Prologue
*1 week after KHDDD 3D AKA Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance 3D*
“It has been a week already”. Sora thought to himself. After he found out he would not be deemed a keyblade master, that honor would go to Riku, he decided that for nostalgia’s sake he would go on the gummi ship to explore more worlds for keyholes to lock. He brought Goofy and Donald along to help and they honestly didn’t have anything better to do so they were fine with it.
”Hey we’ve found a keyhole Sora. ”Chip and Dale said in unison.
”That means we found another world.” said Sora.
”Well let’s go!”
“Yeah!” said Donald, Goofy, Chip, and Dale in a cheerful unison. After flying through an asteroid belt fighting off a ship controlled by someone who called themselves the Flying Dutchman and Crew and Killing a giant Flying snake by (don’t ask) -ing it through its (don’t ask). When they finally arrived Chip spoke up, “Hmmm, It appears we've arrived at a human world it looks very city-like but not as advanced as the other ones like they Radiant Garden, it says the year is 1993 currently”.
”Hmm that’s 7 years younger than the Radiant Garden actually, according to what the statistics say”.
Dale spoke up next, "The inflated area on this world is a pizzeria from what i can see, oh boy Sora, Donald, Goofy looks like you get free pizza. "I wish i could go with ya, but me and Chip need to monitor the ship, could you bring us back some?”
”Sure.”
”Yay, thanks sora”.
"Well, beam us down Chippy.”
”Don’t make that a habit Sora, please.”
”Ok Chippy”. Chip sighed at this and sent them on to the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the pizzeria. "Alright it’s 11:00 p.m., it means i have plenty of time to settle in before those damn animatronics start up” said mike grumpily. He’d been working at this pizzeria for a whole month and knew tonight wouldn’t be any easier than the other 31 days of January hell. "It's okay Mikey remember you're doing this for Doll." Unbeknownst to him a blue aura had appeared in the left hall and was slowly but surely forming as 3 figures hit the floor. And unbeknownst to everyone their was a particularly important piece of paper on the floor of the supply closet and the door was already open. Mike heard the figures footsteps but because everything he met in the pizzeria before has tried to kill him he decided not to look at what it was. And he definitely wasn't leaving his post, his boss did this weird thing where he checked his butt print in the seat every time his shift ended. The only reason he knew this was because he caught his boss doing it the other day when he was particularly tired one morning and saw his boss doin it, he can remember how awkward that was. "Uh hey boss I'm going home".
"Alright mike see ya tomorrow" he said as he walked over to look at the seat.
"See ya.......uhhhhhh...." mike said as he turned around to see his boss looking at his seat. "What are you doing, boss?"
"Just checking to see if you were really here your whole shift". He said with uncertainty, as if he didn't trust mike.
"Of course I was here, where else would I have gone, you lock the place up every night."
"You could have gone anywhere in here, for all I know you could be the one banging around in the kitchen every night."
"Unbelievable." He thought. "Wait a minute you don't live in here so how do you know about that?"
"From past night guards plus I barely scrounged up enough money to implant a couple of things throughout ghe building to hear what happens in here."
Mike grimaced That explains the occasional hearable buzz in the office, I think I'll stop asking questions now. He thought.
Yep most awkward moment working here ever. But hey I've worked here 66 weeks and earned 8,000 dollars. 120 more weeks and I'll be able to afford that ring for doll. He thought.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Meanwhile~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the Crystal Library. Twilight had been busy today especially so far she had checked out and in 85 books in total and judging from the pace she would have checked in and out 100 books by the end of the day, though to her surprise she seemed to be checking out the last of the books right now, so checked in and out books total is 86, huh i guess even numbers was going to be a thing now maybe, it’d be better organized if it that’s what ended up happening.
