• Published 27th Jan 2015
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The Dazzlings Are Insane - Justice3442



A collection of short stories about the Dazzlings going through their daily lives of annoying each other and pretty much everyone around them.

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This chapter brought to you by the letters C,H, and O and the numbers 2 and 5

Aria opened the door to the Dazzlings house and stepped inside. She began to unbutton the dark maroon coat she was wearing as she walked across the entryway. She quickly took the coat off before placing it on a hook next to a faux-fur purple coat.

Aria turned then jumped slightly as she noticed Adagio glaring at her. Adagio held what looked like a trashy romance novel in her hands, but Adagio’s interest in the book seemed rather secondary compared to the attention she was giving Aria. No, Adagio’s deep magenta eyes were focused solely on Aria, and both seemed to burn brightly with the fires of accusation.

Adagio said nothing, letting her expression do the talking, or rather, the shouting of ‘You screwed up big time!’

Aria hated it when Adagio just stared accusingly at her. At least when she yelled at her she could yell back, but Adagio always reserved the look of silent judgment for when she felt Aria had done something really wrong. The main trouble was that Adagio was always right when that look came out, and that it was more than likely Aria had done something wrong and it was far too late to correct it.

Aria frowned and shook her head, walking towards the living room. She’d find out soon enough. Hopefully Adagio was just in a bad mood and blowing something out of proportion.

She walked into the living room noting Sonata was on the couch watching some obnoxiously bright children’s show. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Hey, dummy,” Aria said casually as she walked between Sonata and the TV.

From the middle of the Dazzlings’ purple couch, Sonata turned and gave Aria an angry, flushed look. “Aria, Ms. Frizzle is a c*#%!”

Aria stopped dead in her tracks as she felt her forehead turn cold and clammy. ‘Doody-head’ was considered the ‘big-guns’ when it came to Sonata’s insults. To hear her break out a real swear, especially when she was talking about one of her beloved cartoons for children, was practically unfathomable.

“Wha… What?” Aria replied.

Sonata pointed at thelarge flat-screen TV. "She has a magic school bus capable of shifting into anything and she use it for TEACHING?! What a F#^%ing WASTE!"

Aria’s jaw dropped.

"Adagio!” Sonata shouted out. “We NEED to jack a magic school bus and show them how it's done!"

Adagio simply uttered an irritated grunt from the other room.

Aria watched as one of the characters on the show let loose a pun that caused the others to groan.

Sonata was on her feet in an instance. “THAT WAS COMEDY GOLD, YOU LITTLE S#!%-HEADS! YOU WOULDN’T KNOW COMEDY IF IT CAME UP AND TORE OUT YOUR STUPID LITTLE THROATS!” Sonata punctuated her yelling by bringing a bottle up to her lips and tilting her head straight back. She took a quick swig of the neon blue liquid inside the bottle and went back to shooting death glares at the characters on the TV and screaming at them.

Aria felt her face turn burning hot as she recognized the bottle in Sonata’s hand, she quickly ran back to the house’s entryway as the sounds of vulgarity continued from the living room.

Adagio looked up from her book and glared at Aria as she ran in.

“I think Sonata got into my wine coolers!” Aria cried in a panic.

Adagio rolled her eyes. “I know that already! Why do you think I was glaring at you when you walked in?!”

“It’s not like I didn’t hide them!” Aria exclaimed. “I hid them behind all the sauces we never use!”

Adagio nodded. “Right. That we never use! Us two. Sonata is the only one in the house who cooks, remember?” Adagio narrowed her eyes at Aria. “Why’d you get b!#&% beer, anyhow? I thought you took drinking more seriously than that.”

Aria flung her hands up as she glanced towards the ceiling for a second. “Look, I wanted something sweet and to get a nice buzz on at the same time! It sounded good.”

Adagio shook her head. “Too good. I think the little idiot thought that it was soda.”

Sonata’s angry cry rang out from the living room. “THAT’S RIGHT, YOU GLASSES-WEARING GINGER FREAK! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET! TAKE OFF THAT HELMET AND DIE IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE!”

Aria shot a terrified look, towards the living room. “Well, what do we do?!”

“We?” Adagio said as she stood to her feet and walked over to grab her faux-fur coat off its hook on the wall. “This is your mess. You can make sure she keeps her aggression focused at the TV. You remember the last time she got into alcohol!”

“Of course I do!” Aria said. “We had to move after we set fire to the house.” Aria’s eyes went wide and she wrapped her arms around herself. “There was soooo much blood…” Aria shook her head as if trying to erase an etch-a-sketch that depicted a traumatizing memory. “Wait, you’re leaving?!”

Adagio nodded. “I’m hungry, I’ve already had to keep that moronic psychopath in check, and I need to drink until this evening turns into a warm, inviting blur.”

“But... but…” Aria stammered.

“GOD F#&%ING DAMMIT, JANET! I HOPE THE WHOLE CLASS GETS STUCK ON PLUTO AND HAS TO EAT YOU TO SURVIVE!”

