When the Doctor and Rainbow Dash take a trip to a Wonderbolts show, they learn of the mysterious Rainbow Factory, and they have to investigate it! When they learn what happens in the factory, and meet the manager, Prince Spectra, the Resistance recruits them to help them stop Prince Spectra. But with the factory luring Rainbow Dash into it's clutches, can the Doctor save himself, the mare he loves, and all of Equestria?
I do not own Rainbow Dash, Doctor Whooves, Woodentoaster, or Aurora Dawn. And if you have nothing to say, don't say anything at all. I'm sick of all the mean comments people have been putting in. I'm just a novice writer! Give me a break! If you don't like Rainbow Factory stories, why did you even click on this, or type Rainbow Factory into the search engine? Because you a troll, trying to put other's down.
just too many of these stories, way too many
Well, this story was pretty okay. The Doctor getting involved with the factory could make for an excellent plot, and it looks like it could be going places. However, other than that, this story was a bit... dry.
The plot, as good as it may be, must be executed properly to outcast it from the other stories that "The Rainbow Factory" story has manufactured... most of which, sad to say, are not quite as pleasing as the first (Sometimes, they're downright hard to read without flinching). Luckily, however, this story is far from as bad as the other stories that I've seen, but it could use a good tidying up. For instance, the progression of the story seemed way too fast, a common mistake among novice writer. In under a minute, Rainbow Dash was writing an entry down in her journal and the next second, she's at the factory.
To combat this, I would've suggested that you describe the Wonderbolts event in more detail than you had (Which was hardly anything) or cut it out all together. It's like a hangnail in this sense: a nuisance and useless. Also, put a bit more detail in each event taking place like how the Doctor came to visit. Describe his appearance a bit more, add more history in with Rainbow and him, things along that line.
On a more downbeat note, whenever you put in her diary entree, I suggest you italicize each word in there, so your readers don't get confused about where it begins and end (The beginning wasn't hard to distinguish; it was the end that got me).
All together, I suggest you clean this up a bit (Not too much to the point where readers can't even recognize it from before) and get yourself a proofreader and editor. Don't let this discourage you, however; I see some great potential in your writing!
May you never run out of fresh ideas! ~ Unstable Imagination
5603777 Thank you, Unstable. I will try to slow down as best I can without boring the reader. Thank you for understanding. In the next chapter, When Derpy interrogates Rainbow Dash and the Doctor, I'll try to add a lot of background and detail, while still edging the reader on. If you know any classes or chances on the internet I can join to help improve my writing, that would be great. If you keep reading it, I promise that you won't be disappointed.
~ Nerdy
5603816
Glad you're going to continue it! I'll be tracking it to keep up with its progress. If you want, I can help with proofreading or editing until you can find some who is better qualified for it than me.
~ Unstable Imagination
5603829 Thank you. That would be nice. to access the next chapter, the password I put in to read it is Nerdy. I will tell you when I finish writing it. Thanks again!
~ Nerdy
5603844
Like everyone else said, Rainbow factory is waay too overused although the Doctor could make it interesting if done correctly.
Why does this exist?
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Ya' don't say?
Points for creating an original title, minus points for putting it in an unoriginal story
Jesus
Well then, It might have been a while since I really watched DW, but last I remembered the Doctor wasn't much of a war mongerer.
Why?
How did she know that?
Does Rainbow has a sixth sense, or omnipotence?
Fun fact, the "Doctor" never took the Hippocratic oath.
More brutal and bloody wars that they will spontaneously start and stop
The skulls of his greatest enemy?
Close 'nuff
The exchange of the Equestrian Legal Tender at a licensed vendor
I am at least 97% sure that the Andiamo and quick explanation after it was arbitrary
Did it really groan?
I always thought it was more of a whoosh whoosh
OH NO, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN, THE SUSPENSE IS LITERALLY KILLING ME!
HUWHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Again, even more pointless filler. That little segment served no purpose.
Equestria isn't that primitive, they do have forms of modern technology, so more than likely that would be a Pharmacist, not an Apothecary.
Prove it, show us yer' degrees
Don't pull it down, that's rude
What happened to the old one?
REALLY?!
I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED!
More like, the Edgy Factory, ammirite?
Firstly, how exactly does an Apothecary, a medieval medical professional, have the ability to scrutinize and match DNA. Consistency is an awfully nice word used nowadays, you should look into this ludicrously nice word
How did Felix obtain the DNA in the first place, how did he separate it from the rest of the shit in the drain? HOW?
The Doctor is thirsting for blood shed
How, he only just met the Doctor?
Is that with or without VAT
No, you WANT to investigate. Never has he NEEDED to pry his nose into others businesses.
You expected honesty from a war criminal?
There's only the two of them, does that really warrant "guys"
How did they know that, they never went?
And what the fuck is this ""?
Is that the new factory or the old one?
Nice use of alliteration
I'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to more.
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So, in the end, the first chapter was god awful with many plotholes. I expect less from the second. My advice, don't base your story around a "Dark and edgy" concept that only appeals to die hard fans of that concept.
Here's your star, take it before I consider revoking it.
media.tumblr.com/3d48f53c99c22a0fa95439b5cd1f4126/tumblr_inline_mnozp19s0U1qz4rgp.png
OHHHH BOY
OHHHH BOY
OHHH BOY
ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!
TIME TO FUCKING BAWL MY EYES OUT!
No, Not from the story.
But because another one of these were made.
Fucking kill me already.
Guys please shut up about Rainbow factory being over used! Most writers know that RF is over used but it gives new writers such as myself and Nerdy something to write about. And If you just wanted to click on the story to hate, Shame on you
. If you give said writers of "Overused" story themes a chance we can create an amazing story; but what you guys do make it more difficult to write because you want it how you would write it. everyone has their own writing style if it means using an over used theme than that is their choice not yours. So if your gonna hate GO AWAY 
! We can write what ever we want! So Stop hating. SO what if its over used, We can write it! once again. If you are gonna hate, Just don't click on the story and move on!
Please And Thank you! So plz Just shut up about over used storys
And Nerdy Great story
Keep it up.
5621905 Thank you! I have a group that supports people like you and me, you should check it out!
5621934 What group? if you don't mind me asking?
5621946 It is called Kindness to Newbies. The thing is, I don't know how to post the first story
BTW Woodentoaster is a guy he just uses the mares body form b/c he doesn't like the stallions blocky design