With breakfast settled, David and Rough left the tavern. "Well," said Rough. "You're not living at the clinic anymore, so I'd better show you my place." He trotted at an eager pace through the small town with 'his' human following behind him. They soon arrived at a small one story house parked at the edge of the town. It looked like it could stand a new coat of paint, the aging blue hue peeling up in many places. The room was angled slightly towards the road with tar panels on top. Rough pranced up to the door and grabbed the handle in his mouth before swinging it open, "My house is your house."
David stepped up and peeked inside. It was a mild explosion of unorganized mess. Papers were strewn about and various things appeared to have been knocked over and forgotten about. There wasn't any food laying about, and no unpleasant odors. It wasn't... dirty, just cluttered and messy. "Huh," said David. "It's like my own room expanded out into a house."
"You didn't have a house?" asked Rough, sounding surprised. "I always figured you'd have a small one like I do." He pointed at his house before entering it behind David and nudging the door shut behind.
"I live with family," explained David, "Er, lived, I guess. Hope they're doing OK."
Rough tilted his head one way and then the other, "Not sure how to check on that. Let's talk about adventure instead." He cantered off to return with a map of Equestria. He unfurled it across the dining room table and reared up, his fore hooves resting on the table as he looked the map over. "You have to want to look at everything."
David nodded at this as he stood beside Rough, "Well, I do, sort of."
"Sort of?" asked Rough.
David rolled a hand, "Just being here is pretty exciting for the moment." He reached to start petting Rough Draft behind the ear where he had discovered a sensitive spot. "It's nice having a friend that wants me around all the time."
Rough started to lean into the petting before David's words brought him to a halt. "Oh... uh..." He glanced away before looking back at David again, "You were lonely too huh? I guess that makes sense. We are two peas in a pod." Rough reared up to his full height, matching David's own and gave him a sudden hug. David froze for a moment, but soon returned the affection. It became quiet as the two awkward souls found comfort in one another before Rough gently drew back, "Ok, enough mushy stuff. Come on, adventure! I know you want some."
"Alright alright," said David as he held up a hand, "Just don't get me killed. I don't have any amazing powers or fighting skills if you're hoping for those."
Rough looked him over a moment, "About that... Uh. Promise not to be mad?"
"What should I be or not be mad about?" asked David with a slowly raised brow. "You're not turning me into a pony are you? That's cliché."
Rough blinked at that and tilted his head, "Cliché? But this isn't a story... I bet you'd look like me if we made you into a pony, but that's not what I meant."
"Uh, can you do that?" asked David curiously. "I mean, you know, fanfiction goes on and on about that kind of thing, but I didn't see any evidence that such magic existed beyond temporary things."
Rough blinked as things continued to veer off course, "I... don't rightly know. I suppose so? I'm an earth pony, magic's not really my thing." He pouted a little and sat on his haunches, "Are you upset that I'm not a unicorn?"
David's hands found Rough's cheeks and rubbed them gently as he would a dog, getting a similarly positive response, "You are adorable just the way you are. You don't need a horn. Now what were you getting at before?"
Rough's ears perked as he started, "Oh! Yea, I kind of... had Patch put a spell on you?"
"You're sounding especially unsure about that," noted David. "Did she or didn't she, and what spell? I don't feel different."
Rough shrugged, "Well, that's the thing. I asked her to make you stronger, but I don't see any difference either."
"Not that I mind the idea of being stronger," said David, "Shouldn't you have asked first? When did you even do that?"
Rough shrank in on himself, "After you went to sleep..."
David rolled his eyes and reached in to plink Rough across his lighter brown snout, "Bad pony. I'm not likely to say no, but ask first? Besides, if it does something, I'd rather be awake to feel it, good or bad."
Rough rubbed his snout with a fetlock as he looked at David curiously, "Even if it hurt?"
"I'd rather hurt and know what changed," said David defiantly. "If you're asleep during it, it's almost like you died and some other person woke up in your place."
Rough slowly blinked, "That's... heavy. Are all humans like that?"
David snorted loudly in a half chuckle, "No. I'm an oddball that way. That makes two of us, right?"
Rough's expression brightened into a smile before he turned back to the table, "I, at the least, want to bring you to a convention."
"They have conventions here?" asked David, "Wait, what do you write?"
"Humanway, an expansion on the game Ways and Travels," explained Rough Draft, "Why play as a pony when you can roleplay a humanoid like, well, a human." He pointed at David, "Or an elf or a dwarf! I made up a bunch of humanoid races to choose from."
