• Member Since 26th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

keam


Neardy little fanfic reader who is trying to make her own. Love talking and you can allways feel free to send a PM.

T

Dreams. The one place where we can express our deepest secrets and desires without having to fear anypony ever finding out. After all, in our dreams we're all alone...or are we? There is stories, about a mare, who can walk into ponies dreams, and protect us from nightmares. But what if this mysterious mare one day would step into a dream she was not meant to see?



Collaboration with ScratchnTavi
Edited by ForgottenExistance

Chapters (5)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 35 )

hope to read more soon

5623481
More today! :)

I enjoyed the story but i have to admit to feeling a little lost at times with the dialouge, I'm not sure if its the grammar or the way Luna speaks, but I can't quite follow what was going on at some points.

5624257
Give me an example, and I'll see if I can clarify, or at least see what's the problem.

There is stories, about a mare, who can walk into ponies dreams, and protect us from nightmares.

Are.

I'm going to start with the nitpicks because I'm a jerk... (actually, because I tend to forget minor complaints really, really fast...)

The smallest one would be that you wrote in authors notes-thingy, who's point of view we're going to read, but in the epilogue, you changed that to simple text. As I already said, nothing major, it somehow just threw me off. :trixieshiftright:
I would've liked to see more of Twilights thoughts here, especially concerning her reasons to fall for Luna. (Shouldn't be too hard to find some reasons, since Luna is... well... Luna, if you know what I mean. :twilightsheepish:) I also would've liked to read a more elaborate explanation as to why she was able to break Lunas shields surrounding her room so easily. I tend to see Tia and Luna like Thor and Loki - one is a diplomatic stronghold, able to use raw power, if need be, the other seems more fragile first, but is kind of a trickster and a really experienced magical powerhouse... just like Twi. So I imagine it being quite difficult to break a spell made by Luna.
With so much time given, I can easily see Twilight getting lost in her feelings for Luna, and I can see her crush growing into more, maybe even love, yes. But for Luna... although you managed her change of mind to be believable, it still was a little stretch for her to first be panicky about the whole mess and then throw a 'I love you too' out there. That being said, her change of heart altogether came a little too sudden. She's wandering around, wondering why she's thinking this or that, then she looks at some pictures and has some sort of... epiphany? And suddenly, she does everything to make it up to Twilight. I can see that happening - but I can see it happening in a dozen different ways. It feels like there should've been more explanation. Or more time to pass, more dialogue, maybe she confesses to her sister in the end and receives some advice, maybe she wanders the halls of their old castle, remembering how she completely lost it out of feeling rejected and alone, something, anything.
And the last point - although no real complaint - why was Discord there? Actually, come to think of it, it probably would've been hilarious to see more of him. Some sort of 'plan' of his. (Although I doubt that he even has something worthy to be called 'a plan'.)

With those nitpicks out of the way: It was a nice story. :twilightsmile: I smiled a lot, I giggled from time to time and I had to read through without any break. I just had to. I especially liked your portrayal of Tia and her and Lulus way of interacting. It was interesting to get a little peek into their minds by just observing how they chose their words with each other in different situations.

Thank you.

5628681
First off, the POV of the epilogue was not written in the A/N because I felt I wanted to dedicat the A/N to the wonderful people who helped me woth this.
The epilogue became short because of time pressure and lack of ideas. The hole point with the library scene, which I wrote, was to get Luna to
A) remember the delegates
B) Show off her hidden feelings for Twilight to the reader.
The spell breacking and stuff you'll have to confront my oartner about, ScratchnTavi. She wrote that part. But don't ask her about Discord, which she added to the story. She asked us not to.

I'm really glad youliked the story. The Tia and Lulu interactions was mostly a result of the talent of my partner ScratchnTavi, though! ;)

5628717
That sounds like you can only place one authors note, at the beginning or end of a chapter - am I right in assuming that? That's something I just didn't know about. Thank you for explaining, though. :pinkiesmile:

5628681

It was a personal shield.
Means family, friends and such can enter. (At least in my opinion)
Twilight knew that and her strong love for Luna allowed her to simply pass through the spell and enter the room.

5628815
Yes, you can only place one A/N. NP.

5628830
Ah I see. An interesting idea. Some exposition to that would've been useful, though. :pinkiesmile:

My, that escalated quickly. Could have maybe broke that into two chapters.

While I adore just about anything that is TwiLuna, I had to big problems with this story; everything moved too fast and some of the spelling/grammar mistakes were glaringly bad and kind of threw off the flow of the story for me. Other than that is was a lovely little tail that I wished could have been longer.

5727274
Thanks for liking it, despit the problems.

For some strange ass reason, I just pictured Luna running away yodeling during that last scene..... bed now XD

5989697 XD Great; now I will picture her doing that during the last scene.

this makes me think, what if Twi was having night mares of Luna rejecting her and that's how Luna finds out about Twi, how do you help someone like that

6179676 Good question

what i hate about this story is that when it ended i wanted more X3

6189384 So you want a sequel? my writing partner have suggested somethign similare but there have been no time so far

6189394 lol i wish i knew that feeling X3

well it was the line, "nobles would say about such a behaviour" i would like to know what some of them have to say also i love to see there dating as both of them shouldn't be that good at making dates X3

6189945
Yeah, it is a good idea.... though we'll see if it'll happeb

Dreams.
The one place where we can express our deepest secrets
and desires without having to fear anypony ever finding out.
After all, in our dreams we're all alone...
or are we?

JOSEPH E. LEVINE PRESENTS
IN ASSOCIATION WITH KEAM PRODUCTIONS
PART OF THE GROUP OF COMPANIES OWNED OR CONTROLLED BY JESSE COFFEY PRODUCTIONS, INC.
AN AVCO EMBASSY FILM
KATHRYN LEIGH SCOTT in
MOON AND STARS
ALSO STARRING
JANE MERROW - JOANNA PETTET - FRANCO NERO - LIONEL JEFFRIES - JOHN CASTLE
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER JOSEPH E. LEVINE
MUSIC SCORE BY JACOB BADING
SCREENPLAY BY DAFFODIL SPARK AND SCRATCHNTAVI
PRODUCED BY DAFFODIL SPARK AND JESSE COFFEY
DIRECTED BY SCRATCHNTAVI

AN AVCO EMBASSY RELEASE
PANAVISIONĀ® IN COLOR
Copyright Ā© MCMLXX by Keam Productions, part of the Group of Companies Owned or Controlled by Jesse Coffey Productions, Inc., and Avco Embassy Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

6571370
Hope you noticed I colaborated (a lot) witht he oh so talent ScratchnTavi, who suggested the project and ended up doing a lot of the work

6572663 Oh well, as such, I have revised your poster for this project - although I get an error message whenever I attempt to go to his page for some reason.

6573038 I know you get an error message, its because he's named SpookyscrathnTavi (or something alike) for the Holidays

Well I'm a super dumb mare it seems.
Found a folder in docs with the name SmallTwiLuna and pondered days what the hay it is.
Now I figured it out.
It's this story...
Oh my...
I'm getting pretty forgetful these last days. :twilightsheepish:

7791598 LOL It was soem time ago wasn't ti?

7791692
It was^^
We should do it again xD

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!