• Member Since 19th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Eddy13


A major fan of FlutterDash, comedy, adventure, and other MLP things.

Sequels1

E

It's Hearts and Hooves Day and Rainbow Dash has something important to tell her marefriend, Fluttershy. The thing is, can she work up the courage?

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 27 )

Aww...
so sweet
so cute
i like

best friend turned marefriend Fluttershy.

best-friend-turned-marefriend, Fluttershy.

“Hello, Madams.” He said to the pair. “May I take your order.”

Question mark.

Cute. Short, for sure, but cute. I liked it.

I was going to tell you about an awesome FlutterDash proposal story, but I don't want to ruin the surprise.

5618285

I was going to tell you about an awesome FlutterDash proposal story, but I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Not even a name?

Wait, you mean it isn't done yet?

This was okay... but it definitely could have been longer. Instead, it's like you took a shortcut through everything. Flesh out the entire day of Hearts and Hooves. It would have done your story a lot of good to expand. I like the premise but rushing it like this does it no good. For example, have them do more on Hearts and Hooves. You can show more of Rainbow Dash's anxiousness on whether or not she should propose, whether she feels ready for this, and if Fluttershy wants to move on with their relationship to this level.

Moving on to the writing itself, you were always vague with details and that really hurts your work. For example, you do very little to describe how Rainbow Dash fixes herself up, and what Fluttershy looks like. And then there's the "fancy" restaurant. Don't just tell us it's fancy! Show!

5618367 nothing is done yet! I'm way too lazy for anything to be done!

5618507 But you said there was a surprise and it was gonna be awesome! What are you planning?!

5618541 I'm planning on finishing a story I'm writing. No further comment.

5618661 Take your time.

But get it done!

If that's okay with you.

And make it awesome!

Please?

Thanks!

5618738 eventually. I may need to rewrite it.

5618384
Looking back, I realize I could've expanded on details, unfortunately, I didn't think about that when I was writing. Also, I wanted this to be mainly Rainbow Dash's point of view hence why we didn't see Fluttershy's indecisiveness when she accepted. Still, glad you like the premise of the story. It's very original since while we see a lot of FlutterDash stories were they're either dating or married, there aren't that many involving a proposal and the wedding.

Hold the phone, were they planning to MAKE OUT?

5619315 It's important for your readers to be able to picture whats going on. What I mean is Rainbow Dash would worry about: how she herself feels about it, how Fluttershy would feel, and if she is ready as well. It's a very real conflict for sure though. As a writer, it is tempting to tell not show when you should flesh out details.

One of the oldest actually involves that, though I don't think it was even on this site.

5619912
Think further. :raritystarry:

>>Eddy13 Oh my Lord...

Dawww,so sweetand cute! I think you broke somehting in me!

D'aaaawww! I really enjoyed this story! It was just the perfect length, and I feel you did a good job expressing the characters. I'll definitely be reading more of your stories now. Well done!

5655569
Funny, super3rainbow1 thought it should've been longer and that I should've delved deeper into the characters. Oh, well, I guess everyone's got their own opinion. Anyway, glad you liked the story and that you're keeping an eye out for my stories. Hope you like them!

Eh.
This was certainly not bad, but...

Too short. That's the killer here. There's a bit of a lack of detail, and adding in said detail knocks out two birds with one stone.

I know this has been said a thousand times, but Show, don't Tell.

Don't get me wrong, it was still very cute!
~ Wywint

Nice story :).
You might consider adding in breaks - i.e. *** between different scenes to slow the pacing down a bit.
I think it would really make the story read in a more dramatic way.

Also, I'm guessing every here knows what RD and Flutter's Gala outfits look like,
but it would have been nice to have a short description of them anyway.

Tears weld up

Welled up.

BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! :pinkiehappy: So Sweet!

she had applied some eyeshadow that perfectly complicated the shade of her eyes.

I think you mean "she had applied some eyeshadow that perfectly complimented the shade of her eyes"
but I could be wrong
Other than a few grammatical errors, I give this my like, with how adorable it is :twilightsmile: especially the ending.

I cant stop dawwing over this! Bravo!:raritystarry::yay:

6047253
Then you should be excited to know that I'm currently starting the first chapter of the sequel which involves the wedding. Let's just say that compared to what our favorite pegasi pair will have to deal with, Shining Armor and Cadence getting to the altar will look like cake (but not wedding cake).

Really nice and cute little story :twilightsmile: I can imagine a Flutterdash proposal playing out much like this. Good work!

I'm looking forward to reading about the wedding. How's progress on it?

6353577
I actually fell behind on it, but I intend to get the first chapter of it out eventually.

It gets really spicy at the end, oh my...

Angel and the critters must be struggling to sleep that night, huh? :yay::rainbowwild:

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