“Well it seems like we’re done for the day spike she said to the exhausted dragon as Carrot Top left with a book called “How to Make Carrots Turn Different Colors” she said she was going to see if people wanted specific colored carrots. She looked back at spike she couldn’t blame him for being tired he had been writing everything down and carrying the papers back and forth all day, meanwhile she just gave him books to put back on the shelves got the books he got and gave them to the person requesting that particular book and stamping each sheet given for the borrowing of said book, and he had been writing so much his hand was bit more red than normal.
“Is your claw okay spike? she asked him in a way that was a little curious with genuine concern mixed in.
“I’m fine Twilight i just need an ice pack from Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy and it’ll be good”.
“Well it appears to be 5:00 p.m. now i’ll go check to see if everything is in its proper place see ya in a bit spike.”
”Alright i’m going to Fluttershy’s cottage for that icepack”. Little did they know that in a week's time everything would be anything but normalor calm for that matter. And as Spike started trekking towards Fluttershy's cottage, something happened that's never happened ever before in Twilight's life. She felt........a....magic..disturbance this, she thought meant one of two things. Either A: The magic disturbance was sl strong she was able to feel it, or B: It was a normal magic disturbance that she just happened to have been felt by her and maybe discord. Whom did feel it actually causing him to go noodle discord in the middle of helping fluttershy, she asked if he was alright and since the disturbance hadn't caused anything particularly bad at the current moment and he didn't want her worrying he said he was fine with a smile and started helping her again. And though discord and twilight didn't know that they both felt the magic disturbance much less know that they felt it at the same time, but what they did both know is that unlike most magic disturbances they were able to read that it would happen in a week's time.
In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time. In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time. Plus I have school sooooooooo yeah. Remember my acronym trust me you’ll see why. Also sorry if this is a bit much like i’ve already said i have not written a story before. And feel free to point out any issues in grammar, format, characterization, or anything else. Just don’t point out things that are unimportant or not worth bothering with like for instance why did i leave this here instead of saying it in the comments. The answer is because i wanted to do it like this plus you’re more likely to read it if it’s here. Also though it may seem weird not everything will be covered in the story about 4 or 5 things i will tell about in the comments. If you are wondering how i came up with this story i just thought it up and thought it'd be a great idea to turn it into a story. The people that will be helping me with this story are BeWhoUr, Dash_Into_Writing, Jazzie366, their great people for agreeing to help me and if they're reading this i'd like to say thank you. Also you should check them out their pretty great people and they're definitely nice. Also the FNAF universe i am using belongs to Rebornica i do not claim to own any of the characters of hers while the game universe in general belongs to Scott Cawthon I do not claim any of either of their things i published this out of drive and wanting to see what i can do. Also it would appreciated if you can tell me if I'm overdoing it. I'm just so nervous this really is the first story I've come up with and written, ever. In case anyone's wondering I made this chapter in google docs. And I almost forgot to mention if by some miracle you people like this and want more, I'm sorry to say their is no schedule so you may get it this month or in a year and a half it depends on how well I manage my time.
Achievement unlocked: u wrote the prologue to a story and are practically about to have a aneurysm from it.
P.S I feel like I accidentally repeated some things can you tell me if that's true in the comments. '-_-
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 8.9k views
- Kit-San · 68k words · 87 6 · 4.1k views
- TheGoldenDragon · 63k words · 488 39 · 13k views
- Mega NewWays97 · 23k words · 647 68 · 26k views
- jamesofearth2 · 5.9k words · 99 10 · 3.8k views
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- J-90 · 74k words · 784 47 · 12k views
- Amarvax · 4.5m words · 374 52 · 23k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.074 seconds
Total duration
669 users online
990,128 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I want to have a vote on the story progression. 1 for if you're patient enough to let me go into all the depth with the fnaf world. 2 if you have to have ponies in every chapter no matter what.
Igmore the second author's note I don't know how it happened or how to fix it. '-_-
Note this is my first story, also don't be shy to comment.
If I may inquire, why won't anyone comment on the story?`-_-
Uh, first tip, cut the title short and avoide the jumble of Capital letters with no implied reason.
