This story is more like rated PG
for they subject matter, and some scene that are a bit.. you know
Shod I put E or T
P.S. If you are going to dislike my story, leave a comment/reason why.
Male OR Female. All ponies are giving one of them at birth, BUT Bent-G. is not like the other ponies, Bent-G. has something more.
If you thumb down this story, please tell me why so that I can fix my story
If you have any objections with the story, just share them with me and I'll do my best to resolve your issue!
1. Tell me why you think it sucks.
2. Say what you think could be done to improve.
Proofread/Editer by izzyo816, Nate Buhler and Randy Peeters great and powerful spike
Midnight Moon
Panicing_in_pain
p.s. Can someone please be my editor?
ReaderReads
p.s. If some-brony can please make a image of Bent-G. in his/her room, for my story I would rely love this, here how Bent-G. look want older
ART BY Keriwi1
Deviant-Art
also shod I add the tag Drama and/or Mystery ?
p.s. note to self put this in genderqueer bronies Transgender Bronies
LGBT
Intactivism & Genital Integrity
when done
Okay, so here's my edits for this story.
You should never use these in a story. I suggest finding another way to tell your readers that they are unicorns.
Should be set like this: My parents frowned. “How long do we have to make our choice?"
Other than that, this is pretty well done. I'll go have a look at the next chapter.
(Also, This looks like it could be fun, but I'm not sure how well this will go over. A lot of people will claim Sexist if/when you chose its final sex.)
Should be in the Author's note.
Capitalize the J and figure out a way for xem to say it out loud.
Is will a person? If so, the first letter should be capitalized and a comma should be right before him. Otherwise, what are you talking about?
Again with the will. Is it the father's name? Newspaper, not news-paper.
Still, not steel. found out, not found-out.
I guess this works, but I really wouldn't do it. Just get rid of the book entirely. Have them tell xem the hug thing. You could actually probably stretch this out and have him ask around town. That would probably end badly, but be a bit of fun to read.
I honestly can't tell you what I see wrong with this. It just feels wrong. Maybe it's a little rushed. I think it is going a little fast. Quit using these (-) you should never use these unless your character is reading something that has those symbols on it.
That's everything I can see. I hope this helped
6916777
Ok, I'll jest have them levitate and use magic.
p.s. The Earth-pony doctor that to !?
Can, thanks
That is life.
6916822
it is.
Ops, I meant
", well eating some imaginary-cake. I avoided stepping on my set of dolls that were lined-up for war."
will, well. I for get.
sorry.
The book comes to play a bit more, later in the story, like xyr teen-years, and ...
Before the parents’ friends knocks !?
To who ?
So, I should go more slowly !?
p.s. If you think this is fast, look at this
P.S. Can you see that/this ?
Do you want the Google-Doc ?
6917119 Yeah that would work.
Welcome
Yep
Don't think I saw it
Alright then
It's alright
Same as previous
Alright then, just phrase it a little better. I didn't get the book until I was thirteen
Never mind then
Just anyone in town. Maybe Berry Punch?
yeah, stretch it out a little bit. Otherwise, the story moves too fast and people start to lose interest
I don't really want the Google Doc. It asks me for my gmail and I don't wanna give that out.
6950588
ok
it's ok
thanks
What do you mean ?
ok, and ?
why ? I'm thinking of changing that part
About the hug or what gender xe is ?
ok, your rite
ok, sorry.
Same as previous answer
I mean, just bring it in a little better than just his mother and father telling him at five years old. If you remember, when you first find out about all that stuff, you lose your childhood forever. So maybe have Cheerlie or someone else bring it up? Or give a really good reason for them to tell xem early.
Have xem ask Berry about the talk in general.
6950916 P.S. Can you please use the [quote ][/ quote] please
And what answer was that ?
But they didn't. They were going 2 do the stork-story
I learned how babies were made when I was.. 7
ok, I'll have Cheerlie do that.
p.s. What other pony ?
Xe asked, and they want 2 ask what gender xe wants
You see them as friends ?
It's alright
Then why did they bring out the book?
Wow... Guess I got lucky then...
Maybe... (If this was a random fic, I would say Celestia or Discord) Twilight?
That works, I guess...
Naw, but Berry Punch is best pony, so I try to suggest her every time.
gtg
6951011
What is alright ?
They were going to tell xem that xe is intersex, and ask what gender does xe want
To show xem what a filly look like and what does a colt looks like
What do you mean and why ?
Why them ?
a, ok
P.S. Can you please use the [quote ][/ quote] please
Never mind.
