• Published 4th May 2012
  • 6,111 Views, 126 Comments

The Wrong Requiter: A Stalking Story - Flower Seven

Spike makes a love potion for Rarity, but Twilight drinks it. Creepy stalking ensues.

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Dear Princess Celestia,

There has been an incident and now Spike has run away. Is there any way I could use magic to track him down so he doesn't get hurt? I'm really worried about him.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle


My Dear Twilight,

Is everything okay between you and Spike? I do hope so. If you need to get him back home, I would suggest combining a Reverse-Teleportation Spell with a Tracking Spell. That will get him back home immediately. It's a complicated spell, but I have confidence a unicorn of your talent should have no problem pulling it off. Good luck, my little pony.

Yours truly,

P.S. Wait, how did you send me this letter if you don't have Spike?


Dear Princess,

You gotta help me! Twilight is in love with me and wants to catch me! I don't know what to do! Help!



Dear Spike,

Are you with Twilight? What exactly do you mean, she is in love with you? I have received a letter from Twilight saying you ran away. Was there a fight? Please return to the library, Twilight is worried about you.

Yours truly,



I don't have much time, seriously! Help me! Twi somehow teleported me back and now I'm chained up! She's coming back into the room! Please do so

[the letter stops here]


Dear Princess Celestia,

I sincerely apologize for that last letter from Spike. I don't know what it said, but right now Spike is very angry with me for making him mine- er, come home early. Please excuse his behavior, you know how baby dragons are, right? Ha ha.

Youir faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle


My Dear Twilight,

What's going on? I am receiving very worrying reports from Spike. Could you please explain to me what's going on?



Dear Princess Celestia,

Well you see, me and Spike had an argument about if Spike would be allowed to rent a Mature-rated book from the store, and I didn't let him. He got mad and yelled, so I told him to drag his hot, beautiful- ugh, this pen! It told him to drag his flank upstairs and think about what he said, but then he ran out of the hou~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Princess, this is Spike! I just knocked out Twilight and I don't have much time! I gave her a love potion and now she's acting crazy! You have to help me! PLEASE!


Dear Princess Celestia,

I apologize for the last letter, you see how immature he's behaving today? I promise to punish him for this. I won't give him any kisses for a whole six minutes, let's see what he thinks of sending bad letters then!

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle



Kisses?! Twilight Sparkle, please tell me what's going on right now! It sounds you're under the influence of some dark magic, I'm really worried!



Dear Princess Celestia,

I am not under any influence. If I was under some sort of dark magic, would I have been able to save Spike's life when he tried to jump out the window just now? I really don't what's come over him, he's behaving in a really self-harmful way today so I've had to restrain him for his own protection. I'm not sure what's going on; I think that bitch Rarity has corrupting him with her beauty. Princess, who do you think is prettier, me or Rarity?

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle


Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm am very sorry to bother you! But it's just, well you see Spike came to my house and he's really scared. He said that Twilight is after him because of a love potion. I hate to be a bother, but he sounds really scared and I don't know what to do! Is there any way you could give some advice? If you want to, of course.



Dear Princess Celestia,

Spike has run away again. I'm sorry about this whole mess! I think I know where he is. I'm going to go retrieve him and teach that mare a lesson.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle


Princess Celestia!

It's simply dreadful! Twilight has gone mad and she's trying to break into the boutique! She's screaming terrible things at me, I think she thinks I killed Spike! The doors won't last much longer! Please, your Majesty, I'm not sure who else to turn to! What ever shall I do?

Your humble servant,


Dear Rarity and Twilight,

First of all, how are you two sending these letters without Spike?! Rarity, please give this letter to Twilight. She is currently under the influence of a love potion and she must think that you are hoarding Spike.

Twilight Sparkle, please calm yourself! I know where Spike is and he is not with Rarity. If you can calm down and promise not to hurt this pony, I will tell you who he is with.

