• Published 7th May 2012
  • 5,215 Views, 58 Comments

This Story is Brought to You by Taco Bell© - neutralmilk

Nightmare Moon and Queen Chrysalis have teamed up to rule Equestria. But taco's save the day.

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The Story

This Story is Brought to You by Taco Bell
By: neutralmilk

Twilight Sparkle and her friends galloped full speed into the Everfree Forest in pursuit of their foe. They scanned their surroundings for any traces she may have left behind that could indicate where she was headed, but they found nothing. After about an hour, the group stopped by a riverbed and began to recuperate.

“Alright everypony.”Twilight began in between gasps for air. “We have to double, no, triple our efforts if we want to find Nightmare Moon.”

“But what happens if we do find her?” Applejack questioned.

“Yeah! She took the Elements of Harmony from us. How we supposed to beat her this time?” Rainbow Dash asked skeptically.

Twilight sighed. “We’ll just have to cross that bridge when we get to it. C’mon girls. She can’t be too far ahead. Rainbow?”

Rainbow Dash turned her attention from her aching hooves to Twilight.

“Fly overhead and see if you can pick up her trail.”

“You got it!” With that she shot into the air, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

Twilight turned to the rest of friends. Rarity and Pinkie Pie were lying on their backs, panting from the exhausting amount of running. Fluttershy sat on her haunches, sweat dripping down her cream coloured coat and glistening in the stray rays of sunlight that broke through the dense thicket of trees. Applejack stood by the river and dipped her face in the cold water. She let out a refreshed sigh and trotted back to Twilight.

“Girls, I know this looks dismal…” Twilight began.

“What’s dismal mean?” Pinkie Pie lifted her head, confused.

“It means desolate, darling.” Rarity answered quickly. Twilight waited for Pinkie Pie to continue, but hearing nothing but silence decided to carry on.

“Anyway, I know things…”

“What’s desolate mean?”

“It’s a synonym of bad or gloomy.” Twilight replied, rubbing a hoof on her head.

“Ohhhh! Ok!” Pinkie Pie flopped back down on her back, smiling.

“Ok then. Now girls, I know that things look desolate now, but trust me. We can…”

“How is ‘desolate’ a cinnamon?” Pinkie Pie suddenly shot forth.

Twilight groaned loudly but quickly fell silent when she saw Rainbow Dash rocketing back toward them. She landed directly in front of Twilight.

“I didn’t find any matted out paths or anything. But when I was flying I saw some green magicky aura.”

“Green?” Twilight asked, confused. Nightmare Moon didn’t have a green aura. Only one pony she knew had a green aura. And it wasn’t exactly a pony…

“Changelings. Namely Chrysalis.” Twilight muttered aloud. The ponies’ mouths dropped open in shock.

“The Changelings? But we bucked `em right out of Equestria!” Applejack exclaimed.

“Oh dear… Do you think they’re mad? Maybe they teamed up with Nightmare Moon…” Fluttershy said nervously.

“I don’t know, everypony. But if they did, we’re in more trouble than we thought. Rainbow Dash, where did you see the light?”

“To the Northwest! Follow me!”

She dashed back into the air and waited, hovering, as the other ponies rose to their hooves and stretched.

“Everypony ready?” Applejack asked, fixing her trademark Stetson upon her head.

“You betcha!” Pinkie Pie chirped, a smile on her face.

“As I’ll ever be.” Rainbow Dash called down to her friends.

The others nodded in response and galloped into the forest, trailing Rainbow Dash.

“Do you think you could possibly beat us without your beloved Elements of Harmony?!” Nightmare Moon exclaimed to the ponies that stood before her. She and Queen Chrysalis stood on top of a stone pyramid in the ruins of the old resting place of the Elements.

“We’ve beaten you before and we’ll do it again!” Twilight Sparkle screamed, stomping a hoof in the dirt angrily.

“Yeah! We don’t need any stupid Elements!” Rainbow Dash cried.

“Agreed! They’re just jewelry, albeit incredibly stylish jewelry, but still! It’s just pieces of metal and diamonds!” Rarity called out.

“We have the power of friendship!” Twilight smiled at her foes furiously.

The two alicorns exchanged glances and began to laugh wildly.

“Go ahead you foal.” Queen Chrysalis said to the purple mare, smiling widely. “I’ll just feed off of your energy.”

“What’re we gonna do, Sugarcube?” Applejack asked. “She’s right! She can use our friendship against us!”

