The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving: Blood Red Cranberry Sauce
The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving
Blood Red Cranberry Sauce
Sunset Shimmer burst into the dining room, a series of questions erupting from her mouth. “What happened?! Where’s Pinkie?!” Sunset’s eyelids plummeted into a half-open state as her face contorted into a sour expression. “And why are her clothes all over the place?”
Red-faced, Flash Sentry looked about the modestly sized breakfast nook with its high set black table and matching chairs. Pinkie’s shirt, skirt, socks, and even her panties and bra had been strewn about, her boots left by the wooden sliding door that led to the kitchen. “I, uh…”
Flash was interrupted as Adagio Dazzle and Twilight Sparkle walked in. Adagio took in the room with a look of faux disappointment. “Awww… You got started without me!” she bemoaned.
Twilight just looked at the clothes with a blank expression before her eyes settled on Flash.
Flash cringed as he met Twilight’s gaze. He threw up his hands in front of him. “It’s not what it looks like!” he exclaimed in a near panicked tone.
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Flash, I don’t think Twilight cares if you had sex with Pinkie.”
“But I didn’t!” Flash insisted. “I mean… Why would you even think that?!”
Sunset looked at the strewn about clothes, then back up to Flash. “Okay, while you are painfully awkward at initiating just about any attempt at romance with a girl—”
Flash furrowed his brow, raised an index finger, and opened his mouth as if to protest.
Sunset folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the wall. “Oh search your feelings. You know it to be true.”
Flash lowered his finger and sighed. “Yeaaaaah…”
Adagio sauntered up to Flash and wrapped her left arm around his shoulders. “Confidence problem, huh?” She pivoted to stand in front of Flash and began to stroke his left cheek with her right hand. “I can help there…”
“Uhhh…” Flash looked over at Sunset with an expression that seemed to be asking what he should do.
Sunset simply continued, “What are we supposed to think with Pinkie’s clothes thrown all over the place?”
Flash replied, “Well, why would we… ummm, er—”
“Do the horizontal mambo?” Adagio offered. “The old in-and-out? Attack the pink fortress?”
“—right, that… Right here in the room next to everyone while I still have my clothes on?”
“She has an exhibition fetish,” Adagio suggested rapidly. “You have an exhibition fetish but don’t like people seeing you naked.”
Sunset and Twilight simultaneously scrunched their brows as confused, ponderous expressions came over them.
Twilight began to speak. “I don’t think that logically fol—”
Adagio sniffed at the air which was swimming with the scents of a delicious dinner in the making. “One or both of you are olfactophiliacs.”
Flash raised an eyebrow. “What’s an olfactophiliac?”
Sunset and Twilight simultaneously raised their right index fingers and opened their mouths to speak, “Someone who’s sexually aroused by smells.” The two girls paused then turned to look at each other.
Grinning, Adagio released Flash and slithered up to Twilight. “My, my, the little book mouse has a kinky side to her.”
Twilight recoiled slightly and once again took to hiding behind Sunset. “No I don’t!” she insisted.
Adagio’s grin widened. “Then how did you know that?”
Sunset raised an eyebrow and looked behind her. “How did you know that?”
Twilight’s nose wrinkled, then the wrinkles carried all the way to her forehead. “How did you know that?”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “I asked you first.”
“So? I don’t see how that necessitates that I answer first! Why, if we use stack logic, the last command should be the first one executed.”
Sunset smirked. “Stack logic?! Who uses stack logic? Questioning works in a queue! First in, first out!”
Flash and Adagio’s eyes began to dart back in forth between the two girls.
Twilight’s eyelids dropped and she threw her hands in the air. “Well no one uses queues either! Now, if we treated this like an array…”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Well, how do you propose we choose when any value out of an array is fair game? A random number generator?!”
“Well, I—”
“Girls,” Adagio began gently, “somehow watching you two brainboxes argue is more aggravating than watching Aria and Sonata go at it, so please knock it off our I will cut you.” Adagio ended her sentence with gritted teeth and angry-looking eyes that seemed to confirm she would make good on her threat if pushed.
