Twilight wants to know how the universe started, but wants to know more than the "Big Bang" theory. Princess Celestia won't tell her, so who should she turn to? She's even willing to turn to a "what." In order to find her answer, she travels to the astral plane. She wants to know the answer, but will she die in order to get it? Well, this is Twilight we're talking about. But instead of dying, let's go to the astral plane! Nothing will happen there! Nothing fascinating or important whatsoever!
Chapters (2)
Little Twilight: How are trains made.
Me: God
5520466
What?
the line was from the parody of MY little pony. it called My little pony: friendship is witchcraft. episode 9 i thing
5520498
Oh ok. Cause I had no IDEA what you were talking about!
You might wanna edit so the dialogue doesn't use 1 instead of 'one', it just looks REALLY bad to me when seeing that.
5520503 no one knows what me talk bout
5520505
K! Thanks for your opinion!
That is all.
5520518
????
Worth a chuckle or two, but the subpar writing kinda takes you out of it. You did good.
6-7/10 might read again.
5520555
What's a subpar?
5520563 It means "below an average level." In other words, could use an editor or a proofreader or both.
5520576
Okay!
Thank you for the supportive criticism!
It'll help me in the future!
Lay not Thy works before our eyes
Nor vex us with Thy wars
Lest we should feel the straining skies
O'ertrod by trampling stars
5520544
As in I can't tell whether or not you're trying to say something with this story...
5520627
Oh!! I'm just saying I'm Roman-Catholic!
5520649 I figured that with the 'Big Bang junk' line. Guess how amused I am.
5520622
Sooo... You don't like it?
5520652
You're not amused at all. I get it! Like, I believe in the Big Bang theory, I just thought Twilight (being Twilight) would want to expand upon that theory/thought!
Do you understand what I'm saying now?
Ok I like the story sweet but nice.
I would like to have Celestia and Twilight have more of a dialogue. Or backstory it feet a bit rushed.
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/there-be-a-shit-storm-a-brewin.jpg
It might have already started. Just a warning. I had some bad encounters talking about religion on FiM.
I like!
5520649
Good for you for standing up for your faith, and using your interests (fan fiction) to evangelize.
5520928
Thank you!
I thought it might be a good idea!
And turns out, it was!
AND GO POKEMON!!!!!!
5520946
Definitely was. They say it takes an average of seven positive encounters with Christianity before a nonbeliever will come to know Christ. I can't imagine how this - explaining and respectfully defending your faith - wouldn't count as a "positive encounter with Christianity". Although you may not see it, God may very well be using this story, and these comments, to grow His kingdom.
Great work on the story; it was fantastic.
. . .
Stay true to your beliefs, stay faithful to God, and I guarantee He will bless you with a wonderful, meaningful life.
5520928
I'M a catholic and I totally disagree with using Fimfic as a podium for evangelism. Not to say that it was the writers initial intention, but encouraging such behavior on an internet site where we hope to keep things secular is pretty much gonna start a fire under people's asses...
5520503
If you're looking to take a poke at organised religion or atheism then expect people to get pissed about it. I mean I gather that you're still 13 and this was just a cute story you wrote with (I'm assuming) no ill intent, but not everypony is gonna take it that way. For the sake of having a good rep, I'd avoid poking at ANY sensitive issue at all. Religion, politics, racism... Just don't go there.
5521048
There is nothing more important than having faith, sharing faith, and knowing what happens to you after you die.
Think about it this way: everyone's going to die. And everyone's going to be dead a heck of a lot longer than they're going to be alive. So what could be more important than knowing what happens after death, and once you do, trying to protect nonbelievers from the fiery depths of Hell? As Charles Spurgeon put it, “If sinners be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our dead bodies. And if they perish, let them perish with our arms wrapped about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go unwarned and unprayed for.”
You may disagree with me, but I think FIMfiction, and everywhere else in the world, is a perfect place to evangelize. If someone goes to Hell and I had the opportunity to stop them, to talk to them about Christ, to bring them to His Kingdom . . . I just don't think I could live with that.
. . .
Just as a side note, I'll be praying for you. I'm sorry for whatever's going on in your life, and I know He has great plans for you.
5521087
If you wish to spread evangelism then do so where you don't offend or insult others who don't share the same faith or belief system as you. Any moderator would agree that this is NOT the place for it.
A very god thing to say.
btw: In all seriousness I think we should keep the religious arguments to ourselves ya know off the chat forums.
5521110
Sadly, there is no such place. Jesus says so Himself. Mark 13:13 says "Everyone will hate you because of me . . ."
And you're right: the moderators would agree this is not the place for a religious debate. And you're right, I'm probably offending people. So I'll be the bigger person and back down. I've said my piece; no one can deny that I've stood up for the Lord. But please know that I'm praying for you. Please know that God loves you, and that He wants everyone to follow Him. And please know that whatever's going on in your life will get better, if you pray and have faith in Him.
