• Member Since 17th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 28th, 2017

MLP Fangirl


Not really a fan anymore. But, I'll check in occasionally.

E
Source

Ever since Twilight had called Discord her friend during her battle with Tirek, Discord began to feel something new for the purple princess. At first, he tries to push them down, but he might come to realize that love might not be so bad. Join Twilight and Discord on this crazy roller-coaster of love.

I am starting a romance series. I'll be taking those famous couples like Cheese and Pinkie or Soarin and Rainbow Dash and taking them down the road of love. I was contemplating on whether or not I should do Twilight and Flash, but then I remembered how many people hate Flashlight. I didn't want any haters just because of him.
So, I'm going with one of the more favored couples. Sorry to those who are Fluttercord and Dislestia shippers. I am just a huge fan of Discolight. Enjoy!

Being rewritten. New version here.

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 106 )

Discolight? Quix approves! :pinkiehappy:
'Accordance' ? Dang! I never thought of that. :facehoof: In mine I went with 'Cordial'.
Despite a predisposition to Fluttercord, I'm looking forward to more.

Cul. :3

You know Discolight isn't my favorite shipping, but this is pretty good.

I prefer Twillypie over all other ships... but Discorlight (Twicord is my preference) is a close second. Not bad, but :twilightsmile::heart::pinkiesmile: is still best ship!

nice
these it makes sense but i do hope you dont pull a he turns into a pony thing since idk i like the idea of a himself being a crazy creature is more fun for him and his mates. XD

5555380 Not at all. I personally am not a fan of turning Discord into a pony. It kind of ruins the point. So, don't worry. Discord will stay a draconeques.

5555840
YAY :D
ether way i cant wait for the next chapter X3

A good idea. The realisation though...
There are a few things that I personally am not okay with.

First of all both your chapters were basically one big wall of text. Although you had a few indentions the overall clearness was lacking.
It would be more pleasant to read if there were more 'breaks' to distinguish things more clearly.
Secondly you have a pretty obvious typo in the first to lines where you wrote apart instead of a part.

The idea of using Twilights actions during the Tirek incident to initiate an interest towards her in Discord is a good starting point.
Giving him more background is a good idea.
Doing so so fast however leads to me getting the impression that it's rushed quite a bit.

Also it's a giant plot-hole having this book about his story spawn in the ashes of Golden Oaks. There are not few problems with that.
First of all: How come, that they haven't found it earlier? Twilight's Library is probably better organised than anything else in the world.
Who wrote it? And if it exists why isn't it public knowledge, or in other words: If there's a book saying that he's technically innocent, then why has he been portrayed as the big bad guy all these centuries?
(Aside from that I don't like this book appearing at all as it -sorry for the hard words- seems to me like a cheap excuse for Twilight to see him differently and the other characters to not oppose him as much as one would expect them to.)

Giving him his own room in the castle on the other hand was a good idea, especially since you banned normal magic there which you could use to give Twilight the motivation to learn chaos magic.

Finally Discord acting unsure or not being perfectly aware of what it is that he's feeling, seems -at least in my eyes- unlikely for his character, as we got to know him as the big manipulator, the guy who sees the whole picture and also as somewhat wise. In other words: It's OOC to my head-canon (and possibly canon) of Discord.

All in all I'd say your story has potential but could need some serious reworking. The pacing is much too fast for my tastes and I think you shouldn't reveal too much too fast. Take that book for example. Even though I couldn't like that move less it would have been much better -narratively speaking- if you had them find it after Discord hat already started making amends
--or--
after he is shown to remember everything but has been keeping quiet. In that case you would have gotten a completely different situation in which the book wouldn't just be a cheap excuse to change the characters behaviour towards him but rather would fundamentally change already established character-dynamics as opposed to not letting them develop on their own in the first place.

I will follow this story nevertheless. I'd like to see how this will progress and how you'll get around doing it.

Addendum:
5553856 I prefer Cordial over Accordance.

5559651 Oh, wow. Thanks for the advice. But, maybe I can clear a few things up.
I do agree with you on the fact that I need to space things out a bit. I'll work on that in a little bit.
Since Twilight had never heard of the book before, she wouldn't have thought to look for it. It was in an obscure part of the library, where she rarely ever looked. I might add that in for clarification.
Secondly, I believe I did mention the author. Genuine Fact. Of course, she's not an actual canon author, but in this story, she's one of the most reliable authors in Equestria.
Adding to that, since Discord's reputation was pretty much that of a chaotic spirit. The knowledge was never lost to the world, just hidden. Genuine Fact works on finding out the obscure truth. Finding bits and pieces of the past that ponies don't know.
Concerning Discord, I think it makes sense. Remember Discord has had a change of heart. He's also the Spirit of Chaos. How humiliating would it be for him for ponies to find out he has a crush on someone? Even though love is available to everyone, there are some people who you just can't see being in love.
In the next chapter, he's going to seek help to sort out his feelings.

