When Twilight goes to confirm her theories on how the Mirror Pool works with clones, it was going to be a quick experiment and nothing more. But in all scientific achievements, there is always a margin for error. And with Twilight no mistake is ever small. Will this one bring only pain and sadness, or perhaps change what we all once thought to be true?
Thank you to The Albinocorn and Zodiacspear for prereading, and thank you to Rated Ponystar for letting me bring your idea to life.
Chapters (2)
I was glad to have helped with this story. This little prebit to the larger fiction was just the right touch. Hope everyone enjoys this story!
Humm I thought it might be something like Soul transference, though it makes me wonder could it work with a normal pony or is it just because Twilight is an alicorn? I have always thought that when Twilight ascended her original body was vaporized and she came back in a new Alicorn body. Another thought I had is that Alicorns are immortal but in a non-standard way, that is when their mortal body dies their souls seek out a receptive mare and make her pregnant, with them, and when they become adults remember thier former lives. if this logic is in place then when Twilight got killed her soul simply found a much more convenient vessel, a soulless copy of her body that was still alive, it was already an adult so the delay was the time needed for Twilight's real memories to reassert themselves.
Implied Twilestia? Is that actually going anywhere or is it just... there?
5642907 It may in sequel.
5642922 Then I'll more than likely read it.
Wonderful story as usual. Nice work Jumbled!
Holy shit. o.o
This was amazing, and grim, and just wow. I'm glad she's back, it's interesting to think about. Though I guess I gotta feel disturbed by a few thinks. Like Celestia and the Dis-corpse thing. If the "real" was revived, would Twilight's clone-hopping soul go back? Speaking of which, if the clone could become intelligent, does it just not have a soul, or did it's shallow clone of a soul not matter in the process.
It's a really odd thing, and it must be terribly difficult for her parents. Especially since no one outside of her friends right now know about this whole ordeal.
These are not flaws or critiques for your writing, but legit things that you wrote well and just have eerie implications. I'd say it'd almost venture into the Dark tag if thought about hard enough.
But yeah, kudos on the story. Figures the first thing I read from you in forever is something amazeballs.
Is that so?
Second part and third part of the sentence should be transposed.
"To most it would be something to merely pass by, and under other circumstances she might not have done anything with it, but she knew its importance."
The funeral scene felt like too much build-up. I stuck with it because I was so interested in learning what came next, but you just kept slathering on description and I got bored. Maybe shorten it? Mane 5 reactions are crucial, of course, and Shining Armor's reaction was also important, but I didn't feel Cadance's was so crucial; all that was needed was a simple acknowledgement that she was there, and the same with Twi's parents.
Specifically, where you put the funeral scene was too much. If it was the winding down of the fic, that would be different, but this funeral is a build-up and your readers know it. They're wanting to move on, not dwell on something they already felt the emotion in.
People, huh?
This has a few bits of LUS. No reason to use pointless description, just use pronouns. Pronouns are something your eyes glance over in reading and makes the experience a lot smoother. No point in having to remind yourself of who's being talked about every time you run across a pink mare or a bouncy mare.
A few human-specific descriptions--I pointed out two, but saw about five, I think. Maybe fix those.
Gripes are always easier than praise for me, and I'd rather get them out of the way first. This had a lot of good. I love sad, dark stories, and this has some dark undertones and implications, though not enough to merit the dark tag. As far as what you're setting out to create in the sequel, I think this is a solid beginning.
You did well on the emotion. Most all of the in-story description was very much in-line with character portrayal; there wasn't anything that I felt was too far out of the realm of possibility.
You gave me... the feels.
The original twilight shot that magic, right?
Wouldn't the body be slightly less...stable? It's a clone, so...
5662952 No, clone shot the magic.
i feel like there's a chapter missing in between her dying and hijacking the clones body. I know you glossed over it when twi was talking to her friends, but still.
I loved this story, well written!
Sir Crabington Seal of Approval for this!
Oooh, burn. So much for princesses being equal.
Suddenly, shipping.
Oh, sweet Celestia, you did not just keep a corpse to play with. That's a black comedy burst if I ever saw one.
Hmm. So... Mirror Pool clones either have no souls and are meat robots, or their souls get replaced when the original dies. Either way, it's pretty horrifying. Like, imagine you're a clone, wandering around and eating some grass, when the original dies. Suddenly, you cease to exist, having been replaced by someone else. Or is your consciousness merged with the incoming one? So many questions. Perhaps the sequel has the answers. Onward I go.
Wait... wait wait wait. They have necromancy spells? Then why not just bring Twilight back to life in the first place?
Dude. Ew. Seriously?
5662952 nope clone... i i think