• Member Since 24th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Oct 25th, 2015

Fire Hoof


I'm a pegasister! My name is Fire Hoof. When I fly my hooves look like they are on fire! I like flying through clouds.

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My name is Fire Hoof. I am ten years old, and I do not have a cutiemark yet. My family and I just now moved to Ponyville, and it is my first day of my new school. I hope I meet new friends just like me.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 66 )

I loved editing this! :twilightsmile:
Can't wait to know what happens next, lil' sis!

Interesting, can't wait to see where this goes.

The Ponyville branch of the CMC doesn't appear to be taking new members at all.

5549384 This is my story, so please respect my ideas. I respect your theory. :ajsmug:

5549496 Not really a theory. There's plenty of blank flanks in town, and they're not talking to any of them.

5549498

Out of curiosity how old are you?

5549609I don't really want to say... but I don't get on here without my sister. She helped me type this story since she has more experience with the formatting and such. This totally isn't her sister typing...

A nice story. My first story was crap... Surprised it passed moderation. But this, was really good. Can't wait to read more!

5549647

i understand, was just curious

5549651 Thank you very much! That really means a lot to me. :twilightsmile:

5549658

feel free to PM me if you ever need anything

Hmm. I shall watch this and see where it goes.

Fire Hoof is adorable! I can't wait to see where this goes.

Making a complete guess here.. if your character is ten in the story... I'm guessing that you're about 12 or so in real life (I'm not a stalker will stop asking personal questions now) But this is really good for a first time story! Can't wait to see the next chapters!:raritywink:

5549384 Yes, I noticed that too. I mean, Button Mash and Pipsqueak don't have their marks, and Featherweight was markless before Ponyville Confidential. Maybe it's just a no-boys club..?

5552124
I wasn't really trying to rip on the dude/chick, so I don't understand the downvotes. I just hand out little fun facts like that.

This sounds like a really cool story! Can't wait to see where you're taking it! :raritywink:

I like the idea, you seem to have gotten everyone's personalities down. The way you have it written Apple Bloom is missing the distinct Apple accent. Also AB doesn't own the farm, she just lives on it.

5552753 I'm not the best at accents, so I am sorry about that. And I didn't mean for it to sound like she owned the farm, either... :twilightsheepish:

This is good for a first story:pinkiesmile:
I liked it, so I liked it!:pinkiehappy:

5553125 You can always read other stories that have one or more of the Apple clan and see how they simulate the accent.

Not bad for your first story, you have piqued my interest. Keep up the good work. :pinkiesmile:

This is friggin adorable so far! Liked and tracking! Also good job on the first person, it actually seems like the character is a little filly!

Can't wait to see what happens next! :pinkiehappy:

When are you going to post another chapter here?

I really liked this story. It's very well made, and the first fic I read on this site. There were problems, though, and I feel I should point them out. Sorry if I come off as rude, but every mistake is fixable and it's better to have them brought up ASAP.

The biggest problem is that you keep shifting between past and present tense. It may not seem like much, but it's very jarring when a reader has to shift from imagining the story in the past to imagining a story in the present. That's the best way I can explain it, and I think you should stick to one or the other.

Another issue is redundant phrases. Sometimes, there are words that don't need to be there, like this.

I don't have a sister at all, but I feel like Rainbow Dash is like a sister to me.

You don't need the "I feel like", it reads fine as "but Rainbow Dash is like a sister to me." This isn't as important as consistent tense, but it is noticeable and fixing it will help the story flow better.

This is really small, and it only happens once, but here

"I don't have a sister at all, but I feel like Rainbow Dash is like a sister to me. She's so cool the way she makes super-ultra-awesome-amazing Sonic Rainbooms!" She said. "She flies through the sky like a bullet, and because of her mane she makes rainbows everywhere she goes!"

It's obvious that Scootaloo is talking, but you still need to say her name. Since it only happens once, it was probably just a mistake.

Other than those, any other problems are just nitpicking. This is a very well written story, and I can't wait to see where it goes. I hope this will help you out, and happy writing!

5599508 I'm working on one right now!

Woah! Twist at the end! :pinkiegasp: Dash is gonna like her already! And even a cute colt, too! :pinkiehappy:

Okay, that sounds weird me saying it.. :applejackunsure:

"Is that another baby?" The pink earth pony next to Silver Spoon asked. She was looking straight at me.
Scootaloo walked in front of me saying, "No! Don't make fun of any of my friends!"
"Really? I think we already did!" Silver Spoon said, a smile growing on her face.

:trollestia: That's evil.

Good job! Every mistake in the first chapter is now fixed, for the most part. I did notice one redundant phrase and the phrasing seemed a bit off at times. However, I didn't notice it until the second time reading it. The flow is very good, and I must say this is the best example I've seen of a "love at first sight" type of romance. I usually hate this style of romance because there's no buildup. Here, though, it's obvious they like each other, but it isn't the usual "suddenly they're deeply in love" thing. It's very interesting so far, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Boring. Tristan is not a pony name. Who is he in real life. Are you two dating? Anyway,pwease read my awewsome stowy? i was the bwest witer in my owld scwool
>>HaloEssense111

"Shuddup sista. Oh wait you can't. I forgot ponies like you can't keep their trap shut." cakcled Diamond Tiara pointing a finger at Halo. Locks Key smirked standing with her sister,then turne following the others out the room. " Silver Spoon?" Halo cried looking at me. I turned and strutted out the room, not regretting it a bit. " Good job playin' it cool SS." DT smirked glancing towards the door.

Did I write that?:rainbowhuh::scootangel::trixieshiftright:

Hmmm. Seems nice, alight, wouldn't the name Fire Hooves make more sense?

5668865 not trying to be rude about this, but, don't you think you were a little bit, uh... Rude? Not trying to offend you or anything, but, you made it sound like her story was garbage and that your story should be displayed in a museum for rich people... Sorry, its just that i'm her editor and when looking through the comments I saw yours and couldn't resist replying to it...

5668865 While I agree that the name Tristan does seem a bit out of place in the MLP universe, the way you voiced your comment was completely uncalled for. If you think that this story is boring, then fine! That's great! You are entitled to your own opinions. And if you wanted the author to know how you felt about this chapter, then how about wording it a little more gracefully? Or PMing her about it? And for Celestia's sake, don't go promoting your story right after bashing somebody else's! That is tactless and downright rude, especially when you just called this author's story boring. And why on earth are you asking if Tristan is in real life and if he and FH are dating? I'm sorry, but that is Fire Hoof's business, not yours.

In short, if you can't voice a constructive and graceful opinion, then just keep your opinion to yourself.

5729776 I couldn't have worded that better myself! Thanks for taking up for my little sister (FH). :twilightsmile:

Love this story! :rainbowdetermined2:

Interesting.. will this effect the story any?

I like the idea of an ambulance wagon, that seems like the sort of thing you would see in Ponyville.

"But, why Fire Hoof- why not Fire Hooves?" Tristan asked, confused.

Thanks for answering!

5810641 I don't really know if it will or not- I'm writing this one as I go! :rainbowdetermined2:

Comment posted by Booker Longlegs deleted Jun 2nd, 2015
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