Again, I thank you for the advice. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
I'll fix a few things that you touched on.

niiice ^^
im really looking forward into this :D
already excited for the cnext chapter :3

Finally new discolight story! I have been waiting for long now. :pinkiehappy:

uuuh
it getting real :3

oh for celestias sake just bang already! :rainbowwild:

aaarg its getting better and better :DD

I don't like Princess Cadence, bud, and a whole bunch of people don't. I'd suggest taking that off before people start putting hate comments XD

lol Celly'z obsessed with Rubik's Cubes? Gotta add that to my list of headcanons!! XD

I really start to like this story. (Putting this as my favorite story's):twilightsmile:
Too bad that there isn't more stories like this one. :ajsleepy:

5611420 Why, thank you. I'm touched. I agree. I'm a Discolight fan myself (if you couldn't tell already:raritywink:).
Thankfully, there's enough out there to keep me satisfied.

5611420 You're welcome! :twilightsmile:
To me there isn't enough Discolight story's. (I'm bookworm sometimes)

Happy Valentine's day for you too! :heart:
Also, Discord tell already about your feelings to Twilight. I love your story so far.

I'm really enjoying this story! Though, two questions I have: Where is his home? What does it look like?

5627392 Truth be told, I haven't come up with a description for it.:twilightsheepish: But, really, can we truly picture what Discord's home looks like? As for where it is, I'm thinking that only Discord knows where it is. I'll discuss that in later chapters. So, until I come up with an apt description for it, I leave it up to you to decide.:rainbowdetermined2:

5624989 Promising. :twilightsmile:
Keep just writing, because I will read it.

This chapter. Amazing. I loved it! Perfect confession of feelings.

and then they banged

not bad finally they are together!
cant wait to see what will happen when they tell everyone! X3

Yes, finally! (Fangirling) :pinkiehappy: I loved this chapter!

Flashlight is possibly the worst Shipping pair there is.

5661083 I don't agree with you, but that's why this story isn't about the famous waifu stealer. Don't need no hatin'.:trollestia:

5666258 Hey, i did say Possibly. Besides i don't hate things, i just love them less :pinkiehappy:

I have one problem with this story. IT HAS WAY TOO MANY PLOT-HOLES AND I HATE PLOT-HOLES!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage: because of that i'm gonna unfollow this story and dislike it.

5681204 :fluttershysad: Well...uh, I'm sorry. I'm thankful that you're being honest. But, please don't take everything out on me.:fluttercry:

This is a Bluegrass Review. Nothing official, but occasionally I like to review a story or two. It's entirely my opinion, and I'll preface it by saying that this is by no means a bad story, I just saw a lot of room for improvement.

Hmmmm. The premise is okay, and I'm glad to see another Twicord story, but I can't say I'm happy with the execution. The characterization is very off-putting, and the pacing is much too fast. You seem to be hot and ready to "get to the good part" and aren't taking the time that the characters need to develop on their own. I don't mind fast paced stories, but this is more of a "jump paced" story. You literally throw your readers into a mood without setting up any reason for why they should feel that way. This is not only hard to read, but completely chews up your characterization which was not the strongest to begin with. For instance, this bit,

"A few months ago, it was so much fun to annoy you. It still is, don't get me wrong. But, now, ever since...that day, I can't bring myself to hurt you. You gave up a lot for me. I didn't deserve it at all. I deserved to be punished. She would have been completely right leaving me in that bubble, but, of course, being the nice pony that she is, she had to set me free. Ugh! Curse these feelings!" Discord flopped down on the thick branch that supported him, causing the tree to shake.

Now, I really can't see Discord saying this, in my headcanon or in any headcanon for that matter! The explanation before this bit was (as I understood it) that because Twilight freed him from Tirek. Now, this is a noble act, but I can't picture Discord completely falling head over heals just like that. It's OOC and corny as I'll get out. Now, a reaction like this would be more believable,

Discord snapped his talons, watching as the leaves turned into a canopy of lettuce. Not his most creative act, but he was feeling woefully uninspired. There was precious little to do after the Tirek incident apart from "helping" the local population make repairs. Idly he thought of bothering Twilight for the heck of it. The ever touchy alicorn was a source of endlessly amusing reactions, or at least she had been. Now he was not so sure.

