"MooooooM!" Love Tap looks down at her son and smiles
"Yes Button what is it?" he looks out the window
"You think i will make any friends in Ponyville?" she smiles with confidence
"I promise you will." he sighs My life was fine until my Dad had to move again now I have to leave my two friends back in Manehatten Prokun and Babs Seed he reaches in his bag and pulls out his Ipony 5 and listens to DJ Pon3, John Pony Legend, Daft Pony, and Octavia then he is interrupted by the beeping of his Neghitendo 3DS it's Prokun he wants to talk I pause my music and plug in my headset in to the 3DS "Hi Button!" said Prokun through the game
"Hi PK what's up?" Prokun looked at him aggravated
"I told you not to call me that!" Button laughs
"Alright anyways what do you want we're about to arrive in Ponyville." Prokun smiles at him
"I finally got Dragon Quest XV: The Quest of Mandlore!" he smiles and Button looked at him with bewilderment
"What! that game cost a fortune!" Prokun smiles and says
"Yeah but I got enough to get it my parents made me get a job because my Dad is going to get a new Job at Ponyville as the Principle for a Middle School and they want to save up to buy a house I think we may move in after the first week of school next to your house we maybe neighbors again!" Button pumps his hoove in the air Love Tap looked at him and thinks Ever since his brother moved to Fillydelphia to go to school Button had become more seclusive and spent most of his time on his video games sometimes until 4 in the morning he was just like his father before I met him
"Button?" she tapped his shoulder and he looks up
"Yes Mom?" he takes one of his ear buds out
"We'er here" button says goodbye and ends the chat and looks out the window Ponyville is a small city compared to Manehatten.
They walk out the train and they are welcomed by Twilight, Apple Jack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie. Twilight walks up to her and hugs her "welcome to Ponyville" Twilight knew Love when she was young she respected her and always tried to be as nice and smart as her she was Valedictorian in her class she noticed Button playing on his Ponystation Vita probably playing a game "Hi Button!" Button didn't look at her and said
"Sup." too busy on his game to care Love Tap hit him on the head they all giggled "Hi everyone..." he didn't care he just wanted this day to be over Love just sighed
"Just like his father." Twilight laughed
"Well let me take you to your house" Once they got in Button unpacked his games and systems from the Pbox one to his prized console the NES he puts his laptop on his desk and put all of his favorite artist posters around his room From Daft Pony to Micheal Ponyson and for the rest of the day he just played games until two in the morning before he had to go to school at eight.
very hard too understand what's happening
It just doesn't feel right to me. Like it's a bit rushed. Keep it to one action per sentence
In that first sentence there are 2 actions. Button's family walking off the train and then them getting greeted. Like I said before don't rush it and use a bit more description this is supposed to be fun for you and your readers.
I understand how you feel the first story is super nerve wreaking
I haven't even submitted mine yet I'm so nervous!
5635615 Go for it ^_^ and if you feel nervous just find a friend who can look it over. But dont let trolls discourage you. Some people are just really shallow and will dislike your stories just because they can. Their failure to do anything but troll is not on you. its on them.
just remember... pinkie cuts all those trolls in their sleep
Nice start, but there are a lot of run-on sentences. You need to use more period's.
I think it's a nice idea and you have a lot of inspiration.....
but.... I recommend to make your chapters A BIT longer and proof read your work beforehand
add small details, grammar, and anything you think is necessary!
I understand how nerve wracking the first story can be.... but trust me... IT GETS EASIER!!
But, i do enjoy the plot line! It just needs a bit more to it, like a cake without icing.
Even if you have a cake with icing, I always enjoy added some sprinkles as well ^w^