Sunset and Twilight’s eyes widened and Twilight slowly retook her position behind Sunset’s red-and-yellow hair as she kept her fright-filled gaze on Adagio.
Sunset refocused her attention on Flash. “Okay, well suppose I believe you.”
Flash narrowed his eyes. “‘Suppose’?” he said in an annoyed tone.
“Normally I wouldn’t question this situation, but between Pinkie’s… Pinkieness and Adagio riling you up, I’m not ruling anything out.” Sunset gave Flash a knowing, irritated look. “I know how your hands can go all—” Sunset raised her hands in front of her and waggled her fingers “—tentacle when the mood strikes.”
“Really, Sunset? Really?!” Flash sneered. “You’re accusing me of this, now?!”
“Oh, don’t start this with me, Flash Sentry!” Sunset retorted, as the anger crept in to replace the annoyance in her voice. “I of all women—”
“Seriously!” Adagio cried. “Stop it, right now,all of you!” Adagio looked over the people in the room. “I own swords and they’ve tasted blood before.” Her eyes narrowed and she gave everyone a menacing look. “I won’t hesitate to use them.”
Sunset and Flash paused.
Twilight slowly positioned herself out of sight behind Sunset.
“You have swords?” Sunset asked in interest. “That you’ve used? Wait… Have you three really been on earth for over a millennium?!”
“Damnit, Sunset!” Adagio exclaimed. She grabbed onto Sunset’s shoulders, shook her a couple times. “Focus!” she said as she slapped Sunset across the face, followed his up with a light back-hand, then leaned forward and placed her lips over Sunset’s.
Sunset’s eyes went wide and she broke the kiss… by planting her right fist into Adagio’s face with a ‘POW!’
“Ow!” Adagio exclaimed as she recoiled. She rubbed her jaw. “Worth it!”
Sunset groaned and brought a hand up to her face. “Flash… Just… where’s Pinkie?”
“Uh…” Flash pointed to the sliding door that separated the breakfast nook from the kitchen. “In there.”
Sunset and Twilight cringed as both remembered the catatonic state the kitchen had rendered Aria and Trixie into.
Adagio nodded slowly. “I was afraid you’d say that… Welp… Guess we’re having a wake at the same time we celebrate Thanksgiving.”
Twilight let out a horrified gasp as Sunset and Flash stared at Adagio in disbelief.
“That’s not funny, Adagio!” Sunset roared.
“I didn’t say it was, but there’s no way sweet, if bonkers, Pinkie Pie is just in there whipping up cream and making cranberry sauce.” Adagio shook her head. “I’m just amazed we didn’t hear a bloodcurdling scream from her.” Adagio tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “Though with Pinkie, I’d be willing to entertain it was just so high-pitched only animals could hear it…”
“Well, there was a sound,” Flash said.
All eyes turned to him.
“Yeah… sort of sounded like… Like all the air being let out of a balloon…”
“Huh…” Adagio uttered.
Sunset’s pupils began to sink into the turquoise sea of her eyes. “No…” she murmured.
“Uh… What’s wrong?” Twilight asked. “I mean… besides the obvious.”
Sunset grimaced and began to scratch at her forehead, digging her nails hard against her skin. “That sound with Pinkie means all her curls have deflated.”
Flash and Twilight looked at Sunset in confusion.
Adagio went cross-eyed. “Sunset, to quote you… ‘Okay…. Just… what?’”
Sunset glanced sideways at Adagio. “Pinkie’s hair goes straight when she’s… really, really unhappy.”
“Uh, alright...” Adagio replied. “Well, I know the girl is something of a basket case of sunshine and marshmallows mixed in a blender, but I don’t see what being sad—”
“The last time this happened was when Pinkie heard Sesame Street was moving to HBO.”
Adagio stared at Sunset blankly. “… Sooooooo…?”
