Watching the Watchers

by Ryvaken

Chapter 1

For generations, when most ponies thought of Ponyville, the thought that immediately came to mind was "What the buck is Ponyville?"

The few ponies that knew of the town would instead think of a quaint village nestled peacefully between Canterlot and Everfree, built around farmland and the rail line to Las Pegasus (and other settlements that no self respecting pony could bother to remember, unless they were in the business of agriculture).

Over the past years, however, Ponyville gained some recognition as the location of Twilight Sparkle, a young unicorn with not inconsiderable political clout. More practically minded elements of the Guard also learned of the town as the location of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, an elite pony force to be called upon when the traditional line of battle was inadequate to defend the realm. A very few even connected young Miss Sparkle to the Elements, although lacking an Element of Books to attribute her, they were uncertain which Element she bore.

Several months ago, Ponyville gained national recognition as the homestead of Princess Twilight Sparkle. Her ascension polarized the nobility and brought months of politicking in the dirty dirty trenches that wove through every ball, gala, dinner party, and unveiling ceremony. Those that counted themselves among Twilight Sparkle's teachers and friendly acquaintances were interrogated without mercy over tea and snack cakes for weeks on end, such that the average girth of Canterlotian academia expanded three inches.

It was only now, however, after the fall of Tirek, that the Princess of Friendship actually entered the political world on her own hooves. Armed with a palace of her own and the most dedicated council of advisers a pony could ask for, the fourth royal power in Equestria was finally open for business.

Now if only she had a clue what she was doing.

---

Twilight's field sifted through the rubble that had once been a library. Golden Oaks had stood in Ponyville since the town's founding, but it was just an underused bit of culture in a rustic town. Few patrons actually used the library as a library. Nopony had really batted an eye when royal edict ceded the structure to Twilight in perpetuity, so Twilight could be excused for considering it, first and foremost, her home.

Specifically, the first home that wasn't a dormitory, Canterlot Castle, or her parent's house. The first home that was her home.

Tirek had gotten off far too lightly.

Twilight shook her head violently and took a deep breath. It was over, it was done, now was the time to look to the future...and find what remained of the past. No! Bad melancholy! Bad!

Being a mare of organization and refinement, Twilight was ripping the ruins of her beloved library to pieces and sorting them into piles. Ruined walls and books went into the funeral pyre. Books that could be magically restored had their own pile. A bare spot of dirt held the nonexistant pile of books that had survived the carnage unscathed. Personal items were similarly sorted into ruined, repairable, and intact. She had great hopes for the expensive equipment she stored in her cellar.

Spike exploded from the rubble with a bundle of pink fabric in his arms. "Found it!" he called. He waded towards Twilight. "All that gem hunting with Rarity must have paid off. Um, I think it's a lost cause, though."

Twilight tossed another slab of dead tree into the bonfire and turned to Spike's find. It was her royal regalia, the jewelry and gown she had worn for her coronation. "I think you're right," she said sadly. Her magic held out the tattered remains of the dress, scorched and shredded past even Rarity's skills. "The jewelry made it through okay, at least," she said. An awful thought struck her. "Was...was that all that was left of my clothes?"

Spike grinned. "Nnnope." He reached behind himself and pulled out a long bundle of blue cloth adorned with stars.

Twilight gasped. "My dress!" she squealed, wrapping Spike up in a hug. "Oh I can't believe it survived! Did it survive? Oh Spike, tell me it survived." Not waiting for an answer she let her royal shreds fall to the ground and delicately picked up the first dress Rarity ever made her. She fluffed it out and smiled. Oh, it was damaged without question, but she'd seen Rarity work wonders on worse. The clasp was broken, there were scorched threads around the saddle, but they would have needed to be reworked anyway. Twilight ruffled her wings gently and placed the treasured gown on the 'salvageable' pile.

"I remember that dress," a familiar voice came from behind her.

"Princess!" Twilight yelped, spinning around and nearly tripping over her hooves. Celestia stood not a ponylength away, looking over the piles of salvage. She blinked once, slowly and offered a sigh that resonated with the hollow place in Twilight's chest.

