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Tofazz


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This story is a sequel to A Faded Touch of Blue


Saddle Arabia is a land of tremendous wealth and beauty, with a culture richer than its oligarchs could even wish themselves to be, and a history which safeguards the right of every citizen to rise as far as their ability can take them... provided that they were born correctly.

Moxie was not; she was born with an inquisitive, hungry mind, with shrivelled wings, and a mare. And now, despite finding a lonely oasis of happiness at her husband's side, a disease threatens to put her newfound life in jeopardy.

Chapters (14)
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Comments ( 69 )

This is all building up to something. And when it hits, it's going to be glorious.

5573234 Oligarchs is the name of the rulers of an oligarchy.
And an oligarchy is a type of government where all power is vested to a few.

Or in this case, the nobles.

Cheers!

I'm still wondering how Trixie is going to figure in this.

Aww.... this is so sweet! Also, FIRST COMMENT! YES!:yay:

I don't remember how she was described last story. Was Moxie's fur ebony, as it says in this chapter?

"Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

Would it be possible to procure a donation of bone marrow from your dragon companion in order to prevent an outbreak of a horrible magic disease?

Sincerely,
The Protagonists"

The story is good, but I can't have help but thought the above.

I'm guessing that Trixie is the god in a unicorn form, like the priest said? :moustache:
Really interesting to see where the story goes from here...

5579195 Your concerns are shared with that of my GF

5579195 It was a gross miss-use of words by me.
It's fixed now, thanks for pointing it out.

Cheers!

Been thinking this for a while now, but Saif is the pony Trixie was with at the Gala, isn't he?

This is very sweet.

I wonder how quickly the joy will turn to ashes.

Great writing, again. Glad to hear Trixie's point of view, keep up the good work! :raritywink:

Will be interesting to say the least when they meet. I suspect much awkwardness.

set eyes on the borders of Saddle-Arabia

Need a full stop here.

She took the offered hoof and rose. Together they walked inside, embracing the night for now. Thoughts barely touched what needed to be done in the future; for now, it was enough.
Saif relocated the pouch of gold underneath his clothing, the coins making an awful amount of noise for his liking. The price some of the merchants took for an express delivery was unjust. Had he not been on a tight schedule, he would change their minds fast. However, he had one more place to be at before dawn came.

You probably want some kind of break here, to show the switch in character perspective.

There were a few other grammatical errors that I kind of forgot once I got to the end - not major ones, and not many, but you might want to give the chapter a once over.
Story wise though, this is brilliant.

5618006 Thanks for the feedback!
Those two errors have been fixed now, I'm going to see if my editor can take another peek at the chapter.

Glad you like the story!

Cheers!

I was really excited to find out about this sequel. I got caught up pretty quick and it's all so good so far! I never thought something so broad and detailed would come out of the one-shot original. Thanks for sharing and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Great chapter. I really hope that the deaths will be worth it in the end. This certainly seems different from the original story, but life happens. I just hope that there is more to this than the exchange of a non-important character's life for a noble's life. To be fair though, it should not seem like it is worth it at the time. Not to mention they were getting paid/promoted. Moxie's foal will probably change history or something. Saif will get a happy ending. Who knows? Well, Tofazz does.

After all, ". . .one cannot always help what one stumbles into"

Wow, so by chance I just say your notification about how this story's update was being delayed, so I clicked on it. Saw the "Sequel to A Faded Touch of Blue" And went, "Hah! Sounds like a poor silly romance story that'll bore me."

I clicked on it anyway to check it out, and was about to ask myself what story it was that made me follow you when I noticed the cover art for A Faded Touch of Blue...

And I was all like... "Wait a minute, I know this story... I LOVED THIS STORY! AND THERE'S A SEQUEL I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT?!"

I'm downloading the story so far to my kindle to read after class tonight, I can't wait to see what happens! Total stroke of luck that I even know about it. Not that I'm complaining...

5698132 I'm glad you stumbled over it as well!

I hope you'll enjoy this one as much as you did with the first!

Cheers!

Oh boy, things are heating up in the ranks and Said and Moxie really should have told Athaal Trixie's identity. He's going to feel doubly betrayed since his brother and the mare he loves are deceiving him.

Ah yes, the long awaited sequel. I remember reading the first story so long ago. Then I see this in the update box now I am really curious what happens. Just gotta start reading lol. I'm glad I found this sequel.

Wow, that title picture looks so sweet!
And I was just wandering around FimFiction to come across this!
Like my ship? (Profile pic)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wF_xEJSmZ-s

Oh my, Athaal is going to be so mad when he hears the truth.. :pinkiegasp:

.

. “Come, let’s go home and spend the rest of the day on the couch.”

Leave Moxie and be with me! Let's stay on the coach everyday! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Really nice entry you have made. It kept me guessing at what was going to happen at the end and you sure made quite suspenseful.

Just out of curiosity what was the inspiration that you got to make the Linac?

Wow, props for Athaal standing up to Ghalib. Athaal is right in saying that leaving Moxie would increase the odds of her passing before the journey's end. However it is unwise for a sick, pregnant woman to be making that trek, as it would only worsen her condition. It seems the two nobles are at a temporary impasse...this is getting really good.

