January 13, 2016. 12:00 PM
The empty feelings of last night have passed, long since giving way to the returning flood of excitement as I realize the scope of discoveries that lay open before us.
Meeting Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle in person was a pleasure. I met them down in the medical wing of the Mount Weather facility, Apple Bloom being the only one of them currently well enough to leave. The first thing she said upon seeing me? "Cripes, I ain't used to you being all the way up there."
I asked them how they were doing. Sweetie Belle shrugged. "Tired. Scootaloo ran out of blood, so they had to give her a bunch of my blood. They said I'd feel sleepy for a while, but I'll be okay after that."
"I was hoping I'd get unicorn powers from it, but Doctor Shaw said it wasn't likely. She's the human who's been working with me, by the way." Scootaloo, despite most of her body being rigged up in slings, flexed her wings behind her. "I broke three legs in the crash, but he said my wings are perfectly fine. Which is good, since I figure they're all I really need."
"Doctor Arbeck still won't let us touch most of the food down here," Apple Bloom said, a clear note of frustration in her voice. "Apparently, she wants to wait until we're all in 'reliably stable condition' before we try anything new. I tell you, though, I'm mighty tired of chips and noodles." She seethed for a moment, but then her expression softened. She looked up at me. "And how're you doing, by the way?"
I answered truthfully. I told her the last day was exhausting, especially when there was so little I could do from all the way in Iceland, but I was excited to be here now. I explained that I could not stay and speak with them longer, though, as I was going to be leaving for a while.
Apple Bloom cocked her head to the side. "Leaving? But you just got here!"
"I know. But I have a very important meeting with a friend." For a moment, Apple Bloom just nodded in understanding. Then, she unexpectedly rushed forward and threw a hug around my knees. Though she was far too low for me to comfortably return it, I gave her a pat on the head before she released and I continued on my way.
My destination was, of course, Dr. Arbeck. The facility's secondary medical wing was abuzz with activity as numerous scientists and lab technicians dashed about, monitoring petri dishes and centrifuges that were painstakingly organized across the numerous metal desks. An unassuming tub lay in the center of the room, filled with a yellowish slosh. It somehow lacked the grandeur I expected for what would become our planet's first outgoing portal, but as such carried a certain charm. Arbeck was consulting with one of the medical doctors over what seemed to be a drug dosage, but hurriedly ended the conversation and approached me when I entered.
"You're still a bit early. It's going to be at least another hour before it's up to Preponderance's specifications." What I recognized as scans of his journal, depicting diagrams and notes on the return device, shone brightly on monitors across the room. Arbeck, following my eyes, continued. "Are you sure you want to go through with this? They could probably send some kind of drone."
I shook my head. "You know as well as I do that it wouldn't go through. And regardless, I received an invitation. It would be impolite to refuse."
"You were committed to the idea before you even saw the letter. Just yesterday you were claiming that you wanted to make sure it was safe before anyone even thought about sending children through it."
I said nothing.
Arbeck's expression softened. "They're not your responsibility, mom. We both know you've always been a scientist first, parent second. And there's nothing wrong with that."
"I think I can be both at once." I smiled wryly. "After all, there were plenty of zoologists in DC I could have contacted. I thought you might like to meet an alien."
She returned my smile. "And I did. I've been doing everything I can to make sure they're safe, and the G-men don't take blood or skin samples without asking first. I just want to know that you're doing this for science, and not because you feel like you have some obligation to be these girls' guardian."
I opened my mouth to reply in the negative, but paused, considering my words. After a moment, I came up with a response that seemed adequate. "I do feel like I have an obligation. To the girls, yes, but also to science and myself. I’ve spent five years overwhelmed with questions, curbed by nothing but the fading memories of my encounter with Preponderance. Offered with a chance to get answers, I can’t fathom how anyone in my position would refuse.”
Our conversation shifted to the more mundane; standard questions about the device's preparation methods and the extraterrestrial's medical needs. Soon, I excused myself back to my temporary quarters for my final preparations before becoming Earth's first interplanetary explorer.