"It's 'Celestia,'" Princess Celestia reminded her former student. "How are you holding up, Twilight?"

"I'm fine," Twilight said immediately.

Celestia was decidedly unimpressed. "Twilight," she chided, "I can count on one hoof the number of ponies that have said 'I am fine' without lying."

Twilight sighed and her ears drooped. She waved a hoof to the piles. "I...there's so much that just isn't here at all," she said at last. "Vaporized. Unmade. Incinerated. I'm still not sure what he did. I'd run tests but..." she waved her hoof at the ruin more insistently.

Celestia nodded her understanding. Twilight was brilliant, but not even Celestia herself could hold all the magical knowledge ponies had created in her head. Reference material was absolutely essential, especially when dealing with something as exotic as Tirek. Instead of dwelling on the loss, she nodded her head towards the distant castle. "And your new home?" she asked.

Twilight looked out over the Ponyville skyline. The massive crystal structure stood above all, dominating the horizon and making Ponyville look like an afterthought. "It's...big," Twilight said finally.

Celestia nodded. "A bit too big, maybe?" she asked softly.

Twilight lowered her head. "I...I want to be a good princess," she said. "I can be. I will be."

Celestia smiled. "And you are," she assured. "But I'm not so sure that's what I asked."

Twilight cringed and seemed to shrink into her hooves. "Um...I...miss the library?"

Celestia nodded. "I'd be terrified if you didn't." She deliberately looked up at Twilight's new castle and fixed her gaze on it with such intensity that Twilight was all but compelled to look with her.

Twilight took in the magnificent crystal structure. "It's...it's...that isn't my home!" she wailed.

Celestia relaxed and slipped a wing around her young friend. Twilight had kept this bottled up far too long.

Twilight buried her face in her mentor's flank and cried into her coat. "My books, my lab, my pictures, my memories! All gone, gone because somepony wanted me dead. I watched him try to kill me and I couldn't make him stop! And now I've got this huge thing that wants to be my home but it isn't and everypony is telling me I'm so lucky and...and...and I just want to go home!"

Celestia hung her head and allowed a single tear. It had taken decades for Canterlot to become home after Nightmare Moon. It had taken a millennium for the pain to go away. "You will rebuild," she promised. "Your friends will be there to help you. Twilight, would you allow me to be your teacher one last time?" She felt a nod and smiled sadly. Celestia stepped back and dropped to her knees. She captured Twilight's eyes with her own and was unsurprised to find them red, tear-streaked, and lost. "There's a saying my little ponies have had that has kept me going through times tragic and times joyous. It is a simple wisdom I am happy to pass to you. 'The best is yet to come,' Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight blinked slowly. She'd heard that saying before. What pony hadn't? "Princess?" she asked.

"Celestia," Celestia corrected again. "Twilight, you've suffered a deeply personal loss, and I envy the innocence of anypony that doesn't know that. That doesn't have to tarnish your memories of the library or your time there. And you need to trust that you'll make new memories. That you will be happy again."

Twilight nodded hesitantly and then broke eye contact. She looked at the floor and her ears flattened. "Does," she whispered hesitantly. She swallowed and tried again. "Does the hurting ever stop?"

Celestia felt the echo in her heart again. "Not really," she admitted. A happy lie would not be a kindness. "I still miss the castle Luna and I shared. But until today, I had not thought of it for a long time. It is more a memory of a pain, now." She smiled. "Of course, I lost that castle the same day I lost my sister, and I got the more important of the two back, thanks to you and your friends."

Twilight smiled weakly. "It was our pleasure," she said sincerely. She perked up a bit more and looked back towards the library's ruin. "And I did save my pet owl, Owly...what?"

Celestia absolutely refused to grin as Twilight all but chased her own tail looking around her grand, crystal-walled castle bedroom. It was sparsely furnished, little more than a comfortable bed and a couple books on the floor, but the view out the balcony was unmistakable. "I teleported us when you were crying into my ribs," Celestia explained. "I didn't think you'd want to lose control like that where anypony could see."

