When our favorite purple princess finds a mysterious discovery in her family scrolls, she takes to the books and is determined to finish the mystery. But, as the story unfolds, the truth is that she's only discovered a fraction of what is yet to come. Starting with two of her old enemies, who are now her best friends.
Page generated in 0.067 seconds
Total duration
862 users online
1,256,588 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
While I absolutely like the concept of this story, it's incredibly fast-paced and rushed. It's hard to keep up with, the ponies don't really take any time to reflect on what all this means, the scene constantly changes, and there's a ton of characters serving no real purpose for the plot. (Like, say, the Dazzlings. Why are they there? They're cool and all, but are they relevant?) And Sunrise came completely out of nowhere with no explanation and no indication of being relevant, yet the characters act like she is.
You've got a good concept here, but like I said, incredibly rushed. You could have easily extended this to five times its length and allowed some character interaction and reflection to make it much more interesting.
I'd still like to see more. Your grammar is quite good, as well.
Except the Dazzlings are not ponies
Aren't the dazzlings dragon thingies?
5634303
They have cutie marks.
5638383
Sea ponies, altered sea ponies.
Shoo be doo, shoo shoo be doo.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
5634188
I normally complain about things being too long, but this is incredibly rushed.
Also "Sunset and Trixie are related to twilight BAM ALICORNIZED" their alicorning has nothing to do with their own personal growth or development, it's utterly unearned, they learn some trivial knowledge and are granted the reward of enlightenment.
5640361 No, they don't
5640458 they actually do.
5641521 nope
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/rainbow_rocks_-_sirens_2142.png
5643378 well, their human forms did.
Ok so Completely rushed there things there are things that are irrelevant the dazzlings what's up with them you don't give any description of who twilight,trickier and sunset are related ,the story bounces and has many plot holes we also don't know what's going on with this new character oh and also we should have had a description of this secret that we barely know anything about and how and why sunset knew that she and twilight were related ,also making trickier a royal advisor just to get her to come to twilight that's just cold dude
Seriously who does that and why does Luna bow to this sunrise pony figure she's the god damn fricking princess and this figure even show that they are below them by saying that Tia is her "queen"! Jesus Christ!!