The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving Part 1: A Delicious Cut of Meat
The Dazzlings Do Thanksgiving
Part 1: A Delicious Cut of Meat
Sunset Shimmer stood on a familiar doorstep and stared at a familiar door, her heart pounding in an all too familiar fashion as she felt a regrettably familiar sense of hesitation well up inside her. She had been here more times than she cared to admit and rarely, if ever, had it been an enjoyable experience. At least this time she had brought plenty of support.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” a young man’s voice asked.
Support that would not stop asking her the same freakin’ question!
Sunset wheeled around and shot an annoyed glance at the source of the voice, squinting slightly in the dim light of as dusk set in. “Flash! I already said I was tired of hearing that question!”
“Okay, but you never actually answer it!” Flash Sentry retorted.
The scowl on Sunset’s face deepened. Flash stood off the doorstep about an arm’s length away. Behind him were most of Sunset’s friends, standing on a walkway flanked by grass that looked like it was cut unevenly with a sword rather than a lawnmower. Two exceptions to Sunset’s friend brigade being Twilight Sparkle, who was back in Equestria probably not having to deal with the same, admittedly reasonable, question over and over again, and also Twilight Sparkle who was standing next to Sunset Shimmer with a trepidatious look on her face as if she had picked up on everyone else’s misgivings at the group’s current location.
Sunset shot a quick ‘thank you’ to the powers that be that this world’s Twilight had the decency to wear glasses and a different hairstyle than that of her pony-world counterpart. Granted, the two Twilights didn’t exactly have mirror personalities, but it was nice to be able to tell them apart at a glance.
“He has a point, partner,” Applejack chimed in from next to Flash. “Ah mean, just about everyone here has asked that question—”
“I haven’t!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed excitedly.
Applejack’s lips tightened in irritation as she powered on. “—but you just snap at us and move on.”
A few girls in the group nodded their heads in agreement.
Sunset let out a huff. “Look, we all agreed we’d come here as a unified friendship force.”
Rarity raised an index finger. “After much protest.”
Rainbow Dash nodded her head towards Rarity in agreement. “Yeah! You practically guilt-tripped us into going!”
Sunset threw her hands up in the air. “Because the Dazzlings actually extended the olive branch of friendship towards us for a change! I mean, how would it look as diplomats of friendship—”
“Wait,” Rainbow Dash said as she glanced upwards and tightened her brow. “Are we the Unified Friendship Force or the Diplomats of Friendship?”
Rarity’s eyes lit up. “The Fabulous Friends!”
“The Magnificent Seven!” Applejack cried.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes this time. “That’s taken, AJ.”
“Ah know! But there’s actually seven of us!”
“What about Flash?” Fluttershy asked.
“He doesn’t count!” Applejack exclaimed. She turned towards Flash. “No offence.”
“None taken,” Flash said. His lips tightened slightly. “Still a little sad, though.”
Twilight gave Sunset a hesitant glance. “Uh… should I…”
“No,” Sunset said bluntly. She looked back over the group. “Focus everyone, we’re not here to…”
“Super Friends!” Pinkie said excitedly as she jumped up and down.
“Also already taken, dear,” Rarity pointed out.
“… Animal Friends,” Fluttershy suggested.
A unified groan went up from the group.
“Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash began, “you’re the only one who’s that much into animals!”
Fluttershy put on a pout. “But you all have pets! Also we kinda turn into ponies when we transform… Look, maybe if you see my presentation again, I can…”
“No! Just ‘no’, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash said forcefully as she crossed her arms in front of her in the shape of an ‘X’ before throwing them to her sides. “No amount of bullet point slides and cute animal sound effects are going to sell us on the name.”
Fluttershy let out a sad whimper.
“Alright,” Applejack said as she inserted herself in between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. “This is gettin’ a might bit heated, maybe we should table this discussion for—”
Pinkie Pie suddenly inhaled as much air as she could fit in her lungs. “The-Unified-Magnificent-Seven-Fabulous-Animal-Diplomatic-Friendship-Force!”
Everyone turned to stare at Pinkie.