Twilight stopped looking around the room and sat down on her haunches with an audible thump. "I'm sor-" she tried to say, but Celestia's hoof interrupted her. Idly Twilight noted that gold slippers taste slightly like dirt.

"None of that," Celestia said. "You needed the release, and I know you well enough that you would not seek it out yourself." She gestured to the room around them. "In fact, I apologize, Princess Twilight, for invading your chambers in this way."

"What?" Twilight asked. Her eyes widened. "No! I mean, you didn't. I mean, that's okay?"

Celestia smiled sadly. They'd work on that, but one battle at a time. "Regardless, if you would like me to give you a moment?"

Twilight rubbed her eyes with a foreleg. The fur came away wet. "No, that's okay," she lied. "I know you didn't come here just to let me cry."

Celestia felt something in her chest twist sharply. She didn't have time to comfort a dear friend at her lowest. She didn't let the pain show. "You are sadly correct," she said, the words ash in her mouth. "But I am here for you. I do not know if you will consider this a reward or a burden, I think it will be both."

"What is it, Princess?" Twilight asked.

Celestia sighed. This was a moment for formality. "By consensus of the Diarchs of the Principality of Equestria, Princess Twilight Sparkle is hereby requested and required to assume her duties in the rulership of Our realm." Her horn flashed once and an already framed declaration appeared by her side, the calligraphy more exquisite than anything Twilight had ever seen outside the most severe of royal decrees...which she realized this was.

"Princess?" Twilight asked again, shrinking back into her hooves.

Celestia smiled and rolled her eyes. "It is a bit pretentious, isn't it?" she laughed. "Luna insisted. Relax, Twilight."

Twilight ruffled her feathers nervously and stood up straight...er. "I'm relaxed," she lied. "What, um, what duties are we talking about?" Her horn glowed and sought out paper, ink, and quill.

"You have two duties," Celestia said simply. "In time, and with experience, more will be added. For now, you will merely have land to manage and a court to run."

Twilight's quill got to work. "Land and a court. Doesn't sound too hard. Just study up on land use, economic trends, roadways. What land?" She thought of the grounds around her castle. They were outside the village limits, owned by the crown, and quite extensive in certain directions. She might be able to found a whole village in the right chunk, but she'd probably just end up extending Ponyville.

"From your castle, a two mile radius in all directions," Celestia explained.

Twilight wrote down the words before processing them. "Wait, all directions?" she asked.

"No, not exactly," Celestia said. She retrieved a small map of the area with a clearly defined border. "We made sure to include all of Sweet Apple Acres and didn't cross into the Everfree."

"I own Ponyville?" Twilight squeaked.

Celestia shook her head. "You rule Ponyville and you own that which was formerly the crown's."

Twilight fell to her haunches heavily. Again. She stared at Celestia. "But...but...what about Mayor Mare?"

"She was informed two days ago and offered an advisory position with a pay raise," Celestia said. "I'm to understand she chose retirement instead -- she has been at the job for a long time, after all."

"That's true," Twilight said weakly. "But my friends?"

Celestia actually giggled at that. "You mean the five mares with thrones in the room below us?" she asked. "If I didn't think it would just make their lives more difficult, I would have already awarded them titles in the nobility."

Twilight stopped a moment and pictured her friends with such titles. Rarity was the only one she could picture pulling it off. "And she would lose most of her high class customers, wouldn't she?" she muttered.

"Rarity?" Celestia asked. Twilight nodded. "Yes, most likely. Unless she managed to make them an exclusive market."

"Which she would never do," Twilight said. The embodiment of Generosity just wasn't capable of limiting her services to the upper class.

"Exactly," Celestia agreed. "And as to your other friends, Twilight, I will not tell you that things will not change. Things always change. Just remember they are your friends. You are not a stranger coming in to take over their lives and change their town at a whim."

Twilight nodded, her eyes wide. "But still, it's a lot of responsibility," she said.

"Is that not what you wanted?" Celestia asked kindly.