Twilight rose from her attack position and turned to Applejack.

“We can’t give up that easily! We have to try.”

With that, they clustered into a small group and rushed up the stone steps toward Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon. They barely reached the top of the stairs when suddenly a green force field appeared and knocked them back onto the ground in a heap. Dazed, they looked up at their enemies, who were both laughing again. Nightmare Moon levitated the chest with the Elements of Harmony inside of it and proceeded to open it. She put them on herself and Chrysalis and smiled wryly at the purple unicorn.

“Sorry girls, but it looks like you’ve lost.” Chrysalis cooed to the damaged ponies. “You’ve done your best, but it looks like Canterlot, Ponyville and all of Equestria is under our control.”

“And our first act as Supreme Leaders is to enslave you six foals.” Nightmare Moon added. “How would you all like to rebuild Canterlot Castle brick by brick to match our liking?”

Twilight and her friends slowly rose to their hooves, all of them cut and grazed. The ponies looked at each other and nodded solemnly. They all began to smile.

“I wish it didn’t have to come to this, ladies.” Twilight began, stepping forward slightly.

“What do you mean, foal? We’ve won!” Nightmare Moon replied, confused by Twilights sudden burst of confidence.

“I wouldn’t say that.” Twilight responded, continuing to move toward the base of the pyramid. “We still have one trick up our metaphorical sleeves.”

She closed her eyes and focused all of her magic ability to her horn. It began to glow a radiant purple, as a small magical spiral slowly formed at the tip.

“What are you doing?” Chrysalis asked. The several necklaces of the Elements of Harmony she wore clanged loudly against each other with each movement she made.

Twilight Sparkle ignored her and focused her power even more. The spiral grew larger and larger until it reached about a foot in size. Her eyes shot open suddenly, revealing they had become entirely white. A magical blast shot from her horn that blinded everypony nearby.

When Queen Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon regained their vision they stared, dumbfounded, at Twilight Sparkle. Floating above her was the only thing that could possibly defeat both of them. They didn’t stand a chance.

“No!” Nightmare Moon cried. “Not the new Mierda Taco Supreme Oober Melt ©!”

“Its masterful blend of beef, steak, chicken, sour cream and twelve different types of cheeses all inside of a fresh tortilla that’s available now for a limited time only in your neighborhood Taco Bell for $4.99 is too powerful for even me!” Chyrsalis screamed in fear.

She and Nightmare Moon backed away from Twilight Sparkle who climbed the steps of the pyramid, the Mierda Taco Supreme Oober Melt © dangling in front of her magically. The green force field shattered from the taco’s sheer awesomeness, allowing Twilight Sparkle to walk up to her foes.

“It’s too… BEAUTIFUL!” Nightmare Moon fell to her haunches and wept. The taco shone before her, bathing her in a magnificent golden light. Within a few seconds, she reverted back to Princess Luna.

“I am unable to harness such amazing power! I am vanquished!” Queen Chrysalis screamed as she melted into a puddle.

“Twilight! We did it!” Pinkie Pie cheered as she and her friends rushed the purple unicorn. They all embraced each other in a large hug.

“No, we didn’t do it. The new Mierda Taco Supreme Oober Melt ©did it!” She exclaimed, a smile on her face.

She and her friends laughed aloud as Twilight took a large bite out of the taco, sour cream and cheese sauce dripping to the ground. Suddenly they freeze-framed, the laughter awkwardly continuing.

“So…. What did you guys think?” Ted asked the members of the board. He and his co-worker Bill stood next to a television, silently. They had spent months working on a commercial to advertise the new Mierda Taco Supreme Oober Melt © that was due out any month now.

Greg Creed, President and CEO of Taco Bell, wore a smile on his face as he rose from his executive chair.

“Gentlemen…” Mr. Creed walked over to Bill and Ted, both of which exchanged relieved expressions on their faces. He extended his right hand and shook Bill and Ted’s hands, smiling.

“That was horrible. You’re both fired.”


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Comments ( 57 )

I'd like to thank Taco Bell for the inspiration and for providing a massive amount of food for my college experience (and for giving me energy to write this in 2 hours).
And I'd like to thank the love of my life, my soul mate, and the greatest person in the world: Me.
Ok, fine. And everyone who reads this. You all rock. Keep being kickass bronies! :pinkiehappy:

RIP Flouncin Freddy. Keep surfing them seas o' cheese :rainbowhuh:

EDIT: Can someone tell me why my story is mentioned on a thread in Equestria Daily? Page Three of comments: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/01/source-i-dont-think-intensedebate-has.html#idc-cover

My god... Its...Beautiful.

