The Journey Home (Part 2)
Maybe it was instinct. Maybe because she had more to think about than ever before. Maybe she was just restless.
Gilda sat fully awake at the entrance to the cave they had selected the night before, staring blankly off into the distance. All she could see of the Central Wilds was the dark-cyan carpet of the treetops, shaded by the lack of sunlight. Their cave faced west, but she could imagine a soft glow creeping over the horizon, eventually rising to remove night’s curtain and reveal the verdant green as spring turned to summer.
Imagination aside, it really wasn’t that great of a view. Nothing like Spike’s second cave, which had towered above the forest canopy and displayed miles of land. Not that it mattered. She had too much on her mind to be sightseeing. Empire patrols, Ponyville, Celestia, experiments, annoying ponies, Rainbow Dash. All of them coalesced into a titanic wave, threatening to drown her in doubt and worry.
Just how serious are these patrols in catching us? How long will I be in Ponyville? Should I even be there in the first place? What about the Princess? I’d like to think she wouldn’t just label me as an Empire loyalist, but after what she did to Spike... and the experiment? I don’t even know what the heck it is! Then there’s Dash and her friends. She BETTER not be expecting some lame apology or something stupid like that.
She groaned, holding her head in her claws. A month ago, she would have laughed at the idea of returning to Ponyville. Now, she was willing to fight through Empire troops, confront the princess herself, and even reunite with the same friend who had betrayed her for a bunch of idiots. What had happened?
She released her head and closed her eyes, letting out a deep sigh. The answer was obvious. Spike. She wasn’t sure what to think about that. On one claw, during the time she had spent with him he proved himself a pretty cool dude. Not to mention he did wait a whole week for her to return. On the other claw, she only knew him for two weeks. She had spent years thinking Rainbow Dash was a great friend only for her to blow her off and never even try to contact her again.
Two weeks, and now she was placing everything solely on him. What if he flip-flopped when they got back to Ponyville? What if he slowly faded her out for his old friends? What if he outright disowned her after a single misunderstanding like Dash had done?
Her fond memories of the time she had spent with the dragon began to smother as paranoia and fear blanketed her thoughts. Her breathing quickened as she began to panic. What had she gotten herself into?
And then last night I promised I’d stay with him until he met the princess. Am I that desperate? Maybe today I’ll promise to stay in Ponyville for a few years. Come on! Keep going Gilda! How else can I tie myself down?
She opened her eyes, discovering only a serene peace. Her breaths came in smooth, calm waves and the tension that had racked her body gave way to a relaxed stance. The blanket was lifted from her mind, leaving her thoughts clearer and more confident.
She didn’t mind the promise actually. For once in her life, she had a goal that was her decision. No sergeants had ordered, no boss had told her to, only her. She actually had more freedom than ever before. Not to mention, Spike had also promised her that he would be there when she confronted Dash again.
And if he breaks that promise...?
...But he won’t. I... I trust him.
Trust. A word she had abandoned years ago, ever since her only friend had cast her aside like some old toy. Could she take that again?
Gilda looked back into the cave, knowing Spike was still sleeping soundly. She wondered if he thought the same of her. He had waited a whole week for her to come back right? Had he sat there in his cave, wondering why he had tied himself to some emotionally unstable griffon that might not even ever return?
As long as Spike keeps his promise, I’ll keep mine.
She resumed gazing out at the Central Wilds, her chaotic thoughts still uneasy, but at least settled. Rays of light were now seeping over the cliffside, bringing the flora and fauna of the land to life. Treetops sparkled as they still held their morning dew while an occasional chatter or chirp would sound from the woods. Off in the distance, a flock of birds began the day’s first flight, flying in a formation that appeared oddly familiar.
Wait. That’s the multi-layered dual patrol formation I was taught back in training. Did the army steal it from Central Wilds birds? Or...
Gilda did a double take, squinting her eyes. The formation was fast approaching, growing larger by the second.
Those are too big to be birds.
“Spike!” she called out frantically as she spun around, dashing to the back of the cave. After rounding the corner, the purple dragon came into view, yawning and rubbing his eyes.
“Well aren’t you an early bird,” he said playfully, leaning his head on his left claw “Get it? Because you’re half-”
“No time for jokes! Patrols!” she said quickly.
Spike shot up, following closely behind her as they dashed to the cave’s exit. Gilda halted him with a raised claw before peeking her head out of the entrance.
Shoot. We’re too late.
A patrol of a half-dozen armor-clad griffons circled overhead before touching down in the clearing between the cliff and the forest. Five of them formed into a line facing the cliff while one stepped out, turning back towards the patrol. Unlike the others, this particular griffon’s armor bore three silver stripes down both its helm and body piece.
“Think we can sneak past them?” Spike asked in a whisper as he looked over her shoulder.
Gilda analyzed the patrols before turning back and inspecting her companion.
“No way. They can see us too clearly from here. Not to mention you’re injured, sleepy, and you’re a dragon,” she concluded, returning to gazing out the cave.
“Jeeze. Next time remind me and I’ll wake up as a pegasus or griffon,” he snorted.
“Atennnnnnn-tion!” the leader squawked below, a high-pitched shrill voice signifying her as female. Her squad immediately saluted in respect before returning to an at-ease stance.
“Alright now listen up,” she shouted “You two scouts patrol either side of this cliff and make sure nothing sneaks out! If you see anything suspicious, screech! Everyone else, sweep every single cave starting from the left, working your way right. Be thorough, but be quick! I don’t want to be here all day.”
The squad saluted again before spreading out and assuming their commanded positions. Gilda pushed herself and Spike deeper into the cave as one of the scouts began guarding the clearing below them.
“We still have a bit before they reach us, but we need to think up something quick,” she whispered with a slight hint of panic.
“Right.” Spike nodded, bringing a claw up to his snout “Is it possible to ambush the scout outside our cave and make our escape? The clearing was pretty large so they might not notice in time.”
Gilda thought about it for a moment before stealing another glance outside. “Won’t work, this commander isn’t stupid. She’s watching every member of her squad constantly, so we’d have to do it in the blink of an eye.”
“Dang. What if... what if you left the cave first, got their attention, and then outflew them until I could make my escape? I mean, I don’t want to put you in danger, but...”
“Don’t worry about me.” she waved a claw in the air “As for your plan, I dunno. There are so many things that could go wrong. The captain could send the scouts after me while still leaving the rest of her squad in the area, I could run into another patrol while fleeing, we could end up getting separated long enough to be captured... Spike?”
The dragon was rapping his talons against the side of the cave, eyeing the rock walls and ceiling with a grave expression. Finally, he took a deep breathe and turned back towards her. “I think I can collapse the cave before they reach us.”
Gilda looked at him with horror. “Are you insane??”
“We survived it once,” Spike said with a fierce determination. “We can do it again. It’s either that or capture.”
She recognized this Spike from last night. The one who was overcome by fear. The one who had substituted his sarcastic and humorous approach to life with recklessness and desperation.
