• Member Since 20th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

jmj


I have the heart of a child. I keep it in a jar on my desk.

T

Sugarcube Corner has been closed for a week and the only clue as to what is going on is a letter sent to Rainbow Dash.

This is my entry into The More Most Dangerous Game contest.

It's under the Cupcakes prompt but is NOT a retelling of Cupcakes.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 60 )

This is creepy as hell. I think you have a good chance of winning. Especially because I think this is the only Cupcakes prompt I've seen so far.

jmj

5542440 Lol. Well, if there is a prize per category and this is the only one on Cupcakes, then maybe I have a shot. lol. Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Damn! Thanks for sharing!

jmj

5542516 Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

jmj

5542565 Hi SCP! Long time no see. How have you been? Did you enter this contest too? Seems like it would be right up your alley.

5542572 Nope, I'm not even in the group

jmj

5542581 Ah. I'm sorry to hear that. I would have liked to have seen your entry.

Well, this was an awesome read. Absolutely adored the sick twist at the end, very good work in deed. I think this could genuinely be a winner, excellent work, friend!

jmj

5542636 Thanks, sir. I worked hard on refining some of the ideas over the past week but I didn't sit down and write it until today. It took nearly all day but most of the themes were already figured out. Did you enter the contest or did you end up working on your other story? I'm interested to see that one when it comes out.

Me at the start: Why does the dash in this pic have blue eyes *checks their tags pic* she should have red eyes. Why does she have pinkie's eyes?"
Me reading the middle part of the story: "Hmm, I wonder why this isn't marked as slice of life."
Me reading the part when the dust gets blown at dash: "Wait a minute."
Me reading the ending: "Oh, that happened."

Nice story btw.

jmj

5542764 :pinkiehappy: Thanks for reading. I'm glad you liked it. I also like what you noticed.

ccchanges face the strange. ha i love that song. but yeah once again an awesome story from an awesome pinkamena writer.

Will definitely read. Please win, BTW.

jmj

5543625 Thanks, sir. Let me know what you think when you finish it.

Epilogue: As night descended upon the town, a single pony emerged from the burned wreckage still very much alive. All that motivational talk about not giving up at the beginning of the story kicked in and, with a freshly rekindled burning spirit (pun intended), the pony sets out to stop the blue winged impostor before it was too late.

:rainbowderp: YOU KILLED MY FAVORITE PONY, YOU MOSNTER!:flutterrage:

...Whoa. That was creepy and awesome.

5544387 Technically she could still be alive.
Unlikely, but still possible.
The story never said that she actually died for certain, instead she was only left for dead.

5544718 I'll cling to that hope.:ajsleepy:

5542460
Actually, I've taken a couple looks around. There are some entries based on the Cupcakes prompt. But they kinda still focus on cupcakes.

jmj

5544387 That's me. A horrible mosnter. I graduated from Mosnter University in Mosnter, Iowa. in the year Mosnter ninety nine.


5544718 Thanks! 'm glad you liked it.


5545168 I saw a few this morning as well and they do seem to focus on retelling Cupcakes. That being said, they were pretty good. I'm probably not going to place in the top 20, but it's fun anyway. I never thought I'd get a story formulated and written in time. I just hope someone likes it.

Time to dig into this here tasty treat!

jmj

5546372 Bite deep. Bite hard.

5546435

Awesome characterization - must have been hard pulling that together in what, a week?

:pinkiegasp::rainbowderp:

jmj

5546465 Well... it went like this.

Sunday: "I know! I'll write one where this happens and it will be just like Cupcakes. I'll start tomorrow"
Monday: "I don't want it to be so similar to Cupcakes. it needs to be different. And I'm lazy today."
Tuesday: "Tomorrow is a better day and it's still too similar."
Wednesday: "Work sucks."
Thursday: "Work sucks."
Friday: "I'm out of time! OH GOD! Ummmm .... ummmm .... okay... so what if she's really this .... ummm... OH! and Dash is having problems too! It'll be about maturing and facing the cruelty of time! YES! That ties it together a little more neatly!" And then I typed for like 8 hours.

5546504

Less than a day. And it still crushes skulls.

Dang I wish I could do that.

jmj

5546551 If I could plan things out I'd be a lot better I'm sure but I just can't. I get a basic concept like "this is the twist ending" and then I figure out how the first paragraph should start. That's it. Then I just sit down and start writing and see what happens.The whole middle is figured out on the fly. It usually ends up pretty decent and I sometimes get ideas deep into the story that changes a paragraph or two in the beginning, but I've never written out a whole story and then rewritten it. My first draft is usually my final draft. I only go through and change sentence structures, typoes, and words reused too closely together.

5546575

Wow. It's really cool hearing different people's processes. For me, I get ideas for major scenes and maybe the subtext. Then the voices kick in and I write a bunch of dialogue, then stare at it for a few weeks (or months), sprinkling in a word here or there. At some point it reaches critical mass and I can't stop.

Yeah, I generally don't revise either unless I really care about the story. I think I have an aversion to reading my own stuff. I've gone back and read my high school poetry once too often I think. :twilightoops:

Anyway, sorry to hijack your comments. Bravo on another winner.

jmj

5546612 I like having a conversation, sir. Feel free to always hijack my comments. I'll pm you.

5546192 If monsters actually existed, saying that would probably be racist.:twilightoops:

This is much better than the original story (although, since the original story was basically gratuitous violence and nothing else, I don't know how much a compliment this is) Still, good job, nice to see you back again

jmj

5547855 Thank you, sir. It's always a pleasure to hear from you. I hope you have been doing well.

I wrote a review of this story in my latest edition of TD Hates Everything Read It Now reviews. It can be found here.

I wrote a review as well. It can be found in my unpopulated review group.

To be honest, I actually already guessed what would happen from the picture and the word "Cupcakes", but... wow. Just wow. :rainbowderp:

While this definitely took the concept of Cupcakes and improved on it, it still felt lacking in the some of the same areas the original struggled. I liked the addition of extra context behind what Pinkie was doing, but her characterization still felt weak and very, very off. The context did very little to help me reconcile the story's version of Pinkie with what the show presents.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Turn and face the strange

jmj

5606660 Time may change me but I can't trace time.

I think the story somewhat struggles in that it's very easy for the reader to become desensitized to Pinkie's actions. Her actions may be horrifying in reality, but the accompanying atmosphere simply doesn't feel dark enough to instil the horror it probably should have.

And what happened to the Cakes? :pinkiegasp:

jmj

5728061
Tried to make it less dark for the contest because they hate that stuff.
And the original Cupcakes had no Cakes and was never explained. Went with that approach.

You had to do that. Hahah oh well it was still awesome!

You sick bastard.....You messed with my emotions on this one.....Here I was hoping for a happy ending you just had to DO THIS....*SHIVERS* Your writing and pacing was well, I'll give you that, but you just reminded me on why I hate horror genres. They never end well.

That ending kind of killed my brain. I didn't understand what was happening for a good five minutes. Wow. :rainbowlaugh:

jmj

6937655
It was a little puzzling writing it as well. I'm glad you seemed to enjoy the story. I reread it just now because it's been so long I had forgotten what it was about exactly. It needs editing. I know I was under the gun for the contest and that's why words repeat in the same sentence sometimes but it turned out pretty decent all things considered.

6940340 I honestly loved it. You did a good job with the idea anyway. That's all I think that matters. Keep up the good work ^_^

Pinkie... go get some contact lenses. Ponies would start noticing that "Rainbow's" eye colour isn't quite right.

Just Kidding.

This story is awesome. Got quite creeped out, though.

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