• Member Since 7th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen February 23rd

Ace66


Im me what else u want to know

E

Twilight was loving being a princess and was just learning how to use her wings... Until she lost them and her princess status. But a new pony from the human world with a special necklace called a light amulet cheers her up and now that person has a big adventure in front of him... To find the secrets of the amulet and his unknowing family, while trying to win twilights heart.

*this story is also on fanfiction.net but with edits and the person who made that one was me so pls don't sue me or whatever.*

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 91 )

5614600
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...

Dear author, I strongly suggest you read the writing guide.

*this story is also on fanfiction.net but with edits and the person who made that one was me so pls don't sue me or whatever.*

I suggest you either go back to fanfic.net, or learn how to adapt here. I say this because this site's users are not known for sugarcoating everything like those of the other does.

You edited this thing, really? You missed more than half the capitalizations.

mlp fim the light of our hearts

HAHAHAHA oh man...the title say it all....:rainbowlaugh:
Next time. read other fiction.

mlp fim the light of our hearts

Wow. Congratulations, you broke the record for "Worst Fimfic Title".

MOTHER OF GOD NO!!!!

You may want to use capital letters. In your title. That would help. Oh well, at least the cover is a earth pony. (I am fully aware I am not one to talk)

5614851 Thank you kindly. We shall commence...

5614859 Where is the author? I wonder if there will be drama...

5614862 Most likely hiding under a rock from the mobs of critics.

a special necklace called a light amulet

Is it made out of CRAYOLA FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC AND ACRYLIC PAINT?

while trying to win twilights heart

[youtube=YmHi_BLh3Mw]

this story is also on fanfiction.net

Comment holocaust in three, two,

5614871 Possibly. If not, he's gonna get a shock when he comes back!

5614880
That fucking video. Oh my God, dude. I understand now.

5614903 I've never had my comment deleted before. If it does happen, I'll rather look forward to it.

5614862
If the author is half-savvy, there won't be any.

5614919 And if they're not, prepare for the clusterfuck!

Twilight was loving being a princess and was just learning how to use her wings... Until she lost them and her princess status. But a new pony from the human world with a special necklace called a light amulet cheers her up and now that person has a big adventure in front of him... To find the secrets of the amulet and his unknowing family, while trying to win twilights heart.
*this story is also on fanfiction.net but with edits and the person who made that one was me so pls don't sue me or whatever.*

Oh God.
This can't be real. Oh, whatever.
TIME FOR A RIDE!i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/000/099/what-is-love-570898416.gif

fanfiction.net

No wonder this sucks shit. Unlike ff.net, we demand the absolute quality and don't like it when trash like this is submitted.

*Throws fanfic back at OP."

MAKE IT AGAIN AND DO IT RIGHT!

5614859
5614897
5614832
Do not worry, comrades! I have called in Ivan to assist!
i60.tinypic.com/28cnb6q.jpg

Twilight was loving being a princess and was just learning how to use her wings... Until she lost them and her princess status. But a new pony from the human world with a special necklace called a light amulet cheers her up and now that person has a big adventure in front of him... To find the secrets of the amulet and his unknowing family, while trying to win twilights heart.

reactiongifs.com/r/ohboy.gif
---

I don't own mlp

Duh

Twilight was flying around, enjoying her wings, at her castle

Don't you just, love unnecessary, commas?

and notices her friends at the balcony and meets up with them for tea.

Okay, you need to slow the fuck down, sunshine!
You haven't even bothered to take the time to describe the events, the surroundings, what kind of day it is. It's like you're a pissed off tour guide who wants this day to be over and done with now.

Twilight then spots flash sentry,

Oh no

and tells the girls " this is it, I'm finally going to ask him out, wish me luck."

And in one sentence, you've lost my respect.
reactiongifs.com/r/scsc.gif

And as she walks over there, with her friends eagerly watching, she feels something strange

A feeling of disgust you only experience when put in a terrible fanfiction

and stops and then notices her wings are starting to shrink and she panics and runs to the girls,

Why?
What made her think her friends would know anything about shrinking wings?

who are trying to stop them from shrinking, but it was to late ... Twilights wings were gone.

Well, duh!
What could they honestly do to help? I mean out of Twilight's five friends, only two are Pegasi, and they're not exactly fabled scholars.

then her castle started to shake and shrink

That's why you use foundations

"what happened!?' rd asked

who's "rd"?

"I don't know! Lets ask Princess celestia, she's bound to know!"

Really, you're just jumping straight to Celestia?
No brief moment of shock or intrigue as to why Twilight's lost her wings and her castle has shrunk to a shrub?

"I don't know what happened twilight... But i regret to tell you that you can no longer be a princess, I'm sorry."

