Short Flights And Failed Takeoffs

by Snakeskin Ducttape

Story DEMO: Dash Tries To Light Your Fart

Author's Note:

Permission to write this was oh so very graciously granted here. The title is of course a homage to the very cute story, Dash Tries To Win Your Heart.

Tags: Second Person, Anon.

I wrote this ages ago, and then forgot about it, and then found it among my old google docs. I'm considering continuing it someday. Tell me whether I should, and if it amuses you in some way.

I don't really appreciate Anon stories, but I still think this came across as a fairly affectionate parody.

Your continued scoffing did absolutely nothing to diminish the ponies’ upbeat mood and infuriating lust for life.

You walked on your two legs throughout the town of Ponyville, because that was as many as you had. Two legs, not four, like the ponies around you. Two. Because you were Anon, a human. The human.

At least it’s assumed you’re a human. Human’s normally aren’t green, with a question-mark where their faces should be.

You did have a mouth… probably. It was either that, or there were some other arrangement for getting the right parts of the atmosphere into your bloodstream, because from what anyone could tell, you didn’t have a nose, just a big questionmark.

You continued on down the road, hands in your pockets of your suit. You hate everything of course, but you still put the effort into being a snappy dresser. Rarity complimented you on it, and you jumped at the chance to let out a small but still very pointed snort at her remark.

Except you didn’t jump. Only people who care about stuff jumps. You don’t care about anything, not even your grumpy demeanor and slumped posture. Which took a lot of effort to keep up every time you were out among ponies, let you tell you.

You walked into the market-square, getting some smiles and waves from nearby ponies. They never give up, but neither do you. You didn’t wave back. That’ll show them.

Everything is stupid, and you don’t care about anything. Except maybe one thing, and that thing is still stupid.

Turning the lighter around in your pocket, you pause to look at that mare. Applejack. You let your eyes, or perhaps you should use the word ‘gaze’ instead to keep it vague, because it wasn’t entirely clear whether you have eyes, travel across her body. From the strax-blonde mane on the top of her head, down across her barrel, over her wither, her cutie-mark adorned flank, and on to the region concealed by her tail: Your goal.

You take a breath, but not a preparing one, because you’re anon, and you don’t do that stuff, and walked up the the pony-pony, because she’s not a cow-pony, she’s clearly all pony.

“Howdy, Anon,” Applejack says, her smile both on her face and in her voice.

You grunt in response.

“You know, Anon, there is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you,” she says.

You don’t like answering questions, but you also don’t care enough about anything to try and deter her from trying to ask them.

Taking this as an invitation, she presses on. “What’s wrong with your face?”

Perhaps some planets somewhere aligned in some way, because you managed the unprecedented feat of shrugging in response.

Amazing. You almost only respond to a prompt from a pony when there’s an opportunity to tell millennia-old demigods how wrong they are about the cosmos and the laws of physics.

Applejack studied you for a moment, unfazed by the glowering indifference radiating from you.

“Well, if you don’t wanna tell me today, perhaps some other time them. Can I offer you an apple?” Applejack says happily.

Seeing an opportunity, you nod your head. Only once, and not too deep, or fast.

Applejack turns around to face the barrel of apples behind her, and you surreptitiously lean forward, lighter ready, when you hear the sound of a sparkwheel on flint.

You whipped your head around to see that infuriating prism-pony, Rainbow Dash, with a lighter held up by your rear.

She looked up when you furrow your the ridged where your eyebrows should be at her.

“Heh, hey, Anon. What’s up?”

“You’re weird,” you muttered.

“Your face,” Rainbow said smilingly.

And that's as far as I got way back when. Hope you liked it.

Comments

[A.P.O.N.I.]

Huh. Well, that was... certainly a series of words.

Yes, indeed.

[Snakeskin Ducttape]

8516615
Mmm, yes, quite, that is certainly true, good sir.

*Butlers appears with a saucer*

Spotted dick?

[A.P.O.N.I.]

8516675
Indeed. Pip pip, and all that rot.