“Spike.” She gripped his shoulders firmly and stared him in the eyes “I promised to get you to Ponyville. Not under a pile of rocks. There’s got to be another way.”
He looked away, unable to match her gaze.
“And I promised you too,” he said softly. “Let’s keep thinking.”
Gilda released her grip but kept him in her view as her mind began to try and work out an escape plan.
They were probably told to look for a griffon AND a big purple dragon, not just one or the other. I suppose I could just walk out and strike up a conversation with the captain. It’s common knowledge that some griffons still live in the wild. Still, it would be incredibly suspicious if I told them they couldn’t check my cave.
That was her one obstacle. In reality, Spike was a large neon sign placed above her head that read ‘PLEASE CAPTURE ME’. Without him beside her, she was just a normal every day griffon. The cave’s curving interior would allow the dragon to hide in the very back without being seen from the entrance, so all she had to do was keep them from wanting to explore back any further.
Think Gilda. What could you do to make them not want to search this cave? To make them completely forget about their duties in the first place? Is there something I could say? No, if I said anything too crazy they’d probably just push me aside. Something I could do? Past fighting I can’t think of anything, and six of them would completely overwhelm me. Some way I could look? What am I going to do there, pull silly faces on them? Maybe even...
She laughed mentally.
That’s ridiculous. They’d be thunderstruck. Dumbfounded. They’d.... completely forget about their duties.
No. Absolutely not. It would be degrading. Embarassing. Completely against her character.
But I promised...
No! Why did I even THINK of this idea?
‘As long as Spike keeps his promise, I’ll keep mine.’ Guess you lose huh?
“Spike, back of the cave. Now,” Gilda said with a mix of agitation and disbelief.
“Got a plan?”
“Back. Cave. Now.”
He gave her a curious look but followed behind her. After they had passed the curve so they were hidden from the entrance, Gilda spun around and looked Spike straight in the eyes.
“What happens in the cave, stays in the cave. Got it?” she whispered fiercely.
Spike leaned away from her sudden ferociousness with confusion and fear. “What the heck are you talking about?”
Here’s your chance. You can back out right now and come up with another plan.
“Spike...” Gilda sighed in defeat. “What do you know about preening?”
--
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Trillon gave a loud yawn as he exited yet another empty cave. There was nothing here. No dragons, no manticores, no cerberuses, not even a stray cockatrice.
Can’t believe they woke us up so early just to walk around inside empty holes in some random wall.
“Private Trillon, quit your daydreaming and scout that last cave!” the captain scolded him from below.
“Yes ma’am,” he responded in a bored tone, lazily raising his claws in salute.
He took flight, descending from one of the upper-most caves to a hole that lay slightly beneath the tree line and set aside from the others.
Maybe there’s a fearsome rabbit in this one. The fight of the century.
Touching down within the assigned cave, he immediately ducked into a crouch as a heavy musk filled his nostrils.
Something is in here and I’m pretty sure it isn’t a rabbit.
“Alright, come out with your claws up! This is the Empire’s land now!” he shouted, his echo bouncing down the cave.
The sound of scratching and shuffling answered back, growing louder by the second. As his eyesight began adjust, a silhouette stood out against the darkness. Trillon’s muscles tensed, readying himself to spring forth at a seconds notice.
Finally. Now let’s see what I’m up against here...
--
Oh, even better. It’s a guy. Andune, if you can hear me, please never let me meet these griffons ever again for the rest of my life.
She stepped forward slowly.
Remember Gilda. No matter what he says, you are nothing more than a frightened damsel who’s daily innocent life has been interrupted. Now go!
“H-hello?” she called back, struggling to soften her voice. Combined with her natural sharp tone, it produced a breathless, airy sound, as if she was a wounded animal striving to breathe.
Just what I want.
“W-Who goes there??” the soldier shouted out cautiously, crouching even lower.
This better work.
Gilda entered into the light, only a few paces away from the frightened griffon. The reaction was immediate.
“What the... holy... is this real life?”
Every feather on Gilda’s body curved intricately outward, a thick layer of oil causing any speck of light that hit her to make her shine like a jewel. She put on the most innocent face possible, hoping it would mask the simmering rage that lingered just underneath.
Why don’t you come closer and find out buddy?
“I’m sorry, you wanted my claws up right?” she asked in a scared voice, stretching her talons above her head slowly.
The soldier lost it, starting and stopping sentences in random as sweat began to pour from his armor like rain. Finally he recovered, looking over his shoulder before returning to her.
“L-Look, uh... a beautiful g-griffon such as yourself shouldn’t be... uh... holed up! Yeah, holed up in a c-cave like this!” he exclaimed, his eyes now as big as saucers. “I can uh, take you back to my place. A nice, big, warm comfy apartment! Then you can preen to your hearts content! And uh... maybe I’ll watch...?”
Gilda stared back at him in horror.
Ok now I really am afraid.
“Ah jeeze that must have sounded a little weird huh?”
No shit.
“Ok, well how about-”
“Private Trillon what the hell is going on in there?” the captain screamed from the clearing.
The soldier turned around, panic turning him into a rabid, unthinking animal. “Uh nothing Skrillok! I mean ma’am! I mean captain!”
“Damnit Trillon!” Skrillok cursed in response, her voice growing closer as her scolding continued. “If this is another trick or prank I’m going to have you cleaning out the garrison toilets for the next-... wha- what the hell!?!”
The captain touched down at the entrance to the cave, glancing rapidly between the two griffons. Finally, her eyes settled upon the soldier, flames of rage burning within her pupils.
“Get out of here and wait in the clearing!”
“But I found her! And-”
“That’s an order!!”
He straightened himself, puffing out his chest as if to combat his captain. Overall it was a pathetic site. Skrillok still stood a half-head taller, looking down upon the younger griffon as if he was just an annoying insect ready to be smashed.
He deflated like a ballon, drooping his head and wings. “Ok.”
Before he exited the cave, he turned around to get one last look at Gilda, his eyes full of loss and lust.
“Out!”
“Alright, alright!” the private hung his head as he spread his wings and leapt down into the clearing.
The captain returned to Gilda, looking at her with uncertainty and a hint of amusement. “Can you understand me?”
She nodded.
“Good!” the captain brightened up. “My name is Skrillok. What’s your name?”
Hmmm. Something cute and stupid. How about....
“Fluttershy”
The captain squinted her eyes, and for a moment Gilda feared she had overstepped her boundaries.
“What an interesting name Fluttershy!” she said politely, nodding with a smile. “I want to apologize about Trillon back there walking in on your... private moment.”
“He scares me,” Gilda said shyly, not even having to act.
“You tell me!” Skrillok laughed, shaking her head. “Darn military’s recruiting fledgelings the moment they get out of school, so I can’t blame the kid really. Talks about wanting to fight dragons and manticores but I’m sure he’d pass out the moment he got into combat. Still, bet he never thought to meet his greatest dream and fear while out here on duty!”
