No one wants to "talk" on their anniversary.
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- Member Since 25th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
Titanium Dragon
TD writes and reviews pony fanfiction, and has a serious RariJack addiction. Send help and/or ponies.
Titanium Dragon
Joined 25th Feb, 2013 ·
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5656368
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it!
I would say it definitely is different from my usual fare, but I think this may be the fourth time I've made Fluttershy cry, the poor thing.
5656373
Heh, that's because views don't update as often as votes do, for whatever reason.
Thanks for the vote of approval, though.
I might even be a... lizard wizard.
I'll show myself out.
I don't understand why this story didn't rank higher in the write-off, it's really good. Short, but packs a good emotional punch.
5656396
Dunno, really. Some folks seemed to really like it, and even the folks who weren't too fond mostly seemed to at least appreciate what it was trying to do. I suspect it was a combination of subject matter (both tragedy and shipping) and stiff competition (there were a lot of very solid stories last round).
Still, I'm glad to hear it worked for you!
And right on down to Sweet Apple Acres to placate the pitchfork-wielding masses with their daily dose of Rarijack, I assume?
But for realsies, that brought back a memory I hadn't wanted to relive. From my own experience, this hits the nail pretty squarely on the head. Good job getting the mood right there.
I just got finished reading. It had me in tears, it was an amazing work.
5656413
Terrible. She'll wait at least a week.
I do actually have a RariJack story in the wings, but I think that the next chapter of Mistletrapped will beat it out. Ideally, though, both will be out sometime in the next week.l
I'm glad it worked, though I'm sorry that you had to go through something like that and that it brought back a memory you'd prefer forgotten.
Hopefully it was worth the recall.
5656422
Thank you! It is always a marvelous thing to hear that something I wrote moved someone.
Insert video of Maroon 5's One More Night here (my phone won't let me do it).
What could have been...
You've raised a million questions with this, and provided no answers. I feel as if I have just read the sequel to something that doesn't exist. We start off with a nice setup for a wonderful shipfic, and then everything just goes to hell. We have no idea what's going on with Shy, and Rarity has apparently tried everything but what she should have done to begin with, talking with Flutters to find out what is wrong. Abuse? Sexual trauma? We'll never know.
There's show, there's tell, and there is neither. I'm left with nothing but the taste of ashes in my mouth. I feel as if I have been mugged while skipping through the meadow on the way to a picnic. This isn't tragedy, it's just pointless.
The sad thing is, I have seen this done better. Applejack and Dash in To Tell The Truth. But at least there we had context, and Dash didn't abandon AJ over it.
I'd consider a prequel, or a second chapter, something.
5656479
There you go.
5656402
It sure did. I look forward to your participation in the next write-off.
This came to mind just a moment ago.
5656507 ah, yes. Thank you.
It's funny that you published this the same day I did chapter 4 of my fic, because both involve Fluttershy doing something stupid that I myself have done. ._.
5656527
Yeesh.
Well, good/bad timing, I suppose.
5656493
Someone in the write-off described this story as "a punch to the gut followed by a stab to the back". I was kind of going for this sort of emotional response, as that is precisely what happens to Fluttershy in the story.
The story was meant to be what it is: a piece which shows what happened, with some explanation and implication of what came before. I understand it might be frustrating that it is what it is - that we see the most emotionally charged moment of their relationship, and leaves us to fill in the blanks, with hints throughout the story of what happened before - but such is the nature of stories which start with the relationship already running.
If I were to write a longer story about this, it would be much longer, and this would be the end of act 2. I might someday write a story like that, but it would be quite long, and if you think this is upsetting at 2,300 words, imagine it as the culmination of 23,000 when the audience is cheering for them.
This is meant to be a stand-alone piece which lets the reader experience the moment, with some idea of what happened before, and a lot of inference. The goal is to deliver the emotional impact. But if I ever do write a much longer piece with similar ideas, I'll let you know.
I do adore Flarity; it is too bad that I have so few ideas for the ship, story-wise.
5656593 Well that's the hell of it. This story, here, is the spring-board for ideas. What in the hell is wrong with Fluttershy? How can she overcome whatever is wrong? And why on earth would Rarity, her friend, just abandon her rather than demanding to know why Fluttershy would ever ask her something like that? We need answers, and we have none.
