Who doesn't want to be remembered?
Written for the "More Most Dangerous Game" story contest, hosted by Equestria Daily, based upon the Anthropology prompt.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 19th May, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
PropMaster
Master of certain tangible things, writer, mandalorian. Commission Info
PropMaster
Joined 19th May, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- FloydienSlip · 6.2k words · 77 6 · 2k views
- Hat · 11k words · 10 1 · 657 views
- dayoldspaghetti · 13k words · 133 19 · 3.2k views
- Aburi · 2.2k words · 97 5 · 2.3k views
- DEI Caboose · 1.1k words · 87 2 · 3.2k views
- Horse Voice · 9.3k words · 64 1 · 908 views
- PropMaster · 2.2k words · 71 8 · 1.3k views
- The Cyan Recluse · 6.1k words · 74 0 · 1.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.13 seconds
Total duration
661 users online
815,518 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mekttsmlz31rpl3bro1_500.gif
My feels in this story is just as big as The Ark
5547555 Glad you enjoyed it!
It's a little bit preachy with the message, quite honestly, but otherwise an interesting idea. The way the different creation myths thematically fit together was pretty well done. The writing itself is excellent - I don't think I've seen another example of a poem here that actually knows what meter is and keeps it consistent. You could probably rap that. I don't think I noticed a single spelling error anywhere either.
All in all I guess that's a resounding "meh."
:-P ...Just kidding. I really liked this.
5547664 glad you enjoyed it! But, let's be honest, my meter got a little off in a few places. I blame time constraints thanks to the deadline. I'll do some editing after the contest.
5548918
I'll admit, I didn't exactly count it all out. If I'm anything to go by, though, the spots where you need to drop or stretch a syllable are inconspicuous enough.
5552633 I actually have read Clarke's 'The Sentinel', though the similarities didn't register with me until now.
And I'm glad you recognized my ponified "Lagrange point"! Here's to neat space discoveries that inspire stories like this one.
Oh god yes. That feeling when you have enough science to follow along and guess correctly at what is happening, and enough of a love for science fiction to be utterly enthralled by it. 10/10, I loved this story.
A great story. It brought my love of fantasy, ponies, and science fiction together quite well. I greatly enjoyed your creation myths, especially the Griffon one, and would be willing to read a whole book full of those.
I couldn't help but read the rest of the recording in Carl Sagan's voice which made me love it all the more.
I liked this, but it doesn't feel complete. It's just too short to really work for me, y'know? I love the idea and what's here, but it's just not finished. A lot of the story wound up being telly, mostly due to the creation myths and the message, and I feel like I wouldn't have been bothered as much if the story had been longer.
For what it's worth, though, the writing was great and I liked the story.
5557709
You. I like you. Good eye.
5553829 Thanks for reading!
5558254 I... wish it could have been longer. If it wasn't for constraints of length for the contest, it would have been.
5552673 There is only one Lagrangian point that is right between two bodies. It would be the most obvious position for something you want to be found.
5559814 Sure, but the other puntual ones (behind each body) are even more unstable, and the stable ones are way too large for anything to be found.
Hey, I wrote a review for this story. In case you are interested, it can be found here.
Overall, I found it an amazing story... until the ending, which was a let down. Still, Lyra and Twilight's interactions are great, and I loved the creation myths.
I wrote a review of this story; it can be found here.
5558421
Er, I'll note that the fic in its current state isn't half of the length that entries were allowed to be. And that's a shame. I feel like it really could have shined with some more substance—the Adventure tag really called attention to the lack of notable present-time action, for one thing.
5600213 OH. Disregard previous question, I totally understand what you're saying now. Yeah, I decided to enter sort of last minute, and suffered due to the self-imposed time restraint of waiting until the last moment.
5600724 Ah, gotcha.
5601429
Regardless, despite it's shortcomings, thanks for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it to some extent!
A wonderful beginning, an opening with so many questions to be answered.
This wasn't the good type of cliffhanger that leaves you wondering 'What happens next?' This is the bad type of cliffhanger that makes you bang your head against your keyboard because despite how beautiful it is, you realize that nothing really progressed - something happened, and nobody's become better for it. They'll presumably become better for it off-screen, but one of the greatest parts about fiction is that you get to see how characters change as they go along, whether these changes are minor or major - or even if it's just a change in our perception of the character or world.
This is a beginning. It could have been a full story even considering the cliffhanger ending, if only we'd seen change in the world presented to us (the revelation of humanity's existence doesn't count - it's a good premise, but not much else) or its inhabitants. As it exists, however, this is what amounts to concept art - a snapshot of something potentially much greater.
parallel
its
The double 'from' reads a little awkwardly.
I liked the poem and found that it flowed fairly well until these two lines. I think maintaining the rhyme would be more effective than keeping the sentence grammatically correct.
I really liked the beginning of the story. Lyra's zaniness and the creation myths were fun and interesting to read. I find that the story started to peter out when Luna made her appearance. It fit into the plot pretty well, but it still felt a little sudden. And then the message from the humans which, while endearing, felt rather hammy.
I think the conversations between Lyra and Twilight carry this story more than the plot, which is a bit unfortunate, but it overall it was still quite nice.
That was… beautiful. Im shedding manly tears man, manly tears. Well done
I agree that it was good but could have been better if it wasn't so ham-handed at the end. Lyra was very well done, and the creation myths too. A couple nitpicks:
Squares have sides of the same length. A shape can be square, i.e. have perfect 90 degree angles, but then I believe you are referring to a rectangle. It is not a square.
A council is a group of people. Counsel is advice.
you wrote "parallel" as "paralell" somewhere
Is good read.
Your characterization of Lyra is done very well and helped to solidify the amazing hook which you provided.