SpitFire and the Wonder bolts enjoy what they do but their flight leader SpitFire discovers that an old Childhood friend had sided with the ShadowBolts for Unforeseen reasons after not meeting with ThunderDancer for many years.
Chapters (7)
WinterTwister
Joined 7th Nov, 2011 ·
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my first fanfic :D 1st chapter will be the shortest, i cant wait to see anypony's opinion
to anyone that reads this: please don't judge me by the 1st chapter in this fan-fic i tried to use a writing style to make it seem fast paced for the race in chapter one, im working on the plot for the rest of the story and ill be writing it normally, so productive criticism is very welcome
It's pretty different from what I'm used to reading. The race and the fighting were brilliant parts in my opinion. The conversations also kept me entertained. Good job!
Aww. Its sad. It makes me excited to see what the next chapter is ^^ Can't wait!
I love it, I like chapter 3's backtracking by Thunder Dancer.
Need to really work on grammar...you really need to.
You have to capitalize 'I', I will assume you know how to use that in English. You also need to capitalize the latter at the beginning of a sentence. The very basics in writing. I suggest you get an editor/beta reader as I don't think you are very strong. With someone to help you then you could express your story to a bigger audience (meaning it gets enjoyed by more).
Once the story is written in a better fashion the I would give it a try, otherwise I can't seem to really grade it. I would love to review a rewritten version :D. Don't get discouraged, there are people who like your storyline but I am sure they would love your Fanfiction even more if it is rewritten with better English.
Actually, your grammar has improved comparing Chapter 1 and Chapter 4. Congrats though ! Just rewrite and edit certain areas and you will have a good Fanfiction.
Nice.
Ironic if they reunite and find out they've nothing in common and drift apart. You go, bro!!!!
Just keep imroving and you won't be beat.
Ironic if they reunite and find out they've nothing in common and drift apart. You go, bro!!!!
Just keep imroving and you won't be beat.
POSTED TWICE?!?!?!?! awww . . . .
Please check the blog on my page.
Wow, your grammer just got 20% better.
this was interesting and i think it was good for your first fic
on a side note "do a barrel roll!"
215679
Do a barrel roll!
I'm trying!!!
What a noob!
215679 It did get alot better, grammar wise, after chapter 1. sorta.
215692 hehe
i honestly did not really notice the grammar mistakes except for a few spots but other wise there are not many grammar problems that i say reading this a second time and looking for them
215836 you read this twice? lol alright, I have been kinda leaning towards a re-make though, this was a good story - but poorly fleshed out and other stuffs, but I have a long lines of fics to make, about 7 in the chamber with Blue Skies as top priority.
216710 yep just felt like it and if ya make a remake ill probably read that twice too for no reason whatsoever
i agree with the whole good story poorly fleshed out thing but none the less i think it is good
There's a lot that needs working on. For one, there's a lot of random capitalization. Overall grammar and punctuation needs to work. Also Spitfire is one word so having the name read SpitFire is not something ya want to do.
365117
Congrats you just criticized my writing skill that was done 5 months ago, read my more current writing if you want to access my writing skill.
365305 I'm not here because of someone's personal skill, though that can be a plus, I'm here for the story you wrote and it just needs some maintenance.
365591
You commented on my grammar and punctuation - not the story.
and I am not giving any maintenance to this story because its old and nobody reads it, they read my newer work which is written better.
365602
I commented on the grammar and punctuation in the story itself. It wasn't an attack on your writing skills as a whole as you've seemed to have interpreted it. I was merely saying it needs a little work. Also why not fix something that's wrong? After all doing so improves the overall quality. Also if nobody reads it then why was I reading just last night?
365692
I'm busy writing a third part of a trilogy of one of my stories, it has much more readers and I want to write it
This story is just my first step into writing, I have no interest in fixing it right now, and you read it for reasons I can't possibly know, you either just read through random stories on the site, or you like looking at first-written stories.
365705 First-written stories can be interesting if you have two examples of an author's work. Namely the first one they wrote and the latest one.
365723
Yes, and thats one of the reasons I'm not fixing it, in an earlier blog I told my readers if they wanted a good laugh is to read the first chapter of this story, and the lastest chapter of Blue Skies and compare them.
it funny to read terrible writing, and see the vast difference between recent and the start
365738 Ah. Ok, that makes sense.
Ew Ew EW, Can't read past the fist " Mark, just no. Learn to capitalize letters at the beginning of sentences please.No offence, but just...Ew
1814364
lol
spitfire and thunderdancer should go with this music:
since your asking to watch in the end i posted it up instead oh and join my group p;s
Good story, but you need to work on your grammar.