Like Magefire

by Archangel of the Silent

Traumatic

Often times, after all that happened, it would seem like I wasn't quite right for anypony. I fought, struggled against it. I wanted to get better, I really did. Not just for me; Twilight needed me to get better. They gave me a therapist; he seemed pretty nice. Like it wasn't just a paycheck to him. He really enjoyed his job. We talked about everything except that day; about Twilight, life in the castle, dating a princess. He'd tell some jokes, make me smile again. The one session Twilight came to, she couldn't stop telling him how much she'd missed my smile.

We talked for a time about reputation. Everypony has one, no matter how well-known. I had several. As the Captain of the Wonderbolts, I had a reputation for being strict, but fair. My ponies knew they could count on me for anything they needed that I could provide, so long as I knew I could count on them for the same. As a citizen of Cloudsdale, I had a reputation for making a habit of attending any and all charity events I could, schedule permitting. I'd frequently volunteer at homeless shelters, hospitals, blood drives, anywhere they could use an extra set of hooves; some ponies thought it was a publicity stunt, but I enjoyed helping, no matter how small my help was. As a citizen of Ponyville, it was much the same, though I'd gained a reputation for always doing these things with my tail wrapped around Equestria's cutest princess, too.

As a captain of the Royal Equestrian Air Force, I garnered my reputation for being calculating, cold, distant. I took little sympathy in the personal problems of my airponies until their concerns became the concerns of the company. In the Air Force, there isn't a "my problem", there's an "our problem". Beyond all else, however, I had a single reputation that I'd only recently grown to despise: I'd never lost a pony in the air. Every single member of my company came home. For seven years, I fought side-by-side with each and every one of them, and I made sure that everypony came home.

Everypony, save one.

I think that's what hit me hardest. Everything went wrong that day, I should have seen it coming. I woke up, I'd lost my wedding ring. I'd gone for chow, the coffee was cold. I went to retrieve my gear, my rank patches had been stolen. But, ever the loyal soldier, I marched on. It wasn't until we were already in the air that I had second thoughts about my mission that day.

I hear a firework go off in the distance, and instinctively shut my eyes even tighter. I feel a presence on my backside, drawing me closer. It's a tight embrace. I feel myself shaking in place, trying to block out the noise. Mortar-fired, I think. Eighty-four millimeter projectile, standard powder load. Probably rocket propelled. Anti-air weapon, need to bank! I open my eyes, staring back at the cold stone and grass below me. Another firework. Summer Sun Celebration. I'm still here, right?

"You should leave," I whisper. "You can still go." There isn't a response. I'm already struggling to get the word out. She's too stubborn for her own good. Stubbornness is why we're even here today. I told Soarin that those winds would put anti-air right in his path, but he either wouldn't listen or didn't care. Had to get the bomb on target, he said. Couldn't drop lower, would've gotten torn apart; couldn't go higher, wouldn't be able to see the target. So he flew on. The bomb released, he started banking up and to the left when the shell came up. Detonated maybe three or four meters away. Shrapnel tore through his wings. In shock, he fell unconscious.

"I won't be good to you like this. You should find somepony who can take care of you." I'm not even sure she heard me. She still doesn't say anything, never loosening her grip on my barrel. I want everything to be okay, I do. I want to move on. I want to be better. Not everypony has to stay broken.

I went into a nosedive almost immediately, trying to catch up. Dodging anti-air fire, I knew I wouldn't catch him. He hit the ground a full ten seconds before I landed next to him. The shell sent him into shock, tore at his wings. Even if he was awake, he couldn't fly. I couldn't catch him. I think I cried. I'm sure I screamed, I pleaded with Celestia herself to start the day over. I didn't hear any of it, though. I don't remember being there. I saw Soarin go down, then I woke up in the transport bay of a military airship over the Western Sea.

"You won't be happy with me. You deserve better than this."

I feel a pair of soft lips brush over my muzzle. Comforting. I fall into my wife's embrace, though I can't bring myself to return it. It all feels like if I take my hooves from the stone, it'll be forgotten. Worn down, broken with time. Like me. I know the tears stick to her coat, the salt matting the hair down at unnatural angles.

"I couldn't save him. I won't be able to save you. You deserve better."

We sit there, listening to the fireworks and my tears. I recoil at each blast, unwilling to open my eyes to confirm that I am indeed back on Equestrian soil. I simply replay that day in my head, over and over again, each time I hear the explosions. It must have been a half an hour before she finally spoke to me.

"I don't deserve anything, Spitfire." Why did she have to say that? After all she'd done, for Equestria, for me? If there was one thing Twilight Sparke deserved, it was somepony who could sit there with her and watch her fireworks. She deserved a special somepony who sit at a table that didn't have any chairs with their backs to hard surfaces. She deserved somepony who could cuddle in bed without being drenched in a cold sweat, plagued by nightmares that weren't going away. Twilight deserved somepony who wasn't this broken. "But I know what I want.

"Come home. Your daughter misses you. I miss you. I'm not going anywhere without you." I fell her lean over, an manage to open my eyes enough to see her laying a flower onto the stone. A dahlia, one I'd grown while trying my hoof at retirement. I didn't think any had survived. "I don't know what you want me to say. I know he was a friend. But I still need you."

I want to smile, to tell her I love her. I want to get up and go home. I want to take my daughter to school, and listen to the foals in the yard play to their hearts' content. I want a lot out of life.

I don't know if I'll ever have that again. I know I'll never be the same. Right now, I need time.

Twilight's patient. She seems willing to let me have it. I'll stop crying one day, maybe.

But I can't help but wonder how I deserved her at all.

Comments

[Raptormind]

If this story isn’t dead and you’re still taking prompt, it would be neat to read one in which Rainbow Dash reacts to Twilight dating the leader of the wonderbolts, since Rainbow is such a big wonderbolts fan.

[Knight N Gale]

9010143
Technically she's not a fan anymore since she is a wonderbolt now

[Raptormind]

9010227
True. In that case the chapter could just take place before Rainbow got accepted into the wonderbolts. Or the plot point could be Rainbow reacting to Twilight dating her boss instead of her idol. Plus, even if it was muted after becoming a wonderbolt, it seems unlikely that Rainbow wouldn’t still really admire/idolize the mare that she had idolized for so much of her life.

[flowgninthgil]

10582471
sorry, just the heat of the moment, it was a great start but this end...