“And her family doesn’t have HBO.”
Adagio just looked at Sunset in confusion. “What, are they Amish or something?”
“What? No! I mean… Kind of…” Sunset shook her head. “Wasn’t Sonata upset when they moved channels?”
“No, Sunset!” Adagio cried, throwing her hands up in the air. “We have HBO! God! We’re not savages, you know!”
A loud, wet ‘THUMP’ sounded out from the wooden sliding door of the kitchen causing everyone in the breakfast nook to jump slightly. Adagio slowly turned her head to look at the door. “… Most of the time, at least…”
Sunset threw her hands up on either side of her head. “Well, it was bad. Pinkie ‘borrowed’ a bunch of animals from Fluttershy. You would not believe how much birdseed she force-fed this one yellow canary. She covered a raccoon in slime and grime, found an old metal garbage can to put it in, and wouldn’t stop trying to cheer it up because it was ‘grouchy’. And…” Sunset trailed off and shivered slightly. “It took us forever to clean the blood off this one guinea pig she kept tickling.”
Adagio pursed her lips and stared up towards the center of her forehead. “The bird I understand, but those other two are monsters, not animals.”
“… And this matters, why?” Sunset asked.
Adagio fixed Sunset with a glare. “You don’t share a house with Sonata without picking up a lot of information on children’s programming.” She placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulders. “Also, your friend is dead and I’m very sorry for your loss, but you’re going to have to wait to recover her corpse.”
Sunset swatted Adagio’s hand away. “Oh, like fun she’s dead. I’m going in after her,” she said stepping past Adagio. She suddenly felt a vice like grip on her left wrist and turned to see Adagio holding it tightly with both hands, staring at Sunset with a terrified, pleading look.
“Sweet baby Christ riding a rocket manger to Mars, Sunset. You can’t be serious.”
“Let go, Adagio! Pinkie’s alive!”
“You can’t know that!”
Sunset looked at Flash. “Did Pinkie randomly decide to get naked before going in the kitchen?”
Flash shook her head. “After I heard the sound, I felt something cover my face. I pulled it off to see that it was Pinkie’s shirt, that the rest of her clothes were all over the place, and she had slid the door behind her.”
Sunset turned back to Adagio. “See? So unless you’re suggesting Sonata took off all of Pinkie’s clothes and threw them in here before Flash could get a shirt off his face, she must have been coherent enough to undress herself.”
“Okay,” Adagio said as she looked at Sunset blankly. “So rather than die from sheer terror, Pinkie slipped into some deep pit of despair then decided she should get nude.” Adagio closed her eyes then opened them again. “That is much worse. And let’s all keep in mind I’m suggesting the act of undressing is a bad thing.”
Sunset looked back at Adagio with a determined look. “Let go, Adagio.”
“Sunset, this is for you own sanity,” Adagio said. “You do not want to do this.”
“Adagio,” Flash said, “I know that look on Sunset. I think you better let go.”
Twilight clasped her fingers tightly in her hands then pressed them together in front of her chin. She glanced trepidatiously between Sunset and Adagio.
“Lover boy,” Adagio said to Flash, “If you care about Sunset and her smoking hot body, you better help meeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEK!” Before Adagio could react, Sunset turned and wrapped her arms around her torso and before Adagio knew what hit her, she was upside-down, her head hitting the ground with a soft ‘pomf’ as her thick mane of curls cushioned what could have been a rather nasty impact with the floor.
Twilight and Flash looked on in surprise and alarm as Sunset righted herself from the German suplex she had just delivered and Adagio collapsed into a heap.
Without looking back, Sunset placed a hand on the metal indent of the sliding door. “I’m going,” she said without looking back. Sunset quickly slid open the door, stepped into the dimly-lit kitchen, then slid it behind her.
As a wave of pleasant aromas cascaded into them, Flash and Twilight recovered from their surprise and ran up to Adagio. They leaned down to help her up.
“Are you okay?!” Twilight asked as she and Flash each grabbed one of Adagio’s arms.
