• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2015

HighOctaneWildebeest


T

Live Wire, a pony from Stable 7, ventures out into the wasteland in search of his brother and is caught in the middle of a war between various factions, all vying for control of the wasteland.
Set at an undetermined point before the events of Fallout Equestria.
Ask Live Wire:
http://asklivewire.tumblr.com/

Cover art by the very talented 8aerondight8
http://8aerondight8.deviantart.com/

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 51 )

And chapter 6 is now up. No promises as to when seven will be finished.

Okay, Chapter seven is now up.
Also, Live Wire now has his own Tumblr, be sure to check it out and ask any questions that might be building up. There is a link at the chapter index.
I may have something good soon, so be sure to check the Tumblr for more news.

yay. He have a lot of time to save her more times later

oh crap Circus cant wait for the next chapter this one was good :twilightsmile:

Yay another cool fic keep it up:twilightsmile:

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I am currently working on the next chapter. It should be done within a day or two, barring any delays.
I know the feeling, waiting for a story to update. That is why I try to update as quickly as I can.

641611 that's okay:twilightsmile: it's just such a good story:scootangel:

your such a tease with cliffhangers :trollestia: cant wait for the next chapter :twilightsmile: :pinkiesmile:

You naughty sniper:flutterrage:
Why you give us cliffhanger?:fluttercry: why?:fluttercry:
Also good chapter:scootangel:

yay full fighting chapter. Well, i more like ch.development chapters, but it written well. Yay i like your story so far.

cant wait for the next chapter this one was good and a cliffhanger :twilightsmile: :trollestia:

Awesome chapter. I loved it! Can't wait for chapter 11~

man walking the entire way thats major suxor and ohh Razor has a drinking limit :trollestia: I see what you did there

Good chapter and nice way to end it. Hilarious.

The kidney freakout part still doesn't convince me but that's just me.

Awwww he should've kept the mustache :moustache:

Hope the next chapter is just as awesome! Keep on writing man!

I'm glad that the troubles with Dead Volt were dealt with. They were wrapped up neatly and pushed easily aside. The way you went about giving Live Wire a new objective was handled well, also -- not dwindled on too much, but not completely overlooked.

Melon is doing well as an editor, though everyone will miss something from time to time. The only thing I noticed though was when Live and Dead were talking, and he used 'spoke' instead of 'spoken' and 'gave' instead of 'given'. Again, some of your nonrestrictive/nonessential phrases are lacking. One example is where Live notices Clockwork and thinks 'The other was a pony from my stable, he looked pretty bad, a look of pain upon his face.' There, it should instead say 'The other was a pony from my Stable, who looked like he was in pain.' The second use of 'look' makes the previous nonrestrictive phrase redundant.

Other than that, I'm still enjoying the story. I'll go on to Chapter Seven now.

For what m commentary is worth, you write action scenes very well. And, seeing as this entire chapter was an action scene, it was a well-written chapter. There weren't any breaks, either, so the chapter flowed very well.

New chapter is finally out. Sorry for the delay, had other things I needed to do.
Many of you have hopefully noticed the amazing cover art that 8aerondight8 made for the story. Well, while making the cover art, he also drew each of the characters. They appear on the cover, but you can find up close and unobscured pictures of each character on the Ask Live Wire tumblr.

Ah it seems he has figured out walking does indeed suck but also like the cover image :twilightsmile: chapter was good also

Woo Woop update!:twilightsmile:
And congrats on the cover pic! :rainbowkiss:

Whoops. A few paragraphs got lost in transit. This should be fixed now.

He had come in enemy town, bring on group ALL atention what possibly can. Lose a lot of money, showed his incompetence in leadership, and in relationship with Pin. Ewww... Anyway it's only beginning of story. Keep it up, love it :pinkiehappy:

I'll tell you more. We need more details in your story. Especially for characters. Every time when there is a significant event which, it is necessary to describe the behavior of the characters. What was their reaction, facial expression, the reaction of others to their behavior, and so on. If you want to your story has been written better, need to show not tell.
For example the situation when the barkeeper named Wire and Pin pair. Why? I know why, body language, she tries to stay close to him, watching him often, always looking at him when he speaks. He sometimes looks at her after he said, looking for approval. This body language is very simple things that you do not write.
And yes if you will start, to write like that, your chapters will grow in size.
ps. It's maybe hard to read, sorry.

Okay, few things...

