• Member Since 24th May, 2014
  • offline last seen Oct 23rd, 2020

Ryuuzangetsu


T

It's been three years. Three years since her friends sent her to the Wastlands. Two years since she became the Queen of New Vegas a year since the Strip began to grow into a massive city that continues to draw all to its streets. Now, Fluttershy couldn't imagine life without the humans.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 43 )

This has potential keep going.

Yeah, this is good stuff!

5604862 I have a tendency to enjoy any story where one of the Mane 6 is betrayed by there fellows or feels they have been and need to survive in exile. The real fun is people always try to get them all to make up and betrayal is a cruel thing to attempt to forgive.

5605120 I know, how many stories have the characters 'magically' make up in the end or the issue that made them separate is some reason solved really fast?

And its good so far, because Fluttershy has made a life for herself and is angry. She is going to want a little revenge I think. You may want to go back though and spell Angel right though. Angle is what you used when he was first introduced.

5605393 ugh! I knew I would make at least one mistake!

I like it you should probably check for errors before you post it or it's my phone being stupid

M-Tails-P #10 · Feb 9th, 2015 · · 1 · 1 ·

Prosecutors Salon

*Headdesk*
...Really?

"I am Securitron number 117 class 'John'.
*Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk*
REALLY?!

Mr 0 #11 · Feb 9th, 2015 · · · 1 ·

Let me guess code Nightkin is, "something weird is coming don't freak out or stare"

5605632 or mine, since I posted both chapters from my phone because my computer is old and finally died today.

5605643 H-How? Was it obvious?

5605636 ah Prosecutor salon is its name in the game... and yes I see you've found my Easter egg.:moustache: good job.

M-Tails-P #15 · Feb 9th, 2015 · · 1 · 1 ·

5605698
It's PROSPECTOR. How do you fuck THAT up?

5605702 using Iphone? Computer died recently.

M-Tails-P #17 · Feb 9th, 2015 · · 1 · 1 ·

Let me be blunt, that Halo reference was stupid, unnecessary, out of place, and not funny at all.
However, that was the least of the problem.
For starters, seriously? Chapter One, the one that comes right after the Prologue, is titled "2"? Not "Chapter One" or even "Chapter Two"? Just... "2"?
And the story itself... It's bad, real bad.

Fluttershy looked down from the top of her Lucky 38 down on the multiple new buildings of the Strip, her keen eyes observing the now thousands of humans as they go on about there day.

She "looked down from the top of her Lucky 38 down on"? Somebody call the Department of Redundancy Department!
Also, have you even SEEN the Strip in-game? You can barely fit hundreds of people in it, and now you have THOUSANDS... I'm pretty sure they won't even have enough space to walk.

"No, let's go with the Desert Courier's Mojave Crusader." The DCMC was a special suit that was built purely for her, it was a cross of the NCR's ranger armor, with a power armor's systems within and lastly to top it all used micro energy cell powered generators to give a very impressive force field to say that reduced most if not all incoming damage- best part was that all energy based damage the armor would have taken just recharged the suit instead!

Now that just sounds overpowered. A force field? Really? That kind of tech doesn't even EXIST in FO universe.

5606095 ok man look I am a high school student whose English grades are not the best, maybe in the high C range, but seriously? In the prologue I explaned that the strip was expanding and new buildings were growing. And the Halo refrence is more than a refrence, rember General John? Yeah that's the Courier, so please while I love having debates on things you sir are being kinda rude. Oh and force fields don't exeist? Fallout 3? You know as your following Prime to the water purifier? Those gaint gates? Please I kinda planned some things you know?

This looks promising, but really needs editing.

M-Tails-P #20 · Feb 9th, 2015 · · 1 · 1 ·

5606328
How is that an excuse?

I'm Chinese, English isn't even my first language.

The NCR Ranger power armor idea is just dumb. How the hell do you mix a nuclear power plant with a suit of armor mostly made of LEATHER? And sure, force fields exist, but PORTABLE force fields that actually CHARGES from being hit by energy weapons don't.

And why mix Ranger Armor with T-45d anyway? Why not just give them T-45d? Or reinforced comat armor if T-45d is too heavy for your taste.

And the part about General John brings me to the next point: I have no idea what the fuck is going on.
Normally, I don't have a problem about not starting from the beginning, but your prologue was BEYOND confusing, unfamiliar names gets thrown all over the place, even though a prologue is supposed to be used to ESTABLISH a setting.

Tails Really.. This is Ryuuzangetsu's first story so calm down and i do agree if its been a while in the mojave for Fluttershy then new vegas would not have THUSANDS OF PEOPLE but really that was dumb. Anyway Calm the Fuck down its not going to funny the only tags i see are -
Crossover,Adventure ,and Human i really don't know what shit you see. also the armor is a bit overpowered but NO ONE GIVES A SHIT IF YOUR CHINESE! Give Some writing Tips Then Criticizing his Writing its all right to say "Hey its Bad" but not that. Ive Seen WAY worse on this Site. PS Have you heard of Spelling Errors?