Adagio stared at the door in shook. “I’ve never been simultaneously this terrified and turned on in my life…”
“AAAAAAAAAHHAAAAHHAAAAHHAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!”A primal, horrified scream sounded out from the other side of the door.
“More terrified than turned on!” Adagio cried as she clutched tightly to Flash and Twilight, pulling them to the floor. “Much more terrified than turned on!”
Flash and Twilight exchanged glances.
“Shirts over our heads?” Flash said.
Twilight nodded. “It’s the only way…”
Adagio grasped onto Flash and Twilight all the tighter. “No! You can’t! I got lucky last time, but you two don’t—”
The sliding door suddenly flew open as Sunset stepped out and quickly shut it behind her. She threw herself into the heap of Adagio, Flash, and Twilight and buried her face in Adagio’s chest as she seemly tried desperately to hold onto as much of all three other people as possible.
Flash and Twilight let out sighs of relief.
“Sunset!” Adagio said happily. “You made it out! I was going to go in and save you.” She tightened her brow and pursed her lips. “Your friends here are useless cowards.”
Flash and Twilight grunted in annoyance.
Sunset looked up at the other three. “It was… it was… awesome and terrible all at the same time! Like… Like staring up at the face of God as he has Cthulhu in a chokehold!”
“Oh, hey! Coherent sentences!” Adagio said. “You did well for a first time.”
“Are you okay?” Flash asked.
“Did you not just hear the words that came out of my mouth?!” Sunset snapped. “No! I am pretty frickin’ far from okay!” Sunset shouted as she simultaneously attempted to pull everyone closer to herself.
“Erm, did you see Pinkie?” Twilight asked.
Sunset’s eyes glazed over. “Yes… She’s… alive… Let’s just leave it at—”
‘Slllliiiiide.’
The group collectively recoiled and scooted back as the door slid open then shut. Holding a long, sharp knife, Sonata stood before them, naked as a newborn baby and covered in just as much sticky, reddish fluid.
“Kn-knife…” Flash uttered fearfully.
Sunset buried her head again as the group stared up at Sonata, Twilight and Flash’s mouths hanging agape.
Sonata giggled mirthfully. “For realzies, guys! Dinner's almost ready! You all just have to be patient.”
Flash and Twilight froze in place. Not sure how to react or what to say or even if there was a such thing as an appropriate reaction to the situation they found themselves in.
“Hi, Sonata,” Adagio said simply. She smiled. “The smells coming from the kitchen are spectacular.”
“I know, right!” Sonata said. Her childlike grin suddenly took on a sinister look. “This Rôti Sans Pareil is going to make the previous year’s turduckens look like child’s play.”
Twilight regained her wits enough to wrinkle her brow slightly. “What’s a Rôti Sans Pareil?”
The door quickly slid open again and Pinkie stepped out of the kitchen, closing the door behind her as she held a large wooden mallet that was splattered with some orange, viscous substance. Her hair was straight and dotted with orange splotches and gooey white clumps. Her naked body was covered in white swaths of whipped cream and crimson streaks of cranberry sauce, and her eyes focused onto the group the same way a predator’s might onto prey before it pounced. “It’s a bustard stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a goose stuffed with a pheasant stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck stuffed with a guinea fowl stuffed with a teal stuffed with a woodcock stuffed with a partridge stuffed with a plover stuffed with a lapwing stuffed with a quail stuffed with a thrush stuffed with a lark stuffed with an ortolan bunting stuffed with a garden warbler stuffed with an olive stuffed with an anchovy stuffed with a single caper with layers of chestnuts, meat, and stuffing between each bird, and sitting in a bath of onion, clove, carrots, chopped ham, celery, thyme, parsley, mignonette, salted pork fat, salt, pepper, coriander, garlic, and other spices!”
“I feel slightly better,” Sunset uttered, her voice slightly muffled. “Still not looking.”
