• Member Since 15th Feb, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

NicLove


E

This story is more like rated PG
for they subject matter, and some scene that are a bit.. you know

Shod I put E or T
P.S. If you are going to dislike my story, leave a comment/reason why.

Male OR Female. All ponies are giving one of them at birth, BUT Bent-G. is not like the other ponies, Bent-G. has something more.

If you thumb down this story, please tell me why so that I can fix my story
If you have any objections with the story, just share them with me and I'll do my best to resolve your issue!
1. Tell me why you think it sucks.
2. Say what you think could be done to improve.


Proofread/Editer by izzyo816, Nate Buhler and Randy Peeters great and powerful spike

Midnight Moon

Panicing_in_pain

p.s. Can someone please be my editor?
ReaderReads

p.s. If some-brony can please make a image of Bent-G. in his/her room, for my story I would rely love this, here how Bent-G. look want older
ART BY Keriwi1
Deviant-Art

also shod I add the tag Drama and/or Mystery ?

p.s. note to self put this in genderqueer bronies Transgender Bronies
LGBT
Intactivism & Genital Integrity
when done

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 38 )

Okay, so here's my edits for this story.

(both unicorns)

You should never use these in a story. I suggest finding another way to tell your readers that they are unicorns.

My parents frowned.
“How long do we have to make our choice?”

Should be set like this: My parents frowned. “How long do we have to make our choice?"

Other than that, this is pretty well done. I'll go have a look at the next chapter.
(Also, This looks like it could be fun, but I'm not sure how well this will go over. A lot of people will claim Sexist if/when you chose its final sex.)

P.S.
xe = he/she
xem = him/her
xyr = his/her
xyrself/xemself = hisself/herself/himself

Should be in the Author's note.

just 2 more months before my 5th birthday!

Capitalize the J and figure out a way for xem to say it out loud.

will eating some imaginary-cake. I avoided stepping on my set of dolls that were lined-up for war.

Is will a person? If so, the first letter should be capitalized and a comma should be right before him. Otherwise, what are you talking about?

will my dad was reading the news-paper.

Again with the will. Is it the father's name? Newspaper, not news-paper.

I could steel remember the day that I found-out

Still, not steel. found out, not found-out.

“the Phoenixes and the Manticores (the Birds and the Bees)”

I guess this works, but I really wouldn't do it. Just get rid of the book entirely. Have them tell xem the hug thing. You could actually probably stretch this out and have him ask around town. That would probably end badly, but be a bit of fun to read.

Before I could ask if I was a mare or a stallion somepony at the door knocked. My parents went to open it. It was one of my parents’ friends; they went and chatted in the kitchen leaving me on the couch. Starting to get bored, I took the book of “The Phoenixes and the Manticores” and went to my room. I sat on my bed and started reading the book.
I found out really quickly that the book wasn’t about animals, the book was about an event called puberty, where a filly becomes a mare and a colt becomes a stallion. I was now more curious—was I going to grow-up into a mare or into a stallion? I flipped to a page that had a growth-chart. On the right side of the growth-chart there was the average body of a grown mare and a grown stallion with transparent wings and horns. What they were showing made me uncomfortable, showing parts of the body that most-pony keeps to them self and their doctor. But based on what it said above the chart made sense why they would be showing that, yet still I didn’t like to picture that that’s how my parents most-likely look liked. There was something off about those pony’s’ body parts, some-thing that I couldn’t put my hoof on. I shrugged it off and looked at the other part of the growth-chart, on the left side of the growth-chart there was the average body of both foal of my age also with transparent wings and horns. I looked at myself in my mirror, my face looking like a mix of a filly’s and a colt’s. I looked at the rest of my body confused; my hooves looked like they were between the ones of the filly’s and colt’s. I continued with the rest of my body, the same results came. I was even more confused now; I knew some-stallions that had a body-figure that made them look like a mares and mares that were bulky making them look like a stallion, but even though those ponies were like that, I could still tell what gender they were. Yet I couldn’t tell what gender I was. Then I noticed the parts between the legs of the two folds. Perplexed, I went to the door, close and looked it, walked to my mirror, and removed my clothes. Levitating the book with my magic, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was pretty sure that I have both of them. I opened my legs up…I was right. It’s at this point that I finally realized, “I’m both…” I started to cry.