I just had to check this was an Alternate Universe, because Celestia would never be that much of a dick in our universe

And twilight gets shocked by what she said and sad.

Dear god it's like an 8 year old is writing this

celestia glanced back and asked herself "I hope Im doing the wright thing."

I don't know, what is the wright thing?

Night fell when everything was unpacked and settled in... Everything except twilight who cried to sleep in her bed.

Everyone, or rather Everypony, seeing as how Twilight is a living sentient being and not an inanimate object. At least in the story.

In the human world there is a blue skinned, spiky haired, person named Ryan

I hate him already. Plus, you say he's in the human world, but has blue skin, so he's in the EQ world. So the question is, why is his name so unfitting?
Unless... my god... We're dealing with a self insert here people!
littlegreenfootballs.com/weblog/img/dragonath/2013/06/17/panic.gif

He started having a dream about a purple pony who was crying

And began to hump the bed

he went to that pony in the form of a blue pony and wiped a tear from her face and asks

"Won't you slobber on my schlong"

And the purple pony awnsers "I used to be a princess, but now I lost my wings and I'm not a princess anymore."

I am now 80% sure this was written by children

And Ryan says to her "so, just because your not a princess now doesn't mean you won't be one again, and maybe even a better one."

Wrong!
Royals are evil, once you're out, you're out for good!

"you... You really thinks so?"

"Then you're stupid for thinking so" Twilight says matter-of-factly

And Ryan says "I know so, now no more crying."

"Bitch, don't tell me how to live my life"

the purple pony then asks him "what's your name?" Ryan tells her his name and twilight giggles, cause its not a normal name to her,

GEE, YA' FAKIN THINK SO?!

"my name is twilight sparkle, nice to meet you." Ryan then says "that's a beautiful name."

It's also a name that suits the media that you're story is set in

And then the 2 look into each other's eyes,

Oh no

lean in

OH NO!

and kiss,

and when their lips touched a flash of light appeared and ryan woke up with his alarm

That's called a rape spell, it stuns rapists. Don't be alarmed when the police arrive.

He then looks outside and then looks at the sun

Ouch

He looks at his nightstand and sees a necklace and a letter from his aunt,

This is the first story I've ever read to feature, or imply, SonXAunt incest. BRAVO!

he then puts on his new necklace and goes to school to see his friends,

They're not your friends

rainbo dash,

You couldn't even spell rainbow
redsarmy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/nicholas.gif

Twilight wakes up, feeling alot better after having that dream, looks at the sun and smiles.

No, say it isn't so!

"uh, how ya feeling?"
" alot better actually... thanks to him."

NO!
She has Stockholm Syndrome

*knock, knock*

This ain't a script, sunshine

Twilight goes to the door, and when she opens it pinkie bursts in singing, with the others (except rainbow dash)

My god, he got to Rainbow Dash too?
But he already had rainbo dash!
Is no one safe?!

"but how, weren't you crying last night, (gasp)

I feel like you're trying to pawn off a play to use, disguised as a story.

"Then how come you feel better all the sudden,

Yeah, especially as how this Ryan only went and mind raped you!

back in the human world school was ended and Ryan was dying to catch up with his friends but was saddened to hear that they had things to do back home.

Things that they wanted to do with their FRIENDS, which YOU AREN'T

"Don't worry, we'll catch up tomorrow."

Fluttershy said, moving just to the left to avoid the Sniper's aim

when he gets home he messes with his special necklace wondering why it's so special.

It's the Gary Stu necklace, it gives you the power of a Gary Stu

"Maybe it's some sort of ancient puzzle, or it has a hidden light for sending morse code or seeing in the dark?"

That seems awfully specific

Ryan opens his eyes and notices that he's in a forest and looks down and also notices he's a blue pony. He screams and says "WHAT THE HAY HAPPENED TO ME! WHY AM I A PONY!"

I know I skipped a paragraph, but that's because it's so boring and serves no purpose.
Why are you a pony?
BAD WRITING, MY BOY!

he then looks at his necklace and says "did this bring me here, and turn me into this?"

It's a necklace, it's not gonna' tell you shit

He then looks around for an exit from the forest.

Why did I think you'd be in a different location

And when he finds one he takes it and enters into ponyville amazed at what he sees "wow!"

He looks around and sees earth ponies, Pegasus's, and unicorns

Pegasi

but while not paying attention he got in the way of rd's landing and she rams into him.

blogs.olin.edu/olinformer/so%20it%20begins.gif

Your name wouldn't happen to be rainbow dash, would it?" rd looks at him and says "Yeah."

No, it's 'rd'

"what happened to you why do you look like that?"

It's a condition

"do I know you."

WHO THE FUCK IS TALKING RIGHT NOW?