Now receive my Big toe, because i already gave you all my thumbs.

P.S If someone says "Mierda Taco Supreme Oober Melt sounds AWESOME!!!!" I'll shit myself laughing.

I... I have to admit, the picture is what brought me here.

I loved it :pinkiehappy:
so ridiculous, so funny, so awesome!

and the Bill and Ted reference, was like, totally unexpected and gnarly brah!

Shit taco? GOOD GOD :pinkiecrazy:

I don't know if I love you or hate you for this :rainbowlaugh: I'd so buy tacos if ponies were on a commercial

558160 I will take your toe! And I will treasure its toe-iness FOREVER. :pinkiecrazy:

558178 My goal was to pick the cutest picture I could find of pony's and tacos. :derpytongue2: Glad to see it worked :rainbowlaugh:

558194 Twilight is best taco :twilightsmile:

558215 Oh God, I didn't even notice :rainbowlaugh: I guess I got Bill and Ted on my brain :pinkiecrazy:

I will like this only so you will continue writing "Cliffhangers." I WANT MOAR :pinkiecrazy: NOW TO READ IT
edit: It was a stupid mish-mash of awesomeness :rainbowlaugh:


Taco Bell is shit... :derpytongue2::trollestia:

doesn't matter. It still defeats evil!


Sending request to the president to use massive boxes of Taco Bell instead of nuclear missiles to shoot at the enemy.....558420

558429 Hey :pinkiegasp:
don't mock me! that's how we won the Gulf War!:pinkiehappy:

I'm going to buy tacos now. You bastard you... :trollestia:

This reminded me why I'm watching you in the first place :rainbowlaugh:

558448 Now if I could convince Taco Bell to give me money for this....

I shall be doing a doing a Dramatic Reading of this story.

558616 LE GASP! I NEED A LINK WHEN ITS DONE :pinkiegasp:
That would be hilarious :rainbowlaugh:

Yeah, i will. I have done one on another author named Dashie222. It helps with my Voice Acting. And by the look of this. It will be gold

558634 DAMN! I wish I had a guitar like that :pinkiegasp:

Mr. Creed...



W R O N G!!!

Seriously, I would buy ten of those because of this commercial.

558907 Right? Even though roughly translated its: "Shit Taco Supreme Oober Melt" I'd eat about 50 :derpytongue2:

:rainbowhuh: <Royal Canterlot Voice







559752 I'm guessing you liked it :trollestia:

I went into this not knowing what to expect.

I left this not knowing dafuq I read.

I keep returning to this because I am laughing so hard.

Good job, sir/madam.


559869 Thank you! Happy you liked it :rainbowlaugh:

What was this? Oh. Wow. Maybe I'll start eating tacos again because of this awesomeness.:derpyderp1:

You stopped eating tacos? What kinda life youve been livin boy?:ajbemused:

The picture... it's Taco Belle!! *badum pshh!*

Yeah, okay, that was terrible. Shush. :facehoof:

560945 Umm, it wasnt good from the lack of tacos, I just don't know what went wrong:derpyderp1::fluttercry:

I think I got a headache from just trying to process the absurdity of this commercial. I want someone to make this happen.

*claps* good job, good sir:moustache:

562913 About 2 hours worth of eating taco's and boredom :derpytongue2:

My reaction.

i.imgur.com/UmgQl.gif [youtube=LwfIpCQ2TC0]

I can't breathe.
Too much lolz.
Random derpy

WHAT DA FUCK DID I JUST READ??????????????????????:rainbowhuh::unsuresweetie::derpyderp2::applejackconfused::applejackunsure::trixieshiftright:

All that I could think about during the final scene was :"Don't thank me, thank Justice Fruit Pies!"

619260 Easily the greatest comment I've ever gotten :rainbowlaugh:

700963 And then my life got that much better. Thank you for that :rainbowlaugh:

I was about to stop reading at the beginning, but I had to know why tacos had anything to do with it.
Obviously, I'm glad I stayed. Now my brain is full of a mix of ponies eating tacos and Justice Fruit Pies. That is indeed and weird mixture. I wouldn't reccommend eating it...
619260 I thought that too!

559752 GOLD. Now someone needs to animate this and make a real commercial.

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