I probably used the wrong analogy, because at least being mugged I would know why the bastard did it. This is more like someone randomly kicking me in the balls and then skipping away happily.
5656622
Man, where were you when I was applying for admission into the Evil League of Evil?
Clearly it has some good stuff going for it then, eh? Though some of this is answered, and some of it is merely implied.
What the hell is wrong with Fluttershy? Undefined. It could be trauma, or it could be simple shyness. Rarity doesn't seem to think that it is trauma judging by her behavior, but Fluttershy may not have told her or felt like she could explain. I was deliberately ambiguous on the point so that the reader could find an explanation which satisfied them (or dissatisfied them, I suppose), though I feel that the text slants towards my own point of view (which is that it is Fluttershy being afraid of intimacy because she has a phobia of it, and not for any extrinsic reason). Of course, you are free to read a different reason into it, and the story does not contradict that idea, though it makes it even darker than it is.
And why on earth would Rarity, her friend, just abandon her rather than demanding to know why Fluttershy would ever ask her something like that? I think Rarity's reason for her behavior is made pretty clear in the text, and Fluttershy herself outright states why she felt like throwing herself at Rarity like that was necessary. Rarity feels unloved, feels like she cannot express her own feelings for Fluttershy properly, doesn't -want- to anymore after she realized that she was hurting her lover because of the tension caused by the first two... it is all wrong, it isn't how things are supposed to be at all, and Rarity knows it isn't going to work. She wants things that Fluttershy shouldn't give her, given Fluttershy's own feelings, and breaks things off precisely because that's the right thing to do, because the relationship has become horrifyingly wrong for her, and she doesn't even want to make it work anymore after all that. Rarity is doing the right thing in breaking up with Fluttershy, making the tough choice that is tearing her up inside but which she knows to be the right decision, morally speaking. Fluttershy, for her part, is desperate not to lose Rarity, which is ironically exactly what pushed her to the point where Rarity realized that what was going on was messed up.
5656729 Yes, that is an excellent reason to not attempt intimacy, but as her friend, as someone who loves her, she's running away from the problem rather than attempting to help. If your intent was to deliver a horribly dissatisfying problem with no resolution, mission accomplished. But as it stands this feels horribly incomplete.
5656772
The story is marked Tragedy. By their very nature, they usually end badly for at least one
personpony involved.This could be a part of something larger, but, well, it isn't. I'm not really sure what you were expecting.
You might have pushed a little bit too hard with that approach. It felt like Fluttershy and Rarity was in a play, both grossly overacting out the scene. I think if this would had been more subtle, it would have a much stronger emotional effect.
5656811
Not nearly enough French for Rarity there for a proper drama.
Though I'm not sure how you can make "begging someone not to break up with you" subtle. Was there anything in particular that stuck out at you?
I liked this.
Knowing what was coming meant it didn't hit quite as hard as in the Writeoff, but this was still an excellent jab to the emotions. The best part is that there's no clearly defined right/wrong divide here. Both have their reasons and neither is really faultless. This feels real while still staying true to the characters. Thank you for this.
5656868
The poor things.
5656889
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
5656912
I'm glad it still meets with your approval; it is always nice to hear that it works even when you know what is coming, even if the impact is lessened. Thank you for reading it!
5656944
Je n'ai jamais utilisé français dans mes histoires. Aimerais-je?
If I did that right, and my French is rusty, that should mean "I've never used French in my stories. Would I lie?"
The fact that I have a story named after a French food definitely isn't a giveaway.
5656790 Tragedy doesn't have to be in the present tense. It can refer to a past event, which clearly we had here. As to what I was expecting... it's a flarity story written by someone who I follow. I was expecting something engaging, a little heartwrenching, but ultimately, satisfying.
Needless to say... I was disappointed.
I don't mean they needed to end up together, I get it, this is not that type of story, but it didn't have to end with Rarity not just ending the relationship, but effectively ignoring their friendship. Fine, Shy has issues, but Celestia forbid Rarity actually try to talk to her to find out why.
But my dissatisfaction aside... I can't call this a good story, because it's simply far too little to be called a story. You establish the conflict and then it just ends. This is not even properly a chapter, it's a scene. I hope this becomes a story, some day.
5657038
Ah, I was making a joke at my own expense. The very first full-length story I posted to the site was Crêpes, and the first chapter includes some gratuitous French.