Okay, that makes sense.
I managed to make it through 13 years of my life without knowing about the birds and the bees.
Because it would be funny.
6953973
ok
ya
And you didn't know what why you dad was loling at the kid-movie
ok
When you're a kid, you don't question that kind of stuff. You just enjoy the fact that your parents enjoy a movie as much as you do.
6954007 But I knew why they were loling
6954079 I guess we had different childhoods growing up then.
6954088 ya
that's a very good prologue that you've wrote.
that's a very good first chapter that you've wrote.
7153325 7153358 Thanks
7154104 you're welcome.
7156670 U 2 !
7157309 * I give niclove a highfive.*
7158599 Thanks ! :D
7158600 you're welcome.
so how are you?
7159991 ... good
7159999 that sounds really great to hear.
7160107 Ya.
p.s. can we have this chat in the PM
7160110 that we can.
Great story so far, I love that you put Doctor whooves in the chapter.
I hope you continue the story. If you need an editor just message me.
7487931 Thanks will do
Perhaps you should check out ISNA (Intersex Society of North America). Unfortunately, intersexuals (children with ambiguous genitals) were viewed as freaks and given surgeries at birth to normalize the appearance of their genitals as either male or female. These surgeries left them without sexual sensation or function because the doctors felt that these freaks should never have sex. They have a 50%/50% chance of not identifying as the sex chosen for them at birth. These abuses make me sick to my stomach.
Coincidently, I am an intactivists (one opposing medically unnecessary sexual genital mutilation of the genitals of minors, whether they are boys, intersexed, or girls. I happen to have a group devoted to this:
Intactivism & Genital Integrity
8643892
You think I should put my story in that group ?
now ?
This is potentially an important story. It shines light on the issues associated with the intersexed.
8643918
ok, thanks
p.s. Do you want to help me with my story
make it better, make sure that everything is correct.
8643924
Sure, but it is pretty good already.
8643914
Sure, the story can go into the group.
8643931Yes, thanks,
but make sure that I get every think rite about intersex.
8643936
now, or when it's done ?
8643944
I can help with the story. As an example, most cases have genitals intermediate between male and female, but it is possible to have a case like Bent-G with both male and female genitalia.
You can add the story whenever you feel comfortable to the group. You can also make a thread in the forum asking for help if you want.
8643978
What do you think ?
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/814257/the-meaning-of-g
how did you manage this result?
Isn't the word "Foal" here since they are Ponies?
Guess I figured why this is so divicive here.
Though it is interesting, to let the foal have a say in the matter.
Feels like it is wasting words here
should have been easy to edit out?
Most of the story seems fine, but then you miss the entire Point of Paragraphs here.
I stil want to follow the foal, desiding what to do and who to be.
Will you make the choice, or leave it as is?
Though I guess this choice may be the cause of the Hiatus in the first place.
Then again, you could make a sequal for each option before you. I assume this isn't about naming one gender better or more important than the other here!
I enjoy the notion of the same sex couples being mentioned, as well. In context, I guess that just had to be said.
11873082
What do you mean ?
you're rite, I'll change that
thanks
Why not,
it's their life
11873084
Do you want to be my Editer ?
11873096
Thanks
it's mostly because I was/am helping a friend out with Their story
and trying to find a way to introdus
MoonRacer
Kirouac
FlashTruth
Farmer
and everything else that are part of the sequal(S)
11873390
the "Paragraph" is all Jumbled and messed up..
You're quite welcome, just happy to help
Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that your story ends up divicive,
or you have to give up a perfectly fine and wholy enjoyable story
couldn't have that, now could we?
Now I/We just have to wait and see if your foal will choose?
From where I stand, you have four options available;
You can stand as you are, go female/male or neither?
Though I think this is up to Ben(t)-G to choose! (which the fun in the story)
11873394
If ytou do continue the story, I guess I could consider+
How is the story going?
I hope it is going well..
Sequel(s)
of what?
11873514
do you want to help me edit this ?
I already know how the story ends
and how and why it goes their
bit I need to find a way to set up the sequal(S)
11873516
Thanks
do you have Discord ?
Look for yourself
- MLP: FiM
- Adventure
- Slice of Life
how would the story have been different if the mane 6 wereN'T 100% ponies- MLP: FiM
- Adventure
- Comedy
- Slice of Life
a group of O.C. goes to a party at a funeral and get more than they bargained forhttps://www.fimfiction.net/user/335543/Light+Heart101/stories?page=2
of this story !