• Member Since 23rd May, 2014
  • offline last seen July 2nd

Geoice


T

The mane-six want to have fun at the beach along with Spike. During the water filled weekend, Dash has been acting rather... odd around Spike. Overly teasing; physically getting close to him; acting like it's nothing. Just what is Rainbow trying to tell him?
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Side note ignore the comments about grammar issues I got I fixed and will side future chapters to editors before submitting them.

editors:
http://www.fimfiction.net/user/Megamind+Grant

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 120 )

Grammar.......

Also will this include the rest of the photo sets?

Good idea, grammar needs a lot of help. I suggest either an editor or copy and paste MS word to help clean it up.

5580484 no sorry I just want this to be just SpikeDash
Though is will end like one of the M&M commercial

Good premise, but I can't say the same for the English. Can I be your editor?

Continue this. I really wanna see where this goes.

Your discreption has a few typos

Let's take a moment to look at your story description.

The weather is nice, the sky is blue, the sun shines warming everones day. So the girls ants to the beach this weekend and have some fun. Spike tags along with the group, with his parents out of town he can hang with friend just fine. But what he doesn't know is that Rainbow Dash going to make her move on him, fist by teasing the hack out of him. Both of then are different ages, Spikes fourteen and she is seventeen, but hey that makes it easy for her to pick at him. Will Spike t a clue with all of the signs that she drops or will she have to pin him behind a rock and lay of down on him.

You see all the underlined words in red above? These are all typos, spelling errors, and other errors. Additionally, there are other punctuation errors not indicated, and most of your description is composed of run-ons and malformed sentences.

The purpose of a story description is to get people to want to read your story. If your description is this riddled with errors, people are less likely to read your story. Which, going by the comments, is in pretty much the same shape as your story description.

5582789 thanks for the tip, I do have an editor working on it and i'll do a chapter of his request.

5581978 what would you like to see?

5585263 Well for example bikini tops accidentally coming off, or one of the girls sneakily removing one of the other girls tops. Something like that.

Got an idea now
5585411

5582633 I think I got it now

5585457 yes you did as far as i can tell

5585496 the story self is being edited

5585579 Nice. I love it, keep it up.

5585579 ...You do realise you need punctuation ar the end of speach right?
"Like this," y'see? Commas for when you want to continue a sentence, "Apostrophise for the end."

"The dog went woof, I swear!"
"Well," she said with a huff, "you've been known to say the cat went moo in the past."

And well...you just need to read theough what you've written and sound it aloud, if it doesn't make sense to you, change it.

Dude...really this is poorly written I don't think it's supposed to have this many errors in it you should send this to your editor first before you post something ok?

5580484
5588527
5582789
5580611
5580484 it has been edited please tell me what you think

Comment posted by MythrilMoth deleted Feb 5th, 2015

5589125 Aww sorry not having Microsoft word really sucks.
The description I have an idea

5589146 What does Microsoft Word have to do with anything? :rainbowhuh:

Much better my friend. If Microsoft word is failing you use docs. That's what I use, and trust me it works. It works on your phone or computer.

5589169 grammar check:ajsleepy:
Dyslexia really bites
But now I think I fixed the description

5589185 what about grammar

5589211 Like this fragment. “Me to.” docs would underline “to” and allow you to change it to “too”. Or if you do something like “We'll that's what she told me to.” it would change “We'll” to “Well” and of course “to” to “too” and etc. But if all else fails just request an editor. I'd be happy to help.

5589244 OK hanks
(Correct)OK thanks

5589169 thank you for your honesty

It's much cleaner and more readable now. So need any ideas for what happens next. I can see Rainbow taking the time to try to teach him how to surf in order to be close to him. Or you could go with the classic asking Spike to put sunscreen on her back.


5589955
I can put the first one together with wildcard25 idea. And of course the classic :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::rainbowkiss:

Great job on editing! You have alot of potential nice work...

5601806 it will have to be teen rating so I'll see what I can do.

5597825 I'm starting to think that one other comment by another user was bogus. Mainly BC he said that it looked worse. Maybe he was trying to push me me to do better in the future.

I gotta say what I like most about this fic so far is how you have written rainbow dash.:twilightsmile:

5630706 wait till you see the next chapter. it's with an editor rich now and will be out soon

Loved the chapter. I can't wait till they get to the beach. Then the real fun begins.

Huh, looks like Spike feels a little something for RD. That will help as long as she doesn't go overboard with the teasing. It would either turn him off or make him snap and jump her...Though she is probably hoping for the latter.

I feel the vibes~!

5677871 have u read my other story Spike is screwed.

An older teen Rainbow Dash is attracted to a younger teen Spike story?

AMAZING STORY! Can't wait for the update!:pinkiehappy:

sup its me 941214 from DA

5714232 hi what do you think. And check out Spike is scewed

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