“I see.” I clamped down until my teeth hurt. “And already you’re thinking about what I think you’re thinking about?”

It was clear Bob saw right through my dumb grin. He exhaled loudly. “What? So you’re saying you haven’t thought about it at all?”

“Nope.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

Really?

“Yes, really. You’re weird and that’s all there is to it.”

Bob crossed his arms. “What other choice is there, Steve? We’re stuck on a planet of ponies! Talking ones! You better be prepared to lower your standards, friend, otherwise you might spend most of your time here alone.”

I put my palms to my temples, a headache on the way. I turned to Bob and searched for hints of red and yellow in his eyes. Nope. Not even Discord could be this surreal.

I raised a hand. “Here’s a thought, Bob. Considering the two of us have met, could there in fact be other humans around these parts? Here, let me test this theory for us.”

I carefully maneuvered around all the ponies standing in the aisles to get to the door between cars. It was simple to spot the humans in the bunch, less colorful and several feet taller. The cart I looked into had two human males and a single female who sat closest to the door. She was busy chatting away to a yellow mare.

I yelled back to Bob, not caring if I made a scene. “Found one, Bob! Right around your age and everything. Doesn’t look like you’ll need to lower your standards. What a relief, right? Before you did something you’d come to regret?”

Bob’s face turned the color of a tomato as he got off his seat and hustled over to me. He peered over my shoulder and into the next car. “Okay, fine. There’s one woman. Congrats, you found one. But I highly doubt she’s all that interested in men here—more than likely has a guy back on Earth. Married or something.”

I could’ve ended it there. But I really felt the urge to brutally pester someone after I’d been brutally pestered previously.

I slid open the door between the cars and looked at the woman seated there.

“You single?”

She blushed and thought for a while, eyeing my head to my shoes. “Um, yes. I guess so. Why?”

“Good. Would you have a drink with this guy?” I hooked an arm around Bob and held him next to me.

The woman gave him the same up and down look, then shrugged. “He seems all right. Sure, why not. I mean, not a lot of options around here, right?”

I slapped Bob’s shoulder. “See? There you go. A nice, normal girl just for you.”

With a forceful hand, Bob shoved away from me and went back into the other car. He stopped to stare out one of the windows. “I’m not interested.”

I glared at the back of his head. “Really?”

“Yeah. I… don’t like her hair. Too brown. Not a fan of brunettes.”

I was tempted to slap his head. “You just want to have a relationship with a pony, don’t you?”

For a very long time Bob stood motionless, peering out the window as the hillside scenery rolled along. When he turned back, a single tear had edged out one eye. “Can you blame me, Steve? Every single one of them is so much nicer than the women back on Earth.”

Things can always get worse, I reflected.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came to mind. I knew I’d gone too far with this.

“I’m going to sit somewhere else.” Bob went in the opposite direction and disappeared into the next car. Eventually, I returned to my seat and glanced around the room.

“What the hell just happened?”

***

The sun prepared to dip below the horizon as the view outside went from lush hills of green to long stretches of barren brown dirt. Rocky mountains in the far distance were shattered in half and scorched around their peaks. I wondered if that was normal in Equestria. Probably not.

The gentle hum of the train engine helped abate my nerves. For hours, all I did was stare out the windows and answer the trickle of questions from ponies that came up to me, interested in human culture. One even had an autograph book loaded with human autographs. While I wasn’t a hundred percent sure, I thought the name next to mine looked an awful lot like Willie Nelson. I’d believe it, too.

As peaceful a time as I’d been having, I was soon reminded that wasn’t the way things worked around here.

“Ticket, please.”

I looked up and wasn’t all that surprised. Discord, clad in a blue and gold conductor’s uniform held out a hand to me. I returned to soaking in the sights.

Discord crossed his arms. “What? That’s it?” He turned my head to look at him. “These clothes don’t just manifest on their own, Steve! I need to snap my fingers to get them, and they’re not only to help me stay in character, they’re for your enjoyment, too. So enjoy them! And then tell me how much you like them.”

I batted his hand away. “Is Twilight with you?”

Shoving the pony seated next to me to the side, Discord sat and crossed one leg over the other. “No. She and her friends are already at the Crystal Empire. They’ve been there since last night.”

I lowered my head to my lap. I’d only been in Equestria for a couple of days, but already I was tired of its repetitive nature. Each step forward, I was forced two steps back—most of those steps Discord-related. And now I couldn’t even enjoy a gentle train ride to get my thoughts back in order.