5998145 I'm really happy you enjoy my story!
Sorry for the late response.
Now, to the linac, I'm not really sure how to describe my thoughts when creating those. I wanted to create something of raw instinct and power, while not the same as dragons.

I can't really say for sure where the exact inspiration came from, but it came from my fascination of dragons and their role in different cultures.
To tell you more would mean to spoil the story for you.

Cheers!

Her breathing became slightly labored as her hoofs touched the hard surface of him, and his broad neck got her to unconsciously lick her lips. Taking a step back, she smiled, almost as if enjoying a work of art. Her thoughts became disjointed and an uncontrollable barrage of lusty images filled her mind. Her cheeks heated up and she leaned forward, letting her hoof slap his thigh quickly.

Oh damn, bow chicka wow wow!

Good first chapter! Unfortunately, bad things are sure to come Moxie's way...

Awwwwwww.

I'm sad that this happiness most likely will not last...

Athaal is best Saddle Arabian husband. Love how he stood up to Ghalib.

Poor Saif. :/ I have a feeling though that he was the other Saddle Arabian at the Grand Galloping Gala and saw Moxie with Trixie...

Really hope Moxie gets that spell in time. Hopefully Rishad can buy her some more time.

Hooooooooo boy. When those paths cross, it's going to be incredibly awkward. Explosively, even.

Wow, that was intense. Had me worried for Athaal there for a bit. Hopefully the sacrifices will not be in vain. Great chapter.

Damn... Poor Arien. If I were him, I would take advantage of Equestrian asylum in a heartbeat. :/

And Moxie and Saif are just making it worse by not telling Athraal. He'll find out sooner than later.

And the complications keep coming. Really great and engaging story you have here. Keep up the good work! :ajsmug:

Finally got around to churning through the third chapter, had been meaning to do that for some time. Apologies it took me so long. This fic remains terribly under-read considering it's got some wonderfully creative and original world-building. I did also like that Moxie seemed to feature more in this chapter than previous ones, though understandably given both the social customs and her own physical condition she'll only be able to do so much in this fic. Rishad's awesome as always, as is Athaal in his undying devotion, and your scene-changes and POV transitions remain seamless, bravo. :twilightsmile:

Well...hello again, Trixie...:rainbowhuh:

...Something tells me things are going to get a little worse before it gets better.:ajsleepy:

Alrighty, finally all caught up, and quite happy for it if I do say so myself. Trixie's presence certainly adds some new twists to this story, but she really better come to understand the gravity of this situation fast, once she starts to truly recover, that is. I know right now that she doesn't really seem to understand what the expedition is doing out there, but the fact remains that as of now, two ponies are dead and the entire expedition is in as precarious position as it is all because of the detour they took to rescue her, not to mention Moxie and her unborn foal's chances have grown significantly slimmer. Tense chapter as usual, can't wait to read the next one! :twilightsmile:

Oh, this just keeps getting harder and harder to read (in a sort of "Series of Unfortunate Events" sort of way, if ya know what I mean :raritywink:). I feel like hopefully this is the lowest point for the caravan; like, yeah, they're still going to face plenty of challenges before the end, but Lord willing things don't get any bleaker than this. A chapter with some of it told from Trixie's POV might help soon; I mean, I get a feeling that she is going to be a little less... troublesome to the group from now on, at least in her behavior, now that she has a far greater responsibility placed upon her, but maybe seeing some of her inner thoughts would help as well just bring the readers around to her, because ever since she joined, even though when Moxie's been angriest at her it's been because of her disease, I've been cheering her on in her anger because Trixie has been unbearable at times given everything that's happened since she joined. Now don't get me wrong, I think this is intentional on your part; you don't strike me as someone who's trying to Mary Sue Trixie or anything. If anything, I applaud you for making it have been such a dreadful decision so far helping her out; the only thing I'll say is that if this story is to have a happy outcome, I anticipate that the negative aura surrounding Trixie will have to dispel soon. I mean, sure, she might still be her impolite self, but I imagine she'll become far more tolerable in the coming chapters. Keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

6124559 Glad you still enjoy the story. :twilightsmile:

In regards of Trixie... she's an insufferable quim.
What happens between Moxie and her is something you just have to patiently read about as the story goes. :raritywink:

Cheers!

Wow, that was an emotional journey. Brilliant update. I am really, really hoping for something that may be called a happy ending here, but I'm not so sure that is possible. We'll see. :twilightsmile: Keep up the excellent work!

I haven't read these updates yet, but I couldn't help but notice that one of the updates says 1st July 2015. It never occurred to me that you may be a day ahead. Is that true or just some glitch?

Let's hear it for FiMfic for not actually showing the story as updated yet still notifying of an update.:ajbemused:

This whole mess is the origin of Sombra? That's some really spooky business.

6153919 I'm in GMT+1.
So if you live in America I'm about 7-9 hours ahead of you.
On my screen it says I updated it at 30th of June though.

Wow, talk about a revelation! What a great update. I'm eager to see what comes of this. Nice work. :ajsmug:

6155498 Ah gotcha. Thanks for clearing that up. :twilightsmile:

So many things are just spiraling out of control for the group here. Makes it just that much more engaging. I love seeing these updates!

Alrighty just got caught up and oooh boy. That discovery is quite a doozy. It probably is best if they head to Equestria to sort this out.

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