“… T.M.!” Pinkie added added.
Sunset looked over the group with a frazzled smile. “We can talk about this later.” She turned towards the door and raised her hand to knock. “Right now we—”
“You still haven’t answered the question, darling,” Rarity said.
Sunset’s left eye twitched and her forced smile twisted upwards and turned crooked. She turned and began to motion to everyone individually. “Twilight’s learning about friendship, Applejack and Rainbow Dash get to have their crazy, borderline violent, video game competitions with Aria, Fluttershy gets to check up on Aria’s goat—”
Fluttershy glanced behind the group. “The goat is eating the Dazzlings’ mailbox…”
“See! She’s already on it!” Sunset continued, “Flash gets to be the only guy in a group of almost a dozen girls…”
“That’s a great point, actually, even if three of those girls are completely bonkers,” Flash said. “I formally retract any protests I might have issued.”
“Pinkie actually wants to be here.”
Pinkie smiled. “I get to hang out with Sonata! Go team TUMSFADFF T.M.!”
“Four of the girls,” Flash corrected. “I stand by my previous decision.”
Sunset focused her gaze on Rarity. “And you can… I don’t know, talk to Adagio about fashion or something!”
Rarity pursed her lips. “I’ve tried that. The conversation actually goes great until Adagio starts talking about ‘evening wear’, offers to model some of her existing outfits, and starts rubbing my thigh.”
Sunset folded her arms across her chest and glanced away for a second. “Just like… Wait for her to start rubbing herself against someone else and start the conversation!”
Applejack seemed taken aback. “Yer suggestin’ Rarity strikes up a conversation after that nymphomaniac with cheesy-poof hair starts harassing someone else here?”
Fluttershy put on a thoughtful look while Rainbow Dash raised her hand. “I can volunteer for that,” Rainbow Dash chimed in.
Fluttershy frowned slightly but said nothing.
Twilight looked over the group in confusion. “I feel I’m missing a fair bit of context here… Like, all of it.”
Sunset shook her head. “No one needs to become Adagio’s unwilling or semi-willing victim here because she’ll probably have her hands all over Trixie!”
A collection of surprised exclamations of protest rolled through the group.
“… Oops…” Sunset uttered.
“Okay, five bonkers girls,” Flash said. “Still in.”
“Again,” Twilight chimed in. “All of the context, all of it.”
Sunset turned towards Twilight. “The Dazzlings were involved in a mind control plot to take over the school and Trixie once trapped us in a storage room.” Sunset put up her hands in a shrug. “The first is sort of old hat for everyone here and the second is small potatoes compared to everything else the group has gone through.”
Applejack spoke up. “You didn’t mention anything about Trixie being here, though! Ah mean, our history with her goes beyond some entrapment while under the effects of mind control.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Look, if anyone can benefit from a little TUMSFADFF—”
“T.M.!” Pinkie stressed.
Sunset sighed. “—T.M. it’s Trixie!”
Rainbow Dash grit her teeth. “But she’s just so… so... so… self-centered!”
If looks could scream, Rainbow Dash would have gone deaf from everyone giving her expressions that screamed ‘really?!’
Rainbow Dash chuckled nervously. “Alright, retracted, but still… Trixie!”
“Come on guys!” Sunset said. “Think of all the friendship we can spread like cranberry sauce over delicious turkey.”
Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy all exchanged glances.
“Darling, you and Pinkie have been to everyone’s family Thanksgiving celebrations.” Rarity said. “You can’t possibly still be thinking about food.”
Pinkie’s eyes focused on a point far, far beyond the house. “I spent all week just making pies for everyone’s Thanksgiving. I’ll be dead before I fail at getting them to everyone… and watch them eat them!”
Rarity grimaced. “My parents were wondering why you insisted on an early dessert… and why you kept staring…”
“Well, that explains Pinkie,” Applejack said, “but what about Sun—”
Much to Applejack’s surprise she soon found the green collar of her shirt in Sunset’s grasp.