Second, put this sidenote after the summary, it isn't about the story and the premise, is it?
Third, Paragraphs, please use them, instead of the wall of text in a sollid block, thanks.
Are these names for Human characters?
Explain the Verse in a bit more details, preferably after the Mane summary?
For the final note; you need a really big RoseLuck, or how ever she is spelling the name again?
Edit: At least the first chapter is the size I can enjoy reading. Past experience makes me move past stories with long chapters.
5646662 Are they Ponies or Human form, or will that depend on the scne as the story progresses? I prefer to keep the form and origin linked to the logic of the story, not the other way around.
5665033 How do you meen? Authors note is with the chapters, either before or after. If I get this right, it is something linked to you updating the chapter.
5666523 In my book, Fluttershy has Monopolized the term shy, and the effects coming with it. I hope I don't go down the way Pinkie Pie did in Filly Vanilly here *giggles* just in case you did see that episode, if not, you missed out seriously. *tease tease*
5666684 You may. There is a chance, or risk it is connected to your numerous short comments, or they merely are lazy bums?
Either way, I just changed this problem. Even if it is just the one and only you ever got?
Edit: Yikes, that was harsh; Five Niegh, but no comment as to why. That is downright rude.
Ps: Seems the coment hasn't changed anything yet. The summary looks identical to what it was when I dropped in, though. Maybe things changes, when the summary changes?
Don't do this.
You're welcome.
First, get a real title. This one is long and unwieldy and starts with a nonsensical abbreviation.
Second, your first story probably shouldn't be a crossover, and it definitely shouldn't be a multiple-element crossover. Stick with two franchies: MLP and one other thing.
Third, the best one of any "tips or tricks to writing a story" is to read a lot of stories. The more you read, the more you learn.
First off: Why, in God's good name, would you try make a triple crossover as your first story? That is the equivalent to wanting to learn to cook, and deciding to make a souffle...
Start smaller, a lot smaller. Try making a simple Slice of Life story as a start. If your insistent on making a crossover, then just pick a favorite character from another show or game. Please, just do something easier than This!
Most Good authors would fine a triple crossover difficult, let alone trying to do one as a first story. By doing this, you've set yourself up for failure. Read the works of brilliant authors that have been on this for a good amount time, then decide what you want to do, if you even want to do anything.
All I know for sure is that this was a very bad idea, and the responses you will get, will not be as constructive, nor as helpful as I was in this comment.
I hope you listen to me, but if you choose to see me as just another "hater", then I can't stop you. All I can do is hope.
Have a Blessed day, young Author.
5667511
5667604 I've read many stories but a first story is still just that "THE FIRST STORY"
. But I appreciate your concern and I will note that.
5667511
5667604 First off I've read a lot of stories, but my first story is just that my "FIRST STORY"
. Though I do appreciate you trying to help and I'll note what you told me.
5667697 I see what you're trying to say and besides Ponyess you've been the most helpful person to comment on here. Second I'm collaborating on this with BeWhoUr, Jazzie366, and kind of Ponyess. Third I said this was my first story didn't I? It's my first story EVER. Fourth I may put this on hiatus or finish this and rewrite it later down the road, and I will make sure to fix the glaring issues like the title. Fifth this is gonna have a sequel so this isn't the last of it
. And sixth either while on hiatus if I put this on hiatus or because I can I will write a strict comedy story with maybe just a little bit of slice of life.
5667604 My first story was a crossover, and it has gone fairly well.
The title was already cringe-worthy, and the description was hard to get through, but I'll read anyway.
5667856
Oh and not trying to be that guy but, this (Rainbows in the Sky) was my friend's Man on the Moon's first story and he's still getting positive feedback, My point is, it was your "first story" isn't an excuse. Try to work on your skills.
5667923
There are always exceptions. But generally speaking, a crossover is a poor starting point.
5668636 *Sigh* I guess you have a point.