Twilight looked away and wrapped her tail around her forehooves. "I guess," she said sulkily, "but I was hoping for decrees and bills and legislature and due process and stuff. Not nigh-unlimited power over my neighbors."

Celestia chuckled at that. "Yes, the grand trappings of government do help conceal the thousands of ponies that can be utterly crushed by an errant swipe of a quill," she said lightly. Celestia waited for Twilight to digest that thought. Her quill fell to the floor and tremors ran up her neck. A few strands of her forelock audibly curled into an unkempt mess. Once she looked ready to vomit, Celestia spoke again, quiet and serious. "When you know the name of every pony you rule, it is easy to see the terrible choices. You will make mistakes. You will fix them. You will hurt ponies. You will heal them. You will learn. And when your rule expands beyond those ponies you can name, you will be ready."

Twilight still felt green under her purple, but she managed a nod anyway. "I understand, Princess. Celestia." She picked up her quill again and took a deep breath. "But I think you also mentioned a court."

Celestia smiled and outlined the duties Twilight would face beyond Ponyville.

---

"You'd think holding court would be as awesome as it sounds!"

"What's not awesome about this, Dashie? I just created seven new kinds of parties!"

"Pinkie! You were supposed to be looking at the drought outside Filly Delphia!"

"I was, Twilight! All they need is a few more pegasi to groove in their rain dance."

"Uh, Pinkie? Cloudsdale banned the rain dance three years ago."

"...oh. Then I've created two parties and five felonies."

"Rainbow, could you trade with Pinkie?"

"No way! I deal with weather enough. Besides, this stuff is cool."

"I thought you said it wasn't."

"I said it wasn't awesome, Twi."

Twilight facehoofed. "Dare I ask what you're working on?"

Rainbow grinned around the quill in her mouth and held up a sheaf of forms. "Wonderbolts' annual budget request," she said proudly. The forms were instantly grabbed in a lavender field and ripped from her hooves. "Hey!"

"Sorry, Rainbow," Twilight said unapologetically, "but the Princesses would not be happy if we bankrupted Equestria trying to make the Wonderbolts...twenty percent cooler?" She looked from the forms to the suddenly sheepish Rainbow. "Really?"

"Give me a break, Twilight," Rainbow whined. "When you talked us into helping you run court, I thought you were talking about hearing ponies with problems we could help with, what did you call 'em, Rares?"

Rarity didn't look up from her own stack of papers. "Petitioners, darling."

"Right, those. More of that, less of...this."

"You just waved your hoof at everything," Twilight objected.

"I know," Rainbow said flatly.

Twilight rolled her eyes and took in their throne room. The grand crystal table in the center of the room hosted a perilously tall stack of forms, reports, files, and assorted documents that was their in-box, and a laughably empty, cheerful pink outbox. The six thrones had been matched with six folding tables, each with a pony who looked ready to drop dead if one more scrap of paper needing a signature, seal, or moment of attention passed under her muzzle.

Applejack got up from her throne with an inch thick stack of papers in her mouth, which she dropped heavily in the out box. "I gotta agree with RD," she said in a dead voice. "I ain't felt like this since that time Big Mac hurt himself."

"This is somewhat less glamorous than I had expected," Rarity agreed. "We have witnessed Princess Celestia hold court, after all."

Twilight ducked her head slightly. "Um, I remember Cadence telling me about this when I was a filly," she started. "I didn't quite understand it at the time."

Five pairs of eyes landed on her. Fluttershy's were the scariest. "Thou shalt tell Us what thou are talking about or We will feast upon thine soul," they said.

Twilight shook her head rapidly. Talking eyeballs were a bad sign. "Well, she was the youngest princess for the longest time, right? So Celestia, the Bluebloods, the Chermanes, the Maneavellians, all of the royal families could, well, pass the bit to her. Then she got her hooves on the Crystal Empire and they couldn't do that anymore."

"And now you're the youngest princess," Applejack said. Her eyes slowly swiveled over to the mountain of papers that they had laughingly called an "in box."

"This is royal scut work?" Rainbow asked, enraged.