I honestly can't tell you what I see wrong with this. It just feels wrong. Maybe it's a little rushed. I think it is going a little fast. Quit using these (-) you should never use these unless your character is reading something that has those symbols on it.
That's everything I can see. I hope this helped :pinkiehappy:

6916777

You should never use these in a story. I suggest finding another way to tell your readers that they are unicorns.

Ok, I'll jest have them levitate and use magic.
p.s. The Earth-pony doctor that to !?

Should be set like this: My parents frowned. “How long do we have to make our choice?"

Can, thanks

A lot of people will claim Sexist if/when you chose its final sex.

That is life.


6916822

Should be in the Author's note.

it is.

Is will a person? If so, the first letter should be capitalized and a comma should be right before him. Otherwise, what are you talking about?

Ops, I meant
", well eating some imaginary-cake. I avoided stepping on my set of dolls that were lined-up for war."

Again with the will. Is it the father's name? Newspaper, not news-paper.

will, well. I for get. :ajsleepy:

Still, not steel. found out, not found-out.

sorry.

I guess this works, but I really wouldn't do it. Just get rid of the book entirely..

The book comes to play a bit more, later in the story, like xyr teen-years, and ...

Have them tell xem the hug thing.

Before the parents’ friends knocks !?

You could actually probably stretch this out and have him ask around town. That would probably end badly, but be a bit of fun to read.

To who ?

I honestly can't tell you what I see wrong with this. It just feels wrong. Maybe it's a little rushed. I think it is going a little fast. Quit using these (-) you should never use these unless your character is reading something that has those symbols on it.
That's everything I can see. I hope this helped :pinkiehappy:

So, I should go more slowly !?
p.s. If you think this is fast, look at this

P.S. Can you see that/this ?

Your story failed moderation. The reason given was: Looks better, but your spacing/formatting is still a bit off. For the sake of readability, please either manually double-space all of your completed lines of dialogue and paragraphs of narration or tab indent them. This story is an example of perfect formatting as described above. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/108555/x-is-a-changeling There is an option in the Edit Chapter menu marked indent paragraphs. This will solve this issue.

Do you want the Google-Doc ?

6917119 Yeah that would work.
Welcome
Yep
Don't think I saw it
Alright then
It's alright
Same as previous
Alright then, just phrase it a little better. I didn't get the book until I was thirteen
Never mind then
Just anyone in town. Maybe Berry Punch? :rainbowhuh:
yeah, stretch it out a little bit. Otherwise, the story moves too fast and people start to lose interest
I don't really want the Google Doc. It asks me for my gmail and I don't wanna give that out.

6950588

Yeah that would work.

ok

Welcome

:pinkiehappy:

Yep

:twilightsheepish:

Don't think I saw it

it's ok

Alright then

:twilightsmile:

It's alright

thanks

Same as previous

What do you mean ?

Alright then, just phrase it a little better.

:rainbowhuh: what is not phrase well ?

I didn't get the book until I was thirteen

ok, and ?

Never mind then

why ? I'm thinking of changing that part

Just anyone in town. Maybe Berry Punch?

About the hug or what gender xe is ?

yeah, stretch it out a little bit. Otherwise, the story moves too fast and people start to lose interest

ok, your rite

I don't really want the Google Doc. It asks me for my gmail and I don't wanna give that out.

ok, sorry.

Same as previous answer
I mean, just bring it in a little better than just his mother and father telling him at five years old. If you remember, when you first find out about all that stuff, you lose your childhood forever. So maybe have Cheerlie or someone else bring it up? Or give a really good reason for them to tell xem early.
Have xem ask Berry about the talk in general.

