• Published 27th Jan 2015
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The Dazzlings Are Insane - Justice3442



A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

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Oy Vey Sonata

‘BEEP BEEP!’

“Seriously! People have places to be!”

Rarity sighed to herself and glanced at Rainbow Dash who was driving as if she had something of a death wish. Not that this was unusual for Rainbow Dash, but the occasional whiter-than-usual knuckled grip of the dashboard was something Rarity wished wasn’t compounding what was already a pretty stressful situation.

“Finally!” Rainbow Dash huffed out as the car in front of her got over. She immediately pressed her foot down as far as it would go and the car engine roared as the entire vehicle lurched forward and its passengers found themselves pressed into their seats.

“Remind me again why you’re doing this?” Rainbow Dash said as she kept her eyes forward.

Rarity glared up at the car’s ceiling momentarily. “Because Pinkie asked me personally on account of her busy taking Sunset and Adagio to some sort of strange ‘had the most sex with Uber drivers’ awards ceremony.”

Rainbow Dash’s head wrinkled in confusion. “They really give out awards for that sort of thing?”

“I got the impression Adagio awarded it to herself, darling.”

“… Yeah, I can see that,” Rainbow Dash replied.

“So unfair!” Sonata pouted from the backseat. “Pinkie is my friend! Adagio can’t have her!” Sonata folded her arms across her chest and glared out that window.

Rainbow Dash leaned her head towards Rarity slightly. “Does she know that friends can have other friends?”

Rarity shrugged. “That sounds like a Sunset thing to explain, or maybe Princess Twilight. That is unless, of course, you would like to try explaining it to her.”

Sonata piped up from the backseat. “Do you think it takes a long time for someone to milk those big trucks full of milk?”

“Right, no thanks,” Rainbow Dash said. “Okay, so… That explains you and Sonata… Why am I here? I mean, you’ve got your own set of wheels”

“I didn’t want to be with Sonata by myself,” Rarity answered. “Frankly, I find her terrifying.”

“Man, I would kill for some tacos!” Sonata said with a big smile which suddenly turned a bit askew. “One stab right into the aorta! Wopshhow!” Sonata mimed an explosion of blood coming out of her heart.

Rarity swallowed. “Please pull over at the next fast food restaurant that serves tacos.”

“On it,” Rainbow Dash said simply. “Okay… Why is Flash here?”

“Because I literally had nothing to do!” Flash exclaimed from the back center seat in a pathetic tone.

“Huh… Well, works for me,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug.

Rarity nodded. “Flash does have something of a ‘pathetic puppy’ look when he’s at a loss.”

“Wow! Racist!” Spike’s voice called out.

Speciesist, Spike.” Twilight said to the dog sitting on her lap. “Rarity is a different species than you.”

“My apologies, Spike,” Rarity said. “I’ll be more mindful of my colloquialisms in your presence.”

“Thanks, Rarity!” Spike said excitedly as his tail began to wag back and forth.

“Wait…” Sonata uttered. “Does that mean you’re still going to use them when he’s not around?”

“Uh…”

“Wow, Rarity…” Rainbow Dash said. “That does make you sound a bit speshies-zit.”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity said, incensed.

“Speciesist!” Twilight corrected.

“Spaceship! Whatever!” Rainbow Dash said. “Point is, it sounds bad if Rarity is gonna keep on saying that stuff just cause Spike isn’t around.”

Spike padded onto Flash’s lap, put his paws on the transmission hump between Rainbow Dash and Rarity and glared at Rarity.

“… I sense this is a conversation I have no chances of winning,” Rarity said sheepishly.

The car went silent for a bit.

Shyly, Twilight spoke up. “Uh… Is anyone going to ask why I’m here? Because… I’m not even sure…”

Twilight’s question was met with silence from the other occupants of the car, however there was a ‘ping’ from the front passenger seat and Rarity produced a cell phone and stared at the screen. “Pinkie says ‘The-eggplant-emoji is here because Hasbro thought she made the-number-two much dollar-sign the-number-two-again leave out of the film-projector-emoji and the multiple-pencil-emojis didn’t want yet-again-the-number-two come up-arrow with reasons to have crown-emoji eggplant-emoji-again show up on the-planet-earth-emoji every clock-emoji’, whatever all that means…”

“Oh my gosh, you are the worst at reading texts!” Rainbow Dash cried.

“Oh please,” Rarity said with a dismissive wave of her hand, “as if anyone could understand that gobbledygook Pinkie texts.”

Sonata piped up, “Pinkie said that ‘Twilight is here because Hasbro thought she made too much money to leave out of the movie and the writers didn’t want to come up with a reason to have Princess Twilight show up on earth every time.” Sonata smiled proudly for a moment and then frowned. “What’s a Hasbro?”

“More importantly,” Twilight began, “how the heck did Pinkie know we were having this conversation?”

‘Ping!’

Rarity looked at her phone again. “Pinkie says, ‘Can’t talk, now. I’m steering-wheel-emoji with my bunny-emoji and everyone else is screaming-emoji.

Sonata’s forehead wrinkled. “Why would Pinkie be having a rabbit drive? I thought animals were uh… Yellow-quiet’s thing.”

“Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash informed.

“Right, Shutterfly.” Sonata giggled to herself. “Maybe it’s like in Groundhog’s day… That movie is funny for realzies!”

Flash suddenly piped up. “I think Pinkie meant ‘hare’. She’s driving with her hair.”

“I have so many questions!” Twilight cried.

“Take it from me, dear,” Rarity said as she turned and looked into the backseat. “The less time thinking about what Pinkie does and how she does it, the better.”

Sonata tapped at her chin a couple times. “Do you think when groundhogs see their shadow and get scared, they go back down to their subterranean command centers to hit the ‘keep winter going’ button because they’re trying to freeze it to death?”

“Like Sonata!” Rainbow Dash said without missing a beat. “Just don’t think about anything and you’ll be much happier!”

“Man, I could chew out someone’s jugular for some tacos!” Sonata announced to no one in particular.

“We’re going! We’re going!” Rainbow Dash replied.

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