“That explains a lot.” Gilda smirked, almost accidentally reverting to her usual self.
“Seriously. Sometimes it feels like I’m a mother more than a captain. Speaking of which...” she turned around, leaning out of the cave. “Area’s cleared! Fall into take-off formation!” turning back around, she held a claw in the air, bowing slightly. “Once again, sorry for the interruption. We’ll leave you in peace.”
“Thank you.” Gilda bowed in return.
“Just one more thing... you haven’t happened to have seen a female griffon and purple dragon together skulking around have you?”
She flinched. “No, sorry.”
Skrillok gave her a worried look as she nodded. “Be careful then. If you do see them, run away. Command tells me they’ve already murdered two small patrols out of cold blood. I don’t know if they’re some kind of wild avengers or anarchists, but if I get my claws on them...”
Gilda’s beak dropped before she quickly closed it again.
You’ve got to be kidding me. Those sons of-
“I’ll be careful,” she reassured the captain.
“I wish you luck. Oh, and by the way,” Skrillok blushed, pointing a claw at Gilda’s right leg, “you missed a spot.”
“Oh! Heh, thanks.”
The captain saluted before departing the cave, her squad taking off after she barked a few orders. As they flew away, one griffon stopped mid-air, as if giving one last longing gaze back at the cave before catching back up to his squad.
So Spike and I are murderers now huh? Who the hell would have such a grudge against us to make up such a stupid lie? Doesn’t matter. Whoever it is just gave me even more of an incentive to get us to Ponyville ASAP.
The squad disappeared behind the treetop horizon, leaving almost no trace they had even touched down in the first place.
Too bad Skrillok is out to capture me. She seemed like a decent person.
“Spike, it’s safe to come out. They’re gone,” Gilda shouted towards the back of the cave.
The dragon came from around the corner, opening and closing his maw while clicking his tongue. “Your feathers taste... strange. Not bad, just weird.”
“Listen here,” Gilda got in front of him, leaning forward so that their faces were inches apart. A single talon pointed at him menacingly “This is a one time thing! Never happening again!” she huffed, trying to pull an angry tone but only coming off as awkward and forced. “And don’t go bragging about this either! If you do, I will find out and I will hunt you down!”
Spike’s eyed widened in shock as he began to stutter. “Uh, yeah? I mean okay. One time thing. No... bragging? Got it.”
Her gaze narrowed, unsure if he understood the gravity of the situation. Finally, she lowered her claw and sighed. “Just... not a word of this beyond you and I got it?”
“Understood,” he said with certainty, having caught on to the seriousness of her plea.
Gilda nodded then walked to the mouth of the cave. “A non-stop flight to Ponyville is going to be hell. Even so, I’d rather arrive sore than not at all.”
“Another endurance flight, right after yesterday’s. Should be easy,” Spike quipped sarcastically as he joined her side.
“So what’s the bet going to be?” she asked with a small chuckle as she looked from the wilderness to her friend. “First one to land kisses the Princess when we get back? Has to explain why we look like a couple of beaten-up stray cats?”
The dragon laughed and met her eyes. Instead of the cocky, comedic grin she had been expecting, he wore a soft yet determined smile that reflected trust and warmth instead of conflict and competition. “No bets,” he said, mimicking the same balled claw he had made the night before. “Just our promises we made to each other.”
Her doubts and fears of trusting him surfaced in her thoughts again, causing her to hesitate.
No. I can’t do this now. We have to avoid these patrols, have to get to Ponyville, to safety...
“Spike.”
He raised an eyebrow, his claw still hanging in thin air awkwardly.
“You trust me?”
“Do I have any reason not to?” he asked, withdrawing slightly.
“Hello!” Gilda threw her claws up. “Abandoned you at the first sign of conflict? Got you wrapped up in all of this Empire crap? Almost killed you? Honestly, you must be extremely naive or have a head injury!”
She was breathing heavily, her preened feathers now puffed out and already returning back to their usual messy state. To her frustration, Spike’s smile only grew wider after her outburst.
“I know you won’t believe it, but it was partially my fault that you left.”
Well he’s right about the ‘not believing’ part.
“Really, it was shallow of me to think that you would just throw away your whole life to come with me to Ponyville. I should have talked to you about it. Instead, now I’ve gotten you into a situation where you have to go.”
“Oh come on!” she cried, trying to block out his words of reason. “I chose to come back. It was my decision.”
“And like I said before, I chose to stay and wait for you.”
Damn.
“As for the brain damage, I thought that was common knowledge between us?” he asked, his whole body relaxing.
He’s in complete control and he knows it. How can he be so... lighthearted? Goofy? While still being able to calmly sweep away everything I’ve done to him?
“Hey, what about the whole killing you part?” Gilda said, hoping to trounce his argument in her own morbid way.
He grimaced and for a moment she thought he had been defeated.
“I don’t recall any such thing,” he tapped a claw to his chin. “All I remember is the first promise two friends made to each other.”
Gilda closed her eyes as she recalled their fateful encounter over two weeks ago.
‘The dragon extended his claw once more. “How about you let me go, and we forget about the fight?”’
‘She took his claw in hers, giving it a firm shake. “You got yourself a deal.”’
Well technically it was a deal not a promise...
Shut up.
“I just want to say...” she took a heavy breath. “I trust you Spike and to be honest it kind of worries me.”
For a moment he was taken aback only to recover a second later. “Was it something I did?”
“No,” she said swiftly. “It’s that I’ve only known you for two weeks and I’m already fighting patrols and going back to Ponyville and Andune knows what else.”
His face contorted, as if trying to find a solution to some unsolvable anomaly. “Hmmm... is there anything I can do to help? You know, besides spending another few months together in this cave.”
Gilda simply lifted a balled claw, returning the warm, trusting smile he had given her only a few minutes before. “Just don’t let me down and keep on being you Spike. So far, you’re a pretty cool dude in my book.”
“I think I can do that,” he said, bumping his claw against hers.
She exhaled, a great tension having been removed from her shoulders. Sure, by the end of their journey she’d feel like hell, but for now she was weightless and eager to continue.
“Let’s do this.” Spike seemed to feed off of her newfound adrenaline, determination visible in every inch of his purple and green scales as he turned to the cave’s exit and crouched in preparation.
“Let’s.” Gilda followed his movements and the two shot from their temporary shelter, rising just above the hole-riddled cliff before leveling out and gliding east.
--
Everything was going perfect. Great. Amazing. ‘Stupendalicious’, as Pinkie would say. He and Gilda flew low against the treetop, a western wind in their wings which sped them faster towards Ponyville. There were no patrols in sight and he was still refreshed from last night’s sleep.
Thus, he made sure to be extra careful.
A mare stood before him, her eyes bloodshot from tears and lack of sleep. Even through her exhaustion, she recited hundreds of wilderness survival tips she had learned from her books the night before.
“And remember,” she moved the papers to the side, looking up at her life-long friend with sadness, “whenever everything seems to be going your way, that’s when your most vulnerable.”
