Hello everbody, I hope you've been having a wonderful. It's been brought to me attention, by a certain Ahuras Wrath that Star Trek: Equestria rising is complete garbage namely to punctuation errors, which I do look out for when writing new chapters and because it doesn't follow any of the canon Star trek lore. Which getting back to the before mentioned issue it never was supposed to follow any on the lore, its based off of a free to play MMO.
My point is do you think he is right or wrong? Should I continue writing this story, or do what he is describing as putting a gun this story's head and killing it. so please give your honest opinion. if you wish to know more of what he said read his comment on the previous chapter.
other than that thank you and continue each and everyone of you who has enjoyed this story so far
I think the story is great and as long as you have the alternate universe tag on you don't have follow the star trek lore.
Firstly, this should really be a blog, not a chapter. Secondly, it's your story, "official canon" regardless. Throw Cybertron in as a Federation planet if you want, that's why it's called fanfiction. It's entirely up to you how you want the story to go. Just ignore the guy who can't imagine outside of walls of canon.
7637344 thanks I really appreciate this, I guess he'll just have to deal with it again thank you
7637345 thanks this really is starting to make me feel better about this so thank you to everyone who enjoys this
It needs work grammatically, not going to lie, but it isn't complete garbage. You need an editor if you don't already have one.
As far as canon concerns. Given the Alternate Universe tag, I'm inclined to let that slide, as this could mean both sources are non-canon.
Either way, I can say that your readership will go up dramatically if you get an editor, and stick as close to source as possible. That is what gets views/likes on these types of stories.
PS: I am willing to help with the editing process. I edited for this story: Ever Growing Friendship
Yeah I enjoy this story even if its in an Alternate universe. I know enough about Star Trek and Online MMO to see the difference but this is your story and right it as you see fit.
7637358 thanks
7637355 thanks for the feed back I know I'm not someone like Penstroke but, I sure as hell am trying
Continue, I'm like that story. It's good enough for me.
The grammar/punctuation is one thing, as others have said get an editor that will go over it with an eye for such. As far as not following the lore, that is kinda of the point of fanfiction in general, anyone who gets on someone for not following the lore in fanfiction, especially if there as an A.U. tag, comes across like
I actually think it would be a good idea to star over again and make a crossover between mlp and one of the tv shows, The next generation for example
7637661 Fair enough everyone's entitled to their own opinion and I will take yours into consideration
One other thing a lot of authors on this site will get other people to look over their stories and check for spelling errors, grammar errors, etc.
7637696 I know bytestorm has offered to edit for me and I agreed
I say he's wrong. There's nothing wrong with going off Lore to make the story your own. Besides, I like you story, and love to see it through to the epilogue.
7637779 thanks that's the best thing anyone said about so far
I think the story is fine and just needs an editor, it's an AU so it is not supposed to be cannon, though you can take cannon events and characters and use them to help shape the story, but do what is best for you, don't write to please others write to please yourself first and foremost if your not happy with what your writing it will never be great.
7638306
I think the story is very good yes there are a few punctuation mistakes heck even I do miss a few things now and then. The fact that it is based off of STO universe means its completely new concept some people are just haters I for one am looking foreword to the next chapter.
my two cents in this, that yeah the grammar is bad but not horrible still readable but yeah get an editor they help, and the mmo does fallow the cannon to only the first of the new kirk movies with spock and nero's ships going back in time to stop Romulus and Remus from being destroyed by the hobus supernova
Keep i have encounterd this many thime your happy to go to my story and read the comments, trust me I got them too. But it dosen't mean I should stop I keep going while trying to get better. I honestly like this story and would like to know where this is going please do not kill this story. You can always take a break if you want to. And remember don't let your readers controll you all the time it's your story you do what ever you want with it. If you do decide to kill this story it will hurt me but i won't complain. Please keep writing.
I should apologize I did't mean what I said as you should stop your story I just really enjoy the mlp/star trek TV show crossovers. I also think you should see this story to the end and if you're inclined, make a crossover between one of the shows and mlp.
No esta todo mal, luna tiene que enamorarse de vulcano , las 6 manes deben de crear un harén para los Romulanos , Celestia debe de claudicar el trono. y yo ser su dios!!!!
en serio , eres tu el que visualiza lo que esta pasando , tu eres el que nos cuenta y narra lo que esta pasando , eres tú el que cuenta lo ocurrido . Aunque hay cierto errores se puede tomar como suerte o negligencia para que las cmc lograran entrar al arsenal de armas
aun es muy temprano para que diga mata la historia y recréala a mi gusto , aun no veo algo que no cuadre a la situación que están pasando , actúan de acuerdo a lo que pueden y responde uno a esas situación asi que mi opinión es que continúes , mientras no salgas como la Star Trek: You Can't Go Home Again of tehphillzor
que la acorto muy rápido para llegar a climas , creo que estás dando tiempo a cada pony , humano , o criatura su tiempo y personalidad se vea y uno haga las teorías o visualice lo que va a pasar o esta pasado . Bueno espero el siguiente episodio
Not this all wrong, moon has to fall in love with vulcano, the 6 flow they should create a harem for the Romulanos, Celestia should abandon the throne. and me to be their god!!!!
