Dutch reader/writer. Fan of 2nd pov stories and cuteness overloads!( Profile art made by our Pegasister: natis120!)
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When you've lost anything and everything you once held close... Why... and how... does one stay on the path of righteousness? When everything and everypony has turned its back towards you, not caring if you would rot in the corners of an abandoned alley, what stops one of going into the wrong direction?
"May the Moon and Stars shine your way to better times."
Inspired by SlyphStorm: Soldiers of the Night
Cover art by no other than our lovely pegasister: Natis120 on DeviantArt!
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It's pretty good, enters my favorites. Sweet language (hurray for Luna background!) choices, impacting emotions,
Juuussst, you need to clarify the colt's backstory a bit, I mean, people will get confused with your beginning section when the colt was asking himself questions. If you want to make this better (not as in you did something wrong, I mean as if you have room to make the story more appreciating), try to connect with Luna's character and her past: why you picked Luna to help this colt become a soldier.
I suggest you to use Luna's regular voice and tone, not her Royal Canterlot one, because that's only used when she's announcing something with great intensity.
Annnnd a few spelling errors, don't use numbers, write them in words instead, but that's all. Amazing job!
6761193 Thank you for commenting, your opinion and sharing your thoughts.
The confusing beginning was actually intended to be like that.
I haven't used the Royal Canterlot voice, for indeed there was no reason to. Unless I described her voice wrong?
I'll be sure to look it over and change/add parts to make it more connecting.
6762747
That, is what I mean by Royal Canterlot.
6763177 I see what you mean, although it is not meant to be seen as if she says it with the Royal Canterlot voice. I think I might need to write it a bit different then, that it will come over, not as an announcement, but more as an explanation or so.
Loved it! And, did you draw the cover art?
I find it very deep!
6792021 Credit is given in the description.
And thank you, I hope you'll keep enjoying it.
6792060 I certainly will!
I'm enjoying the story :)
7913263 Cheers mate.
I hope I'll be able to deliver more soon.
This is a beautiful story :) I'm absolutely loving it ... now if only I wasn't becoming sick at the moment :(
8074898 Thank you.
Hope you have a speedy recovery mate!
8076244 found out wensday I have strep throat :(
8081452 Damn...
I hope it isn't a very bad case! Did the doctors say how bad it was?
8084341 well I was supposed to work Thursday and Friday the doctors note said I could go back to work Friday... so I called in sick on Friday I mean costumers at mcdonalds do not want to hear someone who is stuffed up. I'm much better now and my nose is clearing up :D
Oh yay that was descriptively delicious!
8085407 Good to hear of your progress my friend! I can agree that hearing someone stuffed isn't the most appetite thing in the world.
8085771 Any part in particular you enjoyed?
8086016 Fog and Mist moments were the best :)