David laughed, quickly working down to a chuckle as he shook his head, "Ah man, it's like looking into a furry mirror. Do you know what Ponyfinder is?"
Rough shook his head, "The artist added that part. I thought she was just being cute."
"It's also an expansion game," said David. "To play ponies instead of humanoids. In my world, humans and elves and things are the defaults."
Rough Draft clopped his hooves together a moment, "So, uh... wait. Does this mean you want to be me and I want to be you?"
David roughed up Rough's mane gently, "A little. If we find a unicorn that knows a temporary mind switching spell, we can give it a try. Just expect to fall over a few times. Two legs takes a while to master."
Rough Draft snorted, "As if four legs are easier!" His defiant tone was less impressive than it could be as he leaned into the petting. "Let's see you get things done without those fingers of yours. Why are you so... accepting of these ideas?"
"Which ideas?" asked David.
"Like turning into a pony. You're a human, shouldn't you want to, you know, be human?" asked Rough, leaning forward.
David shrugged, "Doesn't stop me from wanting to know what it's like. This is a world of magic. Where I came from, it was technology or bust, and we didn't have any technology quite far enough to let someone consider being a pony. So, yea, if someone offers a chance to find out, why not? So long as it's not forever."
Rough Draft shook his head with confusion, "Well I'll keep an eye out for you, but that kind of thing is major magic as far as I know. It's not like we have a princess around to cast spells for your amusement."
David rolled a hand, "There's a good question. I'm assuming everything works like I thought it would, but assumptions are dangerous. What princesses are there?"
Rough tapped his chin, "Well let's see. There's Celestia and Luna of course. Then there's Cadence, but she's up North. Oh, and Twilight Sparkle, but she's new. She's to the West."
"Luna... oh!" Suddenly a memory returned. "Awesome. I saw her in a dream. I think she helped get me to town in her own way."
Rough Draft looked a little surprised but nodded, "That's where you're most likely to see her. I wonder why she picked out your dreams to be in. Were you having a nightmare?"
David shook his head as he looked at the map of Equestria then, "Where are we on this?"
Rough Draft quickly pointed to a spot just north of the Foal Mountains, "Right here."
David pointed to the Foal Mountains, "Pretty sure I was here then, and came down the mountains to get here."
"Huh, lucky," said Rough Raft.
"Why is that?" asked David, "I saw some parasprites, but nothing too dangerous."
Rough Draft chuckled, "Dragon territory. If it had noticed you, that would probably be the end of you. You're just full of luck. That reminds me, how did you get... here." He gestured widely with his hooves, "To Equestria. You said you don't have magic, so what was it?"
David shrugged, "I don't really know. I was just taking a walk, to get healthier, and bam, big black place. Some writing in the void asked some questions and then there I was on the mountain. Not how I thought it'd go. A mystery letter or email would have worked, and a chance to grab some extra clothes would have been nice."
Rough Draft moved for the sink and soon had himself a mug of water. David watched as he used hooves and mouth together to get things done, marvelling as the earth pony balanced the mug between hooves and walked back to the table to set it down and begin sipping from it.
"I'm going to guess," said David, "That since you're a mirror of me, you don't have a girl, mare? friend."
Rough Draft shook his head, "Never got to that... I could any time."
At his defensive tone, David gently brushed the stallion's neck, "S'ok, I know the feeling. The pegasus at the tavern defended you. I think she'd be into you if you gave her a chance."
Rough Draft went dark red in his cheeks and nose, "What!? Greasy? I mean... we're friends..." He stammered and sank to his haunches, looking more lost by the moment.
"Deep breath," advised David. "Just ask her if she wants to go to a movie, or, uh, festival. You guys do festivals? If she says no, no loss, but if she says yes?"
Rough Draft slowly nodded, "A movie, a trip into the city... Yea. I know!" He pointed at Manehatten to the east along the rail way, "I'll invite her along to the convention." He shuddered and looked up at David, "You'll be my wingstallion right? Come on, help a brother out."
David nodded as he flicked one of Rough Draft's ears, "We're closer than brothers in a way. I'll do my best, but you should know I'm as clueless as you are when it comes to ladies. It's easier to give advice than to do it yourself."
"Well great!" exclaimed Rough, nodding his head, "You advise, I'll... do."
5591507 Heh, thanks for the comment. I don't seem to be getting a ton of them. :D I hope my story isn't that dull.
Have him run into the Broken Lords, an age old race of Humanoid suits of armor that are nigh invincible and can kill stuff with the flick of their hand. Cus this can totally end in only happiness and rainbows.