seriously, you are your the one that visualizes that that this happening, your you are the one that counts us and he/she narrates that that this happening, you are you the one that counts that happened. Although there are certain errors it can take as luck or negligence so that the cmc was able to enter to the arsenal of weapons
it is even very early so that he/she tells bush the history and recreate her to my pleasure, not yet I see something that doesn't square to the situation that you/they are happening, they act according to what you/they can and one responds to those situation so my opinion it is that you continue, while you don't leave as the Star Trek: You Can't Go Home Again of tehphillzor that I shorten it very quick to arrive to climates, I believe that you are giving time to each pony, human, or creature their time and personality is seen and one makes the theories or visualize what will happen or this past. Good I wait the following episode
I would agree with Ahura's Wrath that there are a lot of grammar and punctuation errors, especially at the start of the story. But that's nothing out of the ordinary for a fan-fic (plus you seem to be getting better at catching them). I would say you should keep writing and telling this story. It would be a shame if it were to get cut short right in the middle.
7648878 thanks and I don't want to stop in the middle either
7635444 My apologies for taking so long to answer you. I've have a pretty erratic past week, and my bad habit of procrastinating doesn't help.
You don't need to "religiously worship" Star Trek to write a decent story about it. Just keep in mind basic principles, if you're having trouble with those, then I suggest Ex Astris Scientia and Memory Alpha. What (ideally) I want is for you to improve to this story. If you're stuck on ideas on how to fix the beginning of it, I came up with a one that you're free to use.
Let's assume that the ponies of pre-Hearthwarming Eve were seriously technologically advanced. So advanced that they had a functioning warp drive (one that used fusion rather then antimatter as a power source). They never got to use it because three tribes started fighting, which caused the arrival of the Windgoes. Said Windgo invasion was the most devastating event ever to happen to equine civilization. As in worse then the Bronze Age Collapse and the Fall of the Roman Empire combined. 90% of the population died, and huge, huge amounts of knowledge were lost.
So Twilight and friends find several references to this lost equine civilization, and decide to go on an expedition to the frozen pony homelands. While there they discover a spacecraft with the warp drive and end up activating the launch sequence, and once they end up in orbit, going to warp one. A Starfleet vessel detects them and initiates first contact. This results in a major legal conundrum for the Federation, as on one hand, the ponies have achieved warp flight, but on the other, they did it with something they didn't invent and have little under standing of, but then again, it was invented by their species...
You could also toss in a reference to My Little Pony and Friends by having the events of that show take place in the distant past, well before the Windgo invasion.
Or if want to look take inspiration from another story, then I recommend Star Trek: Genesis for example, it has one of the most original premises I've ever read in this site. Basically two aliens attach themselves the the holodeck of the Enterprise-D and use it to create a self-aware simulation of Equestria. Even if you don't end up using it, I highly recommend the story.
7650427 thank you I will consider this but I have found an editor to help me improve on current and future chapters though I do like your idea so I may use it for a future story possibly an alternate version of this one. And I do use memory Alpha quite a bit to make sure I have accurate references though most of the story will still be based off the Star Trek online video game so I shall try to make it as Canon as possible
7650446 Well, I wish you good luck with this story.
7650446 Like I said on my page hope to see more chapters. And HELL YES continue this story!
7732294 thank you like I said my schedules kind of tight so I write when I can I just hope my editor gets back to me on the next chapter that I sent him if not I'll just go ahead and publish it as an on edited version and then re-upload it once he is finished editing it
7732301 eh I'd like the quicker one but it's your story
This story has many good points to it but it lacks very much in realism. Characters as characters and not as people, and there is many timeskips that break immersion. For exampled when Pinkie met Vulcan she was said to have tried to make him laugh for 25 minutes (or something) and boom done end. What happened? People stood by? Also the 4rth wall has been broken few times and that is something that needs to be done with a lot of caution.
Also things go way too smoothly for my liking, people trust eachothers and people share information without hesitations, this is a firstcontact situation and all is happy go lucky save few implanted bad seeds who get their dues. The story is not that bad, and it has some things in enjoy but now it is mostly just events happening, aimed to be fun but make me gringe sometimes. Example being the grannie smith with tinbucket as a helmet. Is... well it is just silly, and has no meaning i can see. Then again i could be a bit of a grump.
Also putting a gun on the head of the story? You could easily end the story somewhere and start a new one if you want, no need to kill anything. I seen many writers end a story and start a new one that is much much MUCH better as a sequel since they have gotten ways better at writing.
I am curious about the story, and
NEEDS MORE PARTY CANNONS!