Aria pointed towards the living room as if current events spoke for themselves.

Adagio rolled her eyes as she placed a hand on the front door’s doorknob. “You’ll be fine. Just keep her focused on the TV and indoors.” With that, Adagio opened the door to the Dazzlings’ home and stepped outside.

Though Adagio closed the door softly, the sound of it shutting seemed to reverberate in Aria’s ear as she fought away panic over what might happen next.

“ARIA!” Sonata shouted out. “Tellemummies is on next! Help me shout at the purple one for carrying around a f#&%ing man-purse!”

Aria took a few calming breaths. “It’s okay… It’s only a few wine coolers,” she reassured herself. “Sonata should be over it in just a little bit…”

Aria took one more big breath, then stepped into the living room.

-ooooo-

"F#&% you, Swiper! You leave Dora alone!" Sonata threw her empty wine cooler bottle ‘at’ the T.V., at least in the sense that the T.V. was in front of her and that’s where Sonata intended the bottle to hit.

Aria’s eyes went wide as the bottle homed in on her location sitting on the easy chair just a bit to the couch’s side.

‘THUD!’

OW!” Aria cried as she raised a hand to her head, rubbing what was most assuredly going to be a lump soon.

Sonata reached into the couch cushions and pulled out a bottle full of neon blue liquid. She unscrewed the cap and took a swig from it.

Aria gulped. It was going to be a loooooong night of children’s programing.

-ooooo-

“WHAT THE FLYING F#&%, THURSTON?! I HOPE THE ROCKET TRAIN CRASHES INTO A SUPER VOLCANO AND CAUSES IT TO ERUPT!”

-ooooo-

“IF YOU HAD SUITS THAT GAVE YOU THE POWERS OF ANIMALS, WHY WOULD YOU WASTE YOUR TIME SAVING TWO F#&%ING BEAVERS?! WHO THE HELL IS FUNDING THIS BULLS#!%?!

-ooooo-

“GOD DAMNIT, MAN IN THE YELLOW HAT! HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS STUFF COMING?! THE F#&%ING MONKEY SCREWS SOMETHING UP EVERY TIME YOU BRING HIM OUT!”

-ooooo-

“CHRIST, CAILLOU! GET YOUR S#!% TOGETHER!”

-ooooo-

“WHY THE EVERLIVING F#&% IS THE BLIND MAN FROM STAR TREK TELLING ME TO READ?! HOW CAN HE READ WITHOUT HIS FUTURE GLASSES?!”

-ooooo-

"F#&% YOU, OSCAR! GET OUT OF THAT GARBAGE CAN!” Sonata shouted as she stood inches away from the screen. She thrust a finger into it. “I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU, YOU DISGUSTING GREEN B%*&#!"

Aria stared out at the TV with a vacant, almost completely empty look in her eyes. A few more bruises had made their way onto her body, and one of her pointed-star headbands was gone… she wasn’t sure where. Now free, one side of her hair was a complete disheveled mess. The end of the pony tail she still had was in her mouth, and she chewed at it with an even rhythm. She knew she couldn’t let it escape like the other one did. Keeping it secured was the only way to make sure it didn’t go anywhere.

‘THUD!’

Aria jumped as she heard the front door slam open.

Hehehehe… I’m hoooooome~!” Adagio sang out.

“ADAGIO!” Aria said excitedly as she rushed from her chair, into the entryway and threw her arms around Adagio.

“Whoa!” Adagio cried as she struggled to keep her balance. “Wellll helllooooo to you too, missss huggy!”

Aria took a few sniffs of the air, then broke her embrace of Adagio. “Dagi, you smell like a brewery somehow collapsed into a distillery…”

Adagio smiled wide and threw her arms in the air. “AND THEN A BUUNCH OF PEEOPLE HAD AN ORG-EE IN THE WECKRAGE!” she cried, her enthusiastic display almost causing her to topple forward.

Uh… wow…” Aria said. “I don’t know about that.”

I DWOOOO!” Adagio slurred cheerfully.

“ADAGIO!” Sonata cried from the living room. “HELP ME CONVINCE THESE KIDS THAT MR. NOODLE IS A COMPLETE F#&% UP!”

Adagio grinned manically as she half-walked, half-stumbled her way into the living room. “ARE YOU WATCHIN’ THE ONE WITH ALL THE PUPPETSsss AND THERWE’Sss ONLY LIKE THE TWOOO GIRL ONESsss AND A BUNCH OF DUDE PUPPETSSsssssSS!? YOU KNOW THAT FAIRY PUPPET HAS TO BE A C*# GUZZELING ssssSLUT DUMPSsssSTER!”

Aria’s face went blank. “I’m going to hibernate,” she announced. “Not bed. Hibernate. Wake me up when it’s spring again.”

IT’Ssss ALWEADY MAWRCH!” Adagio cried from the living room.

Aria turned and shouted as she began to climb the staircase. “Hence why I said, ‘again!’”

Author's Note:

Inspired by a conversation with Tired Old Man.

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