Go Sweetly Into That Dark Night

by lunabrony

Face Your Fears 2/2

Celestia had very little idea of the things that her baby sister was frightened of, aside from the usual things that fillies her age disliked. Loud noise, strangers, the dark, sour candy, stereotypical things. So although she was prepared for some basic materialization of a child's mind, she was not prepared for the infinite stretching hallway that lay before her, an equally seemingly infinite amount of doors on either side, set a few feet apart. It looked like the hallway straight out of some old haunted hotel.

Taking a few cautious steps forward, Celestia attempted to open the first few doors on each side. Every single one of them was locked, and would not so much as budge. She gave up after about five minutes of attempting doors, and instead began to run full gallop down the infinitely identical hallway, looking for anything out of the ordinary. There was nothing; the hallway just kept coming. On a whim, she used her horn to torch a dark black 'X' into the wood of one of the doors, and then continued running again.

The doors continued appearing on either side of her, but there was no sign of the mark she had made.

Five minutes passed.

Ten.

Panting for breath now, Celestia slowed to a bare trot. "So much for the loop theory," she gasped, then raised her head. "LUNA!" She called.

There was no answer, but something stranger happened. The physical letters of her sisters name escaped from her mouth like the stretchy balloons one makes animals with, and floated down the hallway. The floating word paused at one of the doors on the right, seemingly at random, before silently bursting into nonexistance.

Celestia tried the door the letters had stopped at. 'FEAR' was written in bright red lettering across the panel of the door, and the older sister felt a chill down her spine. She tested the handle, and found it open!

"Curiouser and curiouser..." she muttered, and stepped inside into total blackness.

Like the deepest reaches of space, there was nothing here. It was completely void of light or substance, having only a dull, faint white light in the distance. Celestia ran towards it, and was shocked to see Luna standing with their mother, the two illuminated by a single spotlight. Was this what Luna was truly afraid of?

She stepped forward, unseen by the pair of equines, until she was close enough to hear their conversation.

"...Sorry, Luna," their mother was saying. "There's nothing I can do."

"Make Tia come back!" Luna was crying. "I want Tia!"

"Your sister can't be with you anymore. You're going to have to be the big sister now. You'll be in charge of the night and the day."

"No!" little Luna cried, tears rolling down her face. "Bring Tia back!"

"I'm here!" Celestia cried, rushing forward. "I'm here, Luna!" She charged to the both of them, but phased right through them like a ghost as the two figures burst into smoke just as she reached them. Celestia screamed with surprise and rage. "LUNA!" She already felt ashamed of herself, and promised that if she got out of this, she'd never give the little one a hard time again. She stumbled and ran forward, even though there was nothing to run to, vision blinded by tears.

Celestia's horn lit up with a blazing light, firing a charged shot forward that created a pillar of a beacon that spread straight up and pierced the sky. The elder sibling raced straight into that beacon at full gallop, being thrown instantly against Luna's bedroom wall like a bullet with a powerful crash. The crash woke Luna at once, sitting up in her bed, who gave a startled cry.

"Wha?!"

Celestia moved to the side of Luna's bed and hugged her tightly.

"I'm sorry you had a bad dream," Celestia whispered.

"How did you-"

"I'm not going to leave you," Celestia promised. "I'm never going to leave you. I love you, Lulu."

Still slightly confused but calming herself, Luna smiled.

"Love you too, Tia."

Comments

[Neko Majin C]

On a whim, she used her horn to torch a dark black 'X' into the wood of one of the doors, and then continued running again.

Extra space.

That was an interesting and heartwarming ending. Kind of bittersweet as well. The only bad thing was that it was over too soon.

~KBO.

[lunabrony]

5800063 I've both read the book and seen the movie multiple times, though I opted for the sledgehammer because the axe seemed like a bit much for a pony version. The sledge I suppose was the lesser of two evils.

As I recall she only took off his foot to feed it to him in a cake

[princessmercury]

Felt rush but cute short story.

[Lunaexcelsior]

Ouch! Right in the heart! This was extremely interesting and the exploration of Luna's deepest fears was nicely done. Listening to a 'Lullaby for a princess' while reading this is like a double whammy right at the core of my soul. Seriously the things that happened here paired up witht he events that later on happen are just powerful... Well played my friend. Well played

[MeadowRosePony]

I didn't understand the beginning at all but I loved the rest of the story

[RoyalBardofCanterlot]

Awww.

[Never2muchpinkie]

There's a disconnect between the description, the first chapter, and the second chapter. Or, rather, that the description and the first chapter set up an expectation that isn't met in the second chapter. Luna is supposed to be plagued with 'unspeakable nightmares' and it's coming right off of watching a scary movie. But her fear is simply that she won't be able to see her sister and have too much responsibility for her age? What's the connection here? The setup fell flat because of that.

I was expecting Luna to spend a week or so having nightmares about someone coming to kill her, and Celestia trying to figure out why her sister was acting that way. A story doesn't have to be long to be emotional, but I just could't get into this one because the conflict was over in a flash. There was no real time to get emotionally invested.

Grammar and spelling wise this was solid. A few little errors here and there, but the plot wasn't very fulfilling.

[Never2muchpinkie]

I was in a bit of a rush when I left my first comment. Now that I have some more time I want to add to my initial impression.

Luna being scared of losing her sister makes sense as a little kid fear. I'm not knocking that, but the description and the first chapter just don't fit that being the case. "Unspeakable nightmares" doesn't really come to mind when just seeing their mother telling her she can't see her sister anymore. Now, to a child I suppose that would be something unspeakable, but the "S" at the end of nightmares implies this was something that's been ongoing.

And that's mainly where the story falls flat. You set up one plot, with Luna watching a scary movie, Celestia thinking that dark forces are keeping her from waking up from her nightmare. It all looks like it's going to be a horror show. But when we get down to it it's something completely mundane.

In my opinion, what could have made this story better would be to just switch things around a little. The nightmare we see from Luna should have come at the start. It clues us in on her mental state before Celestia finds out. She watches a scary movie, where someone's wings are hit with a sledgehammer, and this time when Luna is dreaming the movie is still on her mind, and their mother is attacking Celestia in much the same way as the griffon in the movie. Seeing their own mother brutally attacking her sister would definitely qualify as an unspeakable nightmare for any child.

It would fix the main issues with the story, namely plot inconsistency and instant conflict resolution.

To elaborate on the second part, Celestia sees her sister is afraid of losing her, then she immediately leaves the dreamscape and tells Luna she won't ever leave her. The climax and resolution are done in like three paragraphs. A good short story needs sufficient build-up to make you care about the characters. Here, I blinked and it was over.

I think you have the potential to do better. You have a good grasp of the basics of good storytelling. Good luck in your future writing endeavors.

[PaulAsaran]

You can has review!