I don't know how long I will be gone. For all its details and explanation, Preponderance's notebook, like the creature itself, left countless questions unanswered. Will the transport be instantaneous, or will there be a stretch of time, imperceptible to me, during which I am being "sent"? Will time move the same on our worlds, or will every moment there count for less or more time here? This is, of course, assuming I return at all. While it is necessary to send a scientist who will know the right questions to ask, it is perhaps for the best we are not sending a younger one with a long life left to live. I do not say this with regret, but with excitement, that for so many reasons this opportunity should fall to me.
If you are reading this, I've no doubt been gone longer than expected and someone has been going through my belongings. I guess there’s a certain irony to it, that these notes made to help me remember should become the one, faded trace of my memories left behind for others, trying in vain to reconjure emotions they never felt to begin with. Knowing this might be my story's end, I apologize that I cannot think of a better conclusion. Perhaps the best closing I can think of is a scan of Preponderance's letter itself, should you have not yet seen it. I think it says all that needs to be said.
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mom
OH MY GOD
This was fantastic. :D
5773036
I'm glad you liked it! I figured I had a sort of motherhood motif going on, so that needed to come full circle.
5774469
It adds something, though.
This story was awesome. I tip my non-existent hat to you, good sir.
First off, I want to say that I really appreciate that you didn't let the contest's word limit dissuade you from making this story as long as you needed it to be.
This story was riveting. It's the only My Little Dashie prompt story that I've read so far, but I'm willing to bet that none of them put nearly as unique a spin on the prompt, or at least not with such crisp execution, as this story. The characterizations of the CMC were all reasonably well done, and though the humans had less vibrant personalities it was still easy to distinguish them as individuals. The narration was not overbearing or filled with excessive exposition, the action was surprising (but very enjoyable!) and the story found a good mix between curiosity and suspense.
I think you really nailed the perspective of an observer who could only see the events through a camera; many of the scenes in this story could fit pretty well in a movie (I particularly enjoyed the scene involving Scootaloo's veilspawn and the initial chase scene for VS-White).
I don't really have any complaints, but I did find Apple Bloom's veilspawn to be somewhat underwhelming. Yes, it did make an interesting trap, along with homemade explosives apparently, but compared to a monster that fires lasers and has a magical sleep song (nice touch with the connection of singing to Sweetie Belle,by the way) among other things it falls a tad bit short.
I know you said that you only registered to submit this story for the contest, but I do hope that you stay awhile. I'd be quite interested in anything you wrote in the future.
You took one of the fandom's thickest, sappiest pieces of glurge and made a suspenseful, thrilling sci-fi story. I am very impressed, and immensely glad that I read this. Thank you for it.
I loved this. One of my favourites of the contest entries I've read so far.
A very nice take on the prompt and an enjoyable use of an unseen character in Preponderance itself.
I did, however, read this on my old-model Kindle, and hence missed everything that wasn't written in normal text. Only now when I come to comment do I realise that I missed out on a lot of the experience. I thought the ending was abrupt...
Seconding FOME's comments above! This was a very nice SF story, and while it's recognizably based on "My Little Dashie", it's unquestionably a thing of its own. Well done!
5805085
I'm glad you liked the story! Also, I fixed the typos you pointed out; thanks for that.
Yeah, I admit I was having something of a hard time topping Sweetie Belle's. The big thing I wanted to establish as the strength of Apple Bloom's was that it could plan ahead and collaborate, though that sadly meant it mostly relied on VS-White and took a backseat to the action itself.
5806633
"Thickest, sappiest pieces of glurge"? Some fan of almost everything you are!
Seriously though, I somewhat agree. One of the things that always bothered me about My Little Dashie was how she was treated more like property than a character (I am not sure she ever even got to leave his house). If I was going to do a take on the concept, I wanted to make sure it wasn't depicting an all-encompassing owner-like relationship. That was one of the big reasons I tried not to overplay the protector elements, and even went out of my way to tell it through a character who wasn't all that motherly - in the story's own words, "scientist first, mother second".
5809878
I had no idea so many people read on mobile! I knew I usually did, but I thought I was special. Nonetheless, I'm glad you liked it.
You write this amazing story with an actual ending, competent characters, a lack of plot induced stupidity, hints of a large universe out there to explore... And no sequel. Why do you do this to us?
This was a very enjoyable read. Please continue to make most marvelous manuscripts mr or miss Myriad.
