After her coronation, a drunken Hearts and Hooves Day promise comes back to bite Twilight in the flank. Sandwiched between Pinkie Pie and Rarity to ensure she doesn't try to escape, Twilight is forced on the next train to Canterlot. When she arrives, it takes a bit more than mere liquid courage to elicit her confession.
Based on the Disco prompt for The Sun and the Stars: A Twilestia Prompt Collab
Browsing back through, years after my last story, I discovered I had never published this one! So, here's a thing.
Chapters (3)
You're alive!
I love this
Please. It’s Cum on Feel the Noize. Proper grammar has no place in hair metal.
I remember this from the prompts, and seeing it compiled & expanded is fantastic. Nicely done!
I assume the line that ended the Epilogue was rhetorical?
What to say, what to say, hmmm. First off: The story was well-written and quite enjoyable. Twilight was very Twilight - most of the time. More on that later. Rarity and Pinkie were great in their own regards and their portrayal felt authentic. So did Lunas. Rarity's and Pinkies plan to get Tia to come was a nice detail, even roping Luna into it. I wonder what she got out of that deal...
It was a nice touch that you didn't just 'forget' about Spike, Ponyville, her castle, her other friends - you know... things that get shoved to the sidelines quite often with romance stories. Which usually makes these pieces feel like some fairytale adventure seen in a snow globe, isolated and somewhat out of sync. But these stories happen in a city - with ponies. In someponies life - who got friends. Remembering these details and actually involving them makes the story feel more alive and believable.
Now, let's get to the nitpicky stuff. I won't touch the music, like... at all. It was used well enough, It's just not my cup of tea. As a setting/prompt/whatever, it was fine.
First problem: Twilights sudden burst of confidence. She got frustrated, yeah, sure. She aimed to help herself, find a way to confess without saying it. I can get behind the idea that it was an act out of desperation. But... disco dancing. In front of a whole club. That's gotta be a mighty desperation right there.
Second problem: The resolution of the conflict felt somewhat rushed. While I can squint away my first gripe, I cannot do that with this one. Spike, RD, AJ and Fluttershy all came to cheer up Twilight. Or to get her to say something coherent, at least. They all utterly failed. She bawled her eyes out, two days straight. I want to stress that point. She - Twilight! - had two days to to think things over and get herself into a tizzy. We know from the show what she can do with just some hours.
Two. Days.
Then, Luna shows up, takes her to Canterlot castle, rockshow, confession, bam - love.
Uh... no?
I get that Twi might've given up at that point, accepting her fate or whatever. That she followed Luna until the idea of escape attempts even crossed her mind. (Hey - closing doors stop you, Twi? Really? The multiple-times-teleporting-element-of-magic-powermare?) I can even accept that she watched the whole show in utter loss of words, in awe, in horror (dark magic, the only viable option!).
But I don't get that, at the end of that show, everything just went to be 'fine' within mere seconds. Everyone's just congratulating. No emotional turmoil, no freakout thanks to two days of built up for her fears, just 'oh, well, now it's all great again'. That... pulled me right out.
On a side note: I get that Rarity tries to shove her towards something she knows will be good for Twilight, but glaring her down like she beat Tia's favourite puppy to death? Way to go, Rares - I'm sure Twilights nerves can take another hit. Not like they've been under rapidfire for two whole days or something like that. Come to think of it - when RD and the rest of the gang where attempting to break Twilight out of her desperation, where were you again? Oh. Right. Planing a confession party. Because the right kind of party and firework set-up clearly was more important than sparing Twilight two days of freaking out.
Same goes for Cadence and Shining. Pinks planing a party, okay. Maybe. Luna trying to let her big sister handle her own private affairs - okay. Even Tia not getting herself to fly to Ponyville, break that stupid barrier down and just talk to Twilight - even that, I can somehow wrap my head around. But Cadence, Shining - you two should be ashamed of yourselves.
What I'm trying to say, is: On the emotional side - Twilight's emotional side, since we're following her -, the resolution of the conflict was too fast. But considering the actions taken, the time passing, it wasn't fast enough. Letting her simmer for two days was just downright cruel and makes some ponies look like utter d***s.
Hrm. How to end my rambling, though? My teacher always tried to explain: Say something nice, criticize something, end with something nice. I've never been good at that.
Oh! But: The idea of well-mannered, soft-spoken, demure Tia being a little rocker girl? That was fun.
Anyway. Contrary to what it may now look like, I did enjoy your story and I thank you for writing!
This comment, right here, gets the like. All hail, Heavy Metalestia!
This was really great. I loved the way you built up the tension and the scenes with Twilight and Celestia made me swoon.
That put a smile on my face.
Thanks for writing! I like that Celestia is into metal!