Nice,creative guy who enjoys normal AND strange/weird things.
[SOON TO BE RE-WRITTEN]
I have made a mistake. This is obvious, as I am at the bottom of a lake. In a giant metal diving suit, straight out of one of my favorite games of all time. While this would be amazing at any other moment, it was just plain annoying now.
Along with that, I have also grown rather fond of a young foal, whom I cant seem to leave as that (basically) can kill me. So yeah, uber fun times. Non-stop.
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I don't know who gave you the thumbs done but I'm enjoying your story. Keep up this good work and I think more thumbs up will follow. Here is my first thumbs up for you.
Good story.
Thanks you for the ever so gracious support peoples! It's really appreciated.
This is a very good story so far. You get 5/5 insane pinkie's!
I'm enjoying this story immensely its very good keep up the great work.
I have a question for you all. I am introducing the changelings in the next chapter and i was wondering: Should they be Equine or Anthro? Please tell me which one you would pefer, becuase i can work with either. This just felt like something you guys should choose. Thanks!
5675957 Equine i think it would fit better with the story
Plz keep this story going, its really good so far.
All right peoples I have some distressing news. My mother passed away a week ago and that kinda killed my mood for writing. So I am very sorry if this disappoints any of you, but please try to see it from my perspective. Thank you and I will try to get back to it as fast as I can.
It's good, but I think some of your grammar could use some work, as a bit more detail in your writing. I still love it, though
5675957 Equine
5713151 Sorry for your loss.
Too many side notes
Decent so far. Aside from the need of a proof reader the story itself is, decently interesting. Now for what I really want to leave a comment about, characters. Over all your characters are bland, at least our protagonist is. You didn't really give us time to get to know the protagonist, right now he's a Hood Ornament being dragged along by the story.
He has a typical blandish personality, as far as I have seen from him. Considering at a fully fleshed character has likes, dislikes, enjoyable hobbies, even fears and sometimes even phobias. Though so far that's the protagonist.
Estra is more developed even though she's been just introduced to us. She's an overseer, who enjoys listening to voices of others as they're talking, not really listening on the topic just the voices. There's other stuff but I'd figured that I've said my piece I can't wait to see how you develop into a bett author, and see how this cliche, but better than most and worse than others, story goes.
5852874 I must tell you I truly do appreciate the review of the story, it helps point out the flaws. I also like that you weren't a complete dick with it either. Thanks for being reasonable and I will flesh out the protagonist more throughout the story.
5852936
Thank you, I have been trying notto be a complete dick so this is progress on my part. Then again I was once in your place with character development, after all it's the character that drives the story not the story that drives the character. Plus you are much more reasonable than other authors who I have met that either write Mary Sues or Hood Ordanments, as you're seeking to improve yourself in writing as much as I want to improve myself as a human being and a critic. As my friend who actually works as a crictic said to me "Sometimes a critic must be the dick, but they shouldn't be a complete dick. They must be a reasonable dick and give tips on how to improve."
So I say to you improve on that character development and you should be fine. I can't help with plot though, I suck at plots.
5852969 Trust me on this, your doing a good job. For the plot, I've got a large universe this guy is a part of, even though not a "Major" character. You'll see soon enough.
Sorry for your loss man. May your mother rest in peace.
7038095
Thanks. That really appreciated. I Might Just come back to this story soon, but its probably gonna be very different. Major changes and all that.
Yikes, sorry for ya loss