Bronie's Grimm

by madgamer1228

Sir Derp-a-lot and the Gluttonous Dragon

Sir Derp-a-lot and the Gluttonous Dragon

A long time ago in a land far away there lived a small kingdom by the name of Equina. This kingdom had known peace like no other, for it was much too small to worry about, and fighting the knights from there was considered more of a joke than anything.

However, it one day came to the attention of a certain dragon. This dragon was the biggest and greediest of them all. He was the Gluttonous Dragon. And he wanted Equina.

The ponies of Equina were going about their usual business, when the dragon attacked. He swooped over the houses and gave a roaring scream, scaring everypony and causing them to all hide. Then, after a couple more passes, the dragon landed in front of the castle.

"King Hoofgar! I am the Gluttonous Dragon and I have set my sights on your kingdom! Give up now!" the dragon commanded. It took a few minutes, but eventually King Hoofgar came out and stood on top of the castle's wall with his guards who were all quaking in their armor.

King Hoofgar called out to the dragon in a shaky voice, "Wh-, wh-, why do you want my kingdom?" The dragon snarled.

"I am, as I have already stated, the Gluttonous Dragon. I am considered the king among my kind, for I am the greediest and largest," he leaned in to look closer at the King, "And I want your kingdom! Now give it up! That is, unless you want me to burn it?"

King Hoofgar swallowed. He tried to think of a way to get out of the situation, but couldn't. Then a small idea struck him.

"Mr. Gluttonous, sir. I would love to give up my kingdom. But I can't just 'hand it over' as you say. There are many official documents and other things that must be signed first. Then Equina will be yours," the King said.

The dragon squinted his eyes at the King.

"And how long does it take to have these documents signed?" he asked.

"A few days?" King Hoofgar hid his face behind his hoof.

"A FEW DAYS!" the dragon shouted, "But I want your kingdom now!"

"Yes, yes. I understand that. But if you are truly king of your kind, then you must understand that these sort of things must be done, and that they take a few days."

The dragon glared at King Hoofgar.

"I will return tomorrow, then. And by that time, you must have your documents and your kingdom ready for me."

"But-!" the king stuttered.

"No buts! Tomorrow, understand?"

The king hung his head, then nodded it.

"Then I will leave you to get busy." And with that, the Gluttonous Dragon flew away.

---------------

"Oooh! What am I to do?" King Hoofgar asked the air. He was pacing back and forth in front of his advisers.

"We can make a quest to kill the dragon and send our best knights?" suggested one.

"No," the King said, "He will just come here immediately and destroy us all."

"How about we just leave?" advised another. The King shook his head to this as well.

"That would take too long."

They all sat there and thought. But nopony could think of what to do.

Then, with a crash, one of the knights ran in and fell flat on his face. He was not like the other knights. For one, he was just a gray earthpony with blue hair. And another, he was extremely clumsy.

King Hoofgar groaned. "Sir Derp-a-lot! What are you doing?" he demanded.

Sir Derp-a-lot stood up and saluted.

"My Lord, I heard of the predicament our land is in, and I believe I know how we can stop the dragon." he said, facing the opposite direction. The King sighed.

"Sir Derp-a-lot, I'm over here!" Sir Derp-a-lot turned around, "And what do you mean you think you know how to defeat the dragon? If you plan to fight him, then that would be stupid! And if you think we should leave, me and my advisers have already discussed this. What idea could you possibly have that is better than theirs?"

The advisers continued to whisper among themselves as they tried to come up with a plan. One was over heard saying "gelatin" and another "rubber ducks". King Hoofgar winced.

"Fine, let's here it." he said dejectedly. But Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.

"We can't take any risks, my Lord, of the dragon hearing of our plan. Instead I will tell you what I need."

The King looked at Sir Derp-a-lot confused. Then he shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess we're doomed anyways. So what is it you'll need?"

---------------

The next day, the dragon landed where he had before.

"I am ready for you to give me your kingdom, King Hoofgar!" he shouted at the castle. The dragon looked around. The streets were devoid of life, and the houses all had their windows closed. But then he noticed something.

"King Hoofgar! You dare to send one of your knights out to fight me!" he screamed. He took a breath, and was about to start burning the place and the knight, when the knight spoke.

"I am not here to fight you, Mr, Gluttonous." he called. The dragon let the breath go, "I am just curious if you are truly the greediest dragon of them all."

