Clueless in Equestria

by David Silver

17 - Manehattan BipedCon II

Bon Bon hauled Lyra away under the pretense of making it in time for a panel. David looked over to Rough Draft to see that there was a sizable bag of bits stashed under the table and fewer supplies on the table. "I look away for one moment. What happened?" asked David.

Nicky snickered and pointed a hoof at the curious faces still peeking from the otherwise mobile crowd. "You are a powerful magnet for biped fans."

Rough bobbed his head, "I've never sold so much, so quickly! Thanks, you know, for being there." He held out a hoof, met with a fist from David in a bump. "So, are you going to?"

"Pronoun game," replied David, "Am I going to what?"

Rough picked up a book carefully between hooves before lobbing it at David, who caught it clumsily. "Run Humanway, of course. I'm pretty sure you'd draw a huge crowd if you did."

David settled on the floor and flipped open the book, peeking through it. "How different is it from Pathfinder? Lyra said something about a friendship bonus? Do you ponies even use the same dice?"

Rough nudged a die sitting on the table, "We have four, six, eight, all of them! All the way up to twenty sides."

The rules appeared deceptively familiar, and yet tantalizingly alien. "It's... like everything can be solved with a morality lesson."

"Just about," agreed Rough.

Nicky snorted softly, "That's not realistic."

Rough poked Nicky softly, "Says you, miss 'pardoned by Luna'. Where would you be if things couldn't be fixed with a morality lesson."

Nicky rolled her eyes then locked her gaze on David, "Or, you could run something a little more exciting. Tell me how your game works."

David glanced between the two before he explained, "Well, it's an adventure. Your character has to navigate traps, monsters, and think tactically. A lot of it comes down to battle planning, but there's plenty of room for roleplay and social problem solving too."

Nicky thrust a hoof up towards David, "I heard enough. That's what you'll do. Run them a delightfully violent human game." She glanced at Rough, "Can your game of morality handle that?"

Rough cleared his throat, looking nervous, "Well, yea. There are combat rules. You're just not supposed to... you know, solve everything with violence."

Nicky developed a smug smile, "We'll see about that." She rose up, setting her fore hooves down on the edge of the table, "Hey! Everypony! Tomorrow, eleven in the morning, our special human guest is going to run a game of Humanway down in the game stable." She leaned forward towards the crowd that she held the attention of. "It won't be any normal game. He'll run a game of horrific violence fit only for a human. Gird your loins, tighten your armor, and sharpen your swords. We'll see if any of you survive the experience." She flopped back onto her haunches as excited conversation spread out through the convention like wild fire.

Nicky pointed at Rough, "Go, teach him the rules so he doesn't make a foal of himself. I'll keep selling things."

Rough let out a soft sigh, "You know how to run a stand?"

Nicky handed change to a pony and sent them off with a smile before glancing back at Rough, "Are you still here? Shoo!"

Rough grumbled as he led David away through the crowd. Soon they were riding the elevator back up to their room. Rough began explaining the basic rules when one of the ponies there turned towards them. It was Lyra. David felt silly for not recognizing that mint coat right away.

"So it's true! You're going to run Humanway!" Lyra bounced in place, "Please, please please please! I want to reserve a spot. I just haaaaave to be there. My sorcerer has to have a chance to be in a real human adventure!"

"Uh," started David eloquently, "I was just learning the rules real quick so I'll be ready for tomorrow."

Lyra pressed in close, shoving Rough out of the way a little, "I'll teach you! I'll do anything!" She leaned in alarmingly close, "Anything."

Ding. The elevator doors swung open and Rough cleared his throat, "Time for us to get off." He walked out past her, and David edged around her, but Lyra followed along without a care. She was already going into great detail how to play the game with a seemingly encyclopedic memory of every facet of it.

When they reached their room, Rough perked an ear at Lyra, "Time for us to study. We'll be headed inside."

"OK," said Lyra, smiling.

Rough unlocked the door easily and David pulled it open. Before either could even start to enter, Lyra darted in and was up on the bed in a flash. They entered to find her seated comfortably, still smiling at them. "Wow! You just have one bed, for the three of you? Humans get busy! I haven't been playing my sorcerer right..."

"It's not like that," complained Rough Draft, "Besides, I'm here too."

Lyra shrugged, "I know, crazy. Humans swing both ways. I never would have guessed." She looked up at David, "I do too." Her tone dripped with promise, tail wagging before she went right on, "So let's get those rules down!"