“Are you here to screw me over again?”

He chuckled. “I’ll have you know that hurts, Steve. Is that all you think I do?”

I scowled at him.

He waved it off. “Thankfully, I’m made of thicker material than most, otherwise I’d be offended by that.” He retrieved a gold pocket watch from his breast pocket, briefly viewing the time before snapping it shut. “Everything will be ending soon.”

I returned my head to my lap. “I figured as much.”

He put a hand on my shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, Sombra won’t know a single thing until the very end.”

I roughly clicked up teeth together. “He’s been tortured, hunted, and carried around in bubbles ever since he got here. I have a feeling he knows something bad is waiting for him at the end of all this.”

“Or maybe he’s been given a job offer.”

“Pony firework isn’t a job,” I growled. “Neither is Exploding Pony No. 1 in whatever demented play Twilight’s been putting together. No matter which way you spin it, Discord, Sombra’s going to suffer and die and that’s the only way I’ll be seeing it.”

Discord yanked on my shirt until I sat up.

“Sit up straight, Steve. You’ll only damage your spine sitting like that. Unlike mine, which can do everything.” He twisted his torso until he came back around, giving his body the look of a twisted washcloth. “Sombra’s going to become King again. Isn’t that good news?”

I searched the small car for another available seat. I knew the strange creature would only follow me there, but I’d more than welcome the thirty seconds of silence or so it would bring.

“I doubt it,” I replied, “since it’s a lie or a fib or something not even close to what it sounds.”

Discord propped his elbow on the pony next to him. The pony in question frowned deeply, but seemed to accept his fate as pony armrest well enough. “Because Sombra needs to act out his part, Twilight will crown him King again and give back all that’s left of the Empire. She’ll tell him about the real Equestria, and how this one isn’t meant to last. Then she’ll tell him it was his destiny to rule over the first Equestria; to lead them all towards victory, whatever the costs.”

I thought I saw an empty seat across the car, but a pony snatched it up before I could stand. “He’d never fall for it. Sombra’s pretty dumb, but he’s not that dumb. He’s called Twilight a liar more times than I could remember.”

Discord rapped his fingers against the pony’s head. “But wouldn’t he be more inclined to fall for it if it’s something he wants? To rule again. To hurt and destroy again. The chance to take over an entire world—get revenge on those that defeated him?”

I honestly didn’t know how Sombra would react to that. He’d been a horribly lazy pony back on Earth, but he’d never completely cast aside his villainous role. Could he truly be tricked after all that’d happened? Considering I was sitting in a train filled with talking ponies and a living, breathing cheat-code, I thought that absolutely anything was possible.

Outside the car windows, the last rays of sun disappeared behind the gray mountains.

I abruptly turned to him. “Why are you even here? Why haven’t you just snapped yourself to the Crystal Empire?”

“Because I like train rides.” Discord pumped his arm and the train whistle went off each time. “And more than that, I like annoying you. And also to give you a warning.”

“I’m already full of those, thanks.”

“You sure? I think it’ll help.”

I pondered. “Will you leave me alone if I listen?”

“Sure. Here’s my advice: change cars.”

“Why?”

He grabbed my shoulder and pointed an eagle’s claw at the door to the next car. Just as my eyes found hers, Luna’s found mine. Through her nostrils, she huffed against the glass.

“Because Luna looks pissed.”

***

Once again, I was running for my life, only this time, I had to scramble around dozens of small ponies while trying my best not to shout. I shoved and nudged fellow commuters to the sides and said ‘Excuse me’ on loop. Back on Earth, I would have called Luna cold and intimidating. Now, as I heard her hooves dent the floor right behind me, I’d call her plain old terrifying.

I entered the fourth car and began the task of trudging through. Halfway across, I hurried a glance behind me to see how close she had come. To my surprise, I found no Luna at all.

“That can’t be good,” I whispered, as something popped right in front of me.

I turned and cringed, my awkward escape brutally cut short. Luna stood facing the opposite direction, both back legs up and spring-loaded to buck. This was going to hurt.

Ouff!

Two hardened hooves slammed into my chest and I sailed through the air, landing atop a half-dozen startled ponies. Miraculously, not a single one of them was a unicorn, otherwise “Steve’s Continued Adventures In Horrible Equestria” might have come to an unsatisfying conclusion, as he impaled himself on a pony’s horn.

Spread out along the floor, I stared at the ceiling and tried to force air back into my lungs. A few bruises? Without question. Broken ribs? Left to be seen.