...I feel like I would have enjoyed this story if it hadn't broken the number one rule about relationships in stories: It should always have a legitimate reason for existing. The stronger the relationship, the stronger and more logical the reasons need to be. (This applies even to relationships that have already existed when the story started. The reasons must some how be made manifest before anything like an emotional breakup can really have its full impact.)
This story starts off with the assumption that the relationship just sort of existed, and never really gave any real reason why. In fact, Rarity made it a point to show that their wasn't one. And so the drama gets dragged on in a very emotive and expressive way, but because none of it has any base, it is stripped of real ability to portray the emotions it so clearly wishes to.
The one thing about this story that makes absolute sense is that they broke up.
You're a fantastic writer. Wonderful timing, great emotive expressions, flawless execution of flow and ambiance. Great job all around. But sadly, the one element on which the entire story hinges has been stripped from it (and it seems to be mistakenly intentional given the goal of the breakup), and therefore the story falls flat for me.
I hope that this wasn't too harsh, but from one story critic to another, I still believe you are a fantastic writer.
Oh, ow. This was truly painful to read.
But, as awful as it is, Rarity was right.
A couple can survive without sex. But when one will... degradate themselves for the other? Not for a fetish, but to truly try to do something that utterly horrifies and crushes them out of a desire to make the other one stay with them? That isn't healthy. At all. And for that to improve, the person with the issue has to actually want and try to improve--and be willing to try to move past her fear. And even if she wants to, Fluttershy isn't ready for that.
Rarity cares for her. That's obvious, even here--which is why trying to go with what Fluttershy suggested was so deeply horrifying. Because it was obvious that Rarity had needs that Fluttershy just couldn't bring herself to fulfill, and when Rarity found herself shying away from herself and her own honest, pure desires, she realized that their relationship wasn't built on love anymore, but something twisted.
For people in love, sex is more than just a physical act. It is an affirmation of affection, a display of caring, a joining of emotion and desire that is entirely wholesome. A couple can last without sex--but when just trying to have it causes a breakdown, and when one side desires it and the other is repulsed... there are ways for a relationship, even passionate one, to survive and be healthy without sex. That is not one of them.
But dear god, Fluttershy, you need a psychologist.
5660277
You certainly pegged what was going on here. I'm glad it inspired a response. Thank you for writing all that.
While it was well written I couldn't enjoy it as much as I could because it basically seemed to boil down to 'if you don't have sex with the person you love, you don't really love them.' Which is just bs and makes Rarity look like an utter prick.
Some people are just uncomfortable or uninterested in having sex with anyone, regardless of whether they love them or not. It's called being asexual(and has absolutely nothing to be with any kind of trauma, you have to had been traumatized in any way to lack sexual attraction someone). You can still love someone, and show them you love them, without wanting to bone them. Flutters preparing dinner is a great example.
Hear it's quite apparent that the idea of physical intimacy makes Fluttershy uncomfortable(whether she had some kind of trauma happen to her or not), Rarity seems this means she doesn't love her. It's clear that simple acts she's fine with, 'exchanging a few kisses', Fluttershy clearly has no problem with stuff like cuddling and kissing, but anything sexual in nature freaks her out. While Rarity is clearly the opposite and craves physical intimacy from her partner.
Plus it doesn't seem like Rarity, at any point, thought to sit Flutters down and talk about this. Why doesn't she like it? Is anything wrong? Hell, why didn't they talk about this when they started dating,you know, setting boundaries and finding out what other did or didn't like. Or even the first time they tried to be intimate and Fluttershy bailed.
5660320
First off, thank you for saying that it was well written.
What gave you this impression? Rarity said in the story:
Having partners on the same page about what they want is important. Physical intimacy, including sex, is an important part of that for many people. And if folks aren't on the same page about that, things do fall apart pretty frequently.
Emotional satisfaction is important, and if two people are hurting each other by being together, then they should break up, especially if it is some intrinisic factor. No one is obligated to remain in a romantic relationship with anyone else.
As was once said, winners never quit and quitters never win, but if you can't win and won't quit, you're an idiot. Rarity ended the relationship because their conflicting desires were hurting both parties, and by ending it, it would hurt a lot now, but they'd stop causing new pain. Was there some way that you saw to make this come through better in the text?