6950916 P.S. Can you please use the [quote ][/ quote] please

Same as previous answer

And what answer was that ?

I mean, just bring it in a little better than just his mother and father telling him at five years old.

But they didn't. They were going 2 do the stork-story

If you remember, when you first find out about all that stuff, you lose your childhood forever.

I learned how babies were made when I was.. 7

So maybe have Cheerlie or someone else bring it up?

ok, I'll have Cheerlie do that.
p.s. What other pony ?

Or give a really good reason for them to tell xem early.

Xe asked, and they want 2 ask what gender xe wants

Have xem ask Berry about the talk in general.

You see them as friends ?

It's alright
Then why did they bring out the book?
Wow... Guess I got lucky then...
Maybe... (If this was a random fic, I would say Celestia or Discord) Twilight?
That works, I guess...
Naw, but Berry Punch is best pony, so I try to suggest her every time.
gtg

6951011

It's alright

What is alright ?

Then why did they bring out the book?

They were going to tell xem that xe is intersex, and ask what gender does xe want
To show xem what a filly look like and what does a colt looks like

Wow... Guess I got lucky then...

What do you mean and why ?

Maybe... (If this was a random fic, I would say Celestia or Discord) Twilight?

Why them ?

Naw, but Berry Punch is best pony, so I try to suggest her every time.

a, ok

P.S. Can you please use the [quote ][/ quote] please

What is alright ?

Never mind.

They were going to tell xem that xe is intersex, and ask what gender does xe want
To show xem what a filly look like and what does a colt looks like

Okay, that makes sense.

What do you mean and why ?

I managed to make it through 13 years of my life without knowing about the birds and the bees.

Why them?

Because it would be funny.

6953973

Never mind.

ok

Okay, that makes sense.

ya

I managed to make it through 13 years of my life without knowing about the birds and the bees.

And you didn't know what why you dad was loling at the kid-movie

Because it would be funny.

ok

And you didn't know what why you dad was loling at the kid-movie

When you're a kid, you don't question that kind of stuff. You just enjoy the fact that your parents enjoy a movie as much as you do.

6954007 But I knew why they were loling

6954079 I guess we had different childhoods growing up then.

that's a very good prologue that you've wrote.

that's a very good first chapter that you've wrote.

7158600 you're welcome.
so how are you?

7159999 that sounds really great to hear.

7160107 Ya.

p.s. can we have this chat in the PM

Great story so far, I love that you put Doctor whooves in the chapter.:pinkiehappy: I hope you continue the story. If you need an editor just message me.

Perhaps you should check out ISNA (Intersex Society of North America). Unfortunately, intersexuals (children with ambiguous genitals) were viewed as freaks and given surgeries at birth to normalize the appearance of their genitals as either male or female. These surgeries left them without sexual sensation or function because the doctors felt that these freaks should never have sex. They have a 50%/50% chance of not identifying as the sex chosen for them at birth. These abuses make me sick to my stomach.

Coincidently, I am an intactivists (one opposing medically unnecessary sexual genital mutilation of the genitals of minors, whether they are boys, intersexed, or girls. I happen to have a group devoted to this:

Intactivism & Genital Integrity

8643892
You think I should put my story in that group ?
now ?

This is potentially an important story. It shines light on the issues associated with the intersexed.

8643918
ok, thanks

p.s. Do you want to help me with my story
make it better, make sure that everything is correct.

8643924

Sure, but it is pretty good already.

8643914

Sure, the story can go into the group.

8643931Yes, thanks,
but make sure that I get every think rite about intersex.



8643936
now, or when it's done ?

8643944

I can help with the story. As an example, most cases have genitals intermediate between male and female, but it is possible to have a case like Bent-G with both male and female genitalia.

You can add the story whenever you feel comfortable to the group. You can also make a thread in the forum asking for help if you want.

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