Shining Armor has been infected by a Changeling poison that threatens to destroy his magic or worse. When Twilight and her family are tested to see if they could be potential horn marrow donors, an old family secret is brought to life.
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- Member Since 25th Dec, 2011
- offline last seen Feb 24th, 2015
Sapidus3
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Sapidus3
Joined 25th Dec, 2011 ·
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I'm not sure how to feel about this...
It's a nice little one-shot, but there's a lot that feels incredibly rushed. Specifically everyone's quick acceptance of everything. Rarity was not fazed in the least by Twilight being a literal star and Twilight accepted her adoption in just a few minutes.
I think that there is a lot of story that could come from this, but more than that, I feel that this short story would have more justice done to it if some time was devoted to expanding on what is going on with the characters.
5521310
It feeling rushed was my biggest concern. The original draft was longer and slower, but it just felt... whiny. Ultimately news like this isn't something that you just process and are done with in a night. I had tried to imply that for Twilight, a lot of her feelings are still unresolved. She has questions that need answering, and ponies she needs to talk to. I didn't want to belabor the point.
You are right about Rarity though. I should have probably gone into her reaction more.
I'm not saying it was moon-mares...
THAT WAS NICE, A few twists a few turns, A nice ride.
Nicely done again, Sap! Good heavens, the workrate you have....
More than a slight echo of the early 2011 TwiLuna "Spark" by AVeryStrange, in which Twilight was a golem made of stardust, created by Celestia and Nightmare Moon. Here's a relevant passage from Chapter 8: Twilight sighed. "I should explain. I am - well, was, it's complicated, but I'm kinda a golem." ... "I was...never born. I wonder if my, uh, parents knew about me, or...that's something for later. The nightmare that controlled Princess Celestia created me. I'm mostly magic and stardust. Oh, and sunlight.".
A few fixes:
Velvet (several instances)
End with question mark
colleague
End with question mark
End with question mark
period after 'you'
comma after 'You know'
5521977
Thanks for the fixes.
I had a vague memory of reading a fic where Twilight came from Celestia wishing upon a star, but I don't think Spark was it. At the very least it doesn't look like I have read it before (though from a brief look, it seems like something I would enjoy). As I wrote this, I felt like I might have been ripping something off with the core idea, but I couldn't find anything going through all my old favorited stories.
5522013
I wouldn't say 'ripping off' - let's call it a "distant homage."
So Rarity is adopted... and she is a genetic match for Shining's operation...
... COINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT!
5522484
Given that Shining was his mother's only child, probably.
The question is from where was Twilight stolen by the wish magic. I doubt she was created by magic. There somwhere was very unhappy mare that lost her child.
10 out of 10 love this story
would love to see how twilight and Luna go about the wish thing after this is would be so funny 
5522919 Maybe she's his cousin or something? Seems like something that would happen in a soap-opera-like plot like this one.
Theories:
1) My head-canon is right and Twilight is the third alicorn sister, princess of stars.
2) Stars are ponies.
3) Luna somehow managed to create life with her magic.
4) Luna got freaky on the moon.
5) Luna kidnapped somepony elses foal and sent her down.
6) Twilight is a chunk of Luna's soul given her own life.
7) Luna pulled a soul out of the aether before her time, or maybe resurrected somepony.
Personally I like my first three theories best, what about you guys? Any ideas that I didn't think of?
5523844 Twilight is actually superman.
I must say. This is the best story I've read since... last week? Maybe? I like it though. It's well written and the story is sooo interesting. Either way, good job and you get my thumbs up approval (which probably means absolutely nothing).
Why is this out of five while the others are out of six?
Yeah, but have you SEEN the size of those fucking needles? I want no part of that.
Though I like the comment at the end by Twilight. She now has like 3 mother figures, two that raised her and one that created her. Maybe the Element of Magic helped create her, who knows.
Lel, now I wanna see a sequel focusing on Twilight's interaction with her mother figures... Imagine Mother's day
I have no clue if I'm right but baseing it off the character list here and the family secret I'm guessing that shining was adopted and he is actually related to rarity and if I happen to be right, just punch me in the face
This is a really nice story, but there are some things you may want to edit.
That should be capitalized.
Capitalize.
"Alright".
"Velvet".
Again, Velvet.
5523617 My theory is that Velvet and Night Light tried using in-vitro fertilization to conceive a child after several failed attempts at conceiving one the natural way, but they found out that the complications of Shining's birth had affected Velvet's uterus so that she couldn't become pregnant. They then signed off on allowing the other fertilized ovums the doctors had collected to be used by others, and thus another couple had Rarity, but then those parents died and thus she was adopted by Hondo Flanks and Cookie Crumbles. I figure that sounds more like a soap opera to me.
5524322 I have this insane idea where the Element of Magic was missing for the past thousand years because it was busy manipulating the bloodlines to create a perfect host. Host, not Bearer. Twilight, in my hypothesis, is basically the Element made flesh. Combine Twilight being made by the Element with this story, and it only leaves one question:
Is Luna, the wish, or the Element the 'father'? Maybe the wish is the midwife?