5668235
5668737
? Why's that?
Okay. Speaking as someone who's written pony words, enjoys Freddy's lore, and has at least some vested interest in Kingdom Hearts...
If I may steal a quote from Captain America, "Son... just don't."
5669396 Crossovers require in-depth knowledge of not only the Mlp ponies, but the person you send to meet them. It is even harder to send ponies to another world, because you must know how they would react to anything and everything around them.
Same goes for bring a person from... Let's say, Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars into Equestria. You, the writer, would have to know how he would react to the world of Mlp. And that knowledge is not easy to obtain.
Overall, crossovers are made difficult due to one word: Reactions.
5670646 Well this story is not coming down any time soon and definitely isn't stopping but it might go on hiatus.
I do have a vote on this story though if you and others could actually vote I may it may not be able to improve it in some areas.
5670776 I am glad your keeping faith in yourself, but remember not to push yourself to hard, and remember to always keep learning.
5670788 I like you.
5670795 Glad to be of assistance to a young Author.
5670802 Glad to here it, cause I'm watching you now.
A crossover is not easy to do but you have guts for doing it. You get a like from me
5679333 Thank you. X3
5679345 Don't let the down votes get you. There are people who will hate just to hate (check pony battle n Spike's quest for power if you want evidence of that). Here's how I see it. It has potential but try to start with one world and work your way up. Crossovers are probably the hardest things to pull off (next to romance). Keep it up and if you have any questions, ask. I'm on a lot so I check my messages frequently. (I'm more active on pony archive/form) anywho good luck.
5680484 eheh
I've read lots of storys and this actually took longer than it should have for me, also I wasn't rushing the beginning from what we know from the kh3 trailer sora was stuck on the island my whole idea happened because in the story he wanted to go explore more worlds, since he has nothing better to do and this is my first story
. But 
you have given me some useful tips and I appreciate that.
Well, you did ask for constructive criticism, so...
I don't know much about story plots and whatnot, so I'll completely leave that stuff out and stick to what I'm good at.
Your grammar needs work. It's not as terrible as a lot of the stories on the website, but it would most certainly be easier to read if the grammar, spelling, formatting, etc. were correct.
The author's note should not be that long; it's almost as long as your story! You say a lot of unnecessary things it it, and you even repeat something twice, word for word.
As for tips:
Don't comment on your own story, unless it's to reply to other comments or other purposes which k very rarely see. That's what the author's box is for, silly!
Listen to the commenters! Seriously, they take their time to comment and help you our a bit. Most people just leave. And don't shove the fact that it's your first story in everyone's faces. You already said it multiple times in your description and author's note. Just thank them, ask any questions if you have them, and use their input to improve your writing.
Crossovers are generally hated on this site. Just saying. I really don't recommend going full-scale crossover on your first story.
That's all I have for now, and I hope I don't sound too harsh. But you did ask for constructive criticism... just sayin'...
5746241 tanks for the advice I will take that to heart.
5746241 could tou tell me what I repeated I may have done a accidental copy and paste I can't find.
5746257
5746265 sorry, I'll get on that.
5746265 fixed.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/3/17/272600.jpg
Congrats I read your fanfic and reviewed it,
http://www.fimfiction.net/group/205663/the-badfic-bin/thread/162518/badfic-review-mlfnakh-reviewer-changelinglumin
mother of god...TRIPLE CROSSOVER...CLUSTERFUCK
5756016
Yep but that won't stop me. Nor will these > 
5756025 dude, that's bold that you intend to keep writing on this, but this story is a cosmic clusterfuck.
5756027 meh.
5756028 I give you a like, just for the shear boldness of this
Also, OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT, WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD People not aware of any of these people people still read this because the encounter will flesh out what these people look like in the next chapter.
5756030 Awesome.
5756033 and a follow, because of YOUR shear boldness
5756034 Thank you ^-^. Also Awesome looking OC.
5756040 Thx
5757349 Your welcome.