“We don’t eat turkey in Equestria, Applejack, and that’s our folly!” The hints of a manic grin hit Sunset’s face. “Do you know how many ways there are to prepare turkey?!” Sunset released her grip and let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, when will Equestrians learn that quality of life can be greatly improved with the occasional murder of a bird or pig, setting it on fire, and then feasting on its flesh?”
“Uh… alright then…” Applejack said in an unsure tone as Twilight gave Sunset a concerned look.
“I don’t eat animals,” Fluttershy said meekly.
“Good for you, you’re wrong!” Sunset said.
Fluttershy’s eyes went wide and she let out a distressed whimper as the rest of the group looked at Sunset in slight shock.
Pinkie looked at Sunset accusingly. “That’s not very TUMSFADFF T.M. of you.”
Sunset gave Fluttershy an apologetic look. “Sorry Fluttershy, but I eat just so much junk during the year because I can’t cook or bake… like at all… I mean… remember the bake sale?”
Everyone but Twilight grimaced.
“How could we forget?!” Flash exclaimed. “How could anyone within a ten block radius of the bake sale forget?!”
Rarity wrapped her arms around herself and shivered slightly. “I had to go to the hospital, and then to therapy, and then I was triggered by some gingerbread men at the store, had a panic attack, and had to go to therapy at the hospital.”
“See!” Sunset said. “I’ve got to get in as much delicious home-cooked meals I can, even if those meals come from the Dazzlings… And I sure as heck don’t want to deal with their insanity on my own.”
“Words hurt, Sunset Shimmer,” a syrupy feminine voice said.
The group jumped slightly and turned to the heavy wooden door as it slowly opened revealing Adagio Dazzle wearing a ribbed purple sweater with an opening on the chest that showed her cleavage and a piece of black fabric that could generously be called a ‘skirt’ but was a close to size to a belt. She looked over the group as a alluring grin oozed across her face like thick gravy poured over mashed potatoes. Her eyes focused on Flash. “Really, Sunset? Just one man? The poor boy is going to be practically dead by the time all us ladies are done with him.”
“Definitely in,” Flash said.
Adagio opened her lips into a smirk. “Not yet, dear.”
Flash grinned wide and leered at Adagio, who only seemed to relish in the attention.
Sunset turned to glare at Flash and punched him in the shoulder.
“Ow!” Flash exclaimed as he rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, you’re the one who brought up the guy/girl ratio! And I’m not made out of stone.”
Members of the group began to sniff the air and all the eyes turned to the open door Adagio was standing in.
“That’s right,” Adagio struck a pose. “Get a good look.”
Despite Adagio’s comments, all eyes and noses remained pointed to the door even Twilight and Fluttershy stayed focus on the entryway without a hint of pinkness in their cheeks.
“Oh my stars and garters,” Rarity uttered. “That smells heavenly.”
Rainbow Dash began to salivate. “Oooooh, I want all of that inside me.”
Adagio’s grin widened. “Well, I know what I’m going to be thankful for…”
Applejack’s face lit up. “Wooo-wee! It smells like an entire feast is being cooked in there.”
Adagio nodded. “Sonata goes all out for Thanksgiving…” The hints of a consternation crossed Adagio’s expression. “There’s really no stopping her…”
The group simply stood in front of the house, looking at Adagio expectantly.
“Well, don’t just stand there!” Adagio said as she stepped into the house and opened the door wide. “Come on! I can use some people to talk Aria and Trixie out of catatonia…”
“Wait, what?” Sunset said as she walked in, the group shuffling in after her.
“Do you want to know what 17 birds stuffed into each other a bed of herbs, onions, and salted pork tastes like or not?”
“Oh, God. More than anything,” Sunset answered.
“That’s what I thought,” Adagio said as the last few girls shuffled in. “Sit down! Make yourself at home! For-the-love-of-God-stay-out-of-the-kitchen.”
“Seriously, what is going on?” Twilight asked.
“Oh my gosh!” Adagio said as she closed the door. “Twilight, are you trying a new look?! It’s so… so… submissive-looking. I want to devour it.”
“Meep!” Twilight uttered in alarm. She turned towards a doorway the other girls had shuffled through. “Sunset?”