Fluttershy in this story is not asexual; she suffers from genophobia. This is a completely different phenomeon; being uninterested in sex is not intrinsically unhealthy, though it may have undesirable social effects (sexless romantic relationships are much less stable on average). Someone with a fear of sex has a phobia about having sex with someone; this is unhealthy in many of the same ways that other social phobias are. They may even both want to have sex and be terrified of it at the same time.
The folks on Tumblr who conflate low libido or fear of intimacy with asexuality as a sexual orientation are hurting people. Asexuality is a sexual orientation in the same way that homosexuality and bisexuality are. Indeed, it is more or less the opposite of bisexuality; a bisexual is someone who is attracted to both genders, while an asexual is attracted to neither. It says nothing about their libido, but rather how it is directed. Someone of any sexual orientation may have a low or high libido; someone with a low libido may be observably asexual, but they may still feel some sexual attraction towards people of one gender or another.
They've been together for a year now; the discussion in the story about past attempts implies that they did, in fact, discuss these things, and Rarity and Fluttershy were trying to eliminate Fluttershy's fear of intimacy to no avail. Is there any way you can see that would help counter this perception?
A lot of folks feel deeply uncomfortable discussing issues like this with anyone else, which often makes it hard for them to get help. And Fluttershy in particular is, well, Fluttershy.
Besides, psychiatrists are for crazy people, darling. You aren't calling Fluttershy crazy, are you?
That's a common perception which drives people away from seeking help, and indeed, many mentally ill people resent the implication that they might be mentally ill or need help dealing with their issues.
I came into this story thinking it was going to be a cute shipfic. Then my heart was torn apart by the end. But still a well written story worthy of a like and fav.
5661348
Thank you! I'm glad you found it worthwhile, even if it wasn't what you were anticipating.
At the risk of sounding repetitive, I have to say this: I liked this in the writeoff, and I liked it here.
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get down to some more original thoughts.
What stood out as the highlight of this story was the emotional realism. It seems like something that could really happen, not specifically with the characters, but as a life event. I know how difficult it is to write something that rings with truth -- I treasure the moments when I write something that brushes close to it -- so colour me impressed.
There a few points which still bother me, but rather than clog up the comment section, I'll PM them to you.
Good stuff!
I really liked this story, it was bittersweet. It almost seemed to me like Fluttershy was asexual, because it she didn't seem traumatized to me, just really uncomfortable with lust. I hope this more than just Fluttershy not wanting to be alone.
It reminds me of another great, bittersweet RariShy story, where Rarity is straight and Fluttershy is in love with her, but never gets the courage to tell Rarity, so she just spends her life as Rarity's best friend, doing spa days as often as possible and listening politely to Rarity complain about the various stallions she dates.
5664368
Thank you for your feedback!
I agree; I seem to have hit an emotional chord with a lot of people, including upsetting a number of them. I suppose I'm the kind of monster who takes someone feeling like I punched them in the gut with a work as a compliment rather than as a bad thing.
5664502
I'm glad you liked the story! It is always nice to hear.
There's a few very nice, tragic RariShy stories. That one and the one that reverses their roles that AbsoluteAnonymous wrote are both quite good.
I suppose it is a fairly natural pairing for such things. Honestly, I really like the pairing, and am kind of sad that there is so little of them.
Around the middle of the story I had an aha/oh no moment where I thought maybe Fluttershy had been abused sexually in the past. It was never confirmed in the story but I feel like it's possibly still true.
That aside it was a very deep, hard hitting, and sad story. I didn't like it but, I did like it.
Nice job
5665292
I know that feeling, and that was pretty much what I was aiming for. I'm glad you not-like liked it, though.
5656373
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/59546010.jpg
That feel.
That feely kind of feel that feels...
...feely.
5665441
Thank you!
5669013
I feel you.
The degree to which I enjoyed the comments is how I know I'm a terrible person.
I liked the impact of the story. It did feel incomplete, but I don't see that as too bad a thing, short stories have a style of their own.
5742344
Thank you.
And yes, I have to admit that the people who were emotionally distressed by this were uh... kind of telling me I did it right.
This story is currently at the top of my "Also Liked" column for The Laughter I Choose to Be.
I consider this to be the highest honor any of my fics have received.
5786521
Heheh. Thank you! Good to know my crushing of hearts is appreciated.