“A superstitious Twilight?” Spike asked, his usual humor forced and dripping with depression. “You’ve been spending too much time around Pinkie.”
Twilight began to smile only to break into another fit of tears. The dragon quickly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a soft embrace.
“Just be careful out there ok??” she whispered through broken sobs.
“I will.”
He scanned the skies again, his gaze lingering upon the eastern horizon.
Hold on Twilight. I’m coming.
--
“What’s the Princess like?” Gilda asked suddenly.
Fatigue already began to set in, gnawing away at his wings and overall stamina. Next to him, his companion was already taking in tense breathes, speaking in-between gulps of air.
“You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he said cryptically, keeping his focused on the sea of green that rolled below him.
There was a pause followed by a small grunt as the griffon flew closer to him. “Well now you’ve got me even more interested.”
Spike looked towards the rising sun, it’s brightness not distorting his vision in the slightest. He opened his mouth, as if he had found every word he needed in the ball of light itself. “Loving, caring, wise, stout, intelligent, firm yet soft, and even a bit humorous at times.”
“I bet she thought it was humorous when she banished you,” Gilda snorted.
He tried not to react, but a low, menacing growl escaped before he could stop it, putting his friend on edge. Daring to look at her, she began to drift away while staring straight ahead.
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely, causing her to slowly return to his side as she looked at him with a hint of skepticism. “When I hatched, Twilight was too young to take care of me and the Princess had a personal interest in dragons, so she raised me herself.”
“So basically she was...” Gilda let out a small gasp of realization.
“My mother,” he finished for her, feeling exposed to the world. An awkward silence creeped in, leaving the beating of their wings the only sound. Spike tried to attune himself to the rhythm to no avail. Gilda had unknowingly awoken a whole nest of questions he had been asking himself for the past four months.
Talking is the best cure, right?
“She is... was a good mother,” he began, instantly catching Gilda’s attention again. “While she could be a bit mechanical with stuff like eating or my behavior, she took time out of her Royal life to spend time with me. She’d read me stories, tell me about Equestria, take me to visit Twilight... even occasionally sleep with me during nap time.”
His friend remained silent, her eyes a mix of sadness and anger.
“As I grew older and began living with Twilight she kept in constant contact. I don’t think I ever went a day without hugging and talking to her while I was still in Canterlot,” he remembered fondly. “Heck, even when we moved to Ponyville she sent me personal letters.” He chuckled, forming a sad smile. “Sometimes she’d call me off on ‘royal duty’ away from Twilight just so we could have a day to ourselves. We would eat at Pony Joe’s every time...”
“How could she do that?” Gilda interrupted suddenly, her face contracted in a vicious scowl. “You... you’re her son and she just casts you out! That bitch!” she screeched. Her rage simmered down as she caught sight of her companion’s hurt expression. “I shouldn’t have exploded like that.” she said qucikly. “It’s just...”
“It’s fine. Thanks for listening,” Spike said grimly, looking away from the sun. “I’ve been trying to come up with answers myself ever since I was banished, but I don’t know what went wrong.”
“Looks like getting to Ponyville will be the least of our problems,” she mirrored his grimness. “Seems like the only thing we have any more are... shoot! Spike, land!”
He didn’t hesitate, collapsing both of his wings and diving as fast as he could into the curtain of green below. Sharp branches and twigs merely glanced off of his hard scales while he dropped through the canopy, a sharp pain in his left arm signaling a harsh yet satisfactory landing. Immediately his eyes began scouring the woods for something or some place that would hide them from the search of trained griffons. A group of clustered trees surrounding an enormous fallen log caught his attention. Diving behind the rotting wood, his mind slipped into a well-honed predatory state as he waited for the patrols.
--
“I’m telling you I saw something purple flying around and then it landed right here!”
Nixis walked behind her sister, glancing at each tree or bush as if it might contain a rampaging violet dragon or a vigilante murdering griffon. “Sis, I’m not sure about this...” she whispered loudly, their heavy blood-red armor clanking noisily through the silent forest.
“What are you so worried about?” she asked with aggravation. “Just two idiots on the run who need a good beating.”
“Don’t you remember what the sergeant said? Five griffons dead! What if they’re waiting to ambush us right now?”
The older sister stopped, slightly heeded by her sibling’s warnings. “Good point. How about I just...” she brought her claws up to her beak. “Hey freaks! Quit hiding and fight like a griffon!”
Nixis cowered at the sudden shouting, expecting to be attacked at any moment. “Vints you’re going to get us killed! Please, let’s just leave and report back the location to the sergeant,” she begged.
“Bah!” Vints spat in disappointment as she turned back from where they had first landed. “They’re not coming out. Bunch of cowards. Come on let’s go, I don’t feel like playing hide-and-seek all day anyways.”
Nixis breathed a sigh of relief, following her sister gratefully. Before they could take off, a cold, tingling feeling ran up her spine, as if she was being watched. Giving one last look over her shoulder, she shuddered then launched herself back into the warm, clear open skies.
--
Great so now there’s apparently a sergeant in the area trying to track us down. All for two people trying to fly peacefully home. This is getting out of hand. Still... I wonder if this sergeant is the one who’s been spreading crap about me and Spike. Hopefully we run into them on our way to Ponyville so I can give them a nice punch to the face. Now where’s Spike...
“Looks like all of that hunting training proved more useful than I expected,” Gilda called, looking for her partner as she stepped out from a thick brush.
A pair of purple wings rose from behind a nearby log, an adolescent dragon rising soon after. “I’m just glad we didn’t have to get into another fight,” Spike shouted lightly back, brushing dirt from his scales. “Everything in my body is already screaming at me for not falling asleep right then and there.”
“Meh, looked like a couple of amateurs to me,” she shrugged as they met back up. “With the element of surprise on our side, there probably wouldn’t even have been a fight.”
“Even so, judging by the sun, it’s only just now noon,” he said as he looked at the multitude of rays of light shining straight down through the canopy. “We still have a whole day of flying ahead of us.”
“And apparently even more patrols between us and Ponyville. Better not sit still for long.”
Without even realizing, they began looking each other over, the scars, sleeplessness, and exhaustion obvious despite their best efforts to hide them from each other. As they finished, their worried eyes met, his dull emerald and her faded amber seemingly catalyzing off of each other. When they finally broke their gaze, a heavy aura of hope and energy permeated the air around them.
With a nod, they wordlessly took back into the air, each gasp for air and strained beat of wings seemingly symbiotically shared between them.
--
To Gilda, it appeared at first that a wall of pure gray was mocking them in the distance, challenging them to scrape the world’s ceiling in a futile attempt to pass over. She asked Spike what the heck it was, but he simply shook his head and told her to wait, a hint of excitement nipping the back of each of his words.
Hours passed, and their shadows began to elongate against the seemingly endless sea of trees as the sun kissed the western horizon. The wall soon gained distinct outlines across its form, disfigured slopes originating from some unseen point in the heavens making up its framework. At last, Gilda’s eyes widened as she realized exactly what she was seeing.