Yours truly,
Princess Celestia


My Dear Fluttershy,

I'm very sorry you had to become involved in all this. I will be sending Zecora over to your house soon. Please await her arrival. If Twilight shows up, pretend you are not home.

Yours truly,
Princess Celestia


Dear Zecora,

I'm sorry to bother you, but this an urgent royal favor. Please create an anti-love potion and bring it to a pegasus pony named Fluttershy; she lives in the cottage just outside the Everfree Forest. Time is of the essence. If you perform this favor for me, you will be rewarded.

With royal blessings,
Princess Celestia, Regent of the Sun


Dear Princess Celestia,

I'm very sorry, but you do know those letters you're sending to Rarity and Zecora are being received by Spike, right? I'm sorry if I offended you, it's not like I think you're incompetent at your job or anything! Really!

Much apologies,


Dear Spike, and also Mysterious Slutty Mare,

Spike, why are you running away from me? I love you! And I know that deep down, you feel the same way! We've lived together for years, it's a statistical likelihood that two ponies of the opposite sex living together would grow close! We're meant for each other, Spike!

Look, Spike. I want you to know that this mare you're with is deceiving you. I know you THINK you're in love, but you're not. Love isn't about being crazily obsessed with somepony, or about being infatuated! Just because they've tricked you into following them over the ends of the earth in the name of love doesn't mean you really love them! You're going to realize that what you're feeling is completely fake, and then you're going to feel like a foal! I'm only trying to help you, Spike.

As for you, Mrs. Mare...

I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for a ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have, are a very particular set of skills.

Skills I have aquired over a very long education. Skills that make me a nightmare for ponies like you.

If you let my Spike go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you.

But if you don't...

I will look for you.

I will find you.

And I will kill you.

Twilight Sparkle

Comments ( 70 )

I knew this was going to happen eventually

And just like that, hours and chapters of amusing scenes and dialogue have been tossed under the bus. Son, I am disappoint.

... Sweet... Mother... of... Celestia... Twi's lost it! EVERYPONY TO THE BUNKER!
And as for Rarity... :facehoof:

:rainbowlaugh:This story is golden.

poor rarity :raritycry:
spike! fast! put on this fake moustache! :moustache:

:twilightangry2: where's spike???

:moustache: *points to the everfre forest* he went that way

:twilightsmile: oh..thanks! *runs towards the everfree forest*

:twilightoops: wait a sec..


Keep going!

"How are you two sending these letters without Spike?!":rainbowlaugh:

Oh my god, this is HILARIOUS!!!!

lol "and i will kill you.
Twilight Sparkle" :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:


Pretty much - it's hilarious as is, but there's a good amount of wasted potential. :fluttercry:

This chapter alone is worth a thumbs up.

I was laughing so hard I started coughing and could not breathe for about five minutre....no joke.....my family was going freaking crazy over it, but I can breathe now and I have to tell you that I bucking LOVE THIS STORY! I have not laughed so hard in so many weeks.....whew! Ah.....I'm really hoping this stays a Spilight but then I noticed that Spike does not feel the same way....damn. Still the humor makes up for that by ten-fold, so please do continue and let me know if you ever need any ideas, help or advice, I got your back, peace.

This is getting good...

This was so funny and I can only imagine what Twilight did to Rarity, I can't help but think it;s something horrible. I also can't help but literally LOL at the taken reference.

Poor Fluttershy, now she has to deal with a ticked off Twilight. Also, nice Taken reference.


Completely agree, would have love to actually read what was happening in these scenes in detail through the storyline rather than just getting briefings through these letters; it is humorous but lazy.

So lulzy.

Take my track, and my favorite, and my like, and my yes, etc.

Gotta love the Taken reference:twilightsmile:


I had a lot of fun with the letter-only format, but I agree it was lazy; that's why I did it in the first place. Since apparently that's shown, I'd be willing to write another version of this chapter in narrative form, if you think it'd improve the story. :pinkiesmile:

AND WOW...feature box...I did not expect that! :pinkiegasp: It makes me happy that people are enjoying this! :twilightsmile: And yay at people getting the Taken reference! :yay:


I have no idea.

sO MUCH WIN (i accidentally wrote wubs the first time xD)

Looks like Spike...