“Oh my gosh! Now I know what it likes to want to make love to a smell!”
Adagio inched closer to Twilight, causing the timid girl to back against a wall.
“Stop! I’ll scream!” Twilight cried.
Adagio leaned her head close to Twilight’s. “Not if I cover your mouth with mine…”
Twilight swallowed, suddenly wishing the wall her back against was a bit less unyielding and maybe equipped with some pepper spray or a taser.
End Part 1
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OK, now this is something worth reading. Why do I feel that Sonata made a Turducken but way...way...bigger.
Twilight needs an adult,!
This gon be gooooood!
7746976 Adagio's over a thousand years old, she is an adult
This is amazing. I need more Dazzling Thanksgiving.
Now I know the true reason Sunset remains in the human world. If she had to live in Equestria she would end like Hannibal Lecter.
Sorry Flash, but all your female friends are insane. They simply have different levels of functionality.
There's not a single sentence in this fic that I don't like
Okay, this is going to be hilarious.
7746976 Adagio is an Adult.
Won't work Twilight, she's immune to the former, and the latter just turns her on.
Well, I just gave the whole thing a read, and there's some pretty funny stuff here. Independence Day fireworks to scare away the British was priceless. Sonata trying to bribe Luna with used cereal was great. Aria's goat was highly amusing.
I do feel this story shines brighter when not getting bogged down with alcohol and sex jokes, though. You don't need inebriation and naughtiness to excuse the Sirens acting dumb and/or inappropriate, they're perfectly capable of doing so on their own- and it's more interesting, too. The thing is, when you give someone goof juice, any natural derpiness they already had just gets overwritten with zero-inhibitions mode. It's like a leveler of the playing field. There's no difference between the comedic potential of drunk Sirens and drunk anyone else. Maybe it gives you a license for them to have more outrageous behavior, but then you just get into a cycle of trying to one-up your own jokes and the story gets out of hand.
Idunno. I guess I just like it more when natural cluelessness and social incompetence cause characters to troll themselves and others. Or maybe I'm just salty about that one chapter where Adagio drugged the entire school so she could sleep with everyone and got away with it, completely unscathed. That was a nice helping of squick I really wasn't hoping to find. The Sirens should be annoying, not dangerous.
Oh hell, Twilight's in for a ride. And so is Flash. This is going to end in hilarious, delicious tears.
I do, however, have to point out that this is even more riddled with errors than usual...I know you've got a lot going on and even getting out a rough cut of a chapter is an ordeal these days, but this seriously might be the time to consider having someone edit your Google Docs directly and then import them once maybe 2-3 people have gone over them? Because this is an absolute mess.
(Considering the infrequency with which you publish these days, I can probably volunteer to do the editing.)
This whole chapter is deliciously awesome XD
Nicely done!
I have yet to see anyone write Sunset and the Dazzlings as funny as you do. This chapter was gold!
almost makes me wish i had a thanksgiving this year
? = Missing 'cut'
unevenly
Ooh, team name 'Super Extreme X Power Of Many Force' "SEX-POMF"!! (Flash or RD's suggestion?)
'a bed'? not sure if those are the words you intended, doesn't sound right.
swallowed
equipped
pepper
Just in the door and Twi is already about to give the first scream of the evening. Is Dagi going to offer thanks for her giving?
...And Derpy does a delivery...
ponybot.net/pix/6049.png
Awesome. Like the DBZ Abridged reference and Adagio being Adagio.
Sunset needs food, badly. And Flash gonna get lucky, he hopes. Twilight may as well, she hopes not.
While not a sword specifically, this is a possibility, even with the goat. When it's Aria's turn to mow, she uses something sharp she can swing around to chop it, possibly akin to Link in the Zelda games. Adagio will sometimes mow it herself when it's her turn, but more often will get one of the young teen males in the neighborhood to do it when she shows up to "borrow" a lawnmower. Sonata's no longer allowed to. Seriously, she's not. It's a court-order filed after she experimented with "mowing" by setting the yard on fire.