The chapter started well enough. I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but I still think that you throw in the words 'cry' and 'sad' without something to give them weight. Your dialogue could use a bit of work; get rid of run-on sentences and work on breaking up huge walls-of-text. By that, I mean that you have huge runs of dialogue and, when you don't have the speaker perform some sort of action (speak louder/softer, shift around, walk, etc.), it makes the speech seem unrealistic, or at least, stale.

A few other thing concerning dialogue... Illex's rant about the Joke seems way too open compared to when he talked to Live over the Spritebot. You're mixing up accents by not consistently abbreviating the same words. Granted, accents don't always stay consistent (rather, they are spoken in whatever way flows the best), but they need to have some degree of consistency.

It was a good chapter nonetheless. I look forward to reading more.

:D im loven the story so far, im gona get some sleep and prbobly finesh the rest tomorow!

This mare, Lumina, is kind of a trainwreck. You're really jumping around with her dialogue and her actions, which makes her confusing. I was expecting a calm, articulate diplomat (as that was how she was first portrayed), but now I can't say with certainty that she's not schizophrenic. The way she lashed out at Pin ("midget whore") and the way that Pin lashed back are out of character, unless Lumina was purposely meant to be sarcastic and rude. So, that needs to be clearly laid out and stuck with. Illex needs the same treatment. It's like you just change your character's personalities to whatever you need at the time of writing. Do you have character sheets written out? They're just little blurbs about how a character normally acts; it's great to have them somewhere when you have a story with so many characters. You should definitely write them up sometime.

... And now you're having these ponies swear just because you feel like it. Whisper always seemed like more of a kurt, but polite, colt. At the section where Lumina leaves the bar, everything went South. I'm not going to say you should never have the characters swear, but there has to be some taste in it. And there's that 'word'... 'Ain't'. Maybe Andreas just uses it too much, and maybe I just don't like it, but... I'll just quietly rage to myself for a while.

I don't think much was accomplished in this chapter. Though, who am I to be giving that advice? If we ignore that, you just need to clean up some grammar, solidly define your characters, and you're golden.

It just hit me now that Pin isn't seen as an oddity in this story. I suppose you could say that no one in the story has heard about the Enclave, and that Pin doesn't have a dashite mark to make her stick out, but surely she's the only pegasus around for miles. That doesn't phase anyone? Yet, somehow, Aurea does? There are more griffins mentioned in the story than pegasi, but pegasi aren't strange?

This secretary mare could use some work. You gave me a decent explanation for why the ponies in your story are so open, but you need something to go with this open-ness. Why did she tell Wire about the factory? Was she trying to be helpful? Was she trying to scare him away? Was she just in the mood to share some juicy gossip? And, if you could, either make the mare need some more convincing, or tell me that Wire's Speech skill is at 100. Even with that, going straight from 'that's classified' to 'I'll tell you everything you need to know' is a HUGE stretch.

And then there's my generic 'You had some grammar/spelling mistakes' comment. Spell check might come in handy sometimes, but you need to just sit down and thoroughly comb through each chapter before posting it. There weren't enough mistakes to make the reading unbearable, but there were enough to make me groan each time I found one.

991640
While Wire's speech skill is actually pretty high, she told him things that were not exactly classified. She told him that the factory was declared open for scavengers, something that was likely declared to citizens only, but not exactly classified. She also told him some gossip that the scavengers acted crazy. Wasn't in the official record, so it wasn't exactly classified.
Pin isn't the only pegasus around for miles. While they are uncommon, both the Iron Hoof and the Laughingstocks have some pegasi in their ranks. Some are Dashite, some have been in the wasteland for their whole lives, like Pin has.

aeron told me the story was worth a shot so i guess i'll check it out.

also Live Wire's name, gotta love them AC/DC references.:pinkiehappy:
shamrockmusicfestival.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/LiveWire_2009_Logo.jpg

1135099 I heard that.

At least he has reasons. The voices in my story are of a symbol that's long lost its meaning.

1147804
Where?!:pinkiegasp:

If it's in chapter 1 or 2, it should be ok, since I think most of them have been caught. Octane and I reviewed the correct use, as well as maintaining tenses, so the new chapters should be fine. Looking forward to when the edits get posted!

WE DEMAND NEW CHAPTER! :flutterrage:
Please, keep up your story..:fluttershysad:

1774517
I have no intention to stop updating this story. However, events that occurred soon after the posting of the previous chapter delayed my starting of the next. That, and I have been busy rewriting some of the previous chapters. Nothing too severe, simply fixing errors, fixing the balance of some characters, and generally increasing the quality. A few minor events will change, but the main story is largely the same. Apologies for such a long wait, but I felt some things needed to be fixed.