That would be more in character. He's not the type to fall head over heels after one incident. At least that's my personal opinion. My advice to you would be to try and really get into the mindset of the characters. Really stop and think about why they act the way they do, what experiences influence their thoughts, words, actions, and how those reactions might change depending on the situation. At the moment, I don't think you really have a grasp on the characters as a whole.

A side note, your formatting is really off-putting. I would strongly suggest doing away with the indents (keeping everything left aligned) and putting a space between each line of dialogue and paragraph. For instance this,

"Your jokes are getting old fast, you know that," Twilight turned around and went back to work.
"HEY, GIRLS! I FOUND SOMETHING!" Pinkie held a book out in the air.

Could be re-formatted to this,

"Your jokes are getting old fast, you know that," Twilight turned around and went back to work.

"HEY, GIRLS! I FOUND SOMETHING!" Pinkie held a book out in the air.

It reads a heck of a lot better, and doesn't break the flow or bored the reader. Another thing, add a horizontal rule with the code hr in brackets after each section. That allows for a physical representation of the section break instead of an implied break. Like this.


Moving on. You're doing a heck of a lot of telling/exposition and precious little showing. For instance,

Many memories were made there. The Golden Oaks Library had provided her information about the Elements of Harmony, a plethora of spells, and numerous other things that had assisted in times of trouble. It took Twilight and Spike awhile to adjust to the fact that the library was gone.

Don't just tell us that! Use thoughts, descriptions, observations to highlight this fact rather than shoving it together in the beginning of the section. For example,

Twilight picked up what had been a treasured spell book, and winced as its charred cover disintegrated from the contact. Sighing, she pawed at the familiar floorboards, now hardly recognizable under the rubble. Months of studying, countless experiments, and parties had been supported by it. Now it was every bit as useless as the thick layer of ash under her hooves.

That's showing, not telling. More of that would go a long way for this story.

Anywho, the last thing I wanted to mention was that I was not keen on your exposition dump (ie the book). Backstory should NEVER be handed to the readers in one big chunk like that. That's referred to as exposition, and is frowned upon in the literary community for good reason. By dumping all the information at once, you're not keeping the reader's interest, removing any motivation to read more of the story, and removing any mystery for your readers. What I strongly, STRONGLY suggest is dishing out your backstory/headcanon gradually over time, not through an exposition contrivance like the book. Maybe have Discord slowly divulge the story over the course of the fic, or drop little hints along the way.

Imagine if I just dumped my draconequus headcanon on my readers of TCARW. Good golly, that headcanon of mine is HUGE! I've been purposely dropping hints throughout that story not only to keep the reader curious, but to allow for a gradual acclimatization of the ideas (some are a little out there). It's woven naturally into the story, not given in one big chunk. That's the way headcanon and backstory ought to be shown.

Then there's this line.

"This information has just changed my perspective.

:facehoof: Shameless, and I mean SHAMELESS telling. For the love of Celestia, reword that!

And that's it from me. Cute idea, and I'm super happy to see another Twicord story. Keep writing, you can only get better! :eeyup:

5690182 Thanks a bunch for the advice. I worked on a couple of things that you touched upon. There have been a few rewrites to this chapter. Hopefully, this is a little better. Then again, I'm not the best writer out there. But, criticism is always appreciated.
If you read any other chapter and have anything to say about them, please let me know.
Again, thanks!

I like this chapter. :twilightsmile: Also don't worry, I can wait for next chapter.

I like how you are portraying Discord.

yaaay
so sweet ^^
and already excited for the next :DD

That was a very sweet, and well written chapter.:pinkiehappy:
I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of the ponies will react in the future.

All is forgiven, Bro! As I say, Life happens!

neeext ? too excited to wait haha

This seems to be an interesting story. I can't wait for the next chapter. Good luck.

I wish there would be more Discolight story's.

5794713 It's funny how our avatars reflect our favourite shippings :D

"Oh my! Is this polyester? All of the stores I've went to didn't have it in stock. This fabric is perfect for spring outfits!" Rarity smoothed out the expensive fabric with a delicate touch.

*clears throat* Erm that is one of the most common and least expensive fabrics out there, deary. It was made to be more durable and water-resistant than cotton. If you want something expensive, stick with silk. That will always be highly desired (and not to mention expensive). :raritywink:

5843509

Oh Yes, quite weird indeed. First I thought putting same profile picture what I have in Wattpad. (Tokyo mew mew / Mew mew power) But then I was like: "What the heck, I'm putting some Discolight as my profile. :derpytongue2:

That was cute. I like these romance chapters. Great job. I can't to read the next part when it comes out.

Celestia lowered an eyelid, "If I recall, I asked for Twilight. Not you. You know, in some countries, you would be beheaded for this."

Waaaay to aggro for Celestia.

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