Got Taken

Seriously tho, how are they sending letters without Spike? I can understand Twilight, but Rarity?

Im liking that reference:rainbowlaugh:

That ending :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

please make the chapters longer :fluttershysad:

I can just imagine...

:twilightoops: Hi Rarity... ehehehe

:raritywink: Hi Twilight!

:raritydespair: Oh my Celestia what are you doing holy buck

:twilightoops: YOU WON'T GET MY SPIKEY WIKEY!!!

:raritycry: ...can't breathe...

Skills I have aquired over a very long education. Skills that make me a nightmare for ponies like you. If you let my Spike go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't...I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you.

Love the Taken reference at the end there.
This story is going to the ceiling of hilarity!

This is entertaining, but I agree with a few other comments that it seems like it jumped into full-blast a little too fast. Both chapters were funny, and the letter format of chapter two is fine, but I feel like there should have been at least one more chapter in between them, allowing for a slower escalation of creepiness. It seems like it completely skipped the stalker stage we were expecting, and instead went straight into kidnapping, without any buildup.

4 months! FOUR... BUCKING... MONTHS!!!!:flutterrage:
Please!!!! For the sake of Equestria, UPDATE SOON!!!!:applecry:

You know, I was on the fence RIGHT up until Twilight pulled a Liam Neeson. This story has officially been fav'd. Well done.

spike has really done it this time! :moustache: i cant wait for the next chapter!

Eeeeeeeeh....... Narrative is what sold me on this story when it was posted. This chapter....... eh, as lazy as you can get....

Anybody else read the last part of the last letter in Liam Neeson's voice?

lol :rainbowlaugh: oh my poor sides! lookout Equestria psycho Twilight is in the house :pinkiecrazy:

this makes me laugh.

I have only a few minor criticisms, firstly that while reading i noticed some grammar mistakes. Like full stops where there should be question marks, especially in Celestia's letters. Also a lack of words where there should be like in one of Twilight's letters about half way down you wrote "I really don't what's come over him." I assume there should be a "know" between "don't" and "what's."

The next little thing i had issue with was how Twilight replied to her letters. Twilight, being the inherently logical and intelligent mare that she is, would be a lot more subtle in her letters, at least in the early ones before Spike ran away for the second time and she had an excuse the get frustrated. But i assume that Twilight's over-the-top reactions and behavior is intentional as kind of a slap-stick comedy style. If so fair enough.

However if Twilight had even tried to keep her composure at the beginning then the eventual "snap" and crazy actions would have come with more hilarious impact as we would see things progressively get out of control instead of 60 miles an hour out of the gate. As a result i didn't find Twilight's letters all that funny since i picked up that they were meant to be, given the genre. however the taken reference at the end was golden,

Keep this up because i am tracking.

oh oh it hurts to laugh :rainbowlaugh:

lol you just knew the moment spike and love potion appeared in the summery that he would screw it up...but this was too good.


I LOVE IT !!!! Especially the Liam Neelson speech part. :rainbowkiss: MORE PLEASE !!!!!!!!!

Twilight has really gone off the deep end this time.:pinkiecrazy:

lol. That's all I have to say. :twilightsmile:

This is the funniest story I have ever read about Spike, sure the letter format has gotten on some people's nerves on how it was skipping things, but I like this letter chapter anyway. It was definitely hilarious how everyone is sending letters to Celestia and everything, and I'm kind of surprised that Fluttershy sort of snarked at Celestia by thinking she's being incompetent at the moment, even tbhough Celestia wrote those in the heat of the moment. I was chuckling like crazy and I still have a big grin on my face right now, so I wonder what's going to happen next chapter... well good luck.

This is good. I like it.


I fucking love you.
I love this

I loved that ending.
this is just brilliant

You have sufficiently impressed me. Have a present.
(click for big)

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