"What?" Twilight asked. "No, of course not! These are all important documents to the functioning of Equestria. They're important!"

Rainbow glanced at the Wonderbolt budget Twilight still held. "Some of it, yeah," she said grudgingly. "The requests, anyway. But those reports?"

Twilight frowned. "It takes a lot of bits to put together a report. They wouldn't do that if it wasn't important. Fluttershy, you've been reading more reports than any of us, tell them."

Fluttershy blinked once, slowly. "When somepony wastes your time, don't waste more trying to rhyme. Buck 'em," she said flatly.

Alarm bells went off in Twilight's head. She ignored them. Reports were like books that hadn't been published. They had all kinds of neat facts in them. "It can't possibly be that bad," she protested. She directed her magic at the stack and retrieved a report at random. "Just because they're dry is no reason to dismiss their value. Here, A Five Year Study on the Job Opportunities For and Hiring Practices Against Earth Pony Mares in Cloudsdale."

Silence.

"New plan," Twilight said brightly. "We get on the next train to Canterlot, find the pony responsible for this, and have Fluttershy Stare him back to sanity."

"I second the motion," Fluttershy said quickly. "All in favor?"

"Aye!" six voices said at once.

"The motion passes," Twilight said. "Court is adjourned to Canterlot."

---

Twilight stood at the steps to her castle, a scroll floating in her field. It was, of course, a checklist. "Torches?" she asked, ignoring the lock of mane that was getting in her eyes. She'd brush on the train.

Rarity peeked in her saddlebag. "Four, soaked in oil and wrapped in wax paper."

"Check. Pitchforks?"

Applejack leaned forward, raising her rump and the implements balanced on her hips. "Eeyup."

"Check. Flutterrage?"

"Eep!"

Rainbow smirked and pulled the corner of a stack of paperwork from her overstuffed saddlebag. "Got it covered."

"Provisional check." Twilight frowned at that. It felt incomplete. But on the other hoof, it was probably better this way. "And last item...Spike, what does 'sanity check' mean?"

"It means if anypony's mane has gone all weird we abort and write a friendship report before somepony gets hurt," Spike said seriously. He held up a mirror for Twilight.

Twilight considered her reflection calmly. "Only one eye is twitching," she said dismissively. "You worry too much, Spike."

"We're doomed," Spike moaned.

"What was that?" Twilight asked.

Spike was saved the need to answer by a bright red light and a soft alarm tone sounding from inside the castle.

Author's Note:

This chapter wrote itself. I knew I wanted Twilight to just get started in the whole government thing, and I knew I wanted everypony else along for the ride. I wanted her to have Ponyville as her private government playground, a place she could make mistakes and learn from. And I wanted her to have a court that made her part of Equestria's national government. I had this glorious image of petitioners and ponies with problems and then I realized that was never going to work. Even if Celestia and Luna do that, who would want to petition the inexperienced princess? Ponies that want to take advantage of her naivete. Figure that Celestia knows that, she's not going to throw Twilight in the deep end where she could do some damage. That means the business of her court is going to be the kind of stuff that is straightforward, the kind of stuff you'd have to be an idiot to screw up. The kind of stuff that is soul-crushingly boring. Thank you, bureaucracy.

Any resemblance to actual governing bodies is tragic. I mean accidental. And tragic.

Comments

[SRY]

This is very amusing. Well done

[The Crystal king]

hmmmmm Im interested

[cyberlord4444]

"New plan," Twilight said brightly. "We get on the next train to Canterlot, find the pony responsible for this, and have Fluttershy Stare him back to sanity."
"I second the motion," Fluttershy said quickly. "All in favor?"
"Aye!" six voices said at once.
"The motion passes," Twilight said. "Court is adjourned to Canterlot."

This...

[AnormalUnicornPony]

Ok. I was expecting something more serious and less hilarious.

One more like added.

[Earthpatriot117]

This sounds so far like my kind of story!

[CCF_100]

A Five Year Study on the Job Opportunities For and Hiring Practices Against Earth Pony Mares in Cloudsdale.

Best line ever lol