• Member Since 16th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

sonicdash123


An autistic brony who is the owner of an OC pony named Charming Thunder and a big fan of Star Wars.

E
Source

My name is Charming Thunder. I am a Pokémon Trainer from the Crystal Empire. I was raised with my sister and learned a lot about Pokémon and been trained by her. Now with my fully grown Lucario given to me by Cadence when it started as a Riolu egg, my time came as Professor Zecora arrives to my hometown to help me start my journey in the land of Equestria and hope I get to see my sister again.


Note: Based off of the Pokemon MLP art created by SelenaEde.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 53 )

Just the description gave me a headache to read :pinkiesick:

Comment posted by Roarin Thunder deleted Jan 29th, 2015

He then turned to see his Lucario still sleeping and walked up to him.

Because, y'know, everyone has a Lucario. It's not like Lucario is an uncommon, if not rare, type of Pokémon.

Comment posted by AK47Productions deleted Jan 29th, 2015

maybe you all should just give me advice on what needs to change and quit your complaining

>original character
>has a lucario
>lucario was given to him by cadence
>is on journey nobody cares about
>has two videos embedded in story

Tell you what. Scrap this and start over. The premise is boring and the execution has been overused.


I also saw you're deleting comments. You've just opened up a can of worms.

Comment posted by General Soarin deleted Jan 29th, 2015
Comment posted by AK47Productions deleted Jan 29th, 2015

5564370 those two videos are battle music. unless you want me to get rid of them.:twilightangry2:

5564378 Battle music isn't required in writing. You don't need to listen to music to enunciate what's going on in the wording.

Comment posted by Roarin Thunder deleted Jan 29th, 2015

Oh boy, the comment deletions start

5564362
5564378 I'd give you my two cents, but you've...how shall I say, invoked the wrath of the gods. I shall not intervene any further, so I'll just kick back and watch.

So they restored your previous story?

I'll be quite frank; I've loved Pokemon my whole life. I'd gladly read your story, but, good sir, it would seem as if you executed the whole "Crossover" premise incorrectly. You're supposed to put Pokemon (Or whatever you're crossing over) into the world of Friendship Is Magic.
You, made Equestria the Pokemon world.
Big mistake.
Therefore, your story looks like a piece of shit.
I would NOT like to read it.
Also, WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A TRIFORCE ON THE GUY'S SHIRT?! Isn't this Pokemon? But, wait, it was SUPPOSED to be My Little Pony! WHY WOULD YOU GIVE THE TRAINER A PONY NAME, IF HE'S HUMAN?!?!

5601051 Don't you just love non-existent logic?

Speaking as someone who adores and grew up with the Pokemon franchise... nothing about this fic rubs me the RIGHT way. I'd elaborate, but I know what you're gonna do if I try, so my breath would be wasted.

"I thought I saw a bird type Pokémon in the sky but couldn't make out what it was."

a bird type Pokémon

bird type

iimarck.us/i/bird-type/bird-type-bird-missingno.png

5601103 Oh, good. So the audience knows more Pokemon than the guy writing the Pokemon story.

A Pokemon story that... by my understanding, was DELETED twice? Why is it back?

Since the other story got deleted, and nothing indicates a rewrite, I shall recomment my best comment from the prev. Story:

Sorry, I gave your story a shot, got to just before battling Flash, but something just... Didn't allow me to like it. The grammar is decent, the sentences are a little short sometimes, but that's usually okay. Maybe it's just that I have no reason to care for Charming Thunder. We know nothing about his dreams, what his sister was like, why he's becoming a Pokemon Trainer (a lot of people in Pokemon don't become trainers). At the induction of his journey, we should at least know why he's going on this journey.
I also noticed a lack of any descriptive details. We know he's in the Crystal Empire, but how does it look? Is it the same as the MLP Empire? What season is it (time of year and MLP season)? What does Charming look like? What are the other characters like? Is this full human or partial (human with certain pony traits)?

In short, there is a difference between writing a story and telling a story. Right now, this is just writing a story.

Protip to all of you, Friendship is Aura is a much better crossover story with Lucario. Check it out.

Eldorado
Moderator

5601186
5601185
And to anyone else confused as well, so I don't get any more PMs or reports:

This is the original version of the story. This was deleted before the second one got posted, but now I've restored it. Say what you like about the quality of the story, but this is no longer a case of delete-resub abuse. He's sticking to the first version that was approved.

5564362

I play Pokemon, and I must say your team is very cliche.

Mine contains:

-Slurpuff
-Meowth
-Avalugg
-Pyroar
-Scrafty
-Ninetales

5601051 Since when is there a way you're "supposed" to do crossovers? Just because it's not "x" in Equestria, doesn't mean it's not an MLP crossover.

5611777
I know that, but look at it like this;
Imagine if ALL ponies were GONE from Equestria.
Enter non-EG humans and Pokemon.
That would ruin the whole concept, wouldn't it?

5611966 Not necessarily.

I think it can be done right.

It's certainly not the first fanfic to do this and won't be the last.

5609887

Maud.

The best way to redeem yourself is correct your grammar and make Diamond Tiara in the Elite 4, for she is indeed the best pony.

5612203 or I could somehow make her appear in the next chapter to challenge Charming Thunder.

why is there so many dislikes? Guys, give this guy and this story a fucking chance okay?!:flutterrage:

5618568

Just to be brutally honest, I like the concept, just that you seem a tab bit like a Marty Sue and your grammar isn't the greatest.

5564341 Just because it is doesn't mean it's impossible to get one. Maylene had one, Riley had one and Korrina had two.

5601185
Actually, funny story about that. Apparently, the admin came here and apologized for bringing it back, saying he should never had done so in the first place! :rainbowlaugh:

Also, I warned this guy that he would get tons of dislikes, and he didn't listen. What a waste of potential. Oh well! Want to read a better Pokemon story? Here:

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/235403/my-little-pokemon-sun-and-moon

5564370
Oh my god! It's The Slaughtering Grounds all over again! :rainbowlaugh:

5601103
Wow... That's just sad... How long has this guy been a Pokemon fan again? If for a long time... ugh... If for a short time, he shouldn't be writing this in the first place.

5614280
Lemme guess; You're his friend, right?

5564362
Maybe u should learn why to writing goodly. :rainbowwild:

5564383
To be fair, music DOES light the mood a bit. Imagine if you were fighting a boss in a video game and nothing played. It'd be boring, right? Exactly.

But I think we can all agree this story is shit.

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