Improbable Truth

by Charon the Chronicler

Extra: That One Bath-house Episode That Annoys Me To No End

Author's Note:

It had to be done.
I'm so sorry, the idea just wouldn't leave me alone...If you don't like terrible ideas, forget you saw this.
Obviously non-canon.

When I came to, I had to catch my breath. I don’t know how I got there, but I was laying in a hot bath. With about a dozen other guys.

Of course they all had to be non-human, so I ended up trapped in the male part of some sort of Japanese bathhouse with a bunch of ponies. And a gryphon, apparently.

There was a ceiling that kept the bathhouse nice and steamy, and three stone walls without any windows or doors. Whoever did the architecture obviously violated several fire safety and zoning laws. The last wall was a wood log separator, reaching deep into the hot springs. I could hear a bunch of feminine voices from the other side. Naturally, there were four guys crowded around what seemed to be a hole in the wall. I recognized Braeburn and Soarin among them, along with a brown pegasus with a messy white mane and a gray unicorn with curly black hair.

“There’s no exit, is there?” I sighed. I wanted to panic, but something about the warm water calmed me down.

I looked over the stallions I shared my bath with. There was Big Mac, who was just staring at a gray stallion with a similar stature and even more stoic expression. They seemed to be pretty friendly, even if they weren’t talking. Maybe they became friends over their muscles. Mr. Cake was in a corner with a stallion with a mane that reminded me a lot of ice cream, who kept interspersing his conversation with shouts of ‘SUNDAE!’. He must have been really enthusiastic about ice cream. I decided to wade over to the gryphon sitting by Shining Armor, who was watching us like, well, a hawk.

“So what’s up?”

The two of them turned to look at me.

“We’re not exactly sure. I guess we all decided to go to a hot spring in Neighpon. Or Nippone, or Japony, those three countries are very similar.” Shining said.

“But I’m kind of disappointed in Thunder Strike and Tron for using the hole peep at the girls.” Hawk Eye said.

Shining waved a hoof.

“We’re all military here, Hawk Eye. I’m pretty sure they’ll get their just desserts when the mares find out.”

“Ummm…” I rubbed my leg nervously. “I’m not in the military. And I could point out a few other guys who aren’t either.” Shining reddened. “And don’t you have a sister?”

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Shining and Hawk Eye rushed over to the hole and bowled over the other four stallions by the hole. I flew overhead, unfettered by the water.

“WERE YOU SP-” Shining was interrupted by my hoof in front of his mouth.

“If we can hear them, they can hear us,” I said.

Shining grimaced.

“What were you four thinking? Spying on innocent mares? My sister could be in there!” Shining hissed.

“Relax, sir.” The brown pegasus said. “I was only looking at the princess. You got to admit, Cadenza is pretty hot.”

“You spied on my fiancé?!” Shining hissed through his teeth and his face began to turn purple.

“Ummm…no?” The pegasus smiled meekly as the other three began to steadily back away.

Shining and Hawk began tearing into the pegasus in the most silent way possible. Threats on his position, sending him to the Alamane without armor, and all sorts of other military jargon, all in seething, hushed undertones. Honestly, I was more occupied looking at the other three. Their way was blocked by an irate unicorn Captain, so Soarin and Braeburn picked up the unicorn and stuck his head into the wall before turning him steadily. Slowly but surely, another hole was being bored into the wooden logs. I was too stupefied to tell Shining about it until Braebrun managed to get first look.

“Oh yeah, move that orange flank,” He said quietly, which breaking me out of my stupor.

"RRrrrrrrrrromance!" Soarin said, rolling the r's.

“Guys, they made another one.”

“Another what?” Shining growled, giving the pegasus some reprieve when he turned around to look at me.

“Another hole.”

“What!” Shining spotted them and telekinetically lifted them up and away from the hole. “Hawk Eye, help me guard this fence! You, pegasus, check on whether or not they were spying on my sister.”

"Or mine." The gryphon put in.

“But why me?!” I groaned, “You could ask anybody else here, and they’d be happy to tell you!”

“Exactly.”

I rolled my eyes and gave a look. Sure enough, there were mares on the other side.

“Okay good news, no gryphons.” I said, causing my feline-avian friend to let out a sigh of relief. “Bad news, Cap: That is your sister. And her friends. And your fiancé. There’s also three musicians and a candy maker talking in their own little clique.”

“How ‘bout mah sis?” I heard Big Mac ask.

“Yup.”

I could tell the four stallions got a bit more nervous after that.

“Hold up, Skittles is doing something she seems to be in pain…what the fu…”

“BG-AWK!”

PLOP!

“That is a mighty big egg, RD.”

…

“Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope.” I backed away from the hole. “Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope.” I curled up into a ball and sunk underwater. “Nopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopnopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenopenope. Nope. NOPE-GLUG…”

Comments

[Fresnor]

And now Scootaloo actually wants to be a chicken...

[Starlight Nova]

6910621 This.
>>Charon the Chronicler I can find the art for arc 2. Where is it?

[Charon the Chronicler]

6913597
Apparently imgur is being a jerk.

[FreedomFiend]

6910621
This is a Goron.
49.media.tumblr.com/87ef55e08828575fad548241f302e443/tumblr_n9wh0hCVRf1rnmjr5o1_500.gif
Basically, they're rock people from The Legend of Zelda. That one specifically is Darunia, king of the Gorons.

[rikusorasephiroth]

I get the feeling that Twilight heard her brother and cast an illusion.

[Jack Kellar]

6909861 If you want a good and non sexualised anime, I haven't found anything better than Attack on Titan, or Shingeki no Kyojin if you're a purist. Mind the violence, though.