5606095
I fail to see how the Ranger armor idea works.
Also, everyone knows it's all about that Advanced Riot Armor.

5616297
After that post? Nope. Never heard of it.

5616757 that should be fixed now, and for all readers: does anyone else see the weird cuts on some words? I'm not going crazy right? There isn't any spaces between the letters, so is it just my phone?

A few small spelling issues but that can be fixed later or with the help of a editor. Good stuff.

Seriously? House built a construction bot that can only build 2D stuff? You do realize that House is the Fallout equivalent of Bill Gates, right? He would NOT make a mistake as stupid as this, that would be like if the latest Windows only accepts binary input!
(INSERT "STILL BETTER THAN WINDOWS 8" JOKE)

Also, what's with your obsession with acronyms?

Comment posted by Ryuuzangetsu deleted Feb 23rd, 2015

What the hell does "fixing the constitution bots" even mean? Plus, if House's top priority isn't on reconstruction, why the hell did he waste the time and resources to build those half-assed construction bots anyway?

Good lord, your story just doesn't make any damn sense.

Besides some glaring holes in some of the less important details, and the weird formatting issues that some lines of dialogue have, it's fairly entertaining.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

5616297
Wow, random insult, that sure changed my opinion.

So any chance this story will continue?

6492570 yes, just currently having a hard time writing the next chapter, the next five so chapters are needing checking over but the next chapter is kicking me hard on how to properly write the mane six reactions to the Fallout world and Fluttershys new personality as well as making Fluttershy be strong but not godlike in nature. I'm actually thinking of a prequel sequel of sorts of Fluttershys time in the Mojave Wastland to properly set her past, but first I'll finish the next chapter.

6495167 a prequel would interesting. It would give you the ability to write out her motivations and why she would react down the road.

Fluttershy looked down from the top of her Lucky 38 down on

*Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk* *Headdesk*
So...:ajbemused: You're telling me that after all this time, you STILL haven't changed that?
Yeah, I can totally see why your English grade is, and I quote, "not the best" now.:facehoof:

"No, let's go with the Desert Courier's Mojave Crusader." The DCMC was a special suit that was built purely for her, it was a cross of the NCR's ranger armor, with a power armor's systems within and lastly to top it all used micro energy cell powered generators to give a very impressive force field to say that reduced most if not all incoming damage- best part was that all energy based damage the armor would have taken just recharged the suit instead!

You know what, I'm feeling bored today, so I guess I'll just try to point out everything that's wrong with this paragraph, this ONE paragraph.

First of all, the obvious extra space between "Courier's" and "Mojave".

Second of all, what the hell kind of name is "Desert Courier's Mojave Crusader"? If that's not a Word Salad, I don't know what is. Even if you split it into "Desert Courier" and "Mojave Crusader", that still makes no sense, considering that it's the name of a suit of armor, instead of the name of a person or an organization. If you really like these words, fine, call it the "Desert Courier's armor" or the "Mojave Crusader armor", but combining the two names and you get completely nonsensical Word Salad.

Third of all, really, Fluttershy? You are naming a suit of powered armor that projects force fields after a trio of kids trying to get their cutie marks? WHY?!
In fact, nonsensical acronyms seem to be a recurring theme in your story (despite your denial). As seen here:

JOHN or Junos Ordnance Hindrance Nullifier; John wanted Jupiter, but Sunny pulled wife on him and her favorite goddess was chosen instead

The second part of that sentence pretty much admits that the "Junos" part of the name is completely pointless, and it's only there so it can spell "JOHN". *Insert Agents of SHIELD joke here*
But let's take a look at the rest of the acronym, shall we? "Ordnance Hindrance Nullifier"? What the hell is that even supposed to mean? Why not something that actually makes sense? Like "Heavy Support Platform" or "Heavy Weapons Unit". Oh, but those don't spell anything, so we can't have those now can we? And "Reserve Educational eXample"? What are they an example of?! And why are they the "reserve"? What happened to the actual teachers?

Fourth of all, portable force field powered by micro energy cell. Like I said before, portable force fields do not exist in the Fallout universe, at all (unless you count the alien inertia suppression field from Mothership Zeta). Not even Big Mountain or the Institute, the two most technologically advanced factions shown in the Fallout universe thus far, figured out how to make those. Hell, even if you DO somehow invent a personal force field generator, it sure as hell wouldn't be powered by small energy cells. Small energy cells are the Fallout equivalent of double A, you would need a HELL of a lot more power than that to power this kind of tech, most likely a portable reactor (like the ones on power armors).

Last, but not least... Why the hell would you mix it with a suit of NCR Ranger Armor? How the hell do you fit all that tech and gadgetry, including a freaking "power armor's systems", into a suit of armor mostly made out of leather? I know I've said this before, but the very idea of "leather power armor" makes me want to bash my head in. I've went on a long rant about this before, and I don't want to do it again. It's dumb, let's just leave it at that.

Have you given up n this story? Or is it still just kicking your ass?

7346808 It's neither of those exclusively, the Author's account hasn't been logged into for over 45 weeks.

7942287 I know, it's saddening.

This seems like a mix of the NCR and Independent endings and I'm hoping DUST is not canon.

So it died, such a lovely one too

It saddens me to see another story with such potential dead

Login or register to comment