Luna came to stand over me. “You left me with little recourse, Steve. I feel no pity for you, and if I must speak the truth, I could have hit you much harder than what I did.”

I moaned and nodded, softly cradling my torso. I would’ve agreed with anything she’d said at that moment, as long as it meant she wouldn’t hit me again.

“Stand, Steve,” she said, “and let us be done with this.”

A blue aura wrapped around my shoulders and I was brought to my feet. When my legs buckled, I used Luna for support as she quietly grumbled. I coughed and felt along my ribs for a crack. Finding no broken bones, I felt a little more at ease. Not by much.

Luna put a leg around my middle. “Prepare yourself. I no longer wish to be in the company of others.”

I turned to her. “Prepare for—”

Pop!

A cold rush of wind pulled at my face and clothes, my sweatshirt rippling in the air. Luna had teleported us to the roof of the train, its steady chugs much louder outside. The entire sky was black, save for the half-moon giving a milky shine to the mountain tops in the distance.

I lowered to the roof to keep balance. Luna spent her time staring at the moon, along with the thousands of stars dotting the night sky.

I yelled to her above the wind, “Well, now what?”

She didn’t turn to me. “I will return you back to Ponyville in a moment, Steve. I only wish to enjoy the night’s splendor for a while. It has been too long since I have had a chance to watch it and critique.” With her horn, she moved the crescent moon the faintest of hairs to the side. Then she shook her head and put it back. “I was correct before. ‘Tis a fine location.”

Still sore, I sat down with an arm around my chest. “Celestia was your sister, right?”

Luna watched her stars. “Yes. She was.”

“I’m sorry about what happened. I’m sorry that you lost her.”

Luna stomped a hoof against the train. “But she is not lost, Steve. She only needs to be found again. Once Twilight’s plan is complete, I will be reunited with my sister and free from this world.”

Reluctantly, I got back to my feet and made my way to her. Luna was standing at the very edge of the final train car, her hooves less than an inch from the side. I remained a few feet behind her.

“But Luna already has her sister—in the original Equestria. And if you merge with her, you won’t remember a thing about this place.”

She shook her head. “You do not know that. Neither does Twilight—not entirely.”

I exhaled roughly. “It’s suicide, Luna! That’s all it is! Twilight’s plan works and you successfully blow up Sombra again. What do you get out of that? Nothing but the end of this world.”

“This horrible world,” she spat.

“Granted. Sure. Whatever. But that still doesn’t change the basic premise here. This world ends and you merge with yourself, forgetting everything in the process. All that means is that this version of you ceases to exist.”

“No, Steve,” she answered calmly. “I will become myself again, and even if I do not remember a single second of this world, I will live as I was supposed to: alongside my sister and those I hold dear.”

She finally looked at me, her eyes weary and pained. For a second I thought of consoling her, then remembered the current state of my ribs.

“What other option is there? We remain in this world until not a single soul is left? Until monsters too great to be stopped arrive and destroy those that remain—those we love most? All outcomes end the same, Steve. I am willing to leave this Equestria without pain and without fear. Those ponies below us right now deserve a better end than being torn apart by things they could never understand.” She took a step towards me. “I would rather have a choice in the matter, instead of grieving over those we’ve lost until my own time comes. I do not view this as death. I will be Luna again, as she was supposed to be. And I believe a part of this Luna will live on after all is said and done and embrace her sister like she never had before.”

I sighed. “And Sombra dies and nobody cares.”

You will care, will you not?”

“I—”

A single raindrop fell on my head. I looked up and was instantly drenched by a blanket of rain. I chuckled despite shivering.

“Decide to add some rain to your night, Luna?”

My chuckles died as Luna’s soft expression hardened again, her eyes scanning the pitch black distance ahead of us. A bolt of white lightning divided the dark, crashing into the dirt close to the tracks. What followed this wasn’t a boom of thunder, but a piercing roar that made my hair stand on end.

Luna said to me, “You still wish to understand why this world cannot continue to be, Steve?”

I remained silent, as another bolt of lightning crashed down, illuminating the impossibly tall figure in the distance. One of its legs took a step in our direction, rumbling the earth.

Luna spread out her wings. “If we survive the night, maybe you will.”

Author's Note:

Now I know who I've become. Willy Wonka! I've tricked a bunch of innocent readers with the promise of comedy and lazy Sombra-related antics, only to shove them all on a boat and down a scary tunnel, never to escape!