What does one do when all is lost? Persevere.
This is my entry for The More Most Dangerous Game Contest.
The prompt is the apocalyptic war one.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 19th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen April 13th
Murder Knight
Everyone shall fear my writing skill. And really lazy updates.
Murder Knight
Joined 19th Feb, 2014 ·
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It was pretty interesting. What happened to Pinkie and RD? Also, I wonder what Zecora would've thought about what happened to the zebras. The idea of runed berserkers was pretty neat. Nice job.
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Sorry everypony not Twilight.
I kinda ran out of time before I could write it down.
I should also probably mark it as Season 1 material. As in, first two episodes only.
Those damn stripes! Good work, sir. it was interesting and fun to read. Good luck with the contest!
I wrote a review of this story; it can be found here.
I find that this story lacks focus. Is the story about the war? The aftermath? About Celestia? Twilight? Pony kind in general? It meanders about between all of these topics, but doesn't stick to any of them long enough for us to make much sense of it. I think the key thing is that you threw too many details, without keeping the big picture clear.
We see guns and zebra berserkers, but it doesn't instill a sense of fear, of revulsion due to how foreign such monstrosities would be in Equestria. We hear about Blueblood starting a war and Luna and Shining Armor's deaths, but they feel more like name drops than anything else. We learn that Celestia created a plague sometime during the war, which eventually affected the ponies and zebras, resulting in their schism, but we don't know anything about the plague--it's spoken of like radiation in Fo:E, but the effects aren't shown very well in the story.
There are plenty of interesting ideas in the story, but they aren't fleshed out enough to really appreciate them. "Underdeveloped" is the best way to describe this story at the moment.
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Maybe I'll make a full-fledged story out of this someday. It's a shame to waste these ideas. Not now though. I'm working on other things.