The dragon looked at the knight. Then he laughed.

"You do not believe me? Are you stupid?" he laughed some more, "I can easily prove my greed to you."

"Good, for that is what I want you to do."

The dragon laughed again. "Who are you?" he asked, leaning in to look at the knight.

"I am Sir Derp-a-lot!" he declared. The dragon sat back.

"Fine then, Sir Derp-a-lot, how should I start to prove my greed to you?"

"Well, if you are so greedy, then you must be able to drink our entire storage of cider," Sir Derp-a-lot explained, gesturing at several large kegs of it nearby. The dragon smiled.

"Of course I could."

He reached down and picked up one of the kegs, then ripped the top off and dumped it in his mouth. He continued to do this, drinking every last drop of the kingdom's cider.

After the dragon downed the last one, he looked at Sir Derp-a-lot groggily. "I have drank all of your -hic- cider. Do you -hic- believe me now?" Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.

"Impressive," he said, "But any dragon could have done that."

"Then what -hic- is your next challenge?"

Sir Derp-a-lot waved his hoof at a stage with several ponies holding musical instruments. "I will begin to believe you better if you can do this. Steal these musicians music."

At his cue, the musicians started to play a lullaby. The dragon squinted at the musicians on the stage. Then he put his head near them. He took a deep breath, and continued to do so until, with a whoosh, the music was sucked right out of the air and the instruments produced no sound.

The dragon sat back up.

"Again I have done what you challenged me to do. Now I want the kingdom." the King demanded. But, again Sir Derp-a-lot shook his head.

"A mere trifle. I have one last challenge."

"What is this last challenge?"

By now, it had grown dark. Sir Derp-a-lot pointed to the heavens.

"If you truly are the greediest, then steal the stars! If you do, then and only then will I believe you!" he cried out to the dragon.

Normally, the dragon would have seen this as ridiculous. But, because of the cider and the music from the lullaby, he was very tired and was unable to think clearly.

"Ha! I will have it done, you'll see! Then Equina will be mine!" The dragon crouched down, then leapt into the air. He spread his wings and flew upwards, on and on. Eventually, there was no sign of him. And there was never any sign of him again.

---------------

The kingdom threw a great party that lasted for days in celebration of their great hero. During the feast, King Hoofgar stood up and called for everypony's attention.

"Quiet down, quiet down now."

All the subjects looked at their king.

"As you know, we are a mere kingdom, not one to even bother about. However, for some reason the Gluttonous Dragon had set his sights on it and demanded we hand it over. I'll admit, I was ready to do so. But then Sir Derp-a-lot stepped forth and, with his plan, saved us all!"

Every single pony in the kingdom roared and clomped their hooves on the table, taking up the cry of "Sir Derp-a-lot! Sir Derp-a-lot!" The king quieted all of them again. Then he turned to Sir Derp-a-lot. "How did you think of the plan to save us all?" he asked the knight. Sir Derp-a-lot looked at him.

"Just because I'm clumsy, doesn't mean I'm not clever."

Comments

[Horse Voice]

Most amusing, but watch out for those homonyms.

Edit: Oops, not exactly homonyms. What do you call it when there are two words that sound the same, but have different meanings and are spelled differently? Well, watch for them anyway.

[celelorien]

554084 Horse_Voice

Close - homophones. Specifically, a heterographic homophone. (Easy to remember if you go by the basic Latin roots: hetero - different; graph - write; homo - same; phone - sound.)

I did like the story - it's pretty cute! I like the idea of taking Grimm's fairy tales and other legends and the like and ponyficating them. :D

[flutterfanshygal]

interesting, do continue with this! I find it very amusing.

[Diabolic Gnome]

i like

[Mr. Grimm]

Darn it, you beat me to doing a collection of Ponified Grimm's tales. (Though mine were going to be, well, a little more grim.) Anyway, seeing as I like these kind of stories, I greatly enjoyed this ponified version of a common archetype in Grimm's tales, with the hero being thought of as unclever, such as the many stories where Blockhead Hans is the hero.

[madgamer1228]

554884
Ha ha. I see you even had the name for it. But don't worry! You can still do your idea because not all my stories will be based off of the Grimm tales. A future example would be Little Bobby, a reverse parody of Little Dashie.

[madgamer1228]

554084

Thanks for pointing that out. I definitely do not want the knights to be "quacking" in their armor.