Princess Twilight Sparkle has died a hero, but no one knows why.
Between an ancient evil that had not even existed until she struck it down, a mysterious crystal ball that bears some unknown significance, and a set of cryptic notes and behaviors from the princess during her final days, the circumstances behind it all are murky at best and suspect at worst.
And the rabbit hole only grows deeper from there.
*
*
Feedback - Substitute - Divergence
The Crystal Ball Trilogy is a series of stories which deal with time travel, parallel universes, and other manipulations of time and space. Feedback is the first story; it is succeeded by Substitute and Divergence.
Digital pdf version here
Print book version here
Featured on 7/19/2015!
Featured on Equestria Daily! 8/21/2015
Featured by Everfree Northwest! 3/11/2016
Featured by Seattle's Angels! 9/27/2016
Goodreads entry~
Edited by
PersonalGamer
Kuairu
This story, while having some issues, I believe would be worth keeping up with.
I appreciate the lack of weather reports, a common pitfall that many writers fall into. They kinda halt the story's progress to describe how blue the sky is or how pretty the flowers are. Not that those don't have their place, but they are usually used as hooks or just for the writer to show off their skill. Though you do include description, it never distracts or slows the pacing significantly. On that note, the pacing, at least in my opinion, is perfect for a first chapter. Though I know most people will not have the patience for a slow start, it required for a story with some length to it. The characters also seem to be very well written, to my knowledge at least (I honestly never found the willpower to watch "Equestria Girls" all the way through. I have watched the entire movie, the first one that is, in bits and pieces, but never in one shot.).
However, there are a couple of things I would like to point out that I saw that do take away a bit. The dialogue sometimes lacks a proper dialogue tag in instances where there are multiple people in a conversation. There are two or three instances where the dialogue is floating on its own and the speaker is vague. Another issue with the dialogue, while the dialogue tags do include the tone of voice, they sometimes lack any significant action that can create a mental picture during dialogue-intense scenes. This is more apparent in the second half of the chapter, after the funeral.
Those are really the only things I can find wrong here. As for the the more general stuff, the grammar is good, the hook avoids common cliches, and the ending leaves us wanting to read the next chapter. I look forward to reading the rest soon.
5799167 Aye, I see what you mean.
Thanks very much for the comment. It's always nice to know that I've done things right. I'm especially glad that the characterization was okay, since that was one of the things that I was most worried about!
The problems with dialogue I can deal with fairly swiftly. My intention is to fix chapter one now. Obviously I'll take a hammer to future chapters as well. Hopefully these dialogue issues won't show up anymore!
Now that just sounds just nice and cheery, doesn't it? I commend you on setting up the feeling of impending doom.
I love the cellphone flashlight comment. Little details like that really make a story.
Wait... so she's alive?! Or her spirit is there or some wizard shit?
5806535 Indeed, that seems to be the pressing question! Perhaps we'll see in the coming chapters.
5806508 Good to hear you liked that bit. ^^
What else is there to say besides,
Well...that escalated quickly, yes?
There are a few grammatical issues in there but for the most part this is a well done fic so far. I especially liked the funeral scene, which was for me, the best part.
5869514 I'm glad that you're enjoying it so far! The fic is going to undergo extensive editing during these next few weeks so hopefully those issues will be done away with very soon.
This is absolutely fantastic! I really hope we get a scene where the girls tell Princess Celestia and we get something of a goodbye scene out of it. That would be great.
I am digging the hell out of this story. May your hiatus be productive and enjoyable and I shall await your return!
Is. Was. Will be.
Huh, in all aspects of time travel-stuff, why didn't I think about this? Awesome! It's like... The episode they mentioned (It's About Time) only with Sunset Shimmer the time traveller! And, maybe Twilight died because of Sunset's crazy math-encrypted spell.
With time travel there's gonna be paradoxes and time loops EVERYWHERE!
THE SCIENCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE.
That ending... poor sunset.
6000238 I know right? What a cliff-hanger!
Of course, I already know if she survives. Because, after all, "Is, was, will be".
There goes the science part.
RAINBOWWWWWWWW!
6000494 I like to think of it more as setting up sciences that'll put those time loops to shame. They're several levels above and beyond.
I think you'll particularly enjoy these coming chapters~
Plot twist!
BONUS DUCKS
HAVE ALL THE DUCKS
6055026 Don't quack me with it.
AND I LOVE THEM TWISTS.
6061796 QUACKS HARDER
6063201 6061796
All of these quacks are getting on my ducking nerves
Eh? Eh?
Okay, bad joke is bad.
The best part about those twists you're talking about is that I mentioned them as early as chapter three.
6065359 Thanks.
Ho. Ly. Crap. O.o
Uhhhh burn the journal? Why?
I knew it was Twi who burned the journal! Mainly, to keep the loop stable, even if there are infinite worlds, there's very little discrepancy between them!
I need chapter number where journal is burned.
6078925 Indeed! Although there's also a secondary purpose to burning the journal as well. Which, 6078060 , will hopefully be made clear in coming chapters. In the meantime, you might find chapter two a good resource on figuring out just why burning the journal might be a good move.
6080812 You'll find hints of this in chapter one.
6080951 it only says she did..... But you planned it.
I figured that if the parallel world possibility was true, there'd need to be infinite worlds in order for the main!Twilight to be saved, since they'd need a world above them helping their Twilight.
...Huh.
I like where this is going. The ending there was especially interesting. Looking forward to reading the rest!
...Weeeeeird.
And now we know why this is called "Feedback"
Oh hey, look at that. Time-traveling shenanigans. Imagine that
Time travel is pretty tricky business, but it seems like you're handling it well.
6144669 It sounds like you are really enjoying the story so far, and that makes me very glad! Thanks for the comments! It's especially good to know that I have my science down.
Oh dear.
Alternate dimensions, time travel... These are dangerous waters you're traveling.
Pretty sure that should be "too"
*Sunset's
All in all, solid story, and I'm definitely looking forward to July 8th.
6144949 That archeologist bit is Pinkie speaking. Blame her!
Everything else has been fixed.
interesting
The feels m8
The feels.
no
WHAT!? WHAT.
Actually, on secomd thought, im not surprised. Twilight died for them, and if there are several universes tied together, she would have lived. The alternate universe would have been able to set things right, unless there isnt a multiverse to do so. Or they are an alternate timeline, and twilight was saved, because saving twi would cause a paradox or something. Then they were doomed from the beginning.....
My brain hurts.
Ohhhhhhh fuck
*cries*
6188187
Perhaps the next group along in time (watching Sunsets group) can't help by telling Twilight how to cheat death because the trap is powered by "noble sacrifice"?.