But for real, if you need an ending, theres one right there XD
:)
5591965 Your avatar reveals you may have a slight bias with that idea. I'm not big on endings, we're just starting after all!
5592214 I was just being inadvertently sardonic.
Anyways, a real option that would be cool would be to have him encounter the timber wolves. people so often forget about those awesome ass wolves that combine to form the MLP equivalent of voltron.
:)
5592226 Timberwolves, got it! We can run with this.
Ok just reading the synopsis makes me think he needs to run into blue feathered herm gryphons.... now to actually read the story...
5593822 What part of the description implies that?
Tense change again. Alright, next chapter.
5625141 Fixed!
I really don't want to get involved in another story, but here I am.
So, a self-insert. Self-inserts are prone to several specific weaknesses.
Firstly, most real people are kind of boring. I don't mean this as a personal attack of any kind, it's just that what makes the protagonist of a story interesting is the way they are different from regular people. A character that makes a good story hero is often ill-suited for real life.
Secondly, when the protagonist is a real person, you tend to use their real life as a reference for background details about them. Real life can dampen the wonder and escapism of Equestria pretty severely.
Thirdly, in the specific case of authors that write whatever pops into their head and don't have a grand master plan, the story is drawn strongly to site-seeing.
None of these obstacles are insurmountable, and I haven't read the whole story yet (I didn't plan to, but now that I've started it, I'm probably doomed), but these factors will be actively working against you throughout.
David Silver's relation to Rough Draft is strange and a little creepy. I may be overreacting because I know that if I ever met the pony version of myself, we would fight all the time. About. Everything.
What sets your Everglow story apart from this one is the high stakes. More powerful motivation results in more authentic reactions. In "A Dangerous Sparkle," (spoilers) the first few chapters see Twilight get transformed, rendered flightless, shot, stabbed, imprisoned and sold into slavery.(end spoilers) Everything is more interesting and exciting when every choice has "or die" as an alternative. Your seat-of-the-pants style of writing totally works in that environment, because the characters are also in a reactionary frame of mind. In this story, however, the ponies have no real investment in David other than curiosity, and he has no stake in them other than getting along.
This story also has a lot more typos than "A Dangerous Sparkle." I can go back and highlight them later, if you want me to.
5677849 Welcome aboard! I do hope you enjoy the story, even if it is in the shadow of the other fic that is being written concurrently.
5678128
I am sorry to say that I won't read what come next ^^'
What the guy below have sayed petty much sum the reasons up
I wish you good luck, see ya
5744067 Sorry it wasn't your cup of tea, though some of your earlier comments were confusing? Like present tense? It's told in past tense.
Is that a statement or a question?
Rough Draft shook his head with confusion, "Well I'll keep an eye out for you, but that kind of thing is major magic so far I know. It's not like we have a princess around to cast spells for your amusement."
Correction:Rough Draft shook his head with confusion, "Well I'll keep an eye out for you, but that kind of thing is major magic as far as I know. It's not like we have a princess around to cast spells for your amusement."
David shook his head as he looked at the map of Equestria then, "Where we on this?"
Correction: David shook his head as he looked at the map of Equestria then, "Where ARE we on this?"
6278512 Typos neutralized.
I'm loving this fic so far the interactions between the two main characters is very smooth and sweet. Keep up the good work!
I found some VERY hidden typo's that most would have missed.
1) David and Rough Draft learn more about each other, and then the shipping begins!
Spot any typos or get any ideas? Leave them below! I feed on comments!
^Thats one.
6809584 But that's how you spell typo, or are you pointing out typo as a typo?
6809590 he was being a smartass
cliché
Shipping begins and David gets into the likely space for a Greasy sandwich again.
6812482
On an unrelated note, David landed surprisingly close to the hometown of my pony OC.
Narcissism detected!
7486369 What? No! I would never write a story about myself with narcissistic intent!
7486369
7486588
Cue the Rule 63 magic artifact!
I can see a mind meld coming. Personality wise they would stay the same though...
Maybe the mind switch goes wrong and it's an essence switch. That would explain the horn and wings 2 stories later. (I've seen the thumbnails.)
The concept of being each other's characters is actually quite endearing, and their dynamic is quite nice too. I'll see where this goes.
While the stallion's character is a bit south of what I'd consider "acceptably Pinkie Pie" - the dynamic is nice, and I'm curious what'll happen. The writing is nice as well, so not like I have a lot to complain about. ;)
Stares directly at the author while saying this.