And we are back with the first four rewritten chapters. Overall quality has improved greatly thanks to Fillyosopher. Majority of facts remain the same, but some small details may have been changed. Apologies for any potential errors that result in the later chapters due to minor changes in the revisions, but these will be fixed in time.

Ooh, rewrite. I got some free time. Let's do this.

YaY I finally read this rewrited chapters. And I have to say.
Damn it had been a while, when I read it last time :rainbowlaugh: I do not remember in detail, old version's text. I feel like you add some details here. All I can say I like it. Continue to rewrite it, and then give us new chapters.:pinkiehappy: You've got me hooked again :twilightsmile:

Well, pretty good first chapter. I really liked the character's interactions, though there wasn't nothing new in the formula.
Let's see what this story will bring up next, then. It's the first contact with the wasteland that defines who the stable dwellers are, anyway.

Okay I've read the rewrite, lots of improvement. I'd argue about how Golden Sceptre acted but since you established this has been a continuing decline in the quality of the Stable's leadership I can accept it. Great chapter overall, I really enjoyed it, I wonder ifi n the rewrite Volt uncovered Stable 7's true purpose and maybe more on Golden Sceptre and her ancestors. Great job on the rewrite.

YaY another one rewritten chapter and new art on tumblr. Good.

Keep going even if it is a rewrite its still good:pinkiehappy:
More plz :twilightsmile:

If only you knew what you've wrought upon yourself HighOctaneWildBeest. If you only knew the nature of my reviews.

Anyways, let's begin.

Let's begin with narration voice and style. Your story flows well and has a nice and even pacing, although there is some issues with it, which is an issue I noticed whilst reading Project Horizons. It's that your style of narration is bit... Solemn is the word I'll use. Even at the beginning of the story it just sounds like this character is detached, there isn't much of a unique flair with the narration. He doesn't make much, if any, comments or quirks in the narration that help define him as a pony. I'll admit, it's a subtle touch when an author uses narration to define a character, using the language used to show us just what kind of pony Live Wire is. Instead, it feels a bit sad, and like I said, detached.

A minor thing, something I may just be nitpicking about, but you also seem to have an issue with exposition. Just in the first chapter, he divulges into detail the method of his alarm clock and at the time, a pointless explanation of an Eyes Forward Sparkle. Other times, we don't get enough of an explanation. We don't get too well of a picture of where he is, or what he's doing. Like I said, it may be a minor thing and I may be the only one having this problem. But sometimes, we get too much details into minor things, other times we get barely a description.

Similar to the problem with the narration, the mannerisms of the characters aren't really addressed, other then differences in opinion, there isn't too much separating them. Why does a stable pony have the same mannerisms as someone who's lived in the wasteland all their lives? This is an easy trap for authors to fall into, and for many it seems like a minor thing. But make no mistake, this is an important detail, and can help define characters in a much quicker fashion then any amount of exposition could do.

Other then that, it's good. I mentioned this before, but your style of narration, besides the exposition issue, flows smoothly and is very easy to read, it keeps me invested so I don't just skim over to the next paragraph. The characters, like I said are a bit cookie cutter in terms of how they speak and idly talk, but beyond that point they're creative, funny, and once we get to know, charming and endearing. You pace this story greater then many other sidefics, and I'm curious to see where this goes, especially if you use any of Chekhov's Gun. If you consider what I've said, and fix the character dialogue, and exposition, this will be one of the best sidefics, since you already have plenty going in your favor.

Dude, why so long... We need new chapter. :raritydespair:

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Story is on a sort of unofficial hiatus. Have been busy with school and a collab story with Melon. Not sure when, but I will continue the story, likely when the collab is done. But I will definitely resume it, so don't worry.

I'm curious. Why do authors thank the Kkat? I mean, yeah, he/she made the original, but I don't thank the person who made the first pizza, I thank the person who made the pizza I just ate.

So.....chapter seven. Interesting. Personally, the kissy kissy scene could use a little work, it was pretty much "And den dey keesed". There wasn't a lot of emotion or anything behind it, and I had to reread just to make sure I didn't miss anything.

2933648
It's customary to thank Kkat, because she is allowing us to use her universe. How would you feel if you created an overarching universe and lore, only for someone to make use of what you spent so much time on, and not give you any credit or thanks.
Also, yes I am aware that the emotions in the story are a little hollow, which is one of the primary reasons I am rewritting it, just have not reached chapter seven yet. Now that the collab story I did with my friend Melon is over, I should be able to resume work on it.

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