Twilight can teleport, which is travelling faster then a speeding bullet.
Twilight can fly, which counts as being able to leap tall buildings.
Twilight can fly, which counts as being able to fly.
Twilight can shoot lasers.
Twilight can pick up an Ursa Minor.
TWILIGHT CONFIRMED FOR SUPERMARE.
-SYA, The Horse
Slice of Life is right. It's a nice, brief glimpse at their lives, even if the topic is unique.
First off, I really liked what you did here. I think you handled the reaction to adoption really well.
As for young Twilight being found in the crater, it works, and I didn't have any trouble with it in the story at all.
That being said... I'd have to kick myself if I didn't post what went through my head at the time... that would be this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TAs_6LGa6Q
I kept waiting for the "Rarity is actually Shining Armor's sister" shoe to drop throughout this. She's compatible, a unicorn, looks a hell of a lot like him, is adopted herself... One hell of an effective red herring.
5525278
Dammit, beaten.
5525278 No, Twilight is confirmed as the god empress of ponykind.
Think about it.
I was not at all close
From the description, I thought the story was going to be that Velvet cheated on Nightlight with Rarity's dad and that was going to be the reason why she was compatible with him. Then I thought Twilight was going to be a kryptponian when the shooting star thing happened. You took me on a roller-coaster, sir... And judging from the many other comments, it's the same for them too.
5522484 5525133 5525900
I'll be honest, that all sort of developed inadvertently. I knew I didn't want the story to be from Twilight's perspective, and then shifted it away from Shining's perspective (eventually cutting him out entirely). I decided it would be one of the Mane6, and I figured Rarity would be the one most likely to just roll with being a donor (Generosity and all). Then I decided that she should be adopted to help Twilight cope.
At one point I asked myself, "well **** are they actually siblings?" I decided not to do anything else with that, but I liked how that aspect turned out.
5526097
I don't know. I thought you came surprisingly close for a blind guess.
5525514
Thank you, that is reassuring to hear. For a crazy moment I was considering adventure.
5524654
The sequel I had started writing before I realized it contradicted the plot was going to deal a bit with that. Celestia was going to have Twilight start calling her Aunt Celestia to bug Luna.
5524322
I think you are thinking of the needles they use when they need to tap the marrow directly (or if you are on the reviving end)(Those needles are indeed crazy). PBSC donation from what I understand uses very reasonable sized needles (pic related):
blog.bradpine.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/NYP-Hospital-Bone-Marrow-12.8.11-0000.jpg
Not trying to pressure anyone, just trying to avoid perpetuating a false perception that might scare some people away.
Three wishes? I wonder where the third wish came from?...
The Sparkles' wish was for a second child. Tia's wish was most likely for her sister back which was fulfilled by Twilight and her friends and therefore indirectly by Twilight being in a home where she was able to fully realize her magical potential.
My theory for what the third completely unknown wish was is thus: A mother unable to properly care for the foal who became Twilight wished that the foal had a home and a family closer to what she deserved. This wish was granted as a message was somehow given to the mother as the foal vanished to the point where the Sparkles found her that the foal would be cared for well in her new home and would live a happy life.
metropolisplus.com/superman/Superman06.jpg
5526524
It'd be a great sequel hook. Just as something to maybe consider.
5526527
Her mother and father are probably counted separately.
5526559 But it was a count of wishes not a count of petitioners. That would mean that assuming both had wished upon the star, which is not stated to be a fact in the story and could even be inferred to be false due to wording, both would have the same wish with at most slightly different wording.
This theory also explains how exactly Twilight came to be a fully biological life form when no known spells would allow for that, especially since in at least a few universes such feats are outright impossible to perform within the limits of magic.
So it seems Twilight has four parents. Not many ponies can say that without including step-family.
5526599
You can count two wishes with the same content as separate if you want to, like two copies of a letter. It's a bit ambiguous as written, though, I suppose.
Alright... this will be the first story I've commented on... Ahem*
My explanation for all da stuff (in order of subject appearing(most likely)): The Changeling Poison; Seeing as how a poison would affect (usually) the entire body of the victim, I would think it would sort of be like... contact with magic... type thing... like he picked something up with his magic and it affected him... I don't know. The Twilight Sparkle star birth... thing; When Luna was banished to the moon, she was sent there via the Elements of Harmony. Such a large amount of magic was used to send her there, so much that is was probably a little excessive for what Celestia had in mind at the time. But because it was only Celestia using them, they were most likely not nearly as powerful. This would offer an explanation as to why Celestia did not simply transform her sister back into her old self. Nightma- I mean Luna probably used this excess magic to... create Twilight. AS FOR THE CONCEPTION OF THE MARE HERSELF, All beings are made up of matter and all matter can be broken down into MANY MANY MANY atoms. What is stopping her from transforming the atoms of the comet/falling star/asteroid into a small child? It's all a matter of rearranging the Electrons of the atoms which apparently is a piece of cake in Equestria considering Twilight herself (accidentally and partially) turned both a frog and a bird into an orange... which were still alive. While Luna was not transforming a living thing, It does not mean she could not have just filled her with magic, essentially giving her life, which would explain why she is so good at it...
