Omnomnipotent

by All of the Above

Omnomnipotent

Author's Note:

Doom Trot and I sat down and wrote this in under an hour.

They looked up to the sky. The brightness of the sun made them shield their eyes. Aria almost teared up at the sight. Sunset Shimmer nearly threw up. Twilight didn't really know what to think. Nothing really seismic or terrible was really happening, nor has anything changed. Except for, you know, the obvious. The sun was now a cookie.

Nothing besides that has really changed.

"Should... should we... do something?" Aria asked with a look of pure confusion on her face.

The great and mountainous figure in the sky was perched atop his mighty cumulonimbus throne. He stared down upon them with googly eyes, and they stared right back with not so googly eyes.

"I have... not a single clue."

Again, Twilight Sparkle didn't really know what to think. She just looked up at the sky, both in awe and in terror of the fuzzy being up in the sky.

“Cookie!” bellowed the glorious blue deity in the heavens.

The very earth shook at the deity's mighty voice of thunder.

"Me like cookies!"

"We figured!" Aria shouted.

"Would you like cookies?" the monster asked.

"I would love some!" Sonata gleefully responded.

"Well too bad!" The monster laughed! He then speedily turned away and floated away with his throne. He threw a lightning bolt at a nearby building. It became a monumental stack of cookies.

"Hey, that's not very nice! You said we could have cookies!" cried Sonata.

Cookie Monster paused, a deep, godly thought passing over his googly eyes.

"You're right. Me sorry. Cookie Monster share."

Cookie Monster raised his hand above his head. In it energy began to swirl around like a beater stirring cookies. It began to glow hot white, and with a mighty Zeusian throw, Cookie Monster cast his gift upon the school, practically obliterating the entire structure.

Aria, Sonata, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight collected themselves after the apocalypticookie meteorite. Not a single thought passed through any of their brains. But they saw, lying in the wreckage a torn and battered (lol, batter-ed) version of Applejack. Along with Adagio.

"Oh God, Applejack!" Sunset cried.

"Yes?" Cookie Monster asked.

"Oh no, Adagio, noooo," Aria cried.

As Twilight and Sunset attempted to pull Applejack from the wreckage, her torso pulled away from her waist. As Sunset and Twilight screamed in horror, they saw that her entrails were suddenly cookie dough.

They weren't sure whether to laugh or cry.

"Cookie Monster sorry."

"You better be sorry! You killed our friend!" Twilight sobbed.

"I'm still cookie y'all!"

Twilight sobbed even more.

"What's with you and your cookie obsession?!" Aria snapped.

"Cookie great!" explained Cookie Monster. "Would you like another?" He raised his hand above his head once more.

"No, stahp! This one is enough!"

"Okay."

Sonata nibbled a piece of the meteorite cookie much to the chagrin of Adagio, who was still alive and in pain.

"A little help here," Adagio requested.

"Oh... Adagio are you okay?"

"Me sorry if I hurt you."

"... Apology accepted."

"Hooray! Would you like more cookie?"

"No, we're good."

"You sure?"

"I want more!"

Cookie Monster flicked a cookie of normal size in proportion. It landed on the earth with such force that it split the earth. A tsunami of cookies erupted forth.

A stray chocolate chip shot forth from the wave. It made tasty impact with Adagio's head, killing her instantly.

Sonata didn't care, she just kept eating cookies like a madwoman.

"We have more than enough cookies, thank you!" Sunset shouted.

"No more cookie?"

"No! I don't even like cookies!" Aria shouted.

Cookie Monster froze, his plastic, googly eyes suddenly turned into hyper-realistic eyeballs. Their pupils narrowed like a long hallway as they focused intently on Aria.

Aria instantly regretted everything she had ever in her life, ever.

"You," Cookie Monster said with a quiet, almost saddened voice, "You don't like cookie...?"

Aria trembled. She quivered in her boots, almost sorry that she was about to end her life right here, right now.

"No," she said without hesitation.

Cookie Monster shook with a great godly rage. He reached a hand down, pointing a hand towards the heathen. On his command, a lightning bolt shot forth from his cloud throne like a speeding bullet, striking Aria where she stood.

When the Lightning passed, Sunset, Sonata, and Twilight beheld a giant cookie where Aria had once stood. Before they could react, the cookie God bellowed, "Cookie!" He bent down and picked up the cookie with his omnomnipotent fingers. He tossed the cookie in his mouth, eating it rather rigorously.

"Now we feast, loyal disciples!"

---

Centuries passed. Twilight, Sonata, and Sunset recorded the legacies of the great cookie God. Many interpretations of these records led to future wars. Some claimed that Aria was a martyr stricken down by a wrathful deity. Others claimed that Aria was a traitor to Cookie Monster, rightfully devoured by her baker. And no one really cared about Adagio.