“Of course,” Gilda breathed excitedly, forgetting her fatigue for a handful of precious seconds. “It’s... they’re mountains!”
“Exactly,” Spike looked over to her curiously. “But didn’t you fly to Ponyville before?”
She considered the question, struggling for an answer. How could she have forgotten something so awe-inspiring? Something so majestic?
All of those years after Ponyville, just drifting through life... a graveyard for loving memories.
“It... it’s been a long time since I traveled there.”
A breeding ground for hateful ones.
He caught on to her uneasiness, his newfound second wind dying slightly. “They’re one of our final checkpoints,” he continued. “After about an hour of flying through the mountains, we’ll come out on a giant plain, then another group of mountains, then the Everfree Forest, and finally...”
“Ponyville,” Gilda finished, troubled to find a bit of enthusiasm backing her voice.
After so much flying, landing anywhere not overrun by patrols sounds great, even if it is infested by a bunch of lunatics. By the time we arrive, we’ll be collapsing from exhaustion on the town’s front door.
“Hope they don’t mind us crawling into the town at the dead of night,” she said, taking note of the sinking sun behind them.
“Hah! I almost wish they weren’t expecting us just so I could see the looks on their faces.” his happy mood quickly faded away, becoming grim. “Still, the way the Princess worded that letter? I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s waiting for us the moment we get there, ‘Secret Experiment’ and all,” he shuddered.
Gilda groaned, dragging a claw down her face. “Damn I almost forgot about that junk. If it ends up being something ridiculously stupid, you better refuse or... or...” she hesitated, realizing the weight of what she was saying.
“Let’s see what exactly it is before we make up any crazy plans,” he defused the topic, clearly wanting to postpone it as long as he could.
She remained silent, secretly seething at the alicorn Princess.
She banished Spike only to keep him in the dark until she could alter him to suit her needs. Man, and I thought I was bad. What’s it take to change a goddess like that? Hmmm... maybe someone hasn’t given her a nice bitch-slap after thousands of years. Depending on how this ‘experiment’ turns out, I’d be happy to help.
--
After a few hours daydreaming of how she could best humiliate a goddess, Gilda found herself at the base of the towering behemoths she had seen before. Even with the change of climate and geography, trees still managed to cling themselves to the mountain’s side, like a moss struggling to entangle a rock. Eventually, the massive landforms won out through pure strength, their height shooting through the cloudless starry night skies above and replacing their garb of green leaves with a hood of pure white snow.
She wanted to let her head droop and sag, to let it rest for awhile after a whole day of constant lookout, but the frost-tipped peaks enthralled her and held her gaze.
“Insane,” Spike said, hypnotized as well. “It’s summer and there’s still snow up there,” he shivered, folding his arms and rubbing them against one another. “I wonder how long either of us could last up there. I mean my fire would come in handy sure, but what would happen if ice formed on my wings? I’d drop from the sky like a brick!”
Gilda opened her beak to make a witty remark only for a small weak croak to sound. Terrified that Spike might see it as a sign of weakness, she turned her head away quickly, covering her beak with a claw.
“Gilda? Are you alright?”
She coughed before attempting to speak again, trying to break the feeling of dried cotton stuffed into her mouth. “I’m fine.”
Both of them reeled back at what sounded like an old hag battling to remain amongst the living, awkward silence lingering in the air.
Glad the conflict was over, Gilda looked ahead, focusing all of her attention on the beating of their wings and not the numbness of her tongue or the massive dehydration that was plaguing her last stores of energy. Her condition wasn’t helped by the presence of rushing rivers sweeping through the valleys and gorges below, the sweet fluid of life tempting her to land and drink.
“You sure?” he continued again suddenly.
“Yes!” she hacked. “Shut up!”
Giving her one last look of concern, Spike returned to his silent flight.
Stupid dragon. Does he think I’m weak or something? Probably thinks he’s better than me because of his ‘endurance’. I’ll show him endur-
“You know what?” Spike scratched at his scaled neck with a troubled expression. “I’m thirsty. Gonna land and get a drink real quick. You can join me if you want.”
He folded his wings beginning to descend into the mountain-enclosed valley below. Gilda lingered behind, eyeing him with suspicion.
Probably thinks he’s a clever bastard too.
She called out to refuse his offer, to smugly wreck his little plan. Instead, a foul, dry breath was all that escaped.
Well I mean... if he’s offering...
Reluctantly she flew down after him, swiftly catching up to the dragon’s side. To her relief, he said nothing nor gave her any sign that he had tricked her in any way. After a full minute of descent, they touched down next to the banks of an impressive river which size fit in perfectly with the massive mountains surrounding it. Moonlight had turned the water into an illuminated silver, giving it an inviting and exotic lure.
Gilda waited until Spike had lowered his snout into the shallows before joining him, the sensation of cool re-energizing liquid coursing through her throat and spreading out across her entire body. A minute of relieved gulps passed before she finally backed away. Of course she still wanted to lie down, to pass out while watched over by nature’s earthen guardians, to fall asleep underneath the stars she knew so well.
She looked up. Everything was still the same as it had been two weeks ago with Spike, and so many years ago with her grandfather. As she lowered her head, she caught sight of her partner clutching a claw to his chest, trying to take advantage of the precious time they were resting.
Damn I hate ponies. Completely random, always annoying, and can’t help but stick their noses into everything and everyone’s business. Not to mention, they apparently have no problem ostracizing friends they’ve known almost their entire lives.
Spasms shot through her muscles as she painstakingly stretched her aching wings and legs. Every extension was a small explosion of pain, as if she had dropped from the sky repeatedly on each individual limb. The sound of tendons popping sounded as Spike left the riverside, opening and closing his wings with a pained grimace.
And yet here we are flying non-stop through contested territory just to run back kissing the hooves of the same ponies who cast us out. I wonder if it’s really worth it? Will life in Ponyville really be better for Spike than what he had out here? I swear to Andune if we get back and they treat him like crap after all of the hell he’s been through, I’ll beat them all to a pulp myself. I wonder how they’ll reject him when they can’t even tell a manticore from a bear with their faces smashed in.
“Gilda.” Spike backed up to her slowly, his eyes trained onto some unseen object in the distance. “There’s a patrol.”
Her aggressive reverie was shattered by his sudden cautious whisper. “Where? Do they see us?” she hissed back.
“They see us alright,” Spike nodded his head towards the spot he had been watching. “But they aren’t moving.”
Gilda followed his gaze, coming across a massive chunk of rock that jutted out from the side of one of the nearby mountains. Perched upon its precipice were three, maybe four armored griffons who stood silhouetted against the pale moonlight. They stared right back, completely unmoving.
“If they want to fight, let them come to us,” she said grimly, unconsciously backing away.
Spike crouched low, clenching his claws.
Can we take a fight against four soldiers? Hell can we take a fight against three? We’re on our death beds here!