7747484 on/in a bed of herbs is right, but what really makes the sentence sound off is that I think it should end with what it tastes like or otherwise finish the thought. The idea is clear enough but the sentence isn't.
Err... wanna try this paragraph again? Some people have pointed out several details, but really, the whole thing is in more of a shambles than Sonata's sanity.
...Okay, maybe as much as her sanity.
Maybe I'll come back and offer a fix later when I have more time.
Same with this one.
7747287
Agreed. The errors don't greatly take away from an otherwise solid chapter (except maybe for the few omitted words), but a few proof-passes would go a long way
I could help out too if Moth is busy or would like backup
That said... the fact that an entire chapter consisting "merely" of a group of characters making their way through a door still proved to be this entertaining earns you many mustaches
7748063 Sorta what I was thinking either wrong words or needs some added.
7748069
The scowl on Sunset’s face deepened. Flash stood off the doorstep about an arm’s length away, while behind him, on a walkway flanked by grass that looked like it was unevenly chopped [or possibly 'hacked', your choice] with a sword rather than a lawnmower, were most of Sunset’s closest friends. Two exceptions to this were the Twilight Sparkle who was back in Equestria (probably not having to deal with the same, admittedly reasonable question over and over again), as well as the other Twilight Sparkle who was standing directly [to better indicate the "exception" being her proximity to Sunset in contrast to the girls on the sidewalk] next to Sunset Shimmer with a trepidatious look on her face, as if she had picked up on everyone else’s misgivings of the group’s current location.
"Do you want to know what 17 birds stuffed into each other, cooked on [or possibly 'served on'] a bed of herbs, onions, and salted pork tastes like or not?”
Easy-peasy!
Okay, I take back everything I said before, The Mane Seven ARE NUTS!!!
Given the context, I think that "Not if I cover your mouth with mine." would work better instead of the bolded part.
Also, what does the T.M. in TUMSFADFF T.M. stand for?
7748130 Yeah, that's about what I would've done. I didn't have time to do it because I had to go to work.
7748448
"Trademarked" I reckon. Like this: MLP ™ by Hasbro... prob also © & ® too
7748923
Sorry, dinnit really mean to steal ur thunder, but due to unforeseen circumstances, i wound up *not* going to work today, so I had plenty o' time to squander
7748942 Thank you!
I can imagine.
There, there, buddy.
... Wat?
Good. Wait, who are the bonkers ones? The Dazzlings?
This amuses me greatly.
Smart girl.
I don't know how you say that with a straight face.
View must be great from that glass house of yours.
When they're no longer herbivorous.
Do I WANT to know?
Speak of the Devil...
Good man.
HOW?!
Uh...
Oh SciTwi you would think after spending like 5 minutes at CHS you would keep such things on hand. Hmm then again Adagio might be immune or enjoy such things as stated by 7747259 but that does not mean all hope is gone.
All you have to do is offer up some ranchy pictures of Cadance, pretty sure you can talk her into it as gift for your brother. Or challenge her to first conquer with the Shadowbolts and then go after you. At the very least it will buy you some time.
Why do I want SciTwi tasing Dagi to be a regular thing?
...
...
Knowing Dagi, she'd get off on it too~
I completely, 100% support Sunset's desire to expose Equestrians to the wonderful world of carnivora.
8400419
We know hotdogs are cannon (Pinkie says she likes eating hotdogs with ketchup and Spike likes his with relish), as are sea food and what looks like ham. But they sadly don't have the sense to eat anything about fowls other than their eggs.
I can definitely sympathize with Shimmy Shakes.
So ... apparently they do eat pig. But maybe they didn't where Sunny lived?
(as for Hotdogs search for hot dog here).
(first 21 seconds of the clip.)
You forgot " Tastes like"
8928719
Fixed! Thanks!
8928720
Also "in a bed of herbs"
Bed OF
"in a bed of herbs"
Is it wrong that I DESPERATELY want to see you write this story?
*Drools heavily ala Homer Simpson*
Bed OF
9439646
Fixed! Thank you!
8274405
Still a better love story than Twil - hey, wait a sec ..