Hello there! Hope you don't mind a little review of this particular story.
So, the premise of the story is simple. Twilight is curious to how the universe started, digs into the proverbial treasure chest and ends up meeting the Creator himself. It's a premise that I've rarely seen to be explored in fanon, so that alone might attract the interest of a plentiful amount of viewers. In addition, the idea of the Creator being recognized as the God in Christian religion is rather daring to implement considering the varieties of beliefs humanity has pushed into fruition. I applaud you for that. However, there are some things that become somewhat cringe-worthy to look at. Take for example the overall reactions to God by the Mane 6:
Why are some acting as if they're in the presence of their high school crush? I would've figured that they would be more wary about the fact that they suddenly got teleported into this random place by some reality-warping being. Even if Pinkie Pie told them about it, there's the idea of them not taking her seriously and the sheer absurdity of it happening in the first place. In addition, the rather simplistic dialogue turns our lovably unique cast of characters into something much more bland. Aside from Pinkie Pie and maybe Twilight, I could take any of the mentioned characters and replace them with something else. Shown here:
"Twilight, why are we here with a hunk," asked a
cyan Pegasus.white unicornyellow pegasusorange Earth ponyNow, I know that some of those choices might be considered "OOC", but ask yourself: would Rainbow Dash REALLY say that upon first seeing him? Would one of Twilight's first reactions REALLY be blushing as if she's in the presence of Flash Sentry? In addition, there is something really wrong with God getting hit on. Maybe it's because I personally am a Christian, though.
As mentioned before, the rather simplistic writing style gives the impression of a short story or a children's book - something not really considered to be "bad". But it also gives the reader less reason to become immersed in the story, leaving him/her with a sense of wanting more. It does leave less stress on the mind for the more common reader who prefers it short and sweet as opposed to having to go through a bunch of detail in order to figure out what's going on. In short, your style of writing is a mixed bag.
Before continuing on with any later chapters, my advice to you is to look over this one and make sure that you yourself aren't feeling like you just rushed this out the door. Ask yourself "What more could I possibly add to this?" or "What can I do to make this even better than it is?" There's always room for improvement, after all.
That's all I've got. Until next time!
5521117
I thought so, and poor AJ... She was told somepony loved Flim and Flam... Oh well!
5521173
I made Rainbow Dash say "hunk" because she's actually the one that's bluntly honest... Yes AJ is the element of honesty, but don't tell me you haven't noticed RD is usually the one to just say what needs to be said.
Sorry if I confused you!
5521637 Not... exactly what I meant. I don't think that Rainbow Dash would go "OMG what a handsome stallion you are" over "WOAH, WHO THE F*** ARE YOU?!" After all, she's farther from the harlot/maneater type of character than she is from the tomboy/jock type.
5521675
Yes. Can't debate with you there, but this is God we're talking about. He looks perfect in everypony' eyes. Even super-tough-tomboy-Rainbow-Dash!
5521688 But would you also say that flirting with this omnipresent being would be the first thing a pony/person within reason would do? I know for a fact that if God teleported me into some astral plane or void to speak with me, I wouldn't find the comfort to throw out some Cassanova one-liner. I would be cautious, terrified even. That wouldn't change even if God showed itself to be female.
5521731
You wouldn't know it was God...
5520779
No frigging kidding, for a fandom as centered around the ideals of harmony and tolerance as that of MLP's you'd think people'd be a little more civil.
5521048
*sigh* Freedom of speech, I advocate it for a reason, So that people may speak about what they want wherever they be if the subject matter arises. Even if it flares into a heated debate, we can't ignore it, doing so would only make the debate hotter when the subject arises again, which it undoubtedly will.
5521006
While I am at a very confusing point in my life, I want to say seeing someone like you and Discordfan in this fandom is a refreshing sight. It's brought a smile to my face to see people that are that outspoken and kind about their faith and opinions. Continue to not care about your reputations, because frankly, I think it gives you character.
5521816 Wouldn't you?
5521998
Buck...
I DON'T KNOW!!!!!!!!
How could you ask me such a hard question!
Nice
5522110
Thanks...
5522113 it's always nice to see stories like this. Especially since there are so few...
le sigh
5522121
"Stories like this..."
You mean, like, based off religion? Or something I wouldn't understand as a 13-year-old?
5522121 yes indeed my good fellow.
5522138 yes
5520653 Haven't actually read it yet. I was just quoting the poem "The Prayer of Miriam Cohen"
5521968 You be surprised how many fans actually don't give a crap about the powerful messages the show teacher, but there are still a ton that do. And yes, I would like to see more mature stories that aren't afraid to talk about these sorts of topics.
5522051 I do that a lot.
5521968
Thanks for the encouraging response. Being outspoken like that can be difficult sometimes, and it's nice to hear when it's appreciated. So, yeah, thanks.