Seeing where this was going, or at least giving up with how they were going currently, David shrugged emphatically, "Alright, fine. A lot of it is similar to Pathfinder and Ponyfinder, and thank god for that."

"Which god?" asked Lyra, "Humans have lots of gods right? What's a Pathfinder." She pointed a hoof at David's dangling key charm, "And Ponyfinder."

David shrugged softly, "The big religions where I come from agree on one god to rule them all," he explained, "Big and unreachable. Just 'God'. Anyway, we're here to learn about Humanway, not Ponyfinder."

Lyra stuck out her tongue, only to have it swatted by Rough Draft. She squeaked as Rough began to speak, "Calm down, Miss Heartstrings. We're here for David, not the other way around."

Lyra bobbed her head, "Fine fine. So here's how to play..."

They went over the rules together, even playing a little test scenario to make sure David had a grasp of the rules. For as slowly as he learned some names, rules seemed to sink in well and fast. Lyra was excited to be there, and Rough was pleased to play a game of Humanway with 'his' human. By the time everyone felt confident in David's ability with the rules, it was getting close to noon.

Lyra leaned over, rubbing up against Rough, "So what's it like? I mean, meeting your human OC? That has to be so amazing! I think I might just die if I ran into Samantha Bigfire all of a sudden!"

Rough smiled at David, tail starting to wag, "Best thing that ever happened to me. Scary too."

Lyra tilted her head, "Does he do extra crazy human magic?"

Rough shook his head, "No, never seen him do any magic besides knowing a little about a lot of things, like your name. But he's... like a magnet for adventure... It's so scary, but..."

"But so awesome," finished Lyra. "Oh I wish I could go on wild adventures with my OC..." She thrust a hoof out at David, "How do I get my human here?"

David waved a hand, which Lyra's eyes seemed to follow intently. "There were no wizards or sorcerers where I came from. I came from a, what, plane? without much magic. So your OC is definitely not hiding where I came from."

Lyra suddenly pounced, hugging David around the neck, "Then I'll take you!"

Rough suddenly bit her on the flank, "He's mine! I already called dibs."

Lyra jumped at the bite, hindleg kicking out at Rough blindly, "You brute! You should take a mare out first before you get to love nips."

David flushed softly at the hug. He reached up to gently extract the affectionate Lyra, setting her down on the ground beside himself and Rough Draft. "Our party's already too big as it is."

Lyra shook her head with conviction, "Nuh uh! Six is the magic number."

David glanced at Rough, who sighed, "Well, yes. The elements." Rough narrowed his eyes at Lyra, "and just which element do you represent?"

Lyra pointed to her horn with a hoof, "Magic! Isn't it obvious?" She turned the hoof towards David, looking thoughtful, "You could be... honesty?"

David shook his head, "I'm not bad at lying and will do it if it's the easy way out."

Rough raised a hoof, "Kindness."

"What, really?" asked David.

The door suddenly shut as Nicky stepped in, "Kindness works," she agreed. "You did save me, after all, and you had no reason to."

David shrugged, "Ok, kindness. I can think of worse." He looked to Rough, "Generosity." When Rough looked confused, David pointed a finger at Rough, "We're in this room you paid for. I live in your house. I traveled with tickets you also paid for. These clothes? You covered them. I've taken your comfortable life and turned it upside down and made you cry, but you're still willing to give up more to keep going."

Rough's ears twitched softly, "I suppose..."

Nicky flopped beside the others, "And what am I?"

All three others looked at her, considering, when Nicky began to laugh, "Trick question." She tossed her mane back, "I just got a call from my agent. I have to get moving."

Lyra looked perplexed, "Are you a star?"

Nicky flashed a bright smile, "Something like that. I'll be sure to check in on you later." She rose and sauntered to the door, "Your booth's all sold out, by the way." Then she was gone.

Rough hit the carpeted floor with a thump.

David reached to gently pet the fallen Rough Draft, "Guess he never sold out on the first day before."

Lyra clopped her forehooves together, "That means we need three more!" David peered at her quizzically and she bobbed her head, "To make up the elements!"

Bang bang bang! Somepony was rapping on the door before Bon Bon's voice drifted through the wood, "I know you're in there, Lyra! You come out here right this instant!"

Lyra flinched back, but a smile quickly replaced the expression, "I think that's the sound of honesty knocking on the door. We should let her in." With a jubilant grin, she rose up onto her hind legs and sprinted for the door with unusual biped balance. She threw the door open, grinning at a very displeased looking Bon Bon with a wide flash of her teeth. "Honesty!"

"What?" asked Bon Bon, having little idea of what she was about to get swept up in.