Adagio nodded. “Sounds like you two are having a lot of fun in there.”
Pinkie’s entire face twitched as she ground her teeth together. “Yes, fun!” she said in an eerie, chipper tone.
Sonata’s face lit up. “Pinkie’s actually stuck around to help me and we’re getting sooo much done! She’s helping me with the candied yams!”
Pinkie’s face tilted as she gave the group a toothy, crescent smile. “There were survivors!”
“Next Pinkie is going to help me drown green beans in a vat of mushroom blood!” Sonata said cheerfully, punctuating her sentence with a “Teehee!”
Flash and Twilight exchanged fright-filled glances and slowly increased their grips on Adagio and Sunset.
“Looking forward to it,” Adagio said with a slight nod. “It really sounds like this will be the best Thanksgiving ever.”
A giggle rolled out of Pinkie like oil spilling from a cut pipeline. “Only until the next Thanksgiving…”
Sonata’s grin widened, becoming even more dark and dagger-like. “And then the one after that.”
“And the one after that,” Pinkie added.
“And then the one after that.”
“Then one after that times a thousand!”
“The one after that times a million!”
“The one after that times infinity!”
“The one after that times infinity plus 1!”
Pinkie and Sonata exchanged delighted, deliriously happy grins as they erupted into giggles that chilled the other occupants in the room. Despite the pure, unadulterated terror Adagio felt, she could help but grin as she felt all the hands holding onto her grasp that much tighter.
Still laughing, the girls turned, exposing posteriors just as caked in miscellaneous fluids and foodstuff as the rest of them. Sonata opened the sliding door to the kitchen, and the girls disappearing back into the dim maelstrom of hazy heat and delicious smells.
For a while, all was quiet within the breakfast nook.
After what felt like an eternity, Sunset spoke, her voice barely a murmur. “I’m not sure what just happened, but somehow I’m really excited and simultaneously paralyzed with a crippling existential crisis.”
Adagio looked down at the mass of red-and-yellow hair just under her chin. “Sunset, you’re very vulnerable right now. You need to come up to my room and get naked right away.”
Flash and Twilight turned towards Adagio, not with looks of anger, but more with looks of disbelief, yet perhaps just a touch of admiration at Adagio’s ability to keep herself focused on her goals.
There was a lengthy pause from Sunset that ended with a small “… Yes, please.”
“HAH! SCORE!” Adagio said as she rose to her feet, cradling Sunset in her arms.
Flash and Twilight rose to their feet as well.
“Uh, okay…” Flash said. “Erm, What should we-WHA!”
Flash was cut off as Sunset’s arm suddenly reached out for him and firmly grasped his arm.
Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, Adagio similarly reached out for her, and grabbed ahold of her right arm. “I… uh… alright…” Twilight uttered as Adagio dragged her along.
Adagio smiled widely to herself as she led the procession of people out of the breakfast nook. “Best Thanksgiving Ever…” she purred.
End Part 4
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. . . I have no words. *Phweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet* And that sound does not properly convey my awe. Thanks for writing!
Looks like Christmas came early for Adagio.
Also whatever the hell Pinkie and Sonata are doing, dear god does that meal sound delicious. Probably die after like a bite, but still, delicious
Oh my goodness I'm dying. So much hilarity to be found here, and it was one laugh after another all the way through.
I just don't even know anymore, man.
Wow! I uh...I just...don't have words to describe this!
...I want to see an artistic rendering of God with Cthulhu in a chokehold.
Adagio wins in the end
The only thing cooking up is a recipe for disaster.
Sorry, I had to.
This is starting to turn into 'Clothing Nightmare on Nightmare Night' but on thanksgiving.
Naked giving?
7774229 God's busy, will a nun do?
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Cthulhu_VS_the_Flying_Nun_by_Coelasquid.jpg
There is only one god "SKREEEEONGK"
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/6eaa4cc1b4ed0c0aca81d85ecde8c744.jpg
cdn-enterprise.discourse.org/turtlerock/uploads/default/22848/c2a52952c7ec18b8.jpg
HEH!