And finally; how she survived the star crashing into the planet... yep um... I don't know...
(PST ze answer is magic!!)
And to all you people who actually took the time to read through this wall of a comment... you deserve a cookie.
To the Author: Very interesting premise, I quite enjoyed reading through this and formulating my own head-cannon for it. Well Done!
OH I almost forgot, for all of you saying that Rarity is related to Shining, IMPOSSIBLE! Well... not impossible but highly unlikely. Twilight;s parents said that they wanted a large family with lot's o foals. Given this bit of information I doubt they would have put Rarity up for adoption.
5523844
4, 6, or 7 wod be interesting.
5525278
The swaddling cloth is suspicious and no mention is made of a spaceship.
A couple of possibilities that I see are:
- Luna could have been pregnant pre-banishment and, seizing upon a decent chance (after all, anyone petitioning her must remember/know her or at least consider her aid worth seeking.) sent her daughter to Equestria.
- somehow, somewhere Luna got the necessary genetic material and got the process started and then sent Twilight to Equestria.
I thought Twilight's jab at Luna didn't really fit or make much sense. Luna didn't imply or mention any such expectation. All she did was mention that she had probably been party to the wish and as NMM probably had a hood in fulfilling it. Unless you mean Luna is actually her mother somehow.
Celestia and Luna should probably be tested to see if they match Twilight in some way other than being alicorns.
This is actually one of the most plausible "Luna/Celestia is Twilight's mother" premises I have read.
Nitpicks:
The first passage seems to say that there are six antigens, and that of them Twilight Sparkle has none. But the second passage is worded slightly differently, so that it could be that there are only six antigens and Twilight Velvet has three, or that three of six is just a proportion, like saying "five out of ten" to mean "fifty percent". The second would explain why Rarity has "four out of five" (and not four out of six) unless she's some kind of mutant. But that contradicts the first passage, in which there are definitely only six antigens. You should edit based on which interpretation is correct: there are only six, sixths is just the standard fraction unicorn antigens are talked about with, or there are usually six but Rarity is a mutant.
This should be just one sentence, with a comma after "recovery".
"comely" doesn't fit. "comfy", while probably true, doesn't seem to fit the context either. Perhaps "homely"? Also "humble", etc.
(x2)
Sweetie Belle
Chapter 1: 4,063 words
Story Total: 3,967 words
What sorcery is this?
5521310
To be fair. If I'd been through half the crap they'd been through, not only would it not bother me - I would have been expecting something like that.
5526599
Two people wishing for the same thing is still two wishes - the wishes are identical, but are still two separate wishes. Not everything has to be laid out technically to hold our hands.
____
The great part about this is, if Twilight DID call Luna mom, that'd mean that Celestia, Night Light, and Velvet are her father. The lulz would be endless.
5525989
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/132132673050.jpg
You were saying, heretic?
Fix this discrepancy. Are there five or six points that can be matched?
Also, immunocompromised, like immunodeficiency, is one word, not two.
5527172 But the way it's written is loose enough that it allows for certain undisclosed, though somewhat unnecessary, factors to be theorized on but also solid enough that if you don't feel like going down that rabbit hole the story still feels complete.
Depending on how you count the wishes you could either have an unaccounted wish that presumably has to do with the origin of Twilight pre-crater/adoption or you simply have a magical mystery birthing her from nothingness. Either way leaves the issues dealt with in this story wrapped up nicely.
5525143
That is kinda funny. I wanted to add a little thing about the father, but decided against it. Though here, there would be no bloodline manipulation, maybe more just a mixing of magics, intent, and will. Luna felt the wishes, did something to solve them all at once, and the Element swooped in at the end to supercharge everything.
You literally used the same cover art as Greatodyer's story, "Good Things Come" dunno if you'll wanna change it or not. *shrugs*
That was really interesting, great premise and good execution.
Twilight is Supermare, headcanon accepted.
5526939
Lots of totally unmagical poisons affect just one specific part of the body. Destroying Angel will fuck up your liver and nothing else, but does so spectacularly well.
5527478
I suppose that's what I get for using stock photography. I just did an image search for "shooting star" and thought that this one looked pretty. I might change it, but if I do, that will have to happen this afternoon.
5527115
I have no idea. Maybe the chapter word count includes the author's note?
5527013
The jab was intended as a way of showing that Twilight is still processing all of this. I also wanted a punchy line to wrap things up with which played equal parts in me picking it.
5527621 I'm willing to take a wild guess, and say that's exactly what he did too.