She stopped her retreat, noticing the stalwart dragon before her. His eyes had never left the patrol, as if he planned to defeat them through staring alone. His whole body was tensed and withdrawn, ready to spring open and tear down any opponent who stood in his way.
Right. We’re so close. We didn’t come so far just to be stopped like this. We didn’t come so far just to end up breaking our promises.
Rejoining Spike, she matched his death stare and straightened herself, fighting off the waves of pain. He tilted his head slightly in acknowledgement of her before returning to his battle.
Come on.
One of the griffons shifted, leaning over to one of its squad mates.
Stop wasting our time. Get down here and fight us. By the time we’re through with your sorry hides, all of those stupid little murder rumors will be true.
All four of them leapt into the night sky, circling overhead before falling into formation.
“Alright Spike, let’s stick together for this fight! With your fire breath, we can keep them separated and... uh... what?”
Instead of flying towards them, the patrol took off and flew farther down the valley, disappearing as they followed its twisted route. Spike and Gilda were left dumbfounded, their steely gazes replaced by looks of shock and confusion as they turned to one another.
“Did we scare them off?” Spike asked, looking back down at the perched rock to make sure they were still gone.
“I... don’t know,” she said, shaking her head. “I mean with all of these rumors flying around of us killing patrols, maybe I guess? Or,” her face darkened as she sifted through other possibilities, “they may be setting up an ambush somewhere else.”
“We can’t stay still any longer then.” He opened his wings, a flash of pain racing across his face. “Let’s keep moving before they bring any friends.”
They took off down the river in the direction the patrol had fled, nervously eyeing every cave and gorge they passed by. All the while, Gilda dug through her history in the Empire’s military, trying to recall what kind of order would have them be scouted but not attacked. Each time she landed upon the same answer.
“Spike, we should turn down one of these valleys and fly for half an hour,” she said suddenly, unable to hide the nervousness behind her words.
Instead of surprise, he nodded, frowning slightly. “I was thinking the same thing. But do you think we have enough energy to still make it to Ponyville? We’ll be adding a whole extra hour onto our flight time.”
“It’s either that or be ambushed, and I’d rather drop dead from the sky than be captured.”
Both of them stopped, the valley below forking off in separate directions. Their heavy, exhausted gasps for air now dwarfed the sound of their flight as they hovered, looking between each other and the splitting path.
Spike finally sighed, settling upon Gilda. “Alright. If you think you can make it, we’ll take a detour.”
She bristled up, her feathers standing on edge. She wanted to yell at him, tell him she could fly twice as long as he could without even being a dragon.
Just... so damn tired.
“I’ll be fine,” was all that came out, startling even her.
Spike said nothing. Whether he was just as tired as her or deeply troubled, she couldn’t tell. Maybe both? Maybe neither?
Come on, just a bit longer. We can do this.
--
He lost count of the hours. Or had it only been minutes?
Spike’s mind and vision were a complete blur now, the rivers, stars, mountains, trees, and grass all weaving into a mess of gray. Every thought, every fiber of his being was focused on only one thought now.
Get to Ponyville. I don’t care about the expirement anymore. What if it turns me into a pony? That’s fine. What if they all take one look at me and send me right back? At least I’d get one last look at my friends. Maybe a zombie invasion is happening and Celestia needs me to help fight them off. That... wait that would actually be pretty awesome. But all that matters is that Gilda and I are safe for one night. Anywhere but here or captured by griffons.
Once they agreed they had gone south far enough to throw off any chances of being ambushed, they dived into an eastbound valley. Conversation was completely dead, the only voice that of the howling wind that whistled between the mountains. If Spike imagined hard enough, he could transform the musical wind into one of Pinkie’s many cheer-up songs.
‘Smile’ would be pretty handy right now. ‘Giggle at the Ghosties’? Heck yeah, we’ll laugh the patrols away! No.
Suddenly, the wind faded away, stealing his last bit of comfort.
Oh come on! Is nature itself against me now?
“Spike, over here,” Gilda called out to him weakly, drifting off to one of the nearby mountains. Before he could question her, he looked up, a small spark igniting within him.
The plains. Thank Celestia.
Spike joined Gilda on a ledge extending from the mountain’s side and turned to take in the scope of what lie before them. The valley’s river ended in a large silver lake, two mountains on either side acting as a natural gateway between the two lands. Past the lake, an endless span of light-brown grass swayed in the wind, appearing much like the oceans Twilight had taken him to see so lang ago.
“We’re here,” his monotone, tired voice robbed him of any excitement or relief he may have felt within. “This is it, all we have to do is get across these plains and we’re done with patrols,” he pointed a claw towards the horizon where the grass and stars met in a single, unfaltering line. “About an hour of flying and we reach the Everfree Mountains, Equestrian territory. The patrols won’t follow us in there unless they want to make relations with the Princess even worse. I’d hope we’re not worth the risk of starting an all out war...”
Gilda remained silent, scanning the plains with an uneasy stare.
Dang, looks like all of this exertion finally blew her mind.
“I’m not sure about this Spike.”
He did a double take, searching around for anywhere else besides the fiery griffon that the worried, fearful whisper may have originated from. Finally, he settled upon Gilda, her eyes matching the expression of her voice.
“Is something wrong?” he asked as he got down on one knee, trying to rest while they were still stationary. Gilda and the threat of patrols were the only thing keeping him from lying down upon the cool rock and drifting away.
She looked back towards the plains again. “It’s so... open. At least in the mountains we might be able to hide, but out there...”
“But there’s also no place for them to hide. Why would they try to attack us out there instead of in this contained valley?”
She just sighed at his assumption, shaking her head. He lifted himself back up and walked to her side, looking down upon her with concern. “If you’re afraid that they’re out there, we could fly-”
“No,” she snapped without turning away from the plains. “I’m not afraid and I... we can’t take any more detours. We’re barely standing as is.” The plains swayed again, the tall grass seemingly waving them invitingly in, like a venus flytrap coyly attracting a fly. “Spike, whatever happens between here and the Everfree, I want to say- I mean you’ve been- thanks,” she finally blurted out with a huff. “For trusting me, for waiting, for being a... good friend.”
“Even with only two and a half weeks between us?” he joked with a smile as Gilda turned to him at last, giving her own small grin.
“Even with two weeks between us.”
Spike folded his arms skeptically. “Well, if we’re giving our ‘just in case’ farewells now, I want to say thanks for-”
“Stop!” she startled him, her screech sending a faint echo through the valley behind them. “Stop thanking me Spike. It drives me crazy!” a sour scowl replaced her grin. “I haven’t done anything for you yet.”
“But-”
“Spike!”
“Ok ok!” he threw his claws in the air in defense. “When can I thank you?”
“When we’re in Equestria, safe and sound,” she shoved her claw out eastward, “then you can kiss my claws and tell me how awesome I am.”
He shrugged but nodded in acceptance before walking to the edge of the outcropping. “Shall we?” like a salespony highlighting their wares, he motioned exaggeratedly towards the swaying plain.