"Oh man im late, come with me you can tell me once we get to the library."

No, that's a very bad idea!

rd grabs him and rushes him to the library and he clashs into some books as they get in.

rd should put her feud with books aside

He shakes his head to get the book of his face and looks at twilight and both their eyes widened.

Unless even the books have an obscene attraction to you, this isn't necessary

"HOW ARE YOU HERE!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MADE UP!?" They both scream.

No one should be that happy to meed their rapist

"uh, where'd you get him from rainbow?"

"That bin over yonder" she replied

"Not only that", Ryan then says, "but I know that your applejack, pinkie pie, rarity, and fluttershy, ...you all look like a different version of my friends in this other world that my necklace took me from and sent me here."

That definitely doesn't sound preposterous or creepy

"Yea it's called a light amulet ... Wait how'd I know that?"

Your gary stu powers are kicking into action

"anyway, how do you know twilight?"

The My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Wiki

"oh, well she was crying in a dream I had and I cheered her up."

If cheered up, you mean violated, then sure

celestia then walks in and says "twilight I know how you must feel about this situation so I came by to..." Celestia pauses and looks at Ryan.

No, no she didn't, no one just walks in. This really must be a play, and there should have been a round of applause after Celestia walked in

Ryan says to her "hi there my names Ryan, who are you?"

Blandest OC in the universe

"you are..."
"I told you, Ryan."

Cool it kid, you keep it up like this and you won't be a princess anymore

"uh yes right um, I am princess celestia, nice to meet you."

Why did she stutter and pause?
Unless his harem extends to the royal family as well!

"Oh, wow a princess, I'm sorry." He then bows "I didn't know you were a princess."

I'm sorry, did the crown, fine jewellery, ornate and ceremonial armour and obvious size difference not give you a vaguest hint?

"okay cool." Celestia then continues to look at him. " Um,is there something on my face?"

"wait," Ryan grabs her shoulder with his hoof, "weren't you going to say something to twilight?"

Bitch, you do NOT touch royalty, lest you be hung, drawn and quartered

"oh, yes, how are you feeling twilight?"
"I feel fine, thanks to Ryan." Twilight awnsers
"oh."

What kind of fucking reaction is that?!

"oh, uh, no reason" celestia then leaves.
and when she does Ryan says to the girls "now on to more pressing matters as to... HOW DO I GET BACK TO MY WORLD!"

You don't, and even if you could, you wouldn't.
Don't you see kid, this is your only chance to fuck your waifus, you sick barstard!

Pinkie then blurts out "I know, what happened you first got here?"

Of course she does

"wait," twilight interrupts "is this world a human world by any chance?"
"yeah, how'd you know?"

Lucky guess?

"I've been there before and I met you friends, but they didn't tell me about you."

He has no friends

"oh, well then I'm going to have to ask them about it." He then slaps his amulet and then he dissapered with a flash of light from the amulet, and reappears in the human world.

You keep slapping it and it will break...
So, do us all a favour and slap da' shit outta' it

"it worked," Ryan says in triumph "I wonder?" He slaps his amulet again and realises that he can go between worlds with his amulet, he goes back to his home and lies in his bed, grabs his amulet and looks at it while it dangles in front of him "I wonder what other secrets this thing has?"

That was actually painful to read

i don't own mlp, I ownly own Ryan.

We know
---
Welp, this screenplay is beyond redemption. There is nothing that can be done to salvage it, so you get a very special star.

media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma86wbii741qeimln.png

I'm not late to the party, am I?

This fic looks atrocious. Have you even read a fanfic here yet?

.... I haven't even read it yet! This grammar is atrocious! Can I hop on the boat with whoever is trying to survive????





I'm not trying to be mean, I'm random. If you want, I'll help you with this. I can tell you're new to this.

Is it bad that I don't want him to improve just to see where this goes?

Self Insert Research

Ace66's Ponysona
fimfiction-static.net/images/avatars/216628_256.jpg?1423609660

Ace66's OC in story
fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/247263_r.jpg?1423609515

Conclusion: My hypothesis was correct and this is definitely a self insert.

At least you got trips in your word count.

Check em guys

Heresy! Remove this filth!
(Shoots Needler at fic)

Comment posted by SiIver Spoon deleted Feb 11th, 2015

5615134

Naw man, you're not too late. We were just about to roast some marshmallows,

5615360
(looks at your profile pic, looks at mine) Well...this is awkward...

5615423
Oh I know, I was just referring to the irony of our pics meeting up like this! :twilightsmile:

5615428 I prefer the term luck over irony:twilightsmile:.

5615440
Well, that is one of the traits that the Chief had going for him, according to Cortana. :twilightsmile:

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