The end.

---

"So Scoots, what did you think?" Pinkie said, slamming the book closed.

"What are you doing in my house?" Scootaloo said, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"I just wanted to read you a bedtime story."

"Please leave."

"Okay." Pinkie said jumping off Scoot's bed. And out the window.

Pinkie screamed as she pretended to fall to her death.

"It's a one story house," said Scootaloo.

"Oh, right. Goodnight!"

Scootaloo, annoyed and slightly amused by Pinkie's intrusion rolled to the other side of the bed.

Staring her straight in the face was Cookie Monster. She dared not say a word.

He spoke one word, and one word only.

"Cookie."

Comments

[New Dawn]

.... BEST. STORY. EVER!

[Maxes Altho]

i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/665/097/57b.jpg i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/324/256/3af.gif 3.bp.blogspot.com/-lTakeKurDAU/Tnt3RpICMZI/AAAAAAAAASY/_JK04Fenwf4/s1600/my-mind-is-full-of-fuck.jpg mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-2753864-1-1297054388134.jpg forums.euw.leagueoflegends.com/board/attachment.php?attachmentid=174183&d=1394571219

[Blitz Habanera Tuscania]

I have no bloody idea what I just read. I like that.

[RoseOf1000Thorns]

For no other reason I'm just going to like because friggin' Cookie Monster.

[Somdudewillson]

Please stand by while I figure out what the fuck I just read.

[The Commandant]

Now i have a different perspective on cookies.

[Doom Trot]

lel, dint red

Seriously though, I did not expect such positive reception on this. We had great fun writing this, and I'm glad you guys have enjoyed it.

[All of the Above]

TL;DR.

[David-The-Peach]

5615323 you are a god of writing, damn good

[The Grey Pegasus]

I have no idea what the fuck I just read, but I think it was something funny.

[All of the Above]

5615395
cdn.makeagif.com/media/2-11-2015/5GwYeA.gif

[Super57]

Cookie O_O.

[Orthios]

I can't.
This was just hilarious

[Seether00]

quickmeme.com/img/b5/b593ae8c9c0f88db385423853c0b50fdf718ef712dab3c3c068062f6acc25fb4.jpg

Word.

[null_name5656]

ak1.polyvoreimg.com/cgi/img-thing/size/l/tid/15446302.jpg
Hail our true dark master! May the cookies lead us to transcendence!

[Awesomo3000]

Oh, Cookie Monster... You really need to learn how to resist.

[Flint-Lock]

This is, without a doubt, the stupidest thing I have ever read.

I love it. Make more!

[punzil504]

They need to allow Cookie Monster to host SNL.

I could imagine a skit with Cookie and Trekkie Monster from Avenue Q becoming roommates...

[Shade]

...
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131127110654/tomska/images/thumb/7/77/I_LOVE_IT.jpg/500px-I_LOVE_IT.jpg
Everybody loves Cookie Monster!

5614730 ... Oh. You already did it... I don't know how to feel about this.

[CookieMonstar]

Pretty accurate.

[All of the Above]

5617573
You get extra points because that guy's avatar isn't a horse as well.

[Shade]

5617892 Yay! Does that come with free cookies?

[All of the Above]

5619262
No.

[Shade]

5619717 Ok...

http://orteil.dashnet.org/cookieclicker/
ALL THE COOKIES!

[RustyKat]

[Raistlin]

quickmeme.com/img/0d/0d871dbab40fd55293bd186c83623098b346b4472e7b7b6b0b3c728226aa5f64.jpg

[Ice Star]

What did I just read?

Take it from someone who is insane, you have problems

[lotto77]

COOKIES!?

(Translation: WAT!?)

Seriously though, this is 11/10 worthy. Well done.

[strangephantasm]

I'd prefer a full Muppet Pantheon. Imagine the possibilities.

[All of the Above]

5622551
Oh. Oh, oh ohhhhhhhhhh.

[Doom Trot]

5622551

5622638

Great. You've gone and given him an idea.

[strangephantasm]

5622665

Ahem.

gamasutra.com/db_area/images/blog/171559/MustacheTwirl.jpg

[StevieBond]

I'll never look at Cookie Monster the same way again after reading this.

[reallysassytrash00]

I'm so glad that I found out this existed. Great writing style guys xD

[Astro-Brony]

Did a reading of this, it was glorious

[All of the Above]

5871826
withsummerlove.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/20110531-091644.jpg

[PresentPerfect]

"I'm still cookie y'all!"
Twilight sobbed even more.

I love it.

[DrRockso]

And no one really cared about adagio
1 like=1 adagio cared for
Rip. Rest in poofiness