The Future is....Ponies?

by TheDawsonator1

Ponies are really damn short-sighted, there didn't even need to be a Prison Break plan.

Urghhh…owowowowoowow! Damn it that hurts! What happened? I open my eyes and I see bars…shit! I’m in jail! I guess I didn’t pass go! NO! BAD JOEL! This is no time for jokes! Those damned guards must have some stun bow or something.

All of my stuff is gone and there is no Icy Breeze. What have they done with her? If they have harmed her, I will smite each and every guard in my way and damn the consequences!

“Ah, you’re awake” I hear a female voice

I swear, do people get off on watching people sleep? I look to see a Pink Alicorn I assume is Princess Cadence

“Your majesty” I bow a bit out of a little respect
“We meet at last, Joel. Aunt Celestia has told me so much about you” Cadence says
“Where is Icy Breeze?” I ask impatiently
“Somewhere else in the castle, but you need not worry, you and her won’t be seeing each other again” Cadence says
“Then I do fucking worry!” I growled at her
“Joel! You will listen! Sooner or later, the other Immortals will find out you have been captured and they will execute you! I would worry about myself if I were you!” Cadence raises her voice
“Then why delay? Why not just kill me now and save me the misery of being in your half-star rated dungeon for the rest of my life then?” I ask
“Do you think that we do not have plans? We will hide you until you are proven innocent but until then, you will remain down here” Cadence says

She then leaves in which I put the finger behind her as she was leaving. Twilight says she was a nice pony, to her maybe, to the Princesses and relatives yes. But me, nope! Why is it that when some women marry, they turn into such bitches?! Seriously she sounded like she had a stick up her ass! Maybe it’s this stupid Necromancer!

---

A day passed and I was beyond bored, a concern with Icy was still there. I got to get the fuck out of here. I will not spend the rest of eternity in this cell!

They were slightly smart, the ponies were a bit. They put Magic-cancellers and they made put a lot of guards out of the door. But a few hours later, I discovered one massive oversight. Human Magic and Pony magic have different working and these cancellers are designed to be for ponies. It still restricted a bit of magic but I had enough to burn through. The Ponies were really short-sighted.

So when the guards went away, I used my magic out of my hands as a blowtorch and hit the bars top and bottom and knocked them out of their place.

I had a quick look around but no Icy was present in this room or was my gear. I will have to at least settle for my sword.

I hear footsteps and I quickly run to cover, I only hear one and I’ll have to take him down. You’d think these prison designed would at least not put these things in but oh well, their stupidity is my savior.

The guard comes down and I wrap my arm around his neck and a hand directly on his mouth so he wouldn’t talk. It took a slight bit of struggling but he got knocked out cold.

I proceeded up the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible. I did not have time for a plan but rest assured, I will get Icy out and myself out even if I must break every bone in my damned body.

If Cadence thinks I will stay prisoner to her to keep me alive, she’s sorely mistaken! I’d rather be dead than a prisoner of eternity and I’d rather be free at risk of death than dead itself.

At the top of the stairs was just one guard that I took out by shoving his head straight in the wall with extreme prejudice. A Crossbow was hanging on the wall, I took it despite the firing being more pony-like, a human can still fire it. I had 6 arrows to fire and I must make each one count if I am to shoot them.

More steps came until I hit another floor of prison cells, no Icy was around, where is she! If one bit of her mane has been hurt, there will be hell to pay and then some more!

I finally exited the dungeon area and went into the castle area of the Crystal Empire (where else would I be with Cadence around?), I ran up the first stairs and 2 guards saw me.

I shot one in the neck and then pinned down the Crystal mare guard, I want her alive for information. The first one had to die, there was no choice in the matter.

“Where is Icy Breeze?” I ask as I sat on her stomach and had my hands to her throat
“I-I won’t tell!” She gasps for air
“You can tell me now and spare me the trouble of killing every guard until I get what I want or you can save yourself” I gave her a choice
“Buck…you!” she says as she spits in my face

I punch her right in the face and then flip her onto her stomach and started pulling her wings. (Pulling wings is very painful for a Pegasus, in the olden days, pulling the wings to stretch them was a very big torture. Cutting them was a severe punishment for big-time offenders, compare to Cutting off a unicorn horn)

“AHHHHHHH!” She squirmed
“Quit your fucking squirming! Embarassment for a guard! Now tell me and the pain stops!” I shout at her
“Top floor! Top Floor! In the tallest tower!” She says
“Thank you kind mare, was that so hard?” I say to her, still holding her wings but no longer pulling them
“Please let me go” She whimpers
“I might have done that had you not of spat in my face and tried to kill me and deny me information. But don’t worry, if I see Cadence again, I’ll tell her you did your duty admirably.” I say
“Don’t!” She looks wide-eyed

I considered killing her in some form of rage, but the better part of me held me back and knocked her out with a swift punch to the face. I then put her in a nearby cabinet. When she wakes up, I’ll be long gone.

I am not a cruel man, I was almost cruel, I could of murdered someone on my side…technically. I resolved to not harm ponies or friendlies, I had to pin her down to interrogate but pulling her wings might have been too far, killing her would have been downright ruthless. It scared me a little how close I was to killing the mare.

She had a motherly look too, I can’t do that. No good parent should be separated from their child by force, especially since the filly I’m rescuing has been separated from hers.

I had hurried along the corridors at speeds of a man late for his wedding, the guards realized just who I was after I passed them but that tower…has SO MANY FUCKING STAIRS! DOES NOBODY KNOW WHAT AN ELEVATOR IS? DAMMIT CELESTIA! HOW AM I MEANT TO LOVE YOU WHEN YOU DO THIS STUPID CRAP?!

Wait…what?

Never mind! Less Celestia thoughts more Saving Icy Breeze thoughts! You can have Celestia thoughts when you have saved Icy Breeze and on the other side of Equestria.

But a door up from the top of the tower, two guards were there with what looked like my stuff, but something was off about them, they gave off a black smoke to them…

“Kill him!” One of them orders

I shot an arrow in the guard and then dodged and shot the other one in the mouth. As they hit the ground, the skin decayed super-quick and they looked like necro-minions with a new shell that just broke.

If that’s the case, I am afraid what I may find behind the doors as I grab my weapons and my bag (Does nobody separate these things? Like ever? Even the Necro-Minions are short-sighted)

I take a deep breath and turn the handle…

Author's Note:

Writer's Block, we meet again. When I left you, I was the learner but now I am the master!

Comments

[lady Phoenix]

So much for him not being a cold killer. He just killed that pony in cold blood. Sigh, I don't think this story is for me, its just too fast for my liking. But I wish you the best with this story and/or other stories.