Alternative title: Reasonable and Measured Responses From Authorities: The Novel
It's interesting how you took a POV character whose only connection with the action of the story was through a phone, and yet managed to maintain a sense of urgency while keeping things believable and engaging.
My only complaint is that apparently we'll never know what happened to Dr. Sydney.
5810450
After the encounter with Scootaloo's Veilspawn, I was thinking that meeting a Veilspawn who could use magic would be really bad. I think you convinced me that the smart Veilspawn, the one who can set traps, hotwire cars and rig explosives, is the real one to be afraid of.
That said, this is one of the best stories on fimfiction that I have read. The horror and suspense elements are executed well, and you do a great job with the characterization of the CMC. All the reveals and sci-fi worldbuilding are done well without resorting to long expository passages that interrupt the pacing of the story. Great job!
Just a note: The author's note block is, by design, omitted when someone exports to HTML or plaintext, which is the most likely way it'll get fed into an eReader conversion tool.
one of the (many) things I liked was the fact you didn't make reference to "other universes"
Universe being a term which encompasses all of reality, known or unknown, seen or unseen, I find the term "alternate universe" a bit annoying. it is gratifying to not see it here.
I would rant and rave about how excellent this story is, but I find that others have already done it better than I could.
6217450
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Sadly, I don't think a sequel could really retain the same mood and sense of discovery. With the basic mechanics of interplanetary travel established by the end of the story, any continuation would at best be some sort of Space Opera, following characters as they travel to new worlds or deal with new conflicts. It could be good if done by the right person, but I don't think it's quite my groove, nor would it really benefit from being a continuation of this particular story.
6220577
I like your alternate title a lot. As for Sydney's fate, I left it ambiguous because I wanted to preserve the feeling that the "reader" was someone who found the journal left in her room (hence the title image).
6225037
Thank you! I hadn't even thought about the universe thing, but I can see why the word's misuse frustrates you.
6221097
Oh wow, that is quite some praise! The fight scene in the restaurant was probably my favorite bit to write, and I knew outdoing it would be something of a challenge. It means a lot to hear I succeeded!
6224359
My one apprehension to this is that sometimes the image part appears at the beginning of the chapter, and I think author notes always appear at the end. I might go back through and transcribe the handwritten bits later though; people can just skim over them if they read the original I guess.
Had to come back and say that this is one of my favorite stories in this fandom—number two to be exact. I don't think I could come up with a way to do justice to just how much I love this story, and even that as an attempt to praise it falls shorter than a bottle rocket aiming for the moon.
I hope this feature helps, though (if you haven't seen it already, that is), and that it brings a smile to your face. You definitely deserve at least that reciprocation.
I feel myself being baited to read on and on, be it due to a problem at hand, a goal in mind, or even just missing pieces of information. Nice touch on giving that unknown, unseen factor to the predators, giving that suspenseful, uncomfortable fear of something dark approaching. Good stuff!
What a wonderful story. It's always fun to read a POE where the humans are sensible intelligent characters, even the several minor characters had a chance to shine.
Rather than risk the possible trauma of her surgery hardware vanishing, it seems like a better plan would be to develop a run of bits that can go through safely. Carbon composite would fit the bill, I'm guessing.
The veil spawn were a decent antagonist, but they fall into the category of silent uncommunicative monster. If Earth is going to become a safe crossroads, figuring out what creates them is going to be an important step. I'd love to see a sequel for this, especially to find out who decided on such a violent solution to keep the cultures of the multiverse isolated.
Plus, Natelie in Equestria would totally fill that craving for a biologist in Equestria that has been left open by A biologists dream
You can has review!
People not acting stupid? CMC not being annoying? Logical decisions instead of panicking? Enemies worth their salt? A rare gem indeed.
This was really, really good. A joy to read. I'm already a fan of interspecies/inter-world interaction, but your story is particularly good.
This was... this was so good, I'm so sad it's over.
I have to ask, This is your only story on this site, but do you write other stories elsewhere?
8121131 glad I could help.
This is officially the best mobile game I've ever played.
Thank you for the ride. I didn't expect that the first alien encountered in the story would be neither pony nor human, and it was the first of many delightful surprises. Fiction doesn't do that to me as often as I like it do. I know this was a one-off for you, but I hope you might be willing to drop in again sometime to gift us more horsewords.