Author's Note:

The party composition shuffles a bit, and the con's not even done with the first day. Who will survive until the end of Manehatten BipedCON?

All of those colorful ponies shoving around may have nudged the letters out of place, be cautious.

Comments

[Twilight Kira]

I dont think lyra is magic. I think Nicky is magic, Bon bon is Loyalty and Lyra is Honesty....or laughter?

[David Silver]

5633460 Lyra is being over eager and a little full of herself. Her decisions may not be the most logical.

[David Silver]

5633718 Nothing like a typo before you even start.

[albedoequals1]

*sigh* Lyra really gets dragged through the mud on this site. How did standing next to the same pony in multiple scenes turn her into the pony version of Captain Jack Harkness?

[David Silver]

5679446 I'm sorry? I think she's adorable. I have nothing but love for Lyra, even if she does serve a twistedly antagonistic role in her own mostly innocent way.

[Luckyfanisaac]

Seeing where this was going, or at least giving up with how they were going currently, David shrugged emphatically, "Alright, fine. A lot of is similar to Pathfinder and Ponyfinder, and thank god for that."

Correction:Seeing where this was going, or at least giving up with how they were going currently, David shrugged emphatically, "Alright, fine. A lot of IT is similar to Pathfinder and Ponyfinder, and thank god for that."

[David Silver]

6279442 Fixed!

[Cursed Quill]

Pronoun game," replied David,

is it a pronoun game if the pronoun is not used to conceal the object?

These clothing?

These clothes?

[CitrusWishes]

Right, It's twelve o'clock at night, lets put the story down. But wait, I gotta finish this next chapter! Only one more, I promise. Oh, alright lets read one more. And more and more and more!!!! Aaaahh, books!

[Hoppa_21]

Bang bang bang! Somepony was rapping on the door before Bon Bon's voice drifted through the wood, "I know you're in there, Lyra! You come out here right this instant!"

Lyra flinched back, but a smile quickly replaced the expression, "I think that's the sound of honesty knocking on the door. We should let her in."

Makes me wonder if this was written before Season 5, considering Bon Bon had a rather big secret revealed, which made her a big liar.

[erictheblue]

6812586 groan..."pronoun game" reminded me of "pronoun trouble" in that old Bugs Bunny cartoon:

[Warrior Kitten]

Bon Bon can't be honesty. Her life as Bon Bon is a lie.

Butt, this was written before that happened.

[David Silver]

7988562 It gives all the more reason for a Lyra to be upset when it all comes out. No Canon was broken

[Draskos]

"Hey! Everypony! Tomorrow, eleven in the morning, our special human guest is going to run a game of Humanway down in the game stable." She leaned forward towards the crowd that she held the attention of. "It won't be any normal game. He'll run a game of horrific violence fit only for a human. Gird your loins, tighten your armor, and sharpen your swords. We'll see if any of you survive the experience."

Something I wish they covered here is how humans are Omnivores, thus making us a predator species and more inclined to violence, combined with how our species is not only driven by curiosity, belief, and emotion, but also how our race is pretty well torn between Xenophiles who will packbond with anything and commonly enough dont care about whether an intelligent person is actually human when it comes to romance, and xenophobes who will burn even their own at the stake just for doing one tiny thing differently. That contrast is a huge factor in why our roleplaying games are different. Ponies are the type to be best friends or run away screaming in horror, rarely fighting while humans are about 50/50 on whether we kill whatever it is, or are curious/kind/informed enough to talk things out. Its why Charisma, Intelligence, and Wisdom are good stats. And dont get me started on how bards can talk their way into an Eldrich God of Torture and Death's pants. My gods they can get away with flirting with any and everything.

[NecromanCREEEEEE]

9549958
I would actually say Warlocks are even better, considering they had to negotiate a literal deal with devils, eldritch, and other such beings beyond our comprehension.

[deram]

I usually think Lyra is overdone and cringy in fanfics. But I like this one. Might be the setup and the particular situation, I 'm not sure. Good job anyway!

[Ziper Ace]

Oooo I love this so much D&D of Humans and Pony’s

[David Silver]

10783375
This is what happens when a D&D writer meets their ponysona.

[Amos Anon]

David shrugged softly, "The big religions where I come from agree on one god to rule them all," he explained, "Big and unreachable. Just 'God'. Anyway, we're here to learn about Humanway, not Ponyfinder."

Well, I mean... Not really. To the whole "unreachable" part of it, anyway, but I don't really want to have a discussion about religion. Just thought I'd throw that out there.