“Let’s finish this.”
--
Leaving the mountains and flying onto the plains was the equivalent to stepping off an enormous cliff and free falling into a never-ending black pit below. She was sure that there were poets, writers, song-singers, artists who would look upon such a scene and birth forth a life’s worth of ideas and imaginations. For her, every pulse in the wind was a griffon prowling along the ground, every blink of a star an incoming moon-lit patrol.
Any second wind they had gained from the change of geography quickly faded away, leaving their usual swift speed at nothing more than that of a hot air balloon drifting along a wind-less day. If she could explain it in the nicest way possible, she would compare themselves to injured deer in a wolves’ den.
Something stirred in her right eye, a small, rainbow glint against the tan grass.
“Uh, Spike?”
--
“Huh? What is it? Patrols??” he looked around fervently with wide eyes.
Gilda pointed a claw at his chest. “Your brooch. It’s kind of glowing.”
He glanced down, having to shield his eyes from the bright multi-colored gleam emitting from the gem. “What the heck is going on? It’s never done this before!”
“Well cover it up!” she said, panicking. “You’re shining like a beacon!”
Placing his claws over his chest, he blocked the light, his dark purple scales illuminating into a vibrant violet. Streams of light still shone from between his fingers, as if trying to break through their scaled prison.
Why now? Why now? Dear Celestia why now??
“Doesn’t matter,” Gilda nodded forward, jagged spikes lining the horizon. “Just a bit longer and we’re in the Everfree.”
Spike liked to imagine that their snails pace picked up slightly at the sight of the mountains, crossing the hostile territory in a manner of only a dozen or so minutes. Instead, they continued to lumber along, the cool night air beckoning him to close his eyes and fall into the sea of soft grass below. Still clutching the gem, he let his head sag, blinking rapidly to keep himself awake. Next to him, Gilda was constantly shaking herself awake, occasionally beginning to nod every few minutes.
It’s just the same pattern over and over again. Sway to the right, wind lets up, sway to the right, wind lets up, sway to the right, sway forward... sway... back?
His eyes snapped open, realizing the small disjointed, trampled tunnels that were shooting through the tall blades below. In a panic, he looked up only to notice the same odd intrusions burrowing towards them from across the plain, like a pack of hidden lions closing in on their prey.
“Spike, fly up!” Gilda cried out.
Together they rose, attempting to delay the inevitable. As he flew higher, Spike couldn’t help but look back down only to witness a beautiful horror.
A countless number of dark blurs shot out from the tall grass below, rocketing directly towards the slow-moving friends.
No! We came so far just for this?
Their forms began to take shape as they grew nearer, talons and fresh, powerful wings beating rapidly for extra speed becoming easily identifiable.
This is just another nightmare. Maybe I passed out over the plains awhile back?
Their blood-red armor was tinged with the moon’s silver, their faces dark and hooded from the helmets they wore. Realizing what was happening, Spike opened his maw, igniting the fire glands in his stomach.
I won’t be stopped!
A burst of flame fired from his mouth, engulfing the first patrol and sending it reeling back, fighting to quench the inferno that had ignited its fur and feathers. Before he could turn to engage another, a breath-stealing grappling slam to his side sent him hurtling to the ground, his wings flailing wildly to regain control. Even more patrols grabbed him during his descent, dragging him down faster and faster. He opened his mouth only for a longing gasp to escape, breathlessness and days worth of exhaustion finally catching up to dampen his flame.
Have to get these griffons off of me, or-
A crunch sounded as he slammed into the ground, unmoving. The griffons piled off of him, leaving his body laying face down in the grass. Had he broken his arm? His legs? Maybe some ribs? He tried to move only to find his muscles uncooperative, finally having given up. Suddenly, another loud thud sounded farther away, followed by a beaten, familiar groan.
“Well well well, look who decided to show up,” a deep, gruff voice sounded.
“You,” he heard Gilda spit with obvious disgust. “You son of a bitch! You’re the one who’s been spreading those rumors to have all of those patrols on our asses!”
A throaty, mocking laugh carried on the wind. “My superiors weren’t too happy when the same dragon escaped twice. Suspicious, in fact, especially with you of all griffons being mixed up in all of this junk. Soldiers, drag the beast over here!” he shouted.
Both of his wrists were grasped. Spike’s vision flashed as a pain he had never thought possible shot through his right arm causing him to let out a weak, pained roar through pure instinct.
“Spike!” Gilda screamed in a worried, horrified tone he had never heard from her before.
The pain persisted as he was dragged along, eventually being dropped into a small cropping that had been cleared out for the occasion. A tall, buff griffon looked down upon him as Gilda struggled to break free from two soldiers restraining her.
“I swear to Andune I’m going to rip out your throat!” she said furiously, glaring daggers at the sergeant.
“Yep,” he sighed. “Get in line darling. You two,” he pointed towards the soldiers who had dragged Spike towards the clearing. “Report.”
“Looks like a broken arm, sir,” one of them said in an emotionless, stale voice.
The sergeant scratched at the patch of feathers beneath his beak. “Hmmmm. Trying to decide whether to bring him back dead or alive. I’m not one for animal cruelty, but putting it out of its misery right here and now would save it a lot of pain.”
“Damn you he’s not an animal!” Gilda screeched.
“Not to mention It’d be a real pain having to listen to it squeak and squawk all the way back to Lionsburg...” he continued, ignoring her. “Then again, if we took that into account, I’d have to kill the bitch too, and they want her alive!”
A round of forced, awkward laughter erupted in small batches around the patrol before the sergeant shut them down with a hard face. Turning back to Spike, he waved a claw in the air as if beating down an annoying fly. “Pah. Just leave him there for now. I’ll make my decision in a bit.”
The blanket of grass began to eat away at his consciousness as the sergeant turned back to Gilda. This is what his body had wanted. Just a nice, soft relaxing place to lie and sleep for a day... or two...
“Now, you said...rip my... out right? How....sort...old...”
“Spike?”
“Twilight!?” he shot up, only to sink slowly back down. “No. This is... nothing. It’s over.”
“Spike! Are you hurt!?”
No Twilight. I’m not hurt. Everything’s fine. Just... go back to your life without me. It’s better this way. You won’t have to deal with anyone asking any questions, I’ll never get the chance to hurt you, Fluttershy won’t have to be afraid anymore.
“Spike! Please, say something!”
The black curtain that covered his mind lifted, leaving him in a small, disturbingly clean pure white-walled room with a single window. Through the aperture, an uncountable number of ponies stood shoulder to shoulder, some peering in at him with looks of worry, others with looks of anger, and still others refused to even look in, their backs turned to him.
Twilight stood at the forefront with tears running down her face, crying out a silent scream. Celestia lingered behind the purple mare, her head bowed in sorrow. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity circled around the two, troubled expressions betraying their usual, joyous selves.