(I had to.)
I like this, I like this SO much, throughout EQG, Flash has basically been the perfect high school love interest minus some clutziness and being mind controlled, so seeing him start to lose his temper here, or leering at Adagio earlier, it's nice to see the guy being flawed.
Of course.
Oh no...
Kinda.
Listen to the floof!
Uh...
My brain hurts trying to imagine that.
You're serious. I mean I admire your dedication to your goals but...
Didn't see that one coming.
You're, a unique being, Adagio.
... Oh my god, I had to google it but the Sans Roti Pareil is real
So are they naked to keep their clothes from staining or are Pinkie and Sonata just really comfortable with one another?
In an alternate universe, I am Flash Sentry.
7774381 ...Holy fuck.
I...I...I don't know what to say....
You're both horrible nerds! Stacks and queues both have very important uses, like performing breadth-first (queue) or depth-first (stack) searches of tree structures without blowing up the callstack with recursion!
Wait... no grouse? No snipe?? No squab???
It's like they're not even trying!
Just the image of this makes me d'aww. And this chapter is hilarious... and I'm scared of Sonata and Pinkie's way of cooking now...
Great idea, Adagio! Let´s have a foursome in a house with two slashers (Pinkamena and Sonata) around. What can possibly go wrong?
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/80/ab/20/80ab202cdb65c6b2b1bd4c6f5cdc3bf6.jpg
So naked time?
Cranberrry sause... I buried paul. Yeah, makes sense.
I can't even process the hilarity in this chapter right now
I wanna feel bad for him...
But I don't
Nice job man!
I'm almost certain that at least 2 of the birds in that list are protected species. Do not let Pinkie Pie repeat that recipe to Fluttershy, especially regarding the Ortolan Bunting. They used to be force fed birds that were thrown into a bath of armagnac to simultaneously drown and marinate them. Imagine Fluttershy hearing that...
Quite apart from any of that though, it does sound like a mildly orgasmic recipe.
7774633
You could sub in a swan for the bustard, and a snipe for the ortolan bunting, and frankly grouse is a bird best served on the side. A very inconvenient bird, the grouse, one isn't quite enough to satiate hunger, but two is too much.
It finally happened...they finally broke Sunset.
...well, that was hilarous, kinky and kinda weird all at once.
Holy f*ck, that's a real recipe.
Also, hilarious chapter.
to much meat for my liking...wait where is the bacon?
Awesome Sunset broke and Twilight just gave up.
I must applaude Adagio for her determination into getting in everyone's pants. Hmm I see it now:
Random Cop: Oh my god there's bodies and food everywhere!
Dispatch: A mass murder?
RC: No worst, or better, Thanksgiving at the Dazzling house.
D: I'm on my way!
RC: As backup?
D: Yeah let's go with that.
Okay I'm really looking forward to the next chapter and see if Adagio gets lucky or even luckier by roping the others in.
I demand a pic of Sonata and Pinkie covered in foodstuffs!
TOOOOOTALLY NOT ME!!
Nope, not me.
At... all...
Curse you Sawdust and your aromatic properties...
Also, is it odd that I followed Sunset and Twilight's argument?
7774395
Yes.
Holy crap that WOULD be awesome!
7774141
I wouldn't mind trying it. Sounds wonderful.
So... has this arc ended or will we see a new chapter soon?
7798872
There's going to be at least one more chapter. I had to take a small break on this because of work on another story which I'll publish very soon here.
7799736 Cool. Can't wait!
That kitchen must have looked liked Lord Nurgle's fap material.
Is it bad that I was able to follow this entire line of debate without any problems?
Also,
Sweet mother of Celestia, no.
in a
_________
Poor Sunset ... at least Adagio was able to have a good start to her Thanksgiving.
Flash:
I think I just had a stroke just from the idea that this is an ACTUAL thing and am reading this somehow from the coma I’m in.
Blasphemy!