Seeing the ones he loved in pain because of him was enough to bring the dragon to his knees, but what completely destroyed him, finally broke his will, was the yellow pink-maned pegasus who could be seen off in the distance, her back turned in utter fear.
“Spike, come on,” a beautiful, firm, proud griffon approached him from seemingly nowhere, grasping his claw. “It’s time to go.”
He gave one last look towards the window, the dark shroud from before slowly wrapping back around him. His friend, his family, his sister, pounded her hooves frantically against the glass, wordlessly calling out for him with pained eyes.
“I... I wish I could of seen you all one last time,” his gaze lingered on Celestia and Fluttershy. “All of you.”
He squeezed his companion’s claw, accepting the darkness.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,049 users online
2,219,349 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Dam it its a worse cliff hanger than the last one
Everything that can go wrong will go wrong
Ugh, today is a horrific day of fanfiction. So many beloved character deaths and cliffhangers. UGH
UGH
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/01/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-manly-tears.jpg
noooooo
what happens next!!! post another chapter soon this is my favrit fic!!!
Your daily reminder that I read all comments, whether it be critique, love, opinions, or just insane ramblings.
Try and keep the insane ramblings to a minimum though.
Thank you for reading.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHY!!! WHY DID YOU STOP IT THERE!!! Oh my god!!! How am I going to get any sleep with all that hanging over my head!!!!
This story is mind blowing! it blow my fucking brain out my ears!! GA!!! I cant even think strait!
But the preening had my laughing, and laughing hard.
Your killing me!! I don't know if I can wait more than 24 hours for the next chapter.
They're in trouble now...
Kind of sucks that they went all that way only to fall at the final hurdle
Oh, also when Gilda called herself Fluttershy that was hilarious
Awesome chapter. Hurry up and write the next chapter PLEASE!
*Favs, Tracks, Five Stars, and Watchs this like a BAWS*
"He scares me."
-Delta-
I never knew this fic was on here too. Kewl.
AAARG Can't wait till next installment
OK and I've actually been meaning to ask this for a while... What is the story behind the cover pic?
158248
Once I realized I needed a picture to go along with the fic, I googled 'spirit' to see if I could find some generic white blob or something nice.
Then this came up. I really liked it, the red being Gilda, the green being Spike and how they are sort of meshed together. Even the flame sizes are respectable to both characters.
In actuality, I believe it is a piece of artwork depicting the 'Burning Bush' from the Bible. Still, I quite like it. Apparently some people find it ugly, but oh well. Better than a random picture of Gilda or Spike.
Still, if any of you aspiring artists want to do cover art, I wouldn't complain!
But as for now, I am content.
Some thoughts:
I quite like this story. It's one of my favorite MLP fanfictions. Know that this is extremely high praise coming from me. I can't read most fanfictions because they make me want to pull my hair out. I can't get through Fallout: Equestria, the fanfic everyone and his dog loves, because its prose feels bloated and sloppy. This story makes me smile. So, nice job. I hope you continue writing this story.
It's interesting to see how your writing style has improved since chapter one. Both characters are consistent, believable, and well-written with a few (very minor) slip-ups. Spike used to be the standout character but by now you've achieved a good balance between the two. Your OC character, Skrillok, actually has some depth, to the point where I wouldn't mind seeing her make a reappearance later in the story.
I like how you avoid the dumb, shipping-standard narrative bits, which always look something like this:
Gilda fell into Spike's gaze and got lost in his eyes and they were limpid pools of green radiance and it was amazing and oh my god this is a long sentence, it must be sentimental.
No, wait! He's just some stupid dragon from Ponyville, thought Gilda.
And then five paragraphs later the same thing happens, over and over, and then someone blushes, and then they kiss. You skip all that bullshit, which is great. It feels like a real relationship building between these two. I don't need to be told about their connection because I can see it right there, in the text. This is the mark of good writing, as opposed to sloppy, lazy writing.
This story has a compelling plot, which is something far too many shipping stories leave out. There's a good amount of dramatic tension, some action, excitement, and so on, to be found. Is it predictable? Cliffhanger-wise, yes. But that's okay. The little things, such as your OC, who is not just a mindless Gunnery Sgt. Hartman ripoff, make this story intriguing. It holds my interest beyond the dull will-they-won't-they (hint: they will) crap most shipfics peddle in.
Speaking of action, your combat scenes — something fanfiction writers tend to suck at — are very well executed. They feel appropriately chaotic, brutal, hard-hitting and most of all, dangerous. Fighting ain't pretty, and it pisses me off when fictional combat is portrayed as clean wire fu bullshit with no tension or realism. You write like getting punched in the face hurts. So, nice job there.
Is this a perfect story? No, far from it. It is, however, an honest story. It's not something you slapped down on a legal pad during your lunch break because hurr durr what if Gilda and Spike were in a story together. You've put some care into the writing and it shows. I like that.
I have one major suggestion: avoid skipping back and forth between point of view characters whenever possible. Try to have chapters alternate between Gilda and Spike, or split them down the middle for each of the two characters. Switching the point of view character more than twice within the same chapter feels a little jarring, in my opinion. It's nothing serious, but something you might want to consider.
If you ever want a second opinion on future chapters, just PM me. I'd be glad to proofread 'em for you.
168336
I wish I could tell you how much this comment means to me.
Even if that whole post was trashing the fic, I would still be kissing your feet. It tells me exactly what I'm doing right, exactly what I'm doing wrong, and gives me some tips and thoughts to dwell on regarding not only the future of this fic but also my writing overall.
1. I never cared for it either. It works (ironically just like the show itself) as a neat world-building device that allows other writers to expand on it and create their own stories. As a story in itself though? No. It tries to give itself some structure, but in the end only ends up becoming a group of ponies running around doing a bunch of filler. Its ending and the fan's reaction to it should be enough to make that obvious.
2. Hmm. I like Skrillok to. She was mostly put in to show that griffons were normal people (ponies) just like everyone else. Will we be seeing more of her? Maybe? Probably not.
3. I've been in this fandom since the very first episode aired. After having read a countless number of fics like these, I swore to myself I would never become them. Hell, one of my main promises to myself was that I'd make this relationship evolve smoothly. Almost messed that up with the first 2 chapters, but luckily, Celestia had my back.
4. Thanks. Funny fact, this whole story was originally supposed to be four chapters until people started asking me questions. "Wait, you mean you're NOT going to have them go back to Ponyville? WHAT?! BUT WHAT ABOUT BLAH BLAH BLAH" so I continued.
5. Thank you for saying this about my action scenes. No one really comments about them, and hearing that they are at least of acceptable condition is relieving.
6. I actually see this as the next stage of my ever-evolving writing prowess. While working on chapter 8, I've found that I'm sticking with one character's perspective A LOT more instead of skipping between the two. I'll just chock it up to me becoming a better writer.
7. You've proven yourself an intelligent individual. I'll see if I can remember to contact you before I publish a chapter.
Thank you for your comment.
Thank you all for